How The Nerd Got The Girl: An Awkward Love Story
by sydney563
Summary: Blossoming off of my oneshot, high school reunion, i swindled WritingSux in working with me again. Lauren is the class nerd & Bo is the class prom queen. The rest is self explanatory.might take a few turns to end up where the one shot landed, or not, knowing us. Basically a awkward high school love story. Rated M for Tamsins mouth and probably the dirty things Bo and Lauren will do
1. Chapter 1

**N: So here we are again, WritingSux and i are taking on another story on top of our fifty other projects. We will be mucking about in this one, exploring a high school love story that covers about twenty years of awkwardness. Nerdy Lauren and cheerleader Bo and how they fall in love to end up at the 20yr reunion i did a one shot for. So read on and enjoy and don't expect much from us...seriously...**

* * *

I hate school.

No, I love school more than I hate it.

But I really hate it.

In full honesty I really love school a lot. I really love my AP science, history and social studies classes. I really love books and learning, the two things about school that were my favorite.

It's everything else about school I hate, especially being 15 and a junior in high school because my big old brain decided that it and I, had to move faster in life than the rest of the world. I get picked on because of my brain and my awkwardness that came with skipping a handful of grades and not really making any friends.

I sighed, pushing up my large wire framed glasses as I stared at the double doors that would lead me into the hell encased in brick walls for the next six hours. Shifting my overburdened backpack, I tugged the edge of my NASA t-shirt, pulled up my jeans that were one size too big and sucked it up, walking into school to start the daily torture I put myself through because I had no idea what else I was supposed to do.

The roar of the hallways always made me tuck my head deeper into my chest like I was a turtle, hoping it would make me invisible enough I could make it to my locker unscathed. Teenagers all milling together, laughing, making plans and chatting about last night's episode of ER. Causing ruckus's and living the teenage dream to the fullest.

And like every day, it didn't happen. I was nudged, bumped, shoved and laughed at the entire walk to my locker. That terrible nickname shouted in my face with horrible taunts striking my ears every step, "Nerdo Lewis! You're going to shatter your spine with all those books! Nerdo Lewis! Eat a cheeseburger! I can see your ribs!" And a thousand other uncreative derogatory things. I sighed, I wish at least they would try harder when they insulted me, I was becoming immune to the same redundant stupidity.

I glanced up, finding my direct path to my locker thankfully free, making me pick up my pace. I could make it there and to AP Chemistry easily, then sit in the empty classroom with Mr. Pine and help him write the semester final since I had already finished all of the years' classwork in the first month of school.

But like so much of my life, luck slipped away as soon as I thought it was in my hand.

The cool kids filled the opposite end of the hall. Led by Dyson Thornwood, Captain of the Lacrosse team and the only 17 year old who achieved the teenage dream of growing a full, thick beard at such a young age. I frowned, feeling my stomach lurch as I saw Bev, Ted and Tamsin grinning and laughing as they flanked him. This group was the worst to me, brutal in their endless desire to see the tall, dorky, and painfully thin nerdy girl cry or run away in fear of their self-imagined magnificence. When in reality, they were just kids with very little self-esteem and I knew I should brush it off, but it was hard when I had no friends other than my books and teachers to confide in. My parents didn't understand when I tried to tell them, only motivating me to keep working harder for that scholarship to Stanford and reassuring I would grow into my body to become a beautiful young lady.

If they only knew I held back the tears until I was in the public library, hiding in the computer lab and crying out the frustrations of the day. Wiping away fruitless tears of frustration as I rewrote all of my teacher's lesson plans and exams.

Sucking in a breath, I kept my head down to make a straight line to my locker, when I accidentally bumped into someone. Looking up to apologize, I felt my heart seize in a weird way as I faced the pleasant half-smile and bright brown eyes of Bo Dennis. Head cheerleader and girlfriend of Dyson.

"Hey slow it down, you're a little top heavy, Lewis." Bo smiled, slapping my backpack, forcing me to take an off balance step to steady myself. She turned away from me, both of us hearing Dyson boom out my nickname. "NERDO! Watch it! That's my girl you almost bulldozed."

I cringed, looking down at the floor and making a hard right to duck down the staircase. I whispered to Bo, "Sorry." And ran away before she could see my fire truck red face.

I was three steps down the side staircase, barely hearing Bo tell me it's wasn't a big deal due to Tamsin hollering and chasing after me. She would often do that on Dyson's order, run after me and catch me before I could hide so the cool kids could poke fun of me or drag me to watch my reaction to whatever prank they had in store for me in my locker.

I glanced back, Tamsin paused at the top of the stairs, leering at me as I kept running, "You're lucky I don't feel like running today Nerdo." Her big scary green eyes piercing mine in a way that pressed my legs to run faster down the hall. Tamsin was taller than the rest and scared the living hell out of me at how mean and tough she was. I had once witnessed her punch the biggest linebacker on the football team in the face for pinching her ass, dropped him like he was made of glass and her fist was steel. I avoided her and ran from her as much as I could.

After I felt I was safe, I stopped running and dipped into an empty classroom no longer used for anything but storage. I dumped my back pack on the floor and walked to the large windows that looked out on to the atrium of Mapleview High School. It was pretty and full of large maple trees and a few picnic tables for students to sit and eat lunch.

Sitting up on the window ledge I looked up at the trees, letting my heart and lungs settle down from my morning run. I would often hide in this room when I wanted to avoid the cool kids or the rest of the school. My teachers didn't care if I showed up to class or not, I had completed all of the year's work for all of my AP courses and it was now a matter of coming to class for show or to help my teachers. At least Ms. Watson and Mr. Moore had started me on college course and helping me get the attention of the Stanford recruiters. With any luck, I would be on my way to college next summer. At least I would be on the other side of the country and away from small town Rhode Island.

I frowned, a college freshman at 16, maybe I could find some friends there that understood me and understood my IQ was not my choice, it was my gift and my curse.

Hearing the class bell ring, I watched out the window as a few kids ran to their classes and Dyson run out to his car for cigarettes, Tamsin on his tail. They were like clockwork, skipping morning classes to smoke in his car and then go to wherever to ruin other's lives with their stupidity and pretty faces.

I turned away from the window, looking at my backpack, deciding if I should sneak up to Ms. Watson and sit with her in the teachers' lounge, when I heard her laugh. The infamous Bo Dennis laugh that made my stomach twist into a pretzel whenever I heard it this year.

I looked back out the window to see her waving away Tamsin and Dyson, her chemistry book under her arm. I moved closer to the glass, looking at the older girl with her long brown hair in a ponytail. She was wearing her usual outfit of ripped jeans, slouchy purple shirt and a beat up leather jacket. And she looked amazing. Bo had big brown eyes that sparkled every time I looked at them, no matter how much of the terrible blue eye shadow she plastered around them, she had full lips that didn't deserve the glitter lip gloss she painted on them, and when she smiled, like really smiled, she had a dimple on the right side of her face that made forget every equation in my head and wonder what it would take for me to say, to see that dimple first hand. Be the one to make it appear. Under all of the hairspray, makeup and often shitty attitude towards me, I knew there was a gentle beautiful girl that made me hate the world a little more for the Dysons in it who took her in a completely different direction.

I glanced at my stomach as it fluttered harder thinking about the girl, I knew that my teenage hormones were starting to kick in and had exceptionally hard this year when I first walked in the double doors and laid my eyes on Bo Dennis. I had never paid her any attention as we mingled over the years in elementary school, junior high and last year when I was a freshman. But this year, this year, Bo Dennis had enraptured me and I had no understand why it was her of all people. Why it was a girl that had my heart beating like a race horse and sweatier than the entire freshmen basketball team. And why did I really wanted to kiss her. I laughed at myself, shaking my head, going over the reasons why Bo Dennis and I would never be anything other than the cool girl and the girl she picked on.

Bo was a cool kid, she picked on me here and there, not as brutally as the others and sometimes she would pull Dyson away when he was getting rough, but we weren't friends. She was a senior, a cheerleader and had a rich future waiting for her at her father's multimillion dollar interior design company.

I was just Lauren Lewis, gangly super nerd daughter to an intelligence analyst mother at the Defense Department and an agricultural researcher father with hopes to be a rocket scientist for NASA. I had no friends where Bo had the whole school behind her. Bo was beautiful, I was awkward and nothing but bony arms and legs. Where puberty had blessed Bo with her physical assets, it was still taking it's sweet time in giving me more than terrible cramps every month.

And god, was Bo beautiful and sometimes when she looked at me with a soft smile and a genuine look, I forget my name and felt my face turn bright red. All I could do was look at the floor, whisper an apology for whatever I did, even if I did nothing, and run away to hide with teachers or in empty rooms. I had only ever spoken to Bo in apologies or mumbled whispers, there was no way she would ever look at me as anything other than Nerdo Lewis, punching bag for her boyfriend and his crappy friends.

I continued staring at Bo until she walked back inside, leaving my heart pounding and my stomach queasy. I shook my head, sliding off the window sill and moving to my back pack to pull out my college application packet for Stanford.

I had a crush, a big teenage crush the size of Texas on Bo Dennis and there wasn't a thing to be done about it.

I was forgettable whereas Bo was memorable.

"Stop it, Lauren, stop thinking about her. You're the school nerd, nothing more." I took a deep breath and went to work on my stack of college applications.

One more year and I would have Mapleview in my rear view, never to look back.

* * *

XXXXXX

I should get a tutor.

Mr. Aberdeen wrote another formula on the board that would be used for another equation that I hadn't quite mastered. Why I decided to take chemistry instead of a biology class? I'm not sure but for the most part I had muddled my way through it. I wrote down the equation placing gigantic asterisks around it to remind myself that it was important. I let out a sigh, I knew why I had taken the class. To prove to everyone, especially my parents, that I was more than good looks and big boobs.

Granted my boobs are pretty awesome.

There was going to be a test during the second half of class so I decided instead of paying attention to learning the new material I would study for that because I hadn't studied much for it, in fact I had barely studied for it. Dealing with Dyson and his macho bullshit along with Tamsin egging him on. I rolled my eyes, I should break up with him and leave their stupid group but I was a cheerleader so I automatically fell into it. I looked down at my notes.

I was going to fail this test.

I really should get a tutor but my parents probably wouldn't spring for it. Both my mom and dad had set plans for me to join the family company and I didn't want to do that. What I really wanted to do, I wasn't sure of but I didn't want to be given something that I hadn't really worked for. When I went to URI I would figure it out. Right now I was going to commit these chemical bonds to memory.

I was failing this test. I was writing down my answer and I knew it was the wrong one but I had no other answer.

I heard the door to the classroom open and I looked up to see Nerdo Lewis walk in. I shook my head, I meant Lauren. I hated that nickname but being around Tamsin and Dyson it automatically came to mind. She was carrying a stack of papers and I wondered what they were. Probably some thesis that she was probably getting published. Lauren was smart. Wicked smart. I should probably stick up for her more, she's so defenseless.

While she talked to Mr. Aberdeen I looked at her. If she changed her appearance and had a bit more confidence Lauren would actually be attractive. Not that she wasn't attractive she's just so damn nerdy. I glanced down at my test then back at Lauren, She probably could have done this test quicker than I could have and with her eyes closed. Lauren had a polite smile as she laughed at what probably was a lame joke Mr. Aberdeen had told her. Wow. She had a beautiful smile. Lauren locked eyes with me and I got a grin on my face. Like always, she ducked her head. I'm surprised she didn't run out the room. That was another thing I couldn't figure out about the girl. Why the hell did she always run away from me? I exhaled and shook my head. Back to my test.

* * *

"I fucking failed that test." I said as Tamsin, Dyson, Bev, and Ted walked down to the field. Bev and I had cheerleading practice and the guys were going to lift weights while Tamsin terrorized underclassman.

Tamsin scoffed and remarked, "I don't know why you're taking that class. You're not going to need it when you take over your dad's business."

I wanted to roll my eyes. God this group was so superficial. They were all waiting for me to take over my dad's company so they could leech off me. I forced a smile on my face, "Well Tamsin, I would like to know about other things besides interior design."

Dyson slung his arm around my shoulders and chuckled, "At this point it doesn't matter what you do. You'll be loaded anyways and then when I become a successful stockbroker at my uncle's firm you'll be filthy rich and won't have to do anything."

I got out from under his arm and commented, "Or I'll be supporting your sorry ass because the market tanks." I decided to move the comment to a safer topic. "Bev did you get the music for the new routine because I want to start practicing it so that way we can perform it a homecoming."

"Are you certain Mrs. Miller will approve of the routine?" She asked as we walked through the doors towards the field.

I got a smirk on my face. Of course Mrs. Miller was going to approve of the routine, I just had to flirt with her a little then the woman would be eating out of my hand. It was a low handed tactic but it worked. "I'm certain she'll say yes."

They walked to the gym and as everyone else went in, Dyson tugged on my arm indicating that he wanted to hang back. I turned and looked at him. The grin on his face made me realize that he was up to no good, then he said, "Skip practice. We can go back to my place. My parents left for some business trip and I'm home alone. We can get in some alone time before my party tonight."

Ugh. I forgot about that stupid party.

Dyson's parent went out of town more times than I could count but each time they did they were gone for days and Dyson would throw massive parties. He would also use the opportunity to try and get me to sleep with him but I seriously wasn't going to do that. At most I'd give him a hand job while he was drunk then go back to my house.

I placed my hand on his chest and said, "I can't. This new routine is complex and I want the girls and Phil to have it down before homecoming."

Dyson rolled his eyes and remarked, "It's just cheerleading. It's not like you're actually doing an actual sport or anything." I glared at him and he backtracked, "I mean it's not like it's like basketball or football or lacrosse. You're jus-"

"And you're just being a jerk. Don't bother waiting for me after practice. I'll have Tamsin give me a ride." I said before I turned on my heel and went into the gym.

I heard him shout sorry behind me but I knew he didn't mean it. Dyson never did. He only apologized so that he wouldn't still be on my shit list. I walked up to Tamsin and told her, "Can you give me a ride home?"

Tamsin got a questioning look on her face, "Why isn't Dyson taking you home?"

I rolled my eyes and said, "It doesn't matter why he isn't taking me home. Can you take me home or not?"

Tamsin held up her hand and agreed, "Okay I will. Don't bite my head off!"

I let out an irritated breath then said, "Sorry. Just be outside in two hours."

Tamsin said okay and her and Ted left out of the gym while Bev and I joined the other girls that were already there. As much as I hated the fact that I was stereotyped with being an idiot because I was cheerleader, I did like being one. It didn't require too much though and being head cheerleader allowed me to come up with routines. So I had fun with it.

Two hours later I was saying bye to the girls and Phil and as I walked out of the field house I saw that both Dyson and Tamsin were waiting for me. I walked over to where Tamsin was waiting and as I got into her car he yelled, "Bo you can't be serious?!"

Tamsin got in and said, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

I put on my seat belt and said, "Yes. He's being an asshole and I don't want to be around him."

Tamsin started up the car, "Ooo-kay." We pulled away from the field house and after driving for ten minutes she asked, "So what'd the D-Man do?"

I just looked out the window and said, "Being his usual self. He's so annoying sometimes."

"Yeah he is. I don't know what you see in him." Tamsin remarked as she made a left on to the street that would take me to my house.

I shrugged and admitted, "He's not all that bad. I mean he's a complete dick when he picks on the underclassmen but when it's just us and he's not looking for sex he's fun to be around."

Tamsin snorted then remarked, "So never, because I know he's always looking for sex."

I chose not to respond to that and I stayed quiet for the remainder of the car ride. After I thanked Tamsin I went inside and after saying a quick hello to my parents I went up to my room. I dropped my book bag and gym bag on the end of my bed then got ready for a shower. It was another long day but it was over and tomorrow it was going to be another round of tests. Except this time my test was in algebra two and quadratic equations are not my friend.

* * *

XXXX

"Mr. Aberdeen? You wanted to see me?" I poked my head around the door, quickly scanning and thanking the gods the classroom was empty.

"I did, yes." The portly older man stood up, waving me in, "Please come in Lauren, its lunch time. All the kids will be out smoking in their cars or rough housing it up in the atrium."

I smiled tightly, hating that all of the teachers knew how wary I was of literally everyone in this school under the voting age. I slid into the classroom, only smacking my giant backpack on the wall once. I held out the thick stack of papers in my hand, "I finished the introduction to college organic chemistry packet you gave me. I had a hard time with some of it, that's why I am a day late."

Mr. Aberdeen gave me a strange look with a confused smile, "Lauren, I didn't expect you to have this back to me until the end of the year. This was a packet my friend at MIT sent to me take one or two basic questions for." He glanced at my neat handwriting, "I gave it to you to give you something to do for the rest of the year." Flipping through the pages, he began to chuckle and shake his head, "You will have any university at your beck and call, my dear girl."

I smiled painfully, shifting my backpack on my shoulders. I hated being praised, it always made me feel weird. "Thank you, I still haven't picked a major." I looked over at his desk, the stacks of tests he was grading, "How did the test I wrote for you work out?"

Mr. Aberdeen slipped my work in his briefcase before reaching for the tests, "That's what I wanted to talk to you about, Lauren." He picked up the top layer, a layer filled with pages covered in red ink. "I was chatting with Mrs. Ramsey and Mr. Peters, it seems we all have the same handful of students that are struggling in chemistry, algebra and biology."

I frowned, I wrote all of those tests. I pushed my big glasses back up, "I can rewrite the tests to be a little more remedial if that works?"

Mr. Aberdeen shook his head, "Oh no,no, the tests are perfect, you've been doing a great job testing the students and keeping us teachers on our toes. I think I barely passed this last one with a 85%. Making this old brain work harder." He patted my shoulder, "What we were wondering is if you would be up for leading an after school tutoring group?"

I Felt my eyes widen on their own, "Um, what? Like teach people? The other students here?" I took a step back out of habit, looking at the classroom door as I heard the rush of a few football players hooting and hollering, making me nervous and jumpy.

"Yes, that's exactly it." Mr. Aberdeen held out the tests, "We selected ten students for you to start with. We all agree that some of them just need extra help and that it would be good for you to socialize with other students."

I chewed on my lip, tightening my hand around the straps of the backpack. I knew there was no way out of this, my school counselor was more than likely behind this as well. Desperate attempts to get me better integrated into a social teenage atmosphere before I left for college next year, "Okay."

He grinned, "Perfect. The first session will be next Monday after class and after the sport practices." Mr. Aberdeen patted me on the back as the door opened, both of us turning to look at the interruption.

"Excuse me, Mr. Aberdeen? You wanted to see me about my test?"

My face blew up a hot red the second Bo's head poked in, even hotter when she caught my eyes and grinned at me, like she did earlier in the day and I almost threw up and ran, while throwing up more. I hated when she smiled at me, I hated when she looked at me and I could feel my legs shake like I was the roadrunner and she was the Wiley coyote. "Hi Lauren."

I gurgled out some sort of noise that I thought sounded like a hello, but probably sounded like a burp fart. I bent my head down, pushing up my glasses and mumbled to Mr. Aberdeen, "I have to go, I have to meet Ms. Watson for my college applications." I barely heard him say goodbye and thank you, as I shoved my way around Bo without touching her, pressing my entire body up against the wall like I was trying to become one with the brick. Trying so hard not to touch her, but I did. My arm and her arm grazed and it felt like Haley's comet just blazed across my skin.

I sucked in a strangled breath when she smiled again and apologized, stepping to the side and holding the door for me to do my best impression of the speed walkers I saw in the mall. I kept it together until I turned the corner and ran all out to the teacher's lounge where Ms. Watson smirked at me, shaking her head, holding the door open for me to blast through.

* * *

 ** _Monday Afternoon-_**

Picking at Scully's face on my shirt, I sat on the edge of Mr. Aberdeen's desk trying so hard not to run away. Today was the first day of my tutoring group and I was nervous, more nervous than when I had to try on dresses for my cousins wedding and looked like I was wearing curtains, nothing held on to my lack of curves. Being fifteen years old sucked hard sometimes, and it was going to get worse now that the school nerd was tutoring ten of the most popular yet dimmest Mapleview had to offer. After talking to my parents and the principal, it was all agreed that this tutoring would help me gain social experience and add to my college application. Frowning heavily while I complied was all I could do, at least I spent the weekend in my room drafting up a lesson plan while watching my X-files VHS tapes without my mom yelling at me to turn it down.

I let go of trying to peel the blue out of Scully's eyes on my faded shirt when the door opened. I put on my biggest fake smile when Mr. Aberdeen walked in with a line of varsity jackets, football jerseys and Marauder Swim shirts following behind. I swallowed down the pile of vomit wanting to expel itself like I was possessed and stood up.

"Alright ladies and gentleman, we've all spoken and agreed that this tutor group will help each and every one of you stay on the teams and push your grades up enough to bolster an academic athletic scholarship that will take you further than just an athletic." He looked at me, grinning, "This is your tutor, Lauren Lewis. Please treat her with respect as we all discussed, as she holds your future in her hands. She is the brightest and best we've ever seen and will help you all succeed."

I felt my smile fade when I saw the school quarterback roll his eyes, then the captain of the girls swim team chuckle and cover her mouth, and lastly the power forward for the basketball team wink at me before shoving his nine feet long legs under a desk.

Taking a quick count after all were seated, I frowned, leaning over to Mr. Aberdeen, "I thought there was ten, I only count nine."

Mr. Aberdeen sighed, "I know, the one practice was running late…."

"I'm here!" Bo suddenly pushed through the room in her cheerleading outfit, sweaty and flushed, "Don't mark me as late!" She swung into a seat near the middle of the class after high fiving everyone and giggling at the hoots from the quarterback.

My heart exploded and the shards fell into my stomach, pushing the bile closer to release when I caught her eyes. No, no no no no no. Why did the universe hate me? I could handle the rest, but not her. Not the girl that had me wondering why my stomach wiggled when I saw her at the end of the hall, or made me feel like she had invented the sun in a genuine smile directed my way, or the way her boobs looked in anything she wore, was literally the best new thing I had discovered this year.

I stared at her, cursing karma until she peered up at me, that stupid smile on her stupid gorgeous face. I spun around and picked up a marker for the whiteboard as Mr. Aberdeen took his leave, reiterating that the group needed to behave as if he was in the room.

Hearing the door click shut, I closed my eyes and began writing on the board, "We're going to start with a simple algebra review, since most of you struggle there and it links to chemistry and biology." I cringed at how squeaky nervous my voice sounded.

"Yo, Nerdo Lewis, I can't hear you!" The quarterback chuckled, high fiving his buddies, "Speak up."

"She probably can't talk any louder without falling over, she's so skinny."

"Nerdo, can't we just pay you to take our tests for us?"

"At least she dressed up for us, wearing her best Nerdo Lewis shirt."

I groaned, closing my eyes and leaning against the whiteboard, feeling the urge to run out of the classroom and never look back. This was not worth the X-files marathon no matter how good Scully looked in season five. I swallowed hard, hearing more taunts and laughs, turning around and keeping my head down to try and say something when my horrible nickname rained down harder.

"HEY! STOP IT!" Bo's voice filled the room like she was cheering the football team on the field at homecoming. I shot my head up to see her glaring at everyone who was silent, "Look! None of us want to be here after school here with Nerdo, but we all are failing and I for one want to go to prom. So let's just do this and go home. Nerdo is wicked smart and I'd rather listen to her than Mr. Aberdeen drone on and laugh at his stupid ion jokes." Bo sighed, turning back in her seat to open her notebook, "So shut the hell up and let's get this over with."

The group mumbled and groaned, adhering to the great words of Bo Dennis, head cheerleader and future prom queen, and opened their notebooks to start writing down the equation I had drawn up.

I stared at Bo, astonished. No one had ever stood up for me, no one had ever done anything like what she just did for me, but then again she called me Nerdo like the rest of them. She was the rest of them and I shouldn't hold much weight in her sudden act of valor.

I cleared my throat and turned back to the white board, "Let's start with absolute values and go from there." I pushed up my glasses, writing as I spoke. Funneling all of my focus into writing and talking about the things that made sense to me. Numbers and figures not the ten living breathing human beings watching and listening intently. Especially the girl three seats back and one to the left, wearing the really tight purple, white and yellow cheerleader outfit with the stupid marauder perched on those boobs I was starting to brew a mild obsession for.

I groaned, frowning at how my hormones were running amuck and cluing me into another aspect of my life that I would have to deal with in time if they didn't settle down.

I only had to do this tutoring group until Christmas break that was the deal. By then I would have my own entrance exams and college prep to worry about. Not saving the future meatheads of America.


	2. Chapter 2

**N: so this one will take some time to update, seems writing a high school mentality for Bo and Lauren has proven to be fairly challenging for WS and I. That and we both have stories of epicness hanging over our heads begging to be finished. So bear with us, i'm certain when we get the kids out of high school it will go smoother. maybe...anyways! read on and enjoy chapter two of this awkward love story! p.s. reviews motivate us...just saying.**

* * *

I sat in my desk waiting for Mr. Aberdeen to hand me back my chemistry quiz from yesterday. I was nervous. I had been going to those tutoring sessions for three weeks now and if Nerdo Lewis wasn't able to help me get my grade up I was doomed and should probably focus on the gibberish my mom and dad talked about for that stupid company.

Mr. Aberdeen walked up to my desk and underneath it my leg was bouncing like crazy because I was a nervous wreck. He handed me the sheet of paper upside down so that my grade wouldn't show to those sitting around me. Even though the man had a smile on his face it still didn't stop me from wanting to throw up.

Time slowed down as I took the paper from him and as I looked at it I saw the two numbers in red which were enclosed in a red circle.

I stared at my grade for a moment, that couldn't be right.

I blinked a few times and when the number didn't change I turned around in my seat and said, "Um…Mr. Aberdeen, I think you've given me someone else's quiz?"

The man got a stunned look on his face and said, "Oh I'm sorry Bo. I thought I-" He look at the paper and began to chuckle, "I knew I wasn't wrong. This is your quiz Bo."

I gawked at the grade at the top of the paper then exclaimed, "Shut up!"

"Now Ms. Dennis I don't think that type of language is necessary!"

"Necessary? Oh it is more than necessary." I pointed at my quiz and grinned, "I passed my quiz! With a B! Do you know how amazing that is? New Kids would probably go on a reunion tour before I would ever get a grade like this."

Mr. Aberdeen had a confused look on his face but then smiled and gave my shoulder a quick pat, "Well I'm glad you were able to see that accomplishment before then. Although I think you should be thanking the one person who helped you get that grade."

I sat there looking at my quiz with a huge grin on my face. This was the first quiz or test I had gotten that was higher than a low-C. I was stoked. Of course I was going to thank Lauren for this. I now knew I wasn't a complete moron like people thought I was and I could get good grades. Mr. Aberdeen finished handing out the test then proceeded to start today's lesson. Having finally gotten a good grade in his class gave me a different focus and I felt I was ready to conquer anything the man threw at us.

After class, I bolted out of the classroom and Dyson was waiting for me by the door and I threw my arms around his neck and gave him a kiss which was interrupted by passing teacher, "Dennis, Thornwood, cut that out."

We broke apart and Dyson smirked at me, "Not that I don't appreciate it when you shove your tongue down my throat, but uh…why are you shoving your tongue down my throat?"

I held up my quiz and jumped a little as I said, "I got a B on my chem test!" Dyson just stood there with a blank expression on his face. I didn't let that damper my mood so I explained, "This is the first grade I've gotten that is higher than a C minus."

Dyson shrugged and said, "Good job. I guess. I mean it's just a grade Bo."

I looked at him and I was about to ask why he couldn't be happy for me but then I spotted Lauren walking down the hall with her oversized book bag and avoiding everyone who happened to walk into her path. She looked like a skittish stray and it tugged at my heartstrings. The poor girl had no idea how great she was. Well I thought she was great because she had helped me with getting a passing grade. I walked by Dyson and he called out, "Bo where are you going?"

I ignored him and when I was close enough I hollered, "Lauren." The blonde girl kept walking though I was sure she ducked her head down even more. I chased after then I stepped in front of her path and because she was looking at the ground as she walked she ran right into me. I chuckled a little and remarked, "You should really watch were you're going Nerdo. One of these days you're going to walk into a wall or something."

Lauren began to stammer out an apology as her face began to turn the deepest shade of red I had ever seen. I had to stop her before she passed out or something. I held up my hand and said, "Lauren stop. Just calm down. I'm not going to hurt you. I just wanted to thank you."

"T-Th-Thank me?" Lauren stuttered before she managed to get out the sentence then she asked in a voice so low I had to lean in closer to hear her, "For what?"

I opened up the binder I was carrying then pulled out my quiz for her to see and grinned, "I got a B." I chuckled, "I got a B on my chem test."

Lauren frowned and that made me nervous because I began to think maybe she was going to say something insulting but instead she said, "I'm sorry Bo. I guess we'll work harder for the upcoming test. You were doing so good on the practice quizzes and I thought you'd get-"

"No, no, no. Lauren stop." I said interrupting her rant. I smiled, "Again take a deep breath. A B is good Lauren. I-" I stopped and ducked my head then I looked back into her eyes and smiled, "I've never gotten a B before in chem." All of a sudden I got really nervous and had to swallow a few times before I said, "And it's because of you."

Lauren look shocked and for moment there I thought she was going to pass out but she didn't. She just looked at me with a stunned look on her face. I smiled then gave her a quick hug and as I did I said, "Thanks again Lauren. Maybe next time it'll be a B plus."

I moved back just in time to see a small smile on her face. She should smile more. "Bo!" I heard Dyson bark from the other end of the hall. I rolled my eyes. He could wait. This meant a lot to me.

I placed my hand on Lauren's shoulder and gave it a squeeze as I said, "Asshole is calling me I also got to get to class. But I'll see you tonight right?" She nodded head though the stunned look remained on her face. I gave her another quick hug then began to walk down the hall as I shouted over my shoulder, "Cool. I'll see you tonight teach."

When I got close to Dyson he demanded, "What the hell was that about?"

I scoffed as I pushed by him, "I was thanking her Dyson."

"For what? We don't talk or hug dorks. Especially dorks like Nerdo." He told me as we started to walk up the stairs for the second floor of the school.

I was getting annoyed with him and countered, "Yeah well she's a better person than you will ever be so shut up Dyson."

I was done with the conversation and I went to my next class. I wasn't going to let his bad attitude get to me. I had gotten a good grade on a quiz and I was going to celebrate it whether he liked it or not.

* * *

 **XXXXX**

Mom hugged me.

Grandma and Grandpa hugged me.

Dad did the weird half hug with the arm around my shoulder, calling me Lolo.

I avoided hugs from Uncle Dan like he was covered in smallpox and the bubonic plague.

That was the entire list of people in my life that hugged me.

And yet, Bo Dennis, popular cheerleader extraordinaire, just hugged me. Like really hugged me.

Twice. She hugged me twice and now all I could smell was her perfume on my I Want To Believe t-shirt. All I could feel was how her hugs were nothing like the stiff comforting ones of mom, the smothering bear hugs I received from Grandma and Grandpa that smell liked peppermints and tissues, and Bo certainly did not reek of Old Spice like Uncle Dan.

She was warm, gentle, firm and I could feel my entire face covered in flames from how my body and hormones were reacting from a pretty girl hugging me. Her boobs smashing against me to the point I felt my throat constrict from the feelings charging through my body.

Fudge. I had a supersized crush on her and I fudged it up when she thanked me for helping her and I took it as a sign I had failed. Then I double fudged it by smiling and trying to say something, my words coming out in a strange mangled hiss, like I was letting the air out of my tires.

Then Dyson, good old beardy Thornwood brought me back into reality. Shouting at Bo like she was cattle, I caught the end of him questioning Bo why she was spending anytime talking to Nerdo Lewis.

No hug from the boobtastic Bo Dennis could ever change that, no matter how she smiled at me like she thought I was the greatest thing in Mapleview high or the way her eyes had a cute twinkle to them when she tried catching my gaze when I turtled up, hoping my overburdened backpack would snap my neck and send my head rolling away from Bo. She still called me Nerdo, she still saw me as the awkward one. I wasn't a person to her.

I glanced back at the crowd of Dyson and his cronies, frowning slightly watching Bo kiss him, laugh with him and move on to whatever the cool kids did with their day.

I shrugged, telling myself to stop putting too much thought into anything and just continue on my goal of getting through the last few months.

I adjusted my backpack, tucked my head down and began the usual route I took to the classroom where I could prepare for tonight's afterschool session. At least I could look forward to watching that new movie Dad picked up from Blockbuster, Seven, and at least Brad Pitt is kind of cute.

I sighed, but nowhere near as cute as Bo Dennis.

Setting the last packet of basic biology topics to the side, I moved to wipe off last night's chemistry equations to start writing the process of cell mitosis. My tutor sessions were moving quicker than MR. Aberdeen and I both thought, having one on one time with the students allowed them a slower pace to learn and have me explain the problems in a way they could understand it.

I smiled, drawing out circles to become cells, three weeks and most everyone in the class had stopped calling me Nerdo, in the classroom, outside, it was business as usual, but I would take the small victories. I could see in their eyes that I had their respect deep down and it was the popularity game that reverted them back to crappy habits and poor behavior.

The classroom door opened, I smiled greeting Roger the basketball player, Keith the quarterback, Callie the swimmer, and the rest. I knew all of their names and made an effort to call them by their first name, hoping one day one of them would do the same in the hallways.

Callie stopped at the desk, "Hey Lauren, I wanted to thank you, I aced Mr. Watson's algebra two quiz yesterday. He told me I won't have a problem passing the class with a high B." She grinned at me, "You're awesome and I wanted to ask if you'd come to the swim meet on Friday night? My parents want to meet the girl helping me get to college on a scholarship and not on their retirement savings."

Pushing up my glasses, I half smiled, trying to hide how weird it felt being invited anywhere by one of the popular kids. "I have a meeting with Ms. Watson to finalize my college applications, but I can stop by after?" It came out questioning, waiting for her to suddenly revoke the invitation or prank me.

Instead, Callie grinned, softly slugging me in the shoulder, "Great! I'll see you at the meet!" She spun around and took her seat next to Keith.

I let out a slow breath, glancing at the clock, five minutes to go and still no sign of Bo Dennis. I oddly was excited at the idea of her not showing up to class. Her hug earlier had shaken me to the core and left my body happily tingling in a way I hated it. I shook my head, pushing my glasses up for the thousandth time, "Okay guys, we are moving into biology these week. I decided to give you all a little break from the equations and math…."

"Excuse me, Lauren?" Mr. Aberdeen poked his head in, smiling, "I hate to interrupt you but I have a new student for you."

I straightened up, nodding with a light smile, "Okay."

Just then Bo blew in the door, wearing her cheerleading skirt and a grey hoody with the lacrosse team logo on the back. My eyes fell directly on the fact she didn't appear to be wearing much under the hoody, I could see skin. Glorious, sweaty Bo Dennis skin.

Swallowing hard I tore my eyes back to Mr. Aberdeen right as Bo grinned at me taking her seat, "Who is the new student?"

Tamsin's head popped up behind Mr. Aberdeen, scowling at him and me, "Me, Nerdo." She glared at the teacher before sauntering into the classroom, taking the empty desk behind Bo. Her scary green eyes latched on to mine, "I'm failing everything and my parents who suddenly give a shit, want me to go to college." She rolled her eyes, folding her arms tightly across her chest making the leather of her black jacket squeak. "This is stupid, I'm missing out on hanging with the boys."

Mr. Aberdeen shrugged at me, moving closer to whisper, "I know Tamsin is the last person you wanted to help, but her parents were very persuasive with the principal." He glanced at Tamsin, "She is failing miserably and you're her last hope."

I clenched my jaw, nodding and feeling like Mr. Aberdeen had watched Star Wars too much. I also had the feeling of almost being sick to my stomach at the mere presence of the older blonde. She would definitely upset the balance and sanctuary I created in the classroom. The rest of them would soon be back to calling me Nerdo, laughing at me and knocking me over in the class.

Mr. Aberdeen patted me reassuringly on the shoulder, shrugging again in apology before moving out of the classroom.

Sucking in another large breath, I turned back to the class. "Okay, biology. We will start with cell mitosis." I was starting to shake mildly from being incredibly nervous having Tamsin in an enclosed space with me.

"Nerdo, I can't hear you!" Tamsin half bellowed it out, "You cold? You're shaking like it's the middle of winter. Where's your giant nerdy ass alien sweatshirt you wear every day in winter? Momma Nerdo forget to wash it for you?"

I bent my head down, shuffling the packets, trying hard not to run out of the room and not look back. Tamsin was feared by many in the room and I didn't expect any of them to come to my rescue, she had broken bones and most of the athletes in here knew that, or saw it firsthand. I cleared my throat, trying to chase the shakes out, "The cell mitosis process…" I paused, my voice was coming out as a whisper and there wasn't a thing I could do about it.

"SPEAK UP NERDO!"

I twitched, startled by the rough yet powerful voice. I half dropped the packets in my hand, looking at the door. I could escape, run and tell Mr. Aberdeen the cafeteria burrito I had for lunch caught up to me. I kept my head down, thinking of a thousand excuses to bolt when another booming voice filled the room.

"DAMMIT TAMSIN! SIT DOWN AND SHUT YOUR STUPID FACE! HER NAME IS LAUREN!"

My head shot up, Bo was standing in front of Tamsin's desk, her arms folded, her face red as she stared down the taller and stronger blonde. Bo huffed after clearly getting Tamsin's attention, forcing the girl to slide down in her seat with a sheepish look on her face. "Her name isn't Nerdo, it's Lauren. Call her Lauren in this room and everywhere else." She turned to me, a stupid grin covering her face, "She's amazing at what she does and all of us have her to thank for keeping our parents off our asses about grades and scholarships. Lauren is awesome."

My face lit up like a red stop light and turned hot, I tucked my head deeper into my chest, wanting to cry as I heard Roger, Keith, Callie and the rest chime in and agree with Bo. All of them rallying behind the brunette cheerleader.

I swallowed again, finding my voice, "Thank you, Bo, but you all have done most of the work and." I shrugged not knowing what else to say as my voice cracked and I really wanted to cry, so I just shrugged again and swallowed down that burrito from lunch begging to come back up and out of a nervous stomach.

Bo nodded at me, still grinning and turned back to Tamsin, "Keep it shut or I'll tell Dyson about what you did to his car last month when you were hammered."

Tamsin's scary green eyes grew wide and fearful at the secret Bo apparently kept. She huffed, "Fine." and then slid deeper into her seat, refusing to look at anyone as she opened her notebook and started scribbling.

I turned to the whiteboard, not wanting to look at Bo or anyone else. I let out a massive breath, picked up my marker and began writing, finding my focus. "Cell mitosis is cyclical in function. We will start at the beginning and slowly work our way through the circle. Please stop me if you have any questions."

Soon I found my rhythm and the nerves fell away. The class was listening, even Tamsin at one point as she scrunched her face up a few times writing notes, it would then relax when I re-explained something. Tamsin was learning and for as much as she scared me and brought forth such much fear in my life. It made me happy to see that she was learning because of me.

I paused in my lecture, scanning around the room and happily finding all of popular kids nodding and smiling as things clicked in their head. I spotted Bo right before I went back to writing more on the board, she had her head down, scribbling away in her notebook. She looked amazing when deep in thought, her brow furrowed ever so, a soft small on her face as she figured things out and the more she bent forward, the more I could see down her hoody.

Lost in trying to squint to expand my vision to collect as much as I could of a curve of a Bo boob, she suddenly looked up. Catching me dead in the middle of staring at her like my cousin Eddie does to me during Thanksgiving dinner, like a big ole gross creep. This crush on her was going to get me a creepy nerdo nickname and possibly a right hand haymaker from Tamsin, if I didn't keep my hormones and libido in check.

My face did the slow change from pale to lava red as I knew I was caught, instead Bo winked at me, mouthing, "You're awesome."

I nodded or shook my head, looking like a broken bobblehead and turned back to the board, Bo clearly didn't catch me perving on her, but holy skeptical Scully did she make my stomach spin like it was on a centrifuge.

I shook my head, stop it Lauren, just because she stood up for you in the classroom and you save her ass in chemistry, doesn't make you friends.

I was just her silent lifesaver, the second we both walked out of that door our lives would split back into the nerd and the popular girl.

Clearing my throat for the millionth time, I carried on, "Now let's move on to the Mitotic Phase of the cycle."

* * *

 **xXx**

It was rare to see me without either Dyson or the entire gang but there were times where I needed to be away from them. In order to do that I had to go to a place that no one would expect me to go and that was the school library. I liked to read. Not just the cheesy romance novels but also the fantasy ones that were set in different worlds. It provided an escape and today was that day because last night had been weird. I stood up for Lauren. Again. That little nerd was starting to grow on me and I knew people would start saying things if I didn't stop. But what was I supposed to do when she was so defenseless? Before it was just telling the guys to quit because it was just stupid but now I've seen a different side of her because of these tutoring sessions and she's an interesting person.

I was looking through the fantasy section of library when I saw her sitting at one of the tables through the section of books I was looking through. Lauren was working on something with a mountain of books around her. I wondered what she could be working since I heard a rumor that she had finished the entire high school curriculum in her freshman year. I would give anything to just to pass chemistry.

I resisted the urge to go over and talk to her. There was something about me that caused Lauren to become a complete….idiot. Other than the fact that she was painfully shy, I was pretty certain she had a crush on me. Not something that would be new because, though I'm not ridiculously vain, I know I'm pretty. Although there was something about the idea of Lauren having a crush on me that was different. To think someone with that level of genius could possibly be into me was ridiculous.

I let out a snort and apparently it was too loud because Lauren's head snapped and looked in my direction. I bent down to the ground and hoped that she didn't see me. Great now I was the dork hiding from the girl in glasses. What the hell was wrong with me?

I stood back up and I saw that she had gone back to whatever she was working on. I let my forehead rest on the shelf in front of me. I was an idiot. I needed to get out of the library. I started walking for the exit and as I was about to walk out the door opened and Tamsin walked in. We were both surprised to see each other and I got a tight smile on my face as I exclaimed, "Tamsin! What are you doing here? I didn't know you could read."

Tamsin glared at me and shot back, "I'm not here for a book Dennis, I wanted to use the computer."

The computers were over by where Lauren was sitting and if Tamsin saw her, she was definitely going to give her a hard time. It seemed as though Tamsin's lot in life was to torment underclassmen. I took hold of her arm and said, "Hey can you do me a favor?"

"What is it?" She asked her face scrunching up with uncertainty.

I hated what I was about to do but if it prevented Lauren from being subjected to Tamsin's torment then so be it. "There is this sophomore that keeps checking me out and it's a little skeevy, can you rough him up a bit?"

Tamsin eyes lit up and said, "You want me to rough up some tenth graders? Nice!" She slung her arm around my shoulders then gave me a tight hug as she remarked, "Come on Bo show me the snots that have been checking out your ass."

I tried not to let out an irritated sigh as we walked out of the library but I did my good deed and Lauren wouldn't be subjected to Tamsin and her torment.

* * *

It was Thursday night and I for once was on time for the tutoring session. In fact I was a little early since we didn't have practice. I asked for us to have the night off since we would be going to the swim meet tomorrow. Why were cheerleaders necessary at a swim meet? We wouldn't be able to do anything. No basket tosses. No summersaults. No cartwheels. All we do was one or two cheers then sat around gabbing the rest of the time. It was a complete waste of time.

I walked into the classroom and saw that Lauren was reading something in a packet. She was wearing an oversized t-shirt that read, "The Truth Is Out There" and there were two people on it. I sort of had an idea of what show that was from but it wasn't my thing. I watched MTV and Lifetime movies. I cleared my throat and said, "Hey teach."

Lauren jumped and she looked like she wanted to bolt from the room but she looked at me for a long second then mumbled, "Hey Bo."

I moved to my seat and said, "I hope it's okay that I'm early. We didn't have practice tonight and I sorta wanted to know if you would be able to go over something Mr. Aberdeen gave us today."

Lauren started to turn that certain shade of red that she only seemed to get around me and she started to mutter something but then cleared her throat before asking, "Yes. I can. What is it?"

I opened my notebook and pulled out the study sheet that Mr. Aberdeen gave me in class earlier and flipped through it as I said, "He didn't say we had to know it, know it but it could be a bonus question or something. And like I want to surprise him and show him that I'm not a total idiot-"

"You could never be an idiot." Lauren chuckled as she walked closer to me.

I let out a frustrated breath and remarked, "I'm glad you think so but I would like hard evidence of it. So anyway he called it stuck-ometry and it like flew over my head. Seriously. All I had going through my head was that stupid 'Rolling With The Homies' song because I decided to watch Clueless for the millionth time last night." Lauren had a curious look on her face and I said, "What?"

She hesitated and looked down at the floor but then she looked at me, "Are you freaking out?"

I might have been freaking out because that stupid section went over my head and when Mr. Aberdeen said you didn't have to know something it usually meant you had to know it. "I could be."

Lauren approached me like she would a wounded animal and said in a calm voice, "We can go over it and if you need help with it let me know."

I scoffed and said, "I should have asked you earlier but I was-" Not wanting to be seen talking to you because I'm an idiot, "I was busy. The test is tomorrow."

Lauren nodded and got a determined look on her face, "We'll go over the basics and see if you get those." She pushed her glasses up and said, "I know a couple of students will be taking that test so we'll cover it some more in session."

I let out a dramatic breath of relief, "Thank you so much Lauren you are a godsend. If I didn't have that stupid swim meet tomorrow I would take you for pizza or something."

Lauren began to blush again and mumbled, "I'm going to be at the meet too."

"Really?" I asked surprised that Lauren would go to any school sporting event. If I wasn't a cheerleader I wouldn't. Especially a swim meet. Snooze fest in bathing suits.

Her head bobbed up and down then she explained, "Yeah. Callie invited me as a thank you."

I grinned. It was nice to see that some of the jocks in our tutoring group had taken to Lauren. "Well then teach I guess I'll have to treat you afterwards."

Lauren cheeks got redder and I smiled. Making her blush was starting to become a fun thing for me to do. Not in a teasing way but because it was kind of cute. She picked up the packet and muttered, "We should probably-"

"Oh yeah."

Lauren looked at the packet then said, "First thing we should work on is getting you to learn how to say the word right. It's stoichiometry and it's not that hard."

I rolled my eyes and remarked, "Says the genius."

Lauren smiled at me and my heart may have fluttered. Or it was indigestion.

It was indigestion. Definitely indigestion.

She got up and walked to the board. As she wrote and equation on the board she said, "You don't have to be a genius to get it. Trust me we'll go over a couple of easy equation and I bet by the end of the night you'll be completely surprised that you never didn't know it."

I picked up my pencil and said, "Again…so says the genius." We exchanged smiles and Lauren began to go over the basics of stoichiometry and as she talked I smiled. That little nerd was really starting to grow on me.


	3. Chapter 3

**N; Maybe one or two chapters of these kids in high school, also lets give WS a hand for all of the sweet 90's references throughout this thing. All hail the Urkel! anyways, read on and enjoy! next up! Tamsin and Lauren face down...and things happen and it gets cute fluffy angsty and there'll be whitney houston songs. We love reviews, they kind of feed our writer brains...don't let us starve!**

* * *

 _ **Friday-**_

"Wow, Lauren, you have everything perfect. I really can't see any college admissions office denying you with this packet." Ms. Watson flipped through the binder I had spent all of my free time putting together. I wanted to get a jumpstart on admissions for next fall and it gave me an excuse to hide in the library all week instead of dusty abandoned classrooms.

I pushed up my glasses, smiling, "Thank you, Ms. Watson. I think adding my experience with the tutoring will help with my lack of social achievements."

She set the binder down gently, "I've noticed that you seem more at ease and the shouting in the hallway has lessened." She then picked up a stack of tests, "There has been a vast improvement in Callie's tests, Keith seems to be taking a devoted interest in actually learning things other than football plays."

Hearing Callie's name, my eyes shot to the clock on the wall, "Oh fudge." It was a half past six. The swim meet had started thirty minutes ago. I snatched the binder up, trying to shove it in my poor overstretched backpack, "I have to go, Ms. Watson, I'm late."

She gave me a worried look, "I thought the tutoring was on hold this week due to the swim meet?"

I nodded, desperately trying to jam the binder in with more force, "It is. Callie invited me to the event to watch and then meet her parents who want to thank me for helping her." I swallowed hard, slowly looking up at Ms. Watson, "I've never been to…um…a school event."

She smiled, standing up to help getting my giant backpack on my back, "You'll be fine Lauren, you might even have some fun." She laughed pleasantly, "It's nice to see your classmates interacting with you. They are starting to actually see the bright, funny girl you are."

I looked away from the teacher, nodding while I scrunched my face up, "Thank you." It came out soft, I hated that my teachers saw me for who I really was better than most in the world, and not because I wrote all of this year's curriculum for them. I pulled on my Xena t-shirt, it wasn't my favorite, but my grandma bought it for me, mistaking Xena for the X-files. At least it was just the logo and not a big picture on the front, I silently cursed my dad for forgetting to put the wash in the dryer, leaving me to digging out my unwanted Christmas gifts to wear. I peeked at the clock again, "I should go, I don't want Callie to think I skipped out on her."

Ms. Watson nodded and smiled, "Try to have some fun Lauren."

I nodded and rushed out of the room and headed towards the pool, where I could already hear the roar of a full crowd cheering on the Lady Marauder's. I let out a slow breath; maybe I would get lost in the crowd and could sneak in and out before Bo caught me and came through on her offer of pizza and whatever.

Clenching the straps of my backpack, my stomach spun at the memory of her coming to me earlier in the week and asking for help. There was something going on when she looked at me all frazzled about stoichiometry, I walked her through it in the beginning that day and she got the basics. But then the next day she came in early, telling me she skipped cheerleading practice for more help. And that's how it went the rest of the week.

Bo kept coming in and we would chat about this and that, she let it slipped she read the same fantasy novel series I had read a handful of times, and for whatever strange reason, Bo moved to stand closer to me at the desk. Looking at me with a look that I had seen Mulder give Scully a few times this last season. Of course I panicked and took a step back, only to trip over my own backpack and almost bash my head if it weren't for Bo catching me. Ugh, her hands were so warm that I stuttered out a thank you that probably sounded like the Tasmanian Devil from looney tunes. Bo was trying and I was afraid of why she was, her and I didn't fit in the world. We were on opposite ends.

Something happened that day and things grew weirder inside of me that I couldn't explain. I wanted to be around Bo all the time and when she would come in early while I was trying to prep my courage to deal with the crappy stares from Tamsin and stay strong, I would look at her the world would just slow down for a minute before Tamsin burst into the room hollering or doing obnoxious things.

Tamsin seriously scared me as much as Kevin Spacey did in Seven, but she was scarier and she had squinted at me yesterday when she saw Bo and I sitting very close together. I half expected her to threaten me afterwards but she didn't, she just watched me like a hawk in scary silence.

Tamsin had kept her mouth shut during the sessions and actually said thank you yesterday when she told me she got a solid C- on her chemistry quiz. Granted she whipped out the apology in a backhanded weird way, emphasizing my Nerdo nickname, but whatever. She was passing and soon she would be out of my hair, returning to beating up sophomores who may have glanced at Bo's butt as she walked by.

Needless to say, I would never understand the tall blonde.

I moved closer to the pool, hearing the cheerleaders squeak out a dumb swimming rhyme that made no sense and probably offended all of the great poets in their graves, wondering why they even bothered when their art would just be reduced to catchy swim chants. I shook my head, pushing open the side door next to a set of bleachers and looked up.

Dear Mulder almighty, the place was packed and I felt my anxiety overflow. I had never been around this many classmates in my life, only running past them all as I ran to class or away from Tamsin and Dyson.

This was going to suck harder than Easter at my Aunt Betty's.

I had made the split decision to spin around, bolt out the doors and run home to the safety of my room and Mulder and Scully. But Callie spotted me from the bench, standing up, waving and rushing over to me, "Lauren! Over here!"

I furrowed my brow, she just called me by my first name. Was I hearing things?

"Lauren!" Callie ran over, grabbing my elbow, "The meet is almost done for the swimmers, everyone should be moving to the diving boards for the rest." She grinned at me, shaking her head, "It's okay, I'm not going to do something mean, I want you to meet my parents and thank you." She tried catching my eyes when I turtled up chewing on my lips.

"I just….I've….no one's ever asked me to come to anything like this." I half smiled looking at the girl, "I'm Nerdo Lewis." I shrugged as if that was the answer to everything in my life.

Callie moved to stand next to me, "Yea, well, I'm one of many who's starting to see that you're a ton more than that. You're a lifesaver and amazing teacher." She yanked me forward, "Come on, it'll take a couple minutes and then I'll let you escape." She winked at me, grinning as she moved towards an older man and woman standing and smiling our way.

I sucked in a slow breath, trying to tell my nerves to settle down. It was working until I spun my head around and caught Bo sitting with the other cheerleaders, chatting. Then as if fate was bored and wanted to be a jerk, Bo looked up and made direct eye contact with me, waving and grinning that big Bo Dennis smile that had the fire truck parking right on my face and my stomach flutter up against my hear. I smiled tightly, throwing a half wave back before dropping my head down to look at the floor, half listening to Callie tell me something I barely heard.

All I could hear was how much Bo Dennis made my heart do that weird jumpy thing my grandma always told me she felt when she saw grandpa in his sailor outfit in Hawaii. They had been in love for almost fifty years, telling me that my crush was probably building into something morbid like a teenage love.

I rolled my eyes, I was fifteen, love was not in the scope of life goals of Lauren Lewis.

Bo stood up from the bench, making a move to walk over to me when Callie spoke, "Mom, Dad, this is Lauren. The amazing one who is going to make sure I end up on the honor roll this year."

I tore my eyes away from Bo, threw on my manners and greeted her parents. Finding a strange confidence I always had when I spoke to adults, I was able to speak with confidence and ease. Adults were easier to handle because they would actually listen to me and not look at me like a freak.

After a few minutes of explaining how Callie could easily get into Notre Dame next fall with her new grades and focus, I turned to see that the pool was almost empty. The crowd had moved to the diving boards, leaving the swim team and cheerleaders to collect their things. Bo had moved back to her friends at some point, probably afraid to interrupt me, but now she was looking back at me. Picking up her bag and making her way back over to me. Sucking all of my confidence out and replacing it with that icky feeling in my stomach, but good lord did she look awesome in that tight cheerleading outfit, making my obsession for boobs rear its ugly head and force my eyes to Bo's spectacular offerings.

Callie broke my boob trance, "Lauren, I have to head over with the rest of the team." Her parents had said goodbyes and thank yous and I missed it because my head was in the gutter.

I turned to look at her, praying to whatever and back that my face was a mild pink and she had not noticed I was boob ogling. "Okay. You're parents are really great." I smiled tightly, fixing my backpack, "I wasn't lying about you getting into Notre Dame. I can help you with that if you want."

Callie grinned, rushing me for a giant hug that caught me off guard. Grunting a bit, I stammered as she told me how thankful she was and that I was pretty great. I swallowed hard, placing my hands on her sides and attempting to hug her back. When she parted she looked over my shoulder, "Oh hey Bo!"

I whipped around to face Bo, my face doing it's usual when our eyes met.

"Hey Callie, Lauren." Bo's tone was less than friendly, "I was coming over to ask Lauren if she would like to go grab a slice." Her eyes darted between me and Callie, her eyes squinting.

Callie shrugged, "Cool." She then patted my shoulder, "See you Monday?"

I nodded, looking at the tops of my worn out Nike Air Jordans, murmuring out a yes. I kept my head down as Callie rushed off to meet up with her teammates. I slid my backpack off to try and readjust it, but it slipped from my hand when I heard Bo speak.

"So, you and Callie getting close? Or something?" Bo had that same weird sassy tone she did when her and Dyson bickered in the hallway.

I set my bag down on the floor, "Uh, she wanted me to say hi to her parents and stuff." Stuff? Really? My expansive brain lands on stuff, god what was Bo doing to me.

"Mhmm. She hugged you."

I looked up at Bo super confused, "Yeah? I mean you hugged me a few days ago when you passed your test." I swallowed hard, "I don't see the big deal?" The big deal was Bo was exhibiting classic signs of jealousy which made no sense to me because what was there about me that could invoke jealousy? Unless Bo had a thing for Callie?

Bo had her arms folded across her chest, a strange look on her face that softened the longer our eyes met. Finally she let her arms drop away, a slow smile building on her face, "I just, I guess I'm a little bored with this snooze fest sports event. So lame to have cheerleaders at a swim meet, you know?"

I nodded even though I had no clue what she was talking about. "I,uh…should go. I stopped by for a minute, I should go."

Bo grinned at me, "You're funny when you repeat yourself." She stepped closer to me, "What about that slice of pizza? My treat for all the work you've done saving my ass."

I let out a shaky breath, looking down at my backpack, searching for something to say that wouldn't come out like a fart of air with words mixed in. I deep down really wanted to go to get pizza with her but I was deathly afraid of what would happen if we were alone and outside the safe walls of school. I would actually have to talk to her or something. She made me feel warm and confident, and it was scary weird how she did that to me.

"BO! Yo Bo!" Dyson's voice bounced around the pool walls, making me seize up when I saw Dyson stroll in with Tamsin, Ted and Bev on his flanks.

"Fuuddggeeee." I murmured, panicking. Dyson would be all over me as soon as he noticed how close I was to Bo.

Bo on the other hand rolled her eyes, "Let me get rid of him and we can sneak out, I have more questions about biology and other stuff.\\."

I nervously shoved my glasses up, the group was moving closer as Dyson locked eyes on me.

"Bo, why are you always talking to Nerdo?" He glared at me, "And why are you here Nerdo? Isn't there a science nerd convention going on somewhere with the other nerds?"

I dropped my head down, my stomach rolling when Ted moved around me, making me tense up and frightened. Tamsin's smirk faded away when she met my eyes, looking down at the floor embarrassed, what for, I didn't know. All I knew was I had to leave immediately.

"Shut up Dyson, you're annoying as hell. I was asking Nerd…Lauren a few homework questions." Bo looked at me with a soft look that told me it was going to be okay, but I didn't believe her. She turned back to her boyfriend, "Thanks for showing up after the fact, you dick. I told you what time to be here."

Bev chuckled, leaning on Dyson as he puffed out his chest, "Sorry Bo, we were at my house scoring some of my dad's beer stash for tomorrow." He motioned to me, "Get out of here Nerdo, and if I see you talking to my girl outside of class, well, just don't do it anymore." He grinned and flicked his hand towards Ted. "Give her a warning, Ted."

Before I could turn, Ted hopped out from behind me, my backpack in his hand high above his head. He ran to the edge of the pool, laughing like an idiot, shouting, "Time to learn your place Nerdo!

My eyes grew wide and I lunged towards him, my backpack contained my entire life. All of my college stuff, my classwork, my lesson plans and my favorite book my grandpa gave me last year. A book I carried as a safety blanket, one I had told Bo about two days ago and she went out and borrowed the same one from the library so we could talk about it.

I rushed towards him but was too late as he swung my backpack and launched it into the middle of the pool, papers flittering out of the side where I didn't close it all the way, floating down to the chlorine water. The splash sounded like an explosion when my backpack made impact and I screamed out a horrified no as I watched it sink to the bottom. Everything would be ruined, the originals for my college applications, everything, ruined and it broke what little strength I had.

I stopped at the edge of the pool, staring at the backpack and my life spread on the surface, the tears welling up as I was angry, heartbroken and frustrated at the fact I would never belong, no matter how many times Bo Dennis smiled at me and offered to take me for pizza, or how many times Callie called me by my name.

I choked out a sob, covering my face when I heard Tamsin shout at Ted, "You are one fucked up motherfucker Ted, a real psychotic piece of shit! She might be a nerd but didn't deserve this bullshit." She pointed at Dyson, "And you're worse, you just proved how little balls you have. Picking on someone so defenseless. Shit's just not funny anymore."

I looked up through teary eyes to spot Tamsin striding over to Ted who was still laughing like the Joker and pointing at me while Dyson and Bev laughed hysterically and Bo stood their shocked and horrified. I swallowed down more tears, turning to run out of the pool and forget everything when Tamsin grabbed my arms stopping me, "Wait a second nerd." She looked at me with her green eyes that looked a lot less scary and a lot more protective. She then took two long steps towards Ted and hauled off with a haymaker of a right hook, landing right on his nose breaking it on impact.

The cracking sound of his nose breaking almost made me vomit. Ted dropped to his knees hollering as he clutched at his bloody nose, crying at Tamsin, "Why did you do that? Dyson told me to do it?!"

Tamsin bent down to Ted, stripping off her leather jacket and shoes, "Yea well Dyson is a fucking spoiled asshole." She pointed at me, "I was all up for teasing and scaring the nerds, but this, this is stupid shit." She then looked at me, "I don't get you, Lewis, but all I know is you make sense out of algebra and it's gotten my parents off my ass." She turned back to Ted, pushing him over on to his side, "I'm might be a jerk, but I'm not a dickhead bully."

With a blink of an eye, Tamsin dove into the pool and swam right down to my backpack, scooping it up and swimming back to the edge to set it down.

I was still crying as Dyson and Bev helped Ted to his feet, glaring at me and Tamsin. Bo was still standing in the back frozen as to what to do. Bev hissed at Tamsin, "You'll pay for this you bitch!"

Tamsin laughed, chucking a handful of water on Bev, "I hope you come collecting, Bev, I'd love to punch you in the face too." She then turned to Dyson, "By the way Thornwood, fuck you and your group, I'm out." Tamsin then pushed away from the edge and dove back down to retrieve more of my things.

I sat on the edge, wiping away tears, trying to find a voice to speak. Looking over my shoulder, I saw Bo frown as Dyson grabbed her arm and told her to come with him, leave the nerds alone. Bo had so much struggle on her face, shrugging an apology before hesitantly going with her boyfriend. I turned back to my wet backpack, crying more as I realized the truth was still there in front of my face. Bo and I didn't fit in this world.

Tamsin popped back up from the water, slapping more papers on the edge, "I'll get everything I can, Lauren."

I raised my head up, it was the first time Tamsin ever sounded sincere saying my first name. I shook my head, reaching for my things with shaky hands, "It's okay, I can get it. Please just go, just leave me alone." My voice was distant, tears riddling every syllable.

Tamsin sighed, pushing up out of the pool to crouch next to me. "Look, I'm an insufferable asshole. My parents will tell you the same." She paused, reaching for my arm to get me to look at her, "But in the last week, you've shown me more care and consideration than any of them. My parents, my stupid ex-friends and the teachers finally look at me with hope." Tamsin cleared her throat, "I owe you, Lauren. More than I know how to say, so for the love of Scully, let me do this."

She smiled at me when I sniffled out an okay. Tamsin still scared me, but I was so upset that I could barely move. I was stuck letting the one person who scared me, help me. I was scared if I said no, she would break my nose.

With that she dove back in and collected every single piece in the pool and even helped me carry it outside to where my dad was waiting. Tamsin sucked in a breath as I waved to my dad to stay in the car, "I'm going to go, Lauren. I saw Bev talking to Mr. Carp, I think I'm about to be suspended." She stepped away from me, "It's a safe bet I won't be in the next few tutoring sessions."

She turned, taking a few steps away from me, before pausing and looking at me, "Lewis, grow some balls. All those dipshits are more afraid of you than you are of them." She winked at me before walking back inside in her soaked clothes, holding her dry leather jacket and shoes over her arm.

I swallowed hard, clutching my soaked backpack and sniffling as my dad ran up to me asking if I was okay.

* * *

xXxXxX

I was still stunned as Dyson and I walked back to his truck. Bev had taken Ted to the hospital after being stopped by Mr. Carp to find out what had happened to him. I couldn't believe Dyson had told Ted to do that and I can't believe Ted was that much of an asshole to do that to Lauren. Seeing the look on Lauren's face broke my heart. I should have stayed. I should have defended her. I should-I sighed. Should haves wouldn't change anything but I was going to fix what had happened. Starting with the root of the whole situation. I stopped walking and Dyson turned to look at me, "What's the matter babe?"

I gave him a pointed look and said, "We're breaking up."

He chuckled a little then walked closer to me, "Funny Bo. Now come on let's go back to my place and get drunk."

I took a step back and repeated myself, "No. We're breaking up Dyson. This isn't a joke."

Dyson let out an aggravated breath then said, "What did I do Bo?"

I scoffed then gawked at him for a second. He was unbelievable. If he saw nothing wrong with what he did to Lauren then he clearly had bigger issues. "How psychotic are you? Do you not see anything wrong with what you did to Lauren?"

"Oh my god are you kidding me right now Bo? She's a dork and she'll get over it. It was just a bunch of junk." Dyson argued and it further upset me because it showed how self-centered he really was.

I moved closer to him and retorted, "You're a fucking asshole and I refuse to be with someone who takes joy in messing with those who really haven't done anything to you."

Dyson got a grin on his face and said, "Well you didn't care all those times when we were picking on the little dork or when we knocked her books to the ground."

"People change Dyson." I countered before I said, "I didn't know her then but I know her now and I know that she is a genuine person who is sweet, caring, and is actually fun to be around." I glared at him, "Unlike you who's a self-centered asshole who has to overcompensate with flashy clothes and being the world's biggest douchebag."

Dyson was breathing heavily through his nose and he glowered, "Careful Bo it's starting to sound like you have a little crush on the nerd. "

I narrowed my eyes at him and said, "And so what if I do?"

He got a threatening look on his face as he said, "Then I guess I'll have to start a rumor about the two of you and how you're one big dyke."

I honestly didn't care considering I flirted with everyone but I wasn't going to let him do that to Lauren. Not after what he had done to her tonight. Luckily I had an ace up my sleeve, "And if you do that then I'll have to tell everyone that you're a big virgin."

A worried look came across his face. I almost smiled. Dyson was the school's varsity hotshot. Claiming that he had lost his virginity in the tenth grade had given him the position of top dog in the school but in reality he never had sex with anyone and got soft anytime we did try. I had started to wonder if he was gay. Dyson's eyes bore into mine as he warned, "If you walk away from me. I will make your life a living hell."

"Good thing I don't have to worry about that." I turned around and began to walk away from him.

He shouted, "Bo get back here. You're my girlfriend."

I shook my head then yelled over my shoulder, "I'm not your property Dyson nor am I your girlfriend." I continued to walk away from him. When I saw a group of girls from the squad getting into a car I ran over to them and asked if they could give me a ride home. On the ride to my house I thought about Dyson's threat and a part of me knew he would probably do it but I hoped he wouldn't for Lauren's sake. I let out a soft sigh as I looked out the window and watched the houses zoom by. Instead of making matters better for Lauren I might have made them worse for her.

* * *

I got home and once I was inside I made a beeline to my room. I closed the door and locked it then collapsed on my bed as I thought about everything but the only thing I could see was Lauren's face and the look of despair that was on it. I bit my bottom lip as a wave of sadness and guilt came over me. Lauren didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve half the shit everyone put her through. Lauren was a brilliant, witty, and adorable person who just lacked confidence in herself and needed someone to show her how amazing she really was. It was then I realized that I wanted to be that person. I sat up covered my face and groaned. Of course this would happen to me. I got up and walked over to my dresser then looked at myself in the mirror. I chuckled and said to myself, "Dyson was right about one thing." I took my hair out of its ridiculously high ponytail and sighed, "I might have a crush on Lauren."

This was surprising considering Lauren wasn't….well she wasn't much of a looker but that didn't really matter. I got up and began to strip out of my uniform so I could go take a shower then I put on my robe. I walked out of my room then made the short trip down the hallway to the bathroom. I thought about my feelings for Lauren and tried to figure out when I went from not really noticing her to…well I wasn't quite certain where I was at the moment. I just knew that I didn't want her to be bullied anymore and I wanted her to be happy. I also knew that every time I thought about Lauren's happiness that I got that weird indigestion feeling. It was the weirdest thing. I got in the shower and took a long relaxing shower. I did minimal thinking about Lauren. Or I tried to. I wasn't a complete success but I also wasn't a total failure.

As I was getting out the shower there was a knock on the bathroom door and I called out, "Yeah?"

My mom said through the door, "Dyson has been calling you."

I scowled as I put on my robe. Of course Dyson would be trying to grovel for my forgiveness. He wasn't going to get it. He was scum and I no longer wanted to be associated with scum. I tied my robe close then I opened the door and told my mom, "I don't want to talk to him."

My mom got an uneasy look on her face then she asked, "May I venture to ask why you don't want to talk to him?"

I rolled my eyes and I picked up my hairbrush and sighed, "It doesn't matter it's not like you care anyway."

She walked into the bathroom then took the brush from me and as she began to brush my hair my mom said, "I know your father and I are busy with the company but we're here for you Bo and if you want to talk I'm always ready to listen."

We were quiet for a moment and I flip-flopped on if I wanted to tell my mom about what happened tonight or not. Eventually I sighed and said, "We broke up."

My mom stopped brushing and said, "Oh Bo…."

"No mom it's nothing like that." I met her gaze in the mirror then looked down at the bathroom counter as I said, "I broke up with him. He-He wasn't the person I thought he was. I mean I knew he was a jerk but tonight he was an asshole. A complete asshole."

My mom chided in a gentle tone, "I know you're upset about the situation and I'll let the swear slip once but don't let it happen again."

"Sorry mom." I said as I glanced up to look at her in the mirror.

She resumed brushing my hair and she smiled at me, "It's not a problem. Now are you going to tell me why Dyson is an asshole or are you going to leave me hanging?"

I rolled my eyes. She was going to ruin the moment by trying to be cool. I took a deep breath and said, "He told Ted to do something really mean to another student and that was it. I couldn't take anymore. Lauren didn't deserve-"

"Lauren?" She asked interrupting me which was annoying. "Isn't that the young lady who's leading your tutoring session?"

I nodded and said, "Yeah she is."

My mom got a confused look on her face as she wondered, "Why would he do something mean to her? She sounds like a very smart girl."

I grimaced a little as I told her, "She's shy. Like wicked shy and she's a bit of a nerd. Okay she's a big nerd. Complete with the big glasses which is kind of funny because sometimes the slide down her nose and she pushes them back up like Steve Urkle does." Okay it wasn't funny. It was cute. Crap. I saw my mom's face in mirror and she looked puzzled about why I would mention something like that. I continued talking so she wouldn't start asking questions, "Anyway she's shy and a nerd and because Dyson is an insecure ass-" My mom glared at me, "Insecure jerk, he had Ted throw her stuff in the pool and it was just so horrible mom."

I avoided looking at her in the mirror because I'm certain she would have that look of disapproval on her face. The one that wonder why I didn't do anything to stop him. Then what would I say? Because I was too much of a chicken to do anything? Or because I was so surprised? It all sounded lame and if I really cared about Lauren I would have said something but I didn't. I was a bigger asshole than Dyson was. I took a deep breath and mumbled, "I'm going to bed mom. I've had a long night."

"What if Dyson calls?" She asked.

As I walked out the bathroom I said over my shoulder, "Tell him I don't want to talk to him and that he should leave me alone."

She said okay and I walked to my room. Once I had the door closed and in the safe confines of my room I let my guilt completely consume me. God this was all my fault. If I hadn't been around Lauren, Dyson would have left her alone and none what happened tonight would have happened. I changed into my PJs and I got in bed then turned off the lights. I felt like shit but I was certain it paled in comparison as to how Lauren was feeling tonight. Tears began to blur my vision as I stared out the window of my room. I don't know if I was crying over the situation or because of Lauren but either way I continued to cry until I fell asleep.

* * *

I woke up the next morning and my mood hadn't changed. In fact it seemed to have gotten worse. After I put on sweat pants and an oversized sweatshirt I went downstairs to the kitchen. My parents weren't home. It was Saturday so they spent the day schmoozing with clients. A day filled with mimosas and golf at breakfast and wine and yachting in the afternoon. It was so pretentious and I was glad they didn't force me to be involved. I got a bowl of waffle crisp then I went in the living room and watched Saturday morning cartoons while I ate and moped. Two hours later I was still in the living room but now I was lying on the couch with the hood of my sweatshirt covering my head and watching Clarissa Explains It All, when the doorbell rang. I groaned and I was tempted to ignore it but if it was one of my parent's clients then they would probably need to be directed to the country club.

I walked to the foyer and I opened the door only to find Dyson standing in front of it. As soon as I saw him I started to close the door but he stuck his foot out and prevented me from slamming the door in his face. "Bo let me talk to you."

"No we are done talking Dyson." I scowled then said, "Now get the hell off my property before I call the cops."

He scoffed and said, "You're not even going to let me redeem myself?

I let out a small snort and retorted, "You're beyond redemption. Now go."

Dyson glared at me then pointed at me as she threatened, "So be it but I'm going to do what I said I was going to do. Nobody dumps me and gets away with it."

I narrowed my eyes at him and said, "Well I just did. Now get the hell off my front porch." Then I shoved him back and quickly closed and locked the door. I rested back against it and closed my eyes. I keep making this situation worse and Monday at school was going to be hell for Lauren if I didn't do something. Then I had an idea. I went into the living room and I got the cordless phone. I started to dial the number but then I hesitated. I took a deep breath and finished dialing hoping I wasn't wrong. I put the handset to my ear and it rang a few times before a gravelly voice groaned, "What the hell man it's Saturday."

I took deep breath and said, "Tamsin its Bo."

"Duh. Dipshit. Caller ID already told me this." Tamsin mumbled into the phone and it sounded like she was about to fall asleep.

I would have annoyed her further but I was on mission. I bit the corner of my mouth then said, "Yesterday when you helped Lauren….did you mean to do it or were you just trying to make matters worse?"

I heard her let out an annoyed sigh then she said, "Yeah I guess I meant it. It was a shitty thing to do you know. She doesn't deserve that shit. Why? You want to pick on her some more because if so Bo I'm not joining in and I might kick your ass. Also I thought you were better than that."

I got a huge smile on my face. So I wasn't wrong about Tamsin wanting to make sure that Lauren wasn't picked on anymore. "No, no, no. Tamsin I don't want to pick on her I just-" I want you to protect her with everything you are because I'm too much of a chicken shit to do it myself. Also I might have a thing for her. I think. I shook my head and continued, "I broke up with Dyson and now he's going to do something shitty and I want to make sure…." I trailed off as I tried to find the right word and when I didn't I decided to go with the truth, "I want to make sure that she has someone one on her side."

Tamsin scoffed then commented, "Of course I'm going to be on that little nerd's side. She gotten me good grades and it'll piss Dyson off." She paused for a second then she asked, "Why aren't you doing it?"

I sighed and said, "I'm going to make things worse and I've already done enough." My mind flashed back to the look on Lauren's face and my heart ached. That was because of the guilt. Nothing else. "Make sure Lauren doesn't freak out about what she hears on Monday. Tell her it will all blow over okay?"

"What's going to happen Bo?"

I couldn't explain it to her because then it would probably raise questions that I really didn't have answers for so I just said, "Just tell me that you'll do that Tamsin?"

Even though we weren't face to face I could still see her rolling her eyes as she said, "Fine, fine. I'll protect your nerd."

My mind seized up. _My nerd._ Lauren wasn't my nerd. I was just caring for someone I had come to care about who also was painfully shy but it was starting to become more endearing-"She's not my nerd Tamsin."

Tamsin let out a short laugh then said, "Yeah. Okay Bo." She yawned then said, "I'll do what I can. I got suspended for three weeks. Standing up for the teacher's pet comes with some perks 'cause they could have kicked my ass out since I slashed that one teacher's tires." I rolled my eyes. Mr. Inachek had tried to humiliate Tamsin in class but that had backfired and she slashed three of his tires. It took some crafty lying to prevent her from getting expelled. "Okay Bo I'm going back to sleep. I'll protect your nerd."

"She's not my-" The call disconnected.

I scowled at the handset then placed it on the charger. I hoped I didn't regret this on Monday but as of right now Tamsin was my only option. Me sticking up for Lauren would lead to more complications and the poor girl didn't need that. My nerd. I scoffed then got up to go into the kitchen. She wasn't my nerd. And I didn't have a crush on her. I don't think. I groaned as I opened the refrigerator and thought about how interesting Monday would be. I hoped Lauren got out of it with minimal damage. I hoped.

* * *

XXXXXX

"You're going have to emerge into the daylight at some point." My mom poked the blankets I had rolled up into to hide from the world for the last eighteen or so hours since I got home from the swim meet.

"No I don't." I grumbled, mashing my face deeper into a pillow, wishing mom would leave me alone, leave me be with the TV playing reruns of Quantum Leap and to drown in the sea of embarrassment I still felt from last night. "I don't have to do anything."

My mom sighed heavily, "Lauren, you've been hiding since your dad brought you home last night, he only told me so much, he had a hard time deciphering your mumblings." She moved closer to me, "What happened?" She said it a tone that told me she already knew everything, she was an intelligence analyst for a reason.

I frowned, pulling a corner of the blanket down, "The cool kids happened. Ted that Neanderthal who hangs out with beard face Dyson, threw my backpack into the pool and ruined everything in it." I paused, my throat tightening up as I caught the sight of my ruined bag and the crinkled dried papers sticking out at haphazard angles sitting in the corner of my room. "I don't want to talk about it, and I'm not going to school on Monday." I said it with such conviction. I was done with school; I could spend the rest of the year hanging out in my bedroom and still graduate with a 4.0 GPA and be the class valedictorian a million times over.

"We both know that's not going to happen, you love school and you love the tutoring sessions you lead." She sighed, leaning back to press against my legs, "Mr. Carp called this morning, told us that girl Tamsin confessed to everything and told the truth. She's been suspended for three weeks and Ted will also face suspension for ruining your things." She glanced at me, "Lauren, it's going to be okay, I promise you."

I huffed, rolling over again, twisting my gangly body in all of my Star Wars sheets and blankets. "Still not going to school. You can't make me, Mr. Carp signed off on my early diploma last week. Technically I've already graduated high school."

The room grew quiet except for the strange beeps from the TV. "Lauren, you're better than all of them and missing school shows that boy he won. What about that one girl in your tutoring you are always talking about? Bo?"

I groaned, squeezing my eyes shut at the sound of her name. Bo. Bo the girl who turned her back on me and strutted away with her crap ass boyfriend while my dignity sunk to the bottom of the pool. Bo the girl who walked away and left me with my second worst enemy to suddenly come to my rescue when it should have been her, I wanted it to be her. "What about her." I mumbled reaching for the stuffed elephant my mom gave me when I was five. I needed to squish something to squish the weird feelings Bo always brought up in my body when I thought about her, looked at her and was near her.

"Isn't she your friend? You talk about her constantly and if I didn't know any better, you probably have a crush on the girl." I could hear the smile in her voice.

I ripped the blanket back, whipping my hair all around my face as I tried to stare at my mom, completely appalled by what she said. "What? No, I don't have a crush on her, I'm fifteen, I don't have crushes or have feelings for anyone. And she isn't my friend, she was a student. That's it. Nothing more, we barely speak to each other outside of schoolwork." I frowned, looking down at Princess Lea and her cinnamon bun hair.

My mom met my eyes, grinning, "You have a crush on her Lauren." She reached up to pat my cheeks, "You're a bright red and rambling. It's okay, your father and I don't care who you end up with, as long as you're happy. We learned a long time ago that the heart chooses who it wants and it's beyond anyone's control. I mean for Christ's sake, I fell in love with him when I was 17 and we've been married for almost twenty years."

I tilted my head down, burying my face in the Star Wars comforter, hating she was right. I maybe, might have a tiny crush on Bo, or maybe just her boobs. "I don't know…." I sighed, "I'm the nerd, and she's a cheerleader. It doesn't make sense let alone understanding why I feel what I do when she's around. Either way, nothing's ever going to come of it as long as she's got a boyfriend and I weigh 110 pounds soaking wet. I'm the bag of bones to her…." Bag of boobs, it almost slipped out but I caught it before I got myself into a super weirder place with my mom.

I honestly did not feel like having a heart to heart with my mom about hormones, burgeoning sexuality and that my heart beat faster whenever Bo Dennis was in the room. I just wanted to crawl back under the blankets and sleep away the ache swirling in my stomach and head. There was no way in the solar system would I ever feel anything more for Bo Dennis after what happened, I couldn't. I thought she was a friend, but friends don't walk away from friends. I shook my head, I was starting to get frustrated and didn't want to cry in front of my mom.

"That's the mystery of romance, Lauren. Unpredictable at best, but we will talk about that when you're ready and not trying to hide in a galaxy far, far, far away." My mom scooted to the edge of the bed, reaching for a large paper bag. "You're grandpa stopped by a couple of hours ago, dad called and told him what happened. He brought you something and told you to stop by when you're feeling better." She peeked into the bag, scrunching up her face, "And then there was a delivery man that dropped off the other thing inside. The return address is from the gated community over in the fancy part of town."

She set the bag next to my pillows before standing up, "Teenagers are stupid idiots, Lauren, you know that. You're father and I love you very much and just because some dipshit boy picked on you doesn't mean you have to stop living." She met my eyes, half smiling, "Plus I may have looked him up at work and fiddled with his learner's permit. The kid won't be legally driving a car until he's at least 35." She winked at me, patting my leg, "Mope for the rest of the day, get it out of your system and tomorrow, I'll sneak you into my office and show you the new satellite program we got from the Navy."

I half smiled, I loved going to work with my mom and helping her work out all the intelligence algorithms that she worked with. A few times I had been able to decipher them faster than she could. I nodded slowly, "Okay, but I'm still on the fence about school on Monday."

My mom grinned shaking her head, "I love you, kiddo."

"I love you too."

I chewed on my bottom lip as she left the room, leaving me with Sam and Al trying to fix past mistakes. It made me envious, I wanted to go back to the past a few times and change so much. Maybe in college I could create my own quantum leap accelerator and shove Ted in the pool. I rolled my eyes and groaned at my own epic level of nerdiness and reached for the bag my mom left.

The first thing I removed made my eyes well up, it was a brand new copy of my favorite book with a note stuck in the front cover, my grandpa's handwriting all over it.

 _"A book is a book, Lauren. What matters are the memories you keep around that book. One day you'll look back and laugh, knowing that you are far better than any of those silly children. And when you're their boss, fire them all._

 _Love you, Gramps."_

I clutched the book to my chest, grinning as I wiped away the tears. It was my favorite book, but grandpa was right, it was the memories attached to that book that made it important, not the physical book itself.

Setting the book down on top of the large stack next to my bed, I dug in further, pausing when I felt the coarse fabric of canvas and wrapped my fingers around it to remove it from the bag.

It was a large, very expensive messenger bag that I had seen at the mall a handful of times, wishing and dreaming of having the allowance money saved up to get it. My poor backpack was unable to contain my schoolbooks and general life needs and often looked like it was going to burst at the seams and vomit everything on the floor.

I held the bag, running my fingers over the leather trim, wondering where it came from. Lifting up the front flap, an index card fell out. Flipping it over, I immediately recognized Tamsin's oddly bubbly handwriting from the pop quizzed I handed out this past week.

 _"Don't say it; you don't have to thank me. I felt bad, feel bad and shit and after seeing your bag. Well, you needed a new one. Use this one, maybe it'll help that hunchback you're developing from carry the entire damn library on your back._

 _See you in a month._

 _T."_

I read the card three times before I set it back on the messenger back.

Tamsin sent me the bag. A bag that was a hundred dollar bag.

Tamsin the big scary blonde with the scary green eyes that made my stomach hurt when she looked my way.

Tamsin who I watched shatter Ted's nose like it was nothing.

Tamsin who jumped into the pool, grabbed every scrap of paper from the water and helped me smooth each page out before trying to put them back in my old backpack.

Tamsin did something nice for me, technically two nice things. Even though I would never admit that watching her crack Ted in the face was possibly the most amazingly gratifying thing I'd ever witnessed in my fifteen years of life.

I sat in silence for a long period of time, wondering if fate was screwing with me. My emotions were definitely screwy, I had a crush on a cheerleader I kind of hated right now and now I was being shown immense kindness from a girl who was a frightening blonde giant. What the heck was going on? Was I in a coma and living out an episode of X-files? Or was this the trials and tribulations normal teenagers went through? The constant up and down and not understanding a dang thing.

As the end credits of the show rolled across my TV, I picked up the small signature sheet from the bottom of the bag, reading the address that was as my mom said, over in the fancy part of town in a gated community that held houses that cost more than major basketball teams.

I blew out a breath, hating that my good nature and overwhelming need to do the right thing always drove me harder than my raw emotions, and got out of bed. I knew Tamsin was extremely behind in her classes and this three week long suspension would set her back to the point of not graduating this year. I couldn't let that happen, she had done something no one else really ever did for me. She stood up for me, she did something nice for me and the more I thought about it, the more I knew Tamsin would be the one person who could help me grow those balls she suggested I get.

I sighed hard, she had done the one thing I might have wanted Bo to do, but…but, but, but.

I shook my head, shuffling into the bathroom, I started the shower while I searched out a clean pair of jeans and a t-shirt from the neatly folded stack in my closet. I would take mom's advice, emerge into the daylight and be the bigger and better person, Tamsin would be the start.

The least I could do was tutor her, keep her current and make sure she graduated. Not even Mr. Carp would debate that, I knew he wanted the blonde out of his school for the basic reason she scared the shit out of him too.


	4. Chapter 4

**N:Here is chapter 4! things will get crazy and nacho cheesy in the next chapter! also if you haven't already, i published Redmeptio Animae in a original format under my full pen name of Sydney Gibson. So if you're feeling saucy and want to support me and inspire future ff authors who i know are soon to branch out, head on over to amazon and look up RA and download it. There will be hard copies available soon, so if you're interested, message me! or message Ws, or message someone or just read this mess and leave us a review! BECAUSE WE LOVE REVIEWS.**

 **Sunday-**

I glided my bike through the winding hills of the giant gated community on the other side of the neighborhood. I wished I had asked my mom or my dad to drive me around the ninth mile of biking, but I wanted to keep what I was doing secret in case it blew up in my face.

Finding a hole in the bushes, I shoved my bike and my equally as thin frame through, popping out the other side like I was shot out of a slingshot. Dusting off leaves and sticks, I looked at the crumpled piece of paper with Tamsin's address on it.

I had no idea why I was doing this, she scared me regardless of what she did for me, she was seriously scary. Jamming the paper back in my pocket, I rolled my eyes, stupid morals and kind heart. All my parents fault for raising me right. I hopped on the bike and rode down to the back half of the subdivision where the address had Tamsin living.

Rounding one last corner I came upon the largest house I had ever seen in person, it was literally the size of a castle and almost looked like one with the large pillars on the front porch and the top turrets at each corner of the house. "Fudging wow." I murmured as the bike cruised down the small hill and up into the cobblestone driveway.

I had a vague idea that Tamsin came from money. The teachers often whispered about how her father was a software engineering genius and yet his daughter was nothing but a brash heathen. A brash heathen that came from a family who probably had more money than the entire country. I wanted to look up her father, but every time I went to the library to use the computers, that weird kid who always wore black was on the only computer, looking up role playing sites. Sad thing was, that kid had more friends than I did and he was trillion times weirder than me.

I parked my bike next to the garage door and adjusted the brand new messenger bag around my back. The new bag was a life saver and it held everything I needed with more room to grow. That and it allowed me to stand up straight for once in my life. Sucking in a slow breath, I yanked on my UFO sweatshirt and took shaky the steps up the fancy porch steps that led to a giant intricately carved wooden door.

I stared at the giant door for a good solid two minutes, debating whether or not if this was a smart thing to do. I closed my eyes as my hand moved to the doorbell, cringing as I pushed it and heard the loud, low tones of the doorbell ring through the home. I whispered out a fudge when I heard Tamsin holler that she was coming and to stop pounding on the fucking door.

I should run, I really should.

Run and hide around the corner before I jumped back on my bike and rode like the wind.

I took one step, looking towards my escape vehicle when the heavy front door whipped open.

"Explain who you are and why the hell you're on my front porch." Tamsin's voice was scary as ever, she covered her face to block out the early afternoon sun blasting her in the eyes.

I spun my head around, wide eyed and panicking. Then I couldn't help the smile that curled around my mouth when I saw what Tamsin was wearing. It was the same X-files shirt I had, but saved for special days because it was an expensive one. A full color picture of Mulder and Scully with an embroidered logo on the right side. I couldn't help but point, my nerd brain taking over for my sensible one, still telling me to run away, "I like your shirt."

Tamsin glared at me, moving her hand to look at me. When she saw it was me, her scary green eyes grew wide, her hands scrambling to pull the zip up hoody she had on, to cover up what I saw. "Lewis, what the hell are you doing here? How did you get my address?" She scowled, zipping up the sweatshirt as her cheeks turned a bright pink.

"The…uh…delivery man left the signature sheet in your package, with the sender's address." I looked down at the tips of my sneakers, shuffling nervously, "Thank you, Tamsin, for the bag and for Friday night."

Tamsin huffed, rolling her eyes, "You read the note. You don't need to be here." She grabbed the door, moving to close it, "Okay, goodbye now."

I flung my hand out, pressing on the door to stop it from closing, "Wait, can you give me five minutes?" I nodded to her covered up shirt, "I didn't know you liked the X-files."

Tamsin's cheeks turned pinker, "I don't, the maid hasn't done the laundry yet. It's her day off." She let go of the door, "Five minutes, Lewis. I have shit to do."

I raised my eyebrows, "Okay." I shifted the bag around to dig in it, "This bag is amazing, by the way. Fits everything I need on a daily basis." I removed the large notebook I had kept in my drawer at home after Mr. Aberdeen gave it back when he transferred my notes to his. "I know you've been suspended, so I'm politely offering to tutor you outside of school. I have the entire year's coursework in this notebook, I can keep you up to date and when you go back, you won't be behind."

Tamsin's jaw clenched as she stared at me then the bag, "I'm glad the bag works. The douche at the store said most college kids buy it and that it should last you through college." She sighed, looking at her folded arms, "My dad flipped the shit out when Mr. Carp called him, told me I needed to graduate or else."

I peered around Tamsin, trying to look in the house, "Is your dad here? I can talk to him, tell him that if we work together, I can get you to graduation with at least a B- average."

Tamsin chuckled, "He's in Hong Kong and won't be back until next month, then it's off to Seattle for who knows." She shrugged, "I can give you his number, but you'll just talk to his secretary."

"Oh. Um. Well, okay." I tugged on the bag strap, "Then I guess it's up to you." I met her green eyes that were less scary and a bit sadder.

Tamsin rolled her eyes, stepping back, "Come in then." She looked at me as I entered the massive granite and marble foyer, "I'm not doing any homework today, but maybe you can leave me something to do tomorrow or Tuesday when I run out of Fresh Prince reruns."

I nodded, looking up at the huge ceilings and the sheer size of the house, "Your house is nice."

Tamsin kicked the door closed, "It's not mine. I just live here until I turn eighteen, then it's off to Vassar or Sarah Lawrence to learn how to be a lady." She growled out the last half, "If I don't graduate, I'm cut off and will be sent to my Aunt's potato farm in Idaho."

I half smirked at the image of Tamsin covered in dirt, scowling at potatoes. "I can get you to graduation, it's the least I can do, Tamsin."

Tamsin waved to the staircase, "My room is up there." She rolled her eyes when I gave her a look, "My room is attached to the study I sometimes do homework in. There's a desk and shit." She then winked at me, "I have no funny business in mind, someone has called dibs on you."

I scrunched my face, "Dibs?" I had no clue what she was saying, "I don't know anyone, you're the first person I've talked to for more than five minutes and not in a school setting."

Tamsin chuckled, shaking her head, "Never mind."

We reached the top of the stairs where another giant wooden door was open, revealing a bedroom that was bigger than half of my house. "Wow." I scanned the room, grinning when I caught the big TV with Mulder's face in mid look on a paused VHS tape.

Tamsin moved behind me, "Make this quick, I have a nap planned and a pizza to order." She bypassed the TV, walking to the small study off to the side. I held my grin, opting to test a theory.

"So do you think Scully's cancer was a plot to get Mulder to buy in with Cigarette smoking man? And help him find his son Spender?"

Tamsin spun her head around, her eyes lighting up the same way mine did when I indulged in x-files talk, "Uh yeah, it's clear as fricking day that CSM is all about trying to rope Mulder into getting Spender to love his long lost daddy. But I still think the Syndicate is responsible, that whole black oil shit and Scully's implant from when Duane Barry abducted her." Tamsin suddenly paused her nerd rambling, glaring at me, "You are a shit, Lewis."

I laughed, shaking my head, "No, I just know that t-shirt you are wearing is a fan club exclusive. I should know, I have the same one at home and spent my birthday money on joining it." I shrugged, "Your secrets safe with me, I do owe you a few things."

Tamsin squinted at me, "I would tell you not to tell anyone, but I think we are both alone on nerd outcast island." She rubbed her forehead, "I love the X-files but everyone else is watching the stupid shit on TV that's stupid, and I think if I ranted on, one no one would understand what the hell I was saying or understand how big of a babe Mulder is." She looked at me harder, "If you can keep my secret, I will let you borrow the promo copy of the movie my dad got last week."

My heart and my eyes lit up with utter excitement, "Yes, yes I can. Yes to everything." Oh my god, the scary blonde was a big nerd like me and had the movie that I had the release date circled on my calendar like it was a wedding anniversary or a birthday.

The blonde laughed at my eagerness, "Such a nerd, Lewis." She waved me over, "Let's get this shit done."

I followed her into the study, setting my bag down I desperately wanted to ask the question I had since Friday night, "Tamsin, why did you do it? Help me?"

The blonde had flopped down in the leather chair facing a wooden desk I'd give my arms for, "Ted is a dick head. Dyson is pussy piece of crap and honestly, you don't deserve anything those turds dish out. You're something unique, I don't think I'll ever understand you. But you care, like I said. When you're in the classroom, you become something better and put all of us popular kids to shame in how you treat us all equal and help make sense of numbers and letters." She leaned back in the chair, unzipping her hoody to reveal the top of Scully's hair, "I might be a frigid bitch, but my mom left me her heart and I think it's time I start being more like her. You kind of remind me of her in some weird ass way." She then nodded to my bag, "I think there's room in that bag for a set of balls."

I half smiled, pushing up my glasses, "Are you suggesting that you could help me with that?"

Tamsin laughed, "You get me to graduation, and I'll help you grow a set of balls the size of Texas." She then cocked an eyebrow at me, "As long as you never tell a damn soul about my secret obsession for the x-files."

I held up my two fingers, "Scout's honor." I smiled again, moving to my bag and pulling out the chemistry book, "Let's get started where we left off on Thursday." I found a small wooden chair and pulled it up to the desk, handing Tamsin her notebook she forgot in class and a new pen.

Tamsin huffed, taking both as she stared at me for a second, "Can I ask a question Lewis?"

I looked at her nodding, "Sure."

"What's up with you and Bo Dennis? Are you two more than friends?"

I felt my heart tighten and I shook my head no, "No, we aren't anything. She has a boyfriend and those jerky friends. I don't fit in in her world."

Tamsin chuckled, shaking her head, "You two are so into each other." She nudged me playfully as my face blew up a hot red, "Hey, one more question, do you think you can help me sneak into school tomorrow?"

I frowned, hating what Tamsin said about Bo and I, "You're suspended. Why do you want to go to school?"

"I have a mission, given to me by someone who shall remain nameless and I kind of made a promise to make sure no one ever fucks with you again." She sucked in a breath, "Dyson is looking for payback and you're his main target. I've been told to tell you it will all blow over, but I want to come to school with you and be your ninja shadow in case it gets real stupid."

I turtled up, "Great."

Tamsin leaned down, catching my eyes, looking at me with dead genuine sincerity, "Hey, Lauren, I promise you, I'm never going to let anyone fuck with you again while we're in high school." She smiled softly, patting my shoulder before turning back to her notes, "Now explain to me how carbon reacts in this stupid fucking equation you gave us last week."

I let out a slow breath, my gut freaking out at the same time it told me that Tamsin was telling the truth and I now had the meanest girl in school as my personal bodyguard.

Deep down, I was ecstatic I had a friend, however loose the term fit, but I was also incredibly sad that it wasn't Bo.

* * *

 ** _Monday-_**

I snuck into school through the back entrance near the dumpsters, I had mapped out my routes for the day that would leave me with minimal interaction with anyone. I almost faked sick this morning, but my mom gave me that look when I tried to cough and put on the best scratchy, I'm going to die voice. She just looked at me and said, "I've seen Ferris Bueller more times than you ever will, Lauren. Get up, go to school and be the better woman."

Adjusting the bag, I fixed my shirt with the FBI logo on it, a souvenir from last year's summer vacation trip to the nation's capital. I let out a slow breath, this was going to suck, but at least I had the knowledge that Tamsin was somewhere in the building. We had spent all of Sunday getting her caught up and striking up a strange friendship that seemed to work no matter how completely different we both were. The common ground was our mutual love of a science fiction show and it being the trusting bridge that allowed us to relax and share things in confidence.

Over a handful of hours and pizza slices, Tamsin turned out to be a misunderstood girl with a heart the size of the universe, she just hid it under her attitude. She revealed that the only reason she fell into Dyson's group was because she wanted to hide and not be bothered by teachers or other students which in turned irritated her father. She was extremely intelligent, but like most of the world, couldn't understand algebra and why it brought letters into math. The best part of our conversation was she never asked again what was going on between Bo and I, something that had stuck in my stomach from the moment she said it. Rolling around with my oatmeal from breakfast, trying to figure out what was going with Bo and I, and where these icky crazy feelings meant. I didn't want to think about it, I really didn't want to think about Bo anymore. She hurt me more than I ever wanted to admit when she walked away with Dyson.

When I left Tamsin's house, she was my friend, my only friend. Slugging me on the shoulder with a cocky grin, "Lauren, you're not so bad. Maybe if we get you some new clothes and get you to put on a few pounds, you might knock the world dead." She shook her head when I awkwardly shrugged my answer, "I'll see you at school tomorrow, well, you won't know it's me, but I'll be there to make sure the shitbirds stay away from you." Tamsin pointed at me, "I made a promise, I never break those, Lewis. I protect my friends." She winked at me before walking back into the house.

Now walking down the halls, I desperately wished Tamsin was next to me. Giving me some sort of shield from what I knew was coming.

And it came. Walking down the first hallway towards Mr. Aberdeen's classroom, I was nudged a few times, kids laughing and making comments like, "The cheerleader and the nerd, sounds more like a porno than a new couple."

"Way to go Nerdo, bagged the head cheerleader."

"Did you melt Bo's panties using science?"

"Bo and Nerdo, this world is coming to end if those two are banging."

"Watch out Nerdo, Bo will make you another notch in her bedpost."

"You two do it on top of the bunson burners?"

I kept my head down, frowning in confusion. I had an idea what they were suggesting but didn't understand why. I kept walking with my head down and ended up turning a corner and colliding right into a wall of football players. I looked up, mumbling an apology when the biggest one, Wayne, laughed and shook his head, "I gotta hand it to you, Nerdo, never thought you'd be the one to turn Bo Dennis to the ladies. Shit I didn't think you swung that way, just figured you were in love with aliens and science."

I stared at the giant meathead, "What?" My stomach began to roll at what he was saying, I was nervous and scared at what the rest of the school was saying. I only expected Dyson and his jerks to pick on me for what Tamsin did, not this. This didn't make sense.

Wayne laughed, opening his mouth to say something when a fist struck him in his meaty shoulder, "Shut it Wayne." Tamsin's voice was low, but still startled me and the pile of meat in front of me. Wayne turned to Tamsin, wearing a basketball varsity jacket, a marauder hat and I could have sworn she had painted on fake stubble to hide her very feminine features. "Tams, I thought you were suspended for smashing toolbag Ted in the face. Defending Nerdo here." He rubbed his arm, looking back at me.

Tamsin huffed, "I am, and if you tell anyone, I will kick you in the balls so hard, the glee club will be recruiting you to be their next soprano." She looked at me, smiling softly before turning gruff again, "Her name is Lauren and she's my friend. Meaning you fuck with her, you fuck with me." She raised an eyebrow, "And you don't want that now do you Wayne?"

Wayne shook his head furiously. The kid was at least six foot three and weighed as much as a semi truck of pure muscle, and yet he was deathly afraid of the blonde girl in front of him, "I got it Tams." He glanced at me, "I guess it's true. You left Dyson's crew for the nerd…er, for Lauren." He smiled at me, "Sorry."

I shrugged, pushing my glasses up, fidgeting with my bag, "It's okay." I looked at Tamsin, not knowing what to say that. She saved me, "Wayne, why are all the assfaces saying the shit they are about Bo and Lewis here?"

Wayne sighed, leaning against a locker, "Dyson came in this morning. Crying like a bitch with Bev on his arm, saying that Bo dumped him the other night because she and Lauren here are banging each other. Saying Bo is a big ole dyke now and told him she has her eyes set on this one and all she is looking to do is make Lauren her next great conquest." Wayne shrugged my way apologetically, "People believe it 'cause you never talk to anyone and you get all red faced and weird around Bo."

I tilted my head down, scrunching my face up, clenching my jaw and trying hard not to cry. All Bo did was ruin my life lately. I swallowed hard, stepping back to make an escape, "I have to go." I turned quickly, ignoring Tamsin trying to stop me, and ran down the hallway. I turned around the corner towards the staircase, catching Bo walk in the side doors and receive a bunch of hoots and hollers followed by the same rude comments I had heard. She scowled at people, shoving them away, asking where Dyson was, when she looked up and made eye contact with me. Her face softening and her brown eyes meeting mine, she held up her hand to either wave or stop me. I just shook my head, trying to hold back tears as I continued to run down the stairs and to the empty classroom I always hid in.

Bo Dennis was ruining my life in so many ways.

I made it to the empty classroom and kicked the door close before I dropped my bag to the floor and walked to the big window. The tears welling up and slipping down my face faster than I could wipe them away. I was so close to graduation, I was already technically graduated and was only coming to school to help the teachers and students. I wasn't happy being the nerdy ghost that was picked on, but at least I was semi-invisible and not the focus of a bearded jerk and his girlfriend.

I folded my arms across my stomach, pressing against it to ease the ache, when I heard the classroom door open. I quickly wiped at my cheeks, "I'm fine Tamsin. I just wanted to get my notes ready for Ms. Watson."

"You're not okay, Lauren." Bo's voice was soft and when it hit me, I almost threw up on the spot.

I closed my eyes, pushing up my glasses, "Please go away, Bo." God what I wouldn't give for Tamsin to pop in right now. If only I could afford one of those giant cell phones my mom showed me pictures of. I could have my only friend on speed dial.

"I can't. I want to talk to you, about what happened Friday and what's happening in the halls." Bo let out a shaky breath, moving closer to me. "I think I need to apologize."

I looked up at the ceiling, shaking my head, my voice was oddly strong even as it trembled around the edges. Maybe knowing I had Tamsin as a friend was starting to give that needed confidence, "Why? To make me forgive you for ruining my school life? Walking away from me as your jerky boyfriend had his equally as jerky friend destroy my things while you watched and did nothing?" I sniffled, "Just go away Bo, go back to the cool kids and leave me alone. You've done enough." I swallowed hard, whispering, "I wished I'd never set eyes on you that first day of school this year." I frowned, knowing it was the biggest lie I'd ever tell since I was realizing this growing painful ache in my stomach was because I had a huge crush on Bo and it had grown exponentially since that first day. It hurt as I began to realize that I would never be hers, I would never be anything or anyone important to her, just the nerd who helps her pass her classes and be the fodder for her sick ways. Hearing the stupid rumors and comments, made it very real. As much as I liked Bo, it was never going to be.

I cleared my throat, "You should get to class before you're late, Mr. Aberdeen has a pop quiz planned as soon as he shuts the door." I half looked over my shoulder, "Please go, Bo. I want to be alone."

* * *

 **XXXXXX**

I turned to leave the empty classroom but as soon as my hand was on the doorknob I realized that had followed Lauren here to apologize and make sure that she was okay. I turned around and said, "No Lauren I'm not going to leave you alone. You're clearly hurting and it's my fault that you are. I'm sorry about last night and I'm sorry I didn't stand up for you. I was..." I wasn't able to find the right words to describe why I didn't stand up for Lauren. I sighed and a walked over to an empty desk, "There is this perception of me that as the head cheerleader I'm supposed to hang with a certain group and be attached to a jackass like Dyson. For awhile I was fine with it because it was whatever y'know. Dumb high school shit but then the tutoring sessions started and I started thinking maybe I am more than some stupid stereotype. And that's all because of you. You gave me the confidence I needed to believe in myself and you saw me as something other than a dumb cheerleader."

I had no idea where I was going but the verbal diarrhea continued, "You saw who I really was and didn't judge me for it. But I know I've pissed all over that because of what happened on Friday. I was so surprised that Ted would do that. I knew he was dumb but to actually do that to another person was just stupid. I know none this means anything because I didn't step up when it really mattered. But I'm here now Lauren and I'm not going to let anything happen to you." Lauren continued to look out the window that she was standing in front of and I sighed. I had screwed up big time and that made that weird indigestion feeling come back as well a weird ache in my chest. What was this girl doing to me?

I turned to head for the door and before I walked out of it I said, "I'm sorry Lauren. I really am."

I walked out into the hallway and I was walking up the stairs when I saw Tamsin coming down them with a scowl on her face, "Do you know where Lauren is? The little twerp got away from me."

I nodded and got a half-assed smile on my face as I said, "She's in down in room one fifteen."

I began to make my way up the stairs when Tamsin took hold of my wrist and asked, "What's the matter Bo?

I took a deep breath then turned to look at her. What was the matter with me? Lauren giving me the cold shoulder didn't sit well with me. And it hurt me deeper than when Bev stopped talking to me that one time because she thought I was flirting with some guy she liked. Though to be honest I didn't care. Bev went through more guys than I went through underwear. I sighed and said, "She won't accept my apology and she won't talk to me."

Tamsin got an irritated look on her face as she muttered, "When did I become the nerd whisperer." She looked at me and said, "You hurt her bad Bo, when you just stood by as Ted threw her life in the pool. I mean you saw how stuffed that thing was. I'm certain she was carrying an entire stereo in there at one point, but it doesn't matter. What matters is that you failed Bo. So give her some space. She needs it."

That wasn't what I wanted to hear. I didn't know what I wanted to hear but staying away from Lauren didn't sit well with me. I glared at her and retorted, "Oh and she just so happened to open up to you?"

Tamsin shook her head and countered, "No Bo she didn't but I could just tell. And ease up on the jealousy will you. People might start thinking you actually do have a crush on Lauren."

I was going to deny that I did have a crush on her but instead I scoffed, "Whatever Tamsin. Just go make sure she's okay."

I turned around and headed back up the stairs. It doesn't matter if I did or didn't have a crush on Lauren because I had screwed up tremendously and there was no way that would change. I decided to skip class. I was already missing a quiz so what's one more thing.

I was headed out to the quad when I saw Dyson, Bev, and Ted were hanging out by the table that was in the center of it. I decided no matter what happened I was going to let it go and not stoop to their level. Unfortunately stupidity has a tremendous effect on me. I heard Bo shout, "Hey Bo where's you nerdy little girlfriend at? Is that how you're getting good grades? You do her and she puts in a good word with your teacher?"

I stopped walking. I was telling myself to leave it alone because Bev was an airhead with boob's faker than the nose that was on her face but the irritating tone of her voice along with her mocking Lauren was enough to have me turning to look at them and shouting, "Oh you're just pissed because I wouldn't feel you up that one time we were in the shower after practice." It wasn't true but I was done. "Or how about that time when you were sleeping over my house and tried to make out with me? A little jealous that Lauren gets to and you don't?"

Ted jumped off the table and I barely made out what he said because of the nasally way that he spoke due to his broken nose, "You're lying. The only one here who is a big lesbo is you."

I rolled my eyes and remarked, "Great comeback Ted. When you develop a few more brain cells you can come find me and try again." Dyson only glared at me. I looked at Ted and smiled, "But hey since Dyson and I have broken up maybe you two might have a chance of being together." I clicked my tongue and held up a finger, "Though he does have a problem getting it up if you know what I mean. Though it could have been me. Seeing where girls don't turn him on."

"Enough Bo." Dyson shouted as he got up from the table. He walked over to me and as he stood over me he said, "Why don't you run along before you cause your girlfriend some more trouble."

I narrowed my eyes at him, "Why don't you leave her out of this for once Dyson and take it out on me?"

He got a smug grin on his face as he said, "Because fucking with her seems to piss you off more than anything."

I'm not really certain what happened but all I know was that he had pushed me too far and I was sick of his shit but more than anything I was done with him harassing Lauren. I brought my knee up and slammed it into his groin. Dyson let out a sharp cry and dropped to his knees.

I stood over him and I looked at Bev and Ted then I looked back down at Dyson as I warned, "If any of you continue to fuck with Lauren I will do worse. And Bev I will tell you parents what you really do when you're supposed to be going to bible study." I walked away from the three of them and as I was about to go to the student parking lot I saw Tamsin and Lauren standing on the stairs that led into the school. I gave a quick wave then headed for the student parking lot. I was going to be in so much trouble later but I had defended Lauren and it felt good to defend her. My heart did what I can only call a flutter as I thought about that. I got to my car and once I was inside of it I rested my head on the steering wheel. I think my crush was getting complicated now.

* * *

 **XXXX**

"You two are going to be the death of me, or I'm going to be the best man at your wedding." Tamsin grumbled as she yanked me by the elbow down the hall. "You both got it bad."

I tore my eyes away from Bo walking out of the school and Dyson on his knees crying like a baby with his jerks hovering around him. "What did you say?" I heard every single word Tamsin mumbled, and all those words fluttered around my stomach with the little annoying butterflies that erupted when Bo cornered me in the room and apologized and those things she said that made me cry, but for a reason completely other than sadness. It was heartwarming, amazing and made my heart beat faster when she told me she was here for me now and was never going to let anything happen to me. "We both got what bad?"

That's when my crush exploded into something more complicated than any math problem or chemical equation. Now I just watched her mash her boyfriends, ex-boyfriends balls up into his mouth and walk away from the only group of friends she had since middle school. All for me.

"Fudge." I stumbled as Tamsin dragged me, grumbling that we needed to get me into the shadows before she was noticed by the growing crowd looking at Dyson and then back at me. "Fudge. Fudge. Fudge." I looked at Tamsin, "What just happened?"

Tamsin rolled her eyes, "First a nerd whisperer and now I'm a cheerleader translator." She glanced at me, shoving me into the classroom i used for tutoring. Locking the door she pulled over her giant baseball cap, scratching at the tight bun of blonde hair on top of her head. "You're a freaking genius and yet you're as dumb as Ryan on the baseball team after he got conked in the head with a bat at homecoming."

I slipped over to the windows, catching a glimpse of Bo standing and talking to Mr. Carp. The older man had a reprimanding pose, staring at Bo as she was clearly talking her way out of a suspension. Bo flirted with everyone, I had to keep that in mind no matter what my stomach, heart and head was figuring out. "Tamsin, why were they saying those things about Bo and I?" I half looked at her over my shoulder, smiling softly when I noticed the top of Mulder's head poking out underneath the varsity jacket she wore.

Tamsin raised an eyebrow at me, shaking her head, "Dyson is a dick head with a soft dick." She leaned back against the wall looking up at the ceiling, "Bo broke up with him over the weekend for the dick move he pulled against you and to get back at her, he's been telling the school you and her are naked wrestling."

I spun around to glare at Tamsin, shoving my glasses up on my face as I shook my head, "But, no. I mean, Bo and I aren't, I'm not, I've never….uh…I don't understand why he would such an idea like that….it's clear that Bo and I…."

"Have a massive crush on each other." Tamsin finished my sentence for me, looking back at me with a smirk. "I'm the only one who can see it right now, I have a gift you could say. I've always been able to read people and the way you two waltz around each other." She paused squinting at me, realizing I was still confused. "You waltz around each other like Mulder and Scully do this entire season and you act like my dad did when my mom was around, googly eyed and in a world of your own."

I shook my head furiously, looking down at the floor, "No, no. We aren't. She's a student, I tutor her. That's it." I shook my head harder hoping it would fall off and shake away the truths Tamsin was spoon feeding it.

"True, but she's asked me three times to watch over you and make sure no one fucks with you." Tamsin moved away from the wall, "I caught the last chunk of her apology to you before I backed away and hid until she came out. " She sat on the desk across from me, "Bo asked why you shut her out, I told her that your feelings were hurt and you needed space. That and her phone call, she's your Scully. She doesn't know what to do so she's keeping her distance until you forgive her."

I shrugged, hating that Tamsin was dead on and seeing things I had no idea I was feeling, but clearly was. "She did, I expected more, a lot after spending time and getting to know her a little better. I thought she was different." I looked up at my blonde friend with fake stubble on her face. Letting out a sigh I shrugged again, "I think I do have a crush on her, a big one and I have no idea where it came from and what to do with it. I feel weird when Bo is around me and then I feel weirder when she's not around me." I glanced out the window to catch Bo walking to the office with Mr. Carp, "I'm a nerd, a bag of bones, what on earth would Bo…" I paused, fudge did I like Bo, I liked her a lot, like a lot a lot and couldn't fathom how a popular beautiful girl would love the skin covered skeleton I was. I didn't even really have boobs, just a lumpy chest. I had already forgiven her the second she walked into that room and refused to leave until she poured some of her heart out to me. It was so hard to stare out the window and not go to her and try to hug her. I missed her hugs, even though I only had two in my lifetime, I wanted another one.

"She sees the beautiful inside of you, Lauren." Tamsin's voice was soft as she looked at me with genuine green eyes, breaking me out of my internal ramble, "The way you light up when you talk about fractals, square roots and all that other super nerdy smart shit you spew out every day. You light up and when the rest of us see it, we all look past the nerdy, skinny girl running like a rabbit with a turtle shell of books on her back."

I felt my eyes widen, "You think I'm beautiful?" My tongue contorted around the word, it wasn't a word that I had ever thought would fall into a descriptive category in regards to me.

Tamsin chuckled, shoving me to the side, "Inside, Lauren, the outside, well we got some work to do." She then pointed at me, "Just for the record, I do not have a crush on you in any form; I will always be a Mulder loving gal. You just need to hear some honesty once in a while." Tamsin slipped off the desk, "Come on, let's skip the rest of class and take you to the mall."

"Skip class?! What? I can't." I gripped to my bag tighter, panicking and shoving my glasses back up. "I can't skip class."

Tamsin laughed, grabbing my arm, "Bullshit you can't, Mr. Carp told me in my suspension meeting that we all should be thankful you're hanging around until summer. That you could easily be on the west coast starting your freshman year." She yanked me harder, "We're going to the mall. I'm getting pizza and you're getting a pair of jeans that fits your skinny ass."

I shook my head, trying to resist, "I've never skipped class, what would my parents think if they found out?"

"They would think, finally, finally our little girl is living life." Tamsin winked at me, shoving the baseball cap back on her head, "And this will be lesson one in how to grow that set of balls." She grinned at me, "If you're lucky, maybe we'll run into Bo, she always goes to the mall when she skips."

I felt my stomach spin at the thought of seeing Bo after my mini revelation and speaking it aloud to my only friend. I really didn't want to get lucky today or ever.


	5. Chapter 5

**Here we are, chapter 5 and there's some action! maybe...probably not. Anyways, read on and enjoy. Now here is my shameless plug, Redmeptio Animae is up for sale on amazon for the kindle or whatever ebook you have as well as hard copy! WHEEE so you should hop on over and purchase it and encourage writers of all shapes and sizes to keep doing it and publishing stories you want to read! Okay that is all, also thank WritingSux for the sweet 90's tidbits.**

* * *

Mom was going to be pissed when she found out that I had been suspended. On the other hand she might not be due to the fact that I was standing up for someone who couldn't find the courage to stand up for themselves. Either way I knew she wasn't going to be happy about the fact that I had decided to indulge in retail therapy to help me work through it. I was only suspended for the next two days because I had managed to flirt and defend myself through it and talked Mr. Carp down to two days instead of two weeks.

I walked around the mall, hoping that shopping would have made me feel better but it didn't. Instead all I thought about was Lauren and how I hoped the trio of assholes didn't bother her for the rest of the day. I walked into one of the smaller stores and looked at the dresses that were on sale. The Halloween dance was coming up soon.

I chuckled to myself, now that Dyson and I had broken up there was no point in me going. I pulled a black dress off the rack and ran my fingers down the soft fabric. I put it back and decided that Ben and Jerry would be my date that night along with another watching of Clueless and probably something depressing like the Bodyguard or, if I'm feeling ambitious, The Lion King. I blew out an exasperated breath then walked out of the store.

I made a beeline for the pretzel stand and got myself a pretzel with some cheese sauce. I should have probably went home but shopping usually made me happy, this time it wasn't the case. I kept thinking about Lauren and the way things were between us. Maybe if I told her about my developing crush or whatever this was she would try talking to me. Or maybe not. Telling her would probably result in either her telling me that she would never be involved with someone as stupid as me or she could possibly have a heart attack because the thought of someone having a crush on her would be mind blowing.

I found it mind blowing actually, but the girl had managed to open my eyes to the person she was and damn was she amazing. Lauren didn't have to be at school but she was, every day, and she faced the same shit every day. She was brave, courageous, and had a huge heart. But I would never see how truly beautiful she was because I blew it all to hell. I sighed. Dammit. I was pining for the nerd.

I tore a piece off the pretzel then swirled it around in the cheese sauce and I was mentally berating myself about my massive screw up when I ran into someone. My cheese sauce was crushed between our bodies and spilled over the both of us. "Oh my…shit. I am-" I looked up and saw who it was and gawked at her in stunned silence.

Lauren was dabbing at the cheese sauce that was on her navy FBI shirt and when she looked at me her glasses were crooked on her face and she looked just as shocked as I did. We stared at each other and I hadn't realized that Tamsin was with her until she snorted then asked, "Do either of you know how to pay attention to where you're walking?"

I snapped my head in her direction then looked back at Lauren before looking back at Tamsin. "What are you doing here?"

Tamsin shrugged then with a smile on her face she nudged Lauren's shoulder, "Trying to get Lauren to live a bit."

This was opposite of what I asked Tamsin to do. She was going to get Lauren in trouble. I scoffed and as I started cleaning the cheese sauce off of Lauren's shirt, "I told you to make sure that she wasn't messed with by Dyson and the assholes that follow him. Not get her in trouble. Dammit Tamsin."

I thought I heard Lauren say something but Tamsin said, "And this is what I'm doing. Don't yell at me. Plus she needs to learn to live a little. I mean there is more to life than books and X-Files and whatever."

"I'm not even certain what an X-File is but I'm certain it's something that Lauren is benefitting from." I grimaced as I looked at the cheese stain which I was still dabbing at.

Tamsin started to say something but she was interrupted when Lauren said, "Uh…Bo you can stop."

I looked at her with a confused look on my face then it clicked in my mind as too what I was doing. I was touching Lauren's boobs. I mean I was cleaning the cheese off of her shirt but the location of the cheese was on her boobs. Oh god. I snatched my hand back and stammered, "Oh-oh-I-oh-Shit. Shit." This moment couldn't have been anymore awkward. Lauren standing there, her face the same bright red shade as the Camaro that I drove; Tamsin had a confused look on her face, and I'm certain I just look horrified. I stared at Lauren a moment longer then blurted out, "Sorry. I am so sorry." I turned around so I could leave the mall. Throwing away the damn crushed cheese container and half-eaten pretzel.

This day was going so frickin' well.

* * *

XXXX

"I can't believe that the jeans you wear are your dad's old ones from high school." Tamsin gave me a look, "Why on earth are you wearing old dude jeans?"

I rolled my eyes, handing over the credit card my mom gave me last year for emergencies to the older lady behind the counter. When I called my mom to ask if I could use it to buy new clothes, she was shocked and when I confessed I was skipping class to go to the mall, my mom only chuckled and told me it was about time I misbehaved. It was beginning to feel like I was in a strange episode of the twilight zone. "He's not an old dude, he's still very young." I sighed, "I hate shopping in general and I'm in the middle of a growth spurt, and dad's jeans seemed to work."

Tamsin shook her head, "Well it's time to get jeans that fit you. When you run away in school, I could see the panic of whether or not you should hold onto your big ass jeans or the big ass bag on your back." She smiled, "That's why I got you the messenger bag, more stability."

I frowned, pushing up my glasses, "Please don't try to do a makeover on me, I've seen Can't Buy Me Love. Makeovers solve very little." I then looked at Tamsin, "Plus I like the way I look."

Tamsin moved closer to me, tapping the bag of two brand new pair of jeans that fit me properly and actually gave my lanky body curves. "I have no intentions of doing a makeover. It would be far too much work, all I'm looking to do is make things easier for you. Help you find confidence when you don't have to worry about whether or not you're going to pants yourself in the middle of the hallway."

I frowned, taking the credit card back from the cashier, "Clothes aren't important."

"I know, I know, it's what's inside that matters." Tamsin mumbled, following me out of the store. "Ooh, food court. That's the next stop, I need some pretzels."

I felt a hand latch onto my arm and drag me towards the food court. "We should probably head back to school. I need to prepare for tonight's tutoring session." I was getting anxious about being illegally out of school. It didn't matter that my mom approved of this adventure, I felt obligated and always stuck to the rules.

"Pfft, no ones going to be there tonight, Lewis. I've been suspended, Callie has a recruiter meeting for Berkley, and the rest of the sports turds have extra long practice to prepare for next month's county playoffs." She turned, smirking at me, "It would have been just you and Bo."

I frowned, stepping up to catch up to Tamsin, "It sounds creepy when you say it like that." I looked down at the bag in my hands, suddenly remembering that I forgot the credit card receipt. "Oh fudge." I spun around to rush back to the store, "Tams…." My words were cut off when I collided hard with someone, feeling something wet and warm smash into my chest.

"Oh my, Shit..I am."

My eyes went wide when I opened them to see Bo literally smashed against me with a paper tray of pretzel and cheese stuck in-between us. She took a step back, leaving a rather large glob of the processed cheese on my shirt right underneath the FBI logo. I reached up, poking the glob with my finger and looked up, looking right into bright brown eyes that seemed to smile even though Bo wasn't actually smiling.

I fell into a zone, staring at the features of the girl in front of me, each one solidifying all the intense feelings I felt for her. Tamsin was talking but I heard nothing she said, or Bo said, I was too caught up in the way her bones all came together to make a person that had my heart racing like crazy and sweat building in places I never sweated.

I moved to straighten my glasses when a hand shot out with a napkin and touched my boob. I shot my eyes down at Bo's hand moving across my boob in a manner that was her attempt to clean off the glob of cheese, but I didn't even register that innocent thought. All I could comprehend was Bo's hand was on my boob, touching it and it was filling my body with that strange lighting striking feeling I had felt when she hugged me. There was another strange sensation that bordered on inappropriate, it kept building until I finally shut down that part of my body and forced my voice to work. "Uh….Bo you can stop."

Bo's hand froze, her eyes growing to the size of dinner plates when she realized what she was doing. She began rambling, mumbling and backing away as her face turned probably the same red color I was sporting.

She spun around on her heel and started half running out of the food court. I watched her, stunned into being paralyzed.

"Oh for shit's sake, go. Go after the girl." Tamsin shoved my shoulder, making me stumble forward. "You both are a terrible real life romantic comedy but not at all funny."

I gave Tamsin a confused look, "She touched my boob."

Tamsin chortled, "Congratulations?" She shoved me again, "Go stop her, talk to her and give your balls a little growth spurt." She then motioned to Bo rushing towards the Suncoast movie store right next to the food court, "I was going to ask if you heard what she said, but after that boob comment, your big brain probably exploded into a million pieces the second her hand graced your upper deck."

I grimaced, "What the fudge are you saying?"

Tamsin grabbed the bag of jeans out of my hand and shoved me harder, "I'm saying go get the cheerleader, Lewis. I'll be waiting at Sbarro eating slices, find me there when you're done."

I went to say something else, but Tamsin shook her head no and walked away before I could debate her idea was a terrible one.

I didn't want to talk to Bo, I knew my face was an awkward shade of red and the first words out of my mouth would be asking why she touched my boob. I rolled my eyes, this boob fixation was creeping me out.

I sucked in a breath and forced my legs to start working on carrying me over to Suncoast where I saw Bo mingling in the back where the t-shirts were.

Why was this day getting weirder? Why was my life getting weirder? I went from the lone ranger nerd a couple of weeks ago to the girl who seemed to be getting everyone suspended defending my name and honor. I shook my head, folding my arms, this was all Mr. Aberdeen and the rest of the faculties fault. Trying to get me to be more social, the way I was going by Christmas break, I'd probably have half the school on suspension.

Walking into the store, I felt my throat tighten when I moved closer to Bo, she was really pretty flustered, her cheeks covered in a soft pink. I frowned, telling myself to knock it off and focus on the task. "Bo?"

She tensed up, halting her manic flipping through of shirts on the rack in front of her, she turned to me, "I'm looking for a new shirt for you, since I cheesed all over that one."

I looked down at the drying nacho cheese, shrugging, "It's okay, I got doubles of this one." I smiled softly, trying my best to make Bo feel better. For a strange reason I always wanted to make her smile even if she was truly in the wrong.

She shook her head, "No, I need to replace it. I ruined it and I need to fix things." She returned to the rack, "I need to fix a lot of things."

I stepped closer and placed a shaky hand on her shoulder, "Bo, it's okay, I mean it." I bent to look at her, cursing my big damn glasses for getting in the way of everything, "Can we talk?"

Bo sighed, yanking out a black t-shirt with a giant neon X on the back, "Are you a medium?"

I rolled my eyes, "I am, but I already have this one." I waited a second, "Bo, we should talk about what happened today."

Bo shook her head, her brow creasing up in frustration, "It's all my fault Lauren, I am taking all the blame for what happened today and on Friday. It's my fault that all the cool kids seem to be head hunting you, all I wanted to do was get people to treat you right and not like a nerdy whipping girl." She bit her bottom lip, her eyes glassing over, "And here I am, hurting you more than any of them and destroying your clothing."

I stared at her, confused and amazed at the reaction Bo was having. "It's okay, Bo, I know I'm a nerd and I know that being a nerd comes with crap." I dropped my hand away from Bo, hating how warm she was and that it was doing weird things to my body.

"No, Lauren, you're so much more than a nerd. You're kind, funny, smarter than all of the teachers, big hearted and so very cute when you push your glasses up. You see the best in people and not the little things to pick on to make yourself feel better." Bo glanced at me, "I shat all over that." She suddenly turned away from me, shoving the t-shirt back on the rack before moving to the wall of t-shirts.

She called me cute, she touched my boob and now she said I was cute when I fidgeting with ill fitting glasses. Bo Dennis said I was cute less than five minutes after touching my boob.

Fudge.

I swallowed down my stomach, and decided to take Tamsin's advice about living a little and getting those balls she keeps talking about.

I sucked in a huge breath that almost made me gag and moved towards Bo, I had to do this and if it failed, well I had multiple outs that would keep me away from her and all of Mapleview high. I licked my lips before speaking, "And you're courageous, independent, braver than I could ever be, smart and I would give up my entire x-files collection to see that look on your face when you figure out an equation. The adorable smirk you get, like you're telling that equation to fudge off, you don't have me." I looked down at the tops of my shoes, "You're kind too, Bo, and I don't know what I am feeling, but all I know is that when you're around me, I forget who I am to the school and only care about how to make you smile, laugh and at the end of the day, I think, um...what…I'm trying to say is that." I sucked in another breath, "Is I think I have a crush on you and I really like you Bo, and I'll understand if you never want to talk to me again or something. But thank you, Bo, thank you for being a weird catalyst that changed my view of you and gave me my very first real friend in Tamsin. " I kept my head down, wringing my hands as I turned to walk back out of the store before breaking into a run to get Tamsin. "I'm sorry I got you suspended, defending me." I didn't dare look at her, I didn't want my photographic memory to lock on Bo's face when she issued whatever rejection or disgust that was about to come out of her mouth.

I shrugged to no one and backed up, my head still down I could feel my stomach begging to let it throw up the breakfast burrito Tamsin and I had on the way to the mall. I just had told the most popular girl in school that I had a crush on her, something so bold and incredibly frightening. I was starting to understand what Tamsin was saying about taking chances and embracing them no matter what. It was exhilarating and beyond frightening.

This day was getting so fudging weird.

* * *

xXxXxX

I grabbed hold of Lauren's arm and said, "Wait. You have a crush on me?"

The painfully shy girl took a deep breath and as she continued to look down at her shoes as she sighed out, "Yeah. It's nothing though." Lauren kicked at the ground, "Tamsin told me to grow some balls and tell you so this is me growing balls and telling you." She removed my hand off her arm as she said, "It's cool though Bo you don't-"

"How can you have a crush on me?" I scoffed interrupting whatever rant Lauren was about to go on. I turned back to the shirts hanging on the wall giving myself something to do as my mouth got a mind of its own "I'm like an idiot cheerleader and you're a fricking genius. You are way out of my league. I can barely get simple chem equations. You probably laugh at me-"

My verbal diarrhea was interrupted by a loud and adamant, "You are not an idiot Bo."

I chuckled and said, "You don't have to say that. I've accepted my reality. Although I'm less of an idiot because of you."

"I'm not going to let you stand her and call yourself an idiot Bo." Lauren stated looking me square in the eye. This was weird because she had never looked me in the eye. At least not for a lengthy amount of time. Maybe she had found her balls. "You just learn differently. That doesn't make you an idiot. What does make you an idiot were the friends you had but you seemed to have corrected that." She got a surprised look on her face then looked down at her shoes. I couldn't believe she had said that either. Lauren cleared her throat, "Again I'm sorry about that by the way. You-You didn't have to do that for me."

I pulled off a medium sized Counting Crows shirt off the rack and remarked, "Well it had to be done. I wasn't going to let that asshole get away with humiliating you like that."

Lauren lifted her head and smiled, "I would have gotten through it. I always do."

I shook my head and said, "You shouldn't have to get through anything Lauren and I'm going to make sure that they leave you alone."

"By making sure Tamsin is basically stalking me?" She grinned, "Good plan but she can't stalk me all day at school. She has classes."

I smirked and countered, "Guess I'll have to pick up the slack on that then." My smirk turned into a grin when I saw a hint of red come to her cheeks. "I see that's an idea you're not objecting to." She went to go say something and I shook my head, "Nope too late. I'm doing it. Now let me go pay for this and I'm not going to let you talk me out of it. I ruined your shirt and plus think of it as a thank you gift for everything you've done for me."

Lauren nodded but then said, "Okay but um…who's the Counting Crows?"

I gawked at her then smiled, "Wow. Tamsin and I need to expose you to some good music. Come on."

We went to the register and as the unenthused clerk rang up the shirt Lauren asked, "Bo why are you doing this?"

I glanced at her as I handed the annoyed clerk my credit card, "Because I cheesed all over your shirt."

Lauren rolled her eyes then gave me an uncertain look, "Not this. I mean the whole Tamsin thing and the kicking Dyson in the…." She trailed off and motioned with her eyes for what she meant which caused me to smile. She was too adorable sometimes.

I signed the receipt then took the bag before handing it to Lauren. I looked at her for a moment and she began to fidget with the plastic bag that was in her hand. If this shy, socially inept, girl can find the courage to tell me that she had a crush on me then why couldn't I tell her? Other than the fact that I didn't want her to pass out in the store. I gave Lauren a reassuring smile and said, "Let's go find somewhere to talk."

"O-O-Okay." Lauren stammered out.

Crap. I made her nervous. "It's nothing Lauren. Trust me. I just want to talk to you about why in private. I'm sorry. I suck at talking."

We began to make our way out of the store and Lauren smiled, "I doubt that. Though I have noticed that you like to ramble."

I felt my cheeks warm up and bit the inside of my lip then admitted, "It happens when I'm stressed out. I go off on tangents and it's like a constant stream of verbal diarrhea that just comes out and I can't stop it. It's like most embarrassing thing ever."

A small laugh came from Lauren and that weird indigestion feeling happened along with the flutter in my stomach. Crap. I felt like I was going to vomit or something. It was then that I realized that I was nervous to tell Lauren that I liked her.

Crap.

Crap.

We went to a bench that was located far from the foot traffic of the mall. We sat down and the silence that was between was so uncomfortable I was about to tell her that I wanted to take a stand against her bullying and that she should consider me a friend. Nothing else. I wasn't going to tell her what her laugh does to me. Or that seeing her smile made me want to be goofy just so I could keep it there. I wasn't going to tell her that her nerding out about chemical equations made me lose concentration because I was more focused on her talking than the equation itself.

Lauren rubbed her hands on her pants and said, "Bo whatever you're-"

"I like you Lauren." Crap. There was my verbal diarrhea again.

I took a deep breath to get my nerves under control and tried a more tactful way at telling her what I meant to say. I looked down at the shiny floor and said, "I like you Lauren. Like I like, like, _like,_ you. And I understand if this is too much for you because of everything that's happened to you because of me the last few days." I sighed then looked at her and with a small smile I said, "But I figured if you were going to put yourself out there then I was going to too."

Lauren sat there in a stunned silence and I looked back at the ground. This was the most nerve wrecking thing I had ever been through. I had been nervous about test. Nervous about doctor's appointments. Even nervous the first time I drove the Camaro. But this…this was a whole new level of nervous and I was ready to puke and run all at the same time. I glanced at Lauren out the corner of my eye and wondered what she was thinking. Before I could come up with a plausible lie that would get me out of this I heard Tamsin shout, "Dennis! Lewis! You two start naming your kids yet?"

I shut my eyes and squeezed them close. Of course Tamsin would show up now. I glanced at Lauren and I could tell that she was back in her shell. I sighed. The conversation was effectively over. Tamsin stopped in front of the bench and smiled, "Well?"

I rolled my eyes and said, "You've got grease on your chin." Of all the people to be Lauren's new guardian angel it had to Tamsin. Crass, mildly obscene, and ill-mannered Tamsin. I sighed. At least she was helping Lauren. I got up and said, "I've got to go. I've got a-"

"Shit!" Tamsin exclaimed as she looked over my shoulder. I got a confused look on my face and said, "Some of Dyson's goons from the lacrosse team. Let's hope they pass by us."

I glanced over my shoulder and one of the guys recognized me and I muttered under my breath, "Isn't this great." I saw the nervous look on Lauren's face and I told her, "Don't worry about them Lauren they're just assholes."

Just when I thought they would move on without incident, Derrick, the goalie for the team shouted, "Hey Dennis. I heard what you did to my man Dyson."

Shit.

* * *

XXXXX

If there was a time that I wished for something drastic to happen, now was that time. The food court erupting in a grease fire, a random tornado sweeping through and only scooping me up and carrying me far far away from this moment. Fudge, I'd take a pack of rabid wolves, anything to get me out of this embarrassment.

Bo Dennis had just told me she had liked me. Like, like LIKED me and I was seriously wondering if I was in a well-orchestrated prank. But when I looked in her eyes and saw the genuine fear mixed in with her mouth running like the girls bathroom outside of the cafeteria, I knew she was being serious.

And that blew my fragile mind to pieces, well the social interactive part of my mind. The cheerleader of my high school, the most popular girl in the world basically, likes me, and not like a friend or a fun family member.

Fudge.

I kept staring at the dirty white tile under my feet, trying to figure out what I was supposed to do next, say, or act with this new information.

Running, running away was a really good option right now. Run to the bathroom or just run the twelve miles back to my house and hide in my room.

I barely heard Tamsin come up to use, still studying the same spot on the tile, my mind idly wondering if it was dried gum or a coffee stain, anything to dwell away from the fact that Bo was looking at me with a face that was growing sadder by the second I curled up into my shell and hid from the world around me.

Then I heard assholes fall out of her mouth and looked at her before looking up to see the lacrosse team swagger over to us. Did everyone skip school? It was barely lunch time and I'd seen most of the senior class at the mall. Maybe I should tell the teachers, maybe I shouldn't. I didn't want to be responsible for more suspensions. I turned to look at Tamsin who moved to stand right next to me in that weird protective way I noticed her doing when I slammed into Wayne earlier.

"It's okay, Lewis. If they bother you, I'll use their lacrosse sticks to give Derrick's new car a sunroof."

I frowned, shaking my head when I heard Derrick's snide remark. "I guess Dyson was right, Bo here's gone to the nerd side." He sneered at me, "I just think it's a bullshit prank. There's no way you'd ditch our boy for this nerdy bag of bones. What has she to offer you? Glasses big enough to start a fire when you need it? Do your chemistry homework?"

Bo shot up from the bench, scaring me to stand with her, "Shut your face, Derrick. Don't bring Lauren into this." She stood tall in front of Derrick, arms folded, "I broke up with Dyson because he's a giant dick head and I have found someone I like more than him."

Derrick and his boys laughed, pointing at me, "You can't be serious? You like Nerdo?"

I frowned, looking at Tamsin, silently pleading for her to get me out of here. "Tams…."

She nodded, reaching for my arm when Derrick started up again, "Nerdo Lewis is a skinny nerd in oversized nerd shirts. She's nothing compared to Dyson. Bo come on, stop with the jokes and come back to school with us. I told Dyson you were probably just mad at him. There's no way you actually like her." He grimaced looking at me.

I sucked in a shuddering breath, clutching to the plastic bag with the shirt Bo had gotten me. I looked back at her, "Bo, they're right. You should go…." It hurt my stomach and my heart when I said it. Wishing in so many ways that what Bo had told me was real, that she did like me and that for minute in my awkward life, I had won something not related to science or math.

Bo turned to face me, her brown eyes locking on mine in a way that made me catch my breath and feel like the world just melted away and left only her and I. "No, Lauren. I told you, I'm not going anywhere. I meant what I said." She paused, smiling softly, "All of it."

That look, the one that lit my face on fire and made my heart wobble. "Bo…."

I didn't finish, she kept her eyes on me as she moved quickly. Grabbing the sides of my face with really warm, really soft hands, startling me but I couldn't move away. The next thing I knew, there were lips on my lips. Super soft lips. Lips that pressed against mine, shattering all of the neural connections and bringing my brain to a complete stop as I registered one solitary thing.

I was being kissed by Bo Dennis.

Like really being kissed, not a peck like my grandma gave me at holidays or a fancy European kiss I had seen on TV in those weird Lifetime movies. This was a kiss, a kiss with meaning by the way she moved her mouth against mine, swallowing me whole at how incredible it felt. My entire body warmed up and I closed my eyes, soaking in the way Bo smelled like cherries and that Obsession for women perfume in the drugstore. I could feel how warm she was and almost hear her heart beat, it was like all of my senses were becoming superhuman, activated by the amazing lips of Bo's pressed against mine in an almost innocent, but wanting to be inappropriate way. Ugh, maybe I should have paid more attention to the love scenes in all those dumb romantic movies mom watches when dad is out of town.

Before I lost myself completely, my sensible realistic side snapped into action and I backed away. Removing her lips from mine and looking at bright brown eyes that I swore suddenly had sparkly little stars in them as she looked at me with a smile, whispering, "I've been wanting to do that since this morning." She bit her bottom lips shyly, her cheeks pinking up the longer she looked at me.

I swallowed down three times or three thousand times, the weird fluttery things launching up into my throat, and backed away. "I…Bo…I." I looked over her shoulder, Derrick and his dumb friends were making animal sounds and glaring at me while spewing things I shut out. Bringing a weird harsh reality to the moment with a side order of this could be another stupid thing Dyson had planned to mess with me.

What I did next, was the only logical thing I could understand. I dropped my head down, turned and ran as fast as I could away from Bo, the food court, and towards the doors we came in. Tamsin two steps behind me shouting, "Lewis! Slow your ass down!"

I shook my head, running through the doors and out to her car, mumbling, "I can't. I can't. I have to go." Reaching her car, I finally stopped, leaning against the passenger door and hiding my face.

Tamsin came around to my side, grabbing my shoulder, "Lewis, why do you always run like a rabbit on fire?" She huffed it out, unlocking my door and throwing the bag with my jeans onto the floor. "You left Bo back there, confused and thinking she had just told you she murdered your entire family."

"Tamsin, please take me home."

She groaned, pulling me to look at her, "Not until you tell me why you ran, I saw your face when she kissed you. I actually saw your melting brain leak out of your ears as the butterflies, blue birds and cartoon love hearts swarmed around you two." She chuckled, "I cannot wait to tell this story at the wedding reception."

I glanced at Tamsin, knowing my eyes were glassy with tears, "Tamsin, please."

Her smile fell, "Oh fucking fucks. That was your first kiss, wasn't it?"

I shrugged, nodding like I had a nervous tick. I looked away, falling into the passenger's seat, burying my head as far as I could into my chest, trying so hard not to cry. I whispered, "She told me she likes me too, but….I don't know…what if." I drifted off, looking down at the bag with the shirt Bo bought me in my hands.

Tamsin was right. That was my first kiss. My first kiss with someone I really liked, but it happened in front of a pile of jerks and even though my heart was about to burst, I felt like it was a joke. Like Bo was trying to use me to get back at Dyson.

I sat in silence as Tamsin drove us out of the parking lot. I could feel her looking over at me until she finally sighed. "I know what you're thinking. But all I'm going to say is this. Bo really, genuinely likes you. Like a lot, and I can tell you like her." She then playfully slugged me, smirking that Tamsin smirk, "I'm proud of you, I think your balls dropped today and I will promise you this, I will be standing up next to you in a few years as you and Bo trade nuptials."

I said nothing, only continuing to stare at my hands with one thought in my head.

Bo Dennis kissed me and I really really REALLY liked it as much as I hated it.


	6. Chapter 6

**N: here is another chapter of the nerd and the cheerleader! enjoy! give us reviews! Also head on over to Amazon and pick up a brand new copy of Redemptio Animae written by yours truly under the name Sydney Gibson! also give Writingsux some love for being awesome as always!**

* * *

"You have a lot of….science, in this room." Tamsin sat on the edge of the bed next to me. I had immediately retreated to my bunker of Star Wars blankets the second she pulled in the driveway. Leaving the girl chasing after me, trying so hard to get me to stop and talk.

I didn't want to talk, I wanted to hide under pillows and digest the kiss, the stupid jerk faced friends of Dyson and more importantly, the lingering tingles in my body from Bo. "You can go, I'm home. Thank you, Tamsin." I mumbled the words through the pillow, squeezing the hell out of my elephant.

I hated this, this whole teenage physical evolution of my body and mind.

I suddenly felt the blankets being tugged back, "Lewis, I'm not leaving you like this. You'll smother yourself in Princess Leia and I don't want to have to tell everyone in the eulogy how I left you to die at the hands of Star Wars blankets." She tugged until my head was freed, my hair cast over my face wildly, "Come on, Lauren. Talk to me."

I shook my head, "I don't want too. I just….I just…I don't even know." I huffed, reaching blindly for the blankets to cover my face.

"You do know. You know that you are infatuated with Bo and that she's clearly infatuated with you. You think that she's still with Dyson and this is the big prank of the year." Tamsin leaned over on the bed, smashing my hip with her immense amount of weight. A finger poked my shoulder, "Look at me, Lewis."

I shook my head again. "No. Please go, there's money in the alien shaped bank, take whatever for gas money." I had a really hard time believing Tamsin, it just didn't make sense that Bo Dennis would legitimately think I was crush worthy, or whatever. My stomach dropped to my feet when I slipped into the idea of her and I being girlfriends. Nope, nope, nope.

Tamsin huffed, leaning harder on me, yanking my body forcefully up to a sitting position. Her green eyes met mine in an unbending way. "No, you're going to suck it up. I'm going to ask your really nice dad if he is up for Chinese food, on me, and then we're going to sit and talk. Talk about all the things you feel and I'm going to sit here and listen and reassure you that the magical fucking unicorns sprinting around you and Bo, shitting out rainbows of love, is real." She smirked at me, "This isn't an elaborate prank. It's the fucking fates grinning as shit happens for you. All because Ted is a puss ass follower."

I raised an eyebrow at her, "You talked to my dad?"

"I did, right around when you ran up the stairs and almost smashed your face on the last two, running so fast, I barely had time to politely introduce myself." Tamsin moved to sit next to me on the bed, "You remember when I told you that I was sticking by you because you remind me of my mom?"

I nodded, crushing my elephant against my chest, "I do."

Tamsin laid her head on the headboard, staring at all of the Star Wars, Star Trek, X-files posters neatly framed around my room. "So much nerd in here….no offense, it's great, but wow. Suncoast must piss their pants in excitement when they see you coming." She nudged me when I frowned a little, "No frowns, I mean nerd in a loving way." She then took in a slow breath, "My mom was a lot like you. Saw only the best in people and the world. She didn't care about this or that, the material things my dad's job afforded us, she would have been happy in a dirt hut with burlap dresses." Tamsin looked down at her hands, "When she passed away, things changed. My dad changed, I changed. It was like we lost the purpose and the lighthouse in life's storms. I became a shitty rebellious teenager and he became a distant father. I fell into the tool bag union led by Dyson and lost my way, not caring for years." She looked over at me, smiling softly, "Then you and you're giant glasses started at Mapleview last year and I always saw how kind you were to everyone, even to the people who knocked your shit to the ground. Then the tutoring started and I gave you so much shit, but you looked past it like my mom would. Saw that I was better than I was acting. You saw me for me and well, the whole x-files thing."

Tamsin rolled her eyes, "Ted was a piece of dog shit for what he did and watching you cry at the pool, well, don't tell anyone this, it broke my heart. I could hear my mom in my head telling me a million good things like she always did. I manned up, I took charge of my life and broke his shitty ass nose." She let out a slow breath, her normally frightening eyes turning glassy. "Lauren, you're my friend and no matter what, I'm on your side. I've grown really attached to…" She waved her hands over my messy state, "This…and when I tell you shit, I mean it and I mean it when I say you and Bo are some weird ass from of Romeo and Juliet but without the homicide."

I stared at the older blonde, my stomach twisting at all she said, all she shared. Knowing that she probably had never told anyone what she told me. "Tamsin, I…thank you. Thank you for telling me this and being here, there and everywhere. I've never had a friend outside of my parents and teachers, and as much as it is really weird and you swear like a trucker with a cab full of sailors, I'm also on your side."

I smiled softly, Tamsin shaking her head and sniffling, "Ugh, Lewis. You've turned me into a sap." She nudged me again, "Let's get your pops to order Chinese while we head to blockbuster for some movies."

I watched her slide off the bed, confused, "You want to hang out with me?"

"Duh, you're my only friend and slowly becoming one of my best friends." She glared at me, "That and you're the only person in the world who's willing to watch anything with Mulder or Scully in it." She then waved at me, "I also know that while I was introducing myself to your dad, you called in to school sick for tomorrow."

I felt my eyes grow wide, "How? What? When?"

She only winked at me, "I caught the end of your fake cough when I was in the bathroom." She shook her head, "I'm suspended, you're sick, so let's do it up right. Movie marathon tonight and maybe tomorrow we can get you out of the house and out in the daylight. Maybe batting cages or go to the movies in the middle of the day." She pointed at me, "I'm determined to corrupt you, grow those balls out, Lewis."

Tamsin chuckled and skipped down the stairs, calling out for my dad.

I sat in the middle of my bed, staring at the plastic bag with my new jeans and the shirt Bo bought me. I had never been more confused in my life, but also I had never felt more self-assured that my life was changing for the better.

Maybe Tamsin was right, maybe fate wanted Ted's nose to be broken so I could finally live.

XXXX

Chinese food, two really cheesy B space movies with my parents and then a rewatch of X-files season three. That was my night, my first sort of sleepover with Tamsin.

Shockingly enough, in front of my parents, Tamsin was a well-mannered, polite and swear free girl. My parents immediately took a liking to her and I could hear them thanking her for showing me that there is truly a world outside of books and the X-files, while cleaning up the Chinese take-out.

Tamsin has passed out in my bed next to me, and when I woke up in the morning, almost late afternoon, from my mother quietly poking me that I had a visitor. I rolled over to see the blonde snoring, covered up in the giant X-files fleece blanket my parents gave me for my birthday. She was also drooling all over Luke Skywalker, sleeping like she had not slept in a week.

I snuck out of the bed, trying not to wake her and followed my mom out to the hallway. "Who is it?" I yawned, trying to fix my glasses on my face.

My mom chuckled, "You'll see." She turned to head down the stairs, but stopped, looking back at me, "I'm glad you took a sick day. You really need to live a little, Lauren. Have fun and be a stupid teenager, within reason." She motioned to my room, "I also think you're stuck with Tamsin forever, you two are like peas in a pod. She's good for you." My mom sighed, smiling, "I made sandwiches, they're in the fridge. I have to head back to work, I'll see you at dinner."

I shrugged, like I always did, "Thanks mom." I smiled, tugging at the edge of the giant sleep shirt with a panda wearing a FBI badge, and headed downstairs.

That's when I heard her voice, thanking my mom in a polite tone for the offer of sandwiches. I poked my head around the corner to the kitchen to find Bo Dennis standing in the middle of it, sitting on a stool primly in a grey hoody and a pair of jeans. Her hair was up and her cheeks were red from the outside.

I sucked in a shaky breath, feeling my heart pound, my stomach and those damn fluttery things slamming into the walls. Why was she here and why was I wanting to run to her and run back upstairs all at once?

I glanced at the stairs, planning my escape and how I could get Tamsin to scare her away when I heard my mom say. "And there she is. I'll leave you two girls to it." She met my eyes, grinning and winking, "Nice to finally meet you Bo, Lauren has told us quite a bit about you."

I watched Bo turn her head to where I stood, her big beautiful brown eyes find mine like they were magnets, she smiled sheepishly, "Hey Lauren."

"HeylloBo." The sound came out without my permission, making me squint and hate life more.

Fudge.

Bo Dennis was in my kitchen, in my house and all I could do was fart burp out a garbled hey hello at her.

But then she smiled, that big ole smile with the dimple on that one side, and giggled, "I think that was a hello?"

I swallowed hard, keeping my eyes on the galaxy patterned slippers on my feet, "Why are you here?" It came out soft, in a questioning confused manner, "I mean I did run away from you…."

* * *

XXXXX

I bit the corner of my lip then grinned, "I know. You have a tendency to do that around me." Lauren got an apologetic look on her face and I backtracked to correct the damage my lame joke had caused, "I'm not saying that to make you feel bad. I've just noticed a trend."

Lauren looked down at the adorable panda that was on her shirt. I smirked as thought about the equally adorable person that was donning the shirt. She mumbled, "Sorry. I-um-Sorry."

I shrugged and shoved my hands into my pocket of my hoody as I told her, "Don't be sorry. I-uh-I sort of put you in an awkward position yesterday so I should be the one that is sorry." I ran my hand through my hair then I pulled it over my shoulder and began to pick at the split ends which reminded me it was time for a hair appointment. I really had pulled an idiot move but those jerks just pissed me off and it was the only thing I could think of that would show them and Lauren how serious I was. I liked her dammit and if I had to hurt every person who said otherwise then I would. I tossed my hair over my shoulder and sighed. "It was the only thing I could think of."

"You couldn't have used your words?" Lauren asked with a small smile on her face.

I grinned and said, "What can I say, I'm an action kind of girl." Lauren looked back down at the floor and I rolled my eyes then I walked over to her. "You gotta quit doing that. You'll give me a complex or something. "

Laure looked back up at me and asked, "What are you talking about?"

"The looking away from me thing. Makes me think you don't find me attractive or something." I told with the grin still on my face hoping it would tell her that I was joking around.

Lauren shook her head and stammered, "N-N-No Bo. That-Of course you're attractive. I mean you're drop dead gorgeous. And I-Fudge."

Lauren was adorable when she was flustered but right now she was just downright cute because that big brain wasn't able to form a coherent sentence at the moment. I chuckled then said, "Breathe Lauren I'm only joking." I winked at her. "I know you think I'm smoking hot."

Lauren blushed hard and I couldn't help but to laugh. I reached out to and placed my hand on her upper arm as I said, "I'm just kidding with you." I realized my hand had lingered a lot longer than I had originally intended so I pulled it away and shoved it in my pocket as I asked, "What are you doing today? Any big plans? Is Tamsin going to try to get you arrested today?" Lauren gawked at me and I laughed. Lauren needed to develop of sense of humor. I shook my head and said, "Lauren you need to learn how to take a joke. Not everything is literal. At least I don't think Tamsin has any plans to have you arrested." I got a slight scowl on my face as I made a mental note to call Tamsin and tell her not to get Lauren in trouble.

"Well I'll ask her when she wakes up if she-"

It was my turn to gawk. Tamsin was here? What the hell was she doing here? "Why is she here?" I blurted not caring about the fact that I sounded like a possessive girlfriend.

Lauren got a surprised look on her face and she started to say something but I think the impatient look I was giving her caused her to falter. She cleared her throat then said in a quiet voice, "She spent the night. We-We watched movies and had dinner."

I was starting to think that Tamsin might have an ulterior motive other than being Lauren's friend. I crossed my arms over my chest. "Is she up?" Lauren got a confused look on her face and she stared at me for the longest moment. I gave her a pointed look and said, "Lauren is she up?"

"Um…I-Um…I don't know. She was um sleeping when I came down." Lauren said as she managed to get the sentence out.

I gave a slight nod then I smiled, "You know what I would love to have one of those sandwiches that your mom was talking about right before she left."

Again Lauren was looking at me like I had grown two heads. That was fine because I wasn't going to leave until Tamsin came down and I was able to talk to her about her true intentions regarding Lauren. "Um…okay." She still had a confused look on her face as she walked towards the refrigerator. I sat on one of the stools and watched her. Okay I could admit that this was overkill but you could never be too certain and it also gave me a reason to be around Lauren.

I tapped my fingers on the countertop and asked, "So why aren't you in school today?"

Lauren opened the door for the fridge and she said, "Apparently I am sick."

I got a concerned look on my face and I asked, "Are you really sick?"

She chuckled as she pulled out the plate of sandwiches then she said, "I am not. It was determined by Tamsin and my parents that I wasn't going to be going to school today."

I forced a smile on my face. "Oh." I couldn't help to think that maybe Lauren would probably be better with Tamsin. Her parents seemed to like her more and even though her mom was nice to me it couldn't compare to the fact that Tamsin had basically become the savior of Lauren's life. Whereas I was causing chaos at every turn. I sighed.

Lauren placed a plate in front of me that had a sandwich on it. I gave her a grateful smile then picked up the sandwich to take a bite out of it. An awkward silence came over us and I focused on my sandwich while Lauren focused on any place that wasn't me. I realized that I hadn't gotten a drink and I asked, "Can I get something to drink please?"

"Oh fudge. I'm sorry Bo. I'm usually better than this. Of course give me a moment." Lauren exclaimed before she busied herself with getting me a drink. She opened a cupboard and said, "We've got Pepsi, water, fruit juice, and surge." She looked at me to explain why the highly-caffeinated and high in sugar drink was in her house, "Dad has developed an addiction for it."

"Ah. I'll have water thank you." I said then focusing back on my sandwich.

Lauren got me some water and as she was sliding the glass over to me we heard, "Lauren you twerp where'd you go?"

I grinned as an annoyed look briefly came across Lauren's face before she shouted, "I'm in the kitchen Tamsin."

Tamsin came into the kitchen and I was surprised to see her wearing what I assumed to be one of Lauren's X-Files t-shirts and a pair of oversized gym shorts. She stopped just as she walked into the kitchen when she saw me. "Oh. Hey Bo."

I watched her as she walked over to the refrigerator and opened it then pulled out a takeout carton. I tried not to scowl as I noticed how comfortable Tamsin appeared to be in Lauren's house. I took a sip of water and said, "So I see you spent the night."

Tamsin hopped up on the counter and as she ate directly out of the container she said, her mouth full of lo mein, "Yeah. We watched some sci-fi flicks and hung out. Lauren's parents are rad and super excited that she's living a little."

"It might be short-lived if you don't get off of the counter." Lauren commented as she walked over to the cupboard. She pulled out a plate then handed it to Tamsin. Those two were definitely too comfortable around each other. I glared at Tamsin as she piled leftover Chinese food onto her plate. Lauren cleared her throat and she pointed over her shoulder as she said, "I'm going to um….go take a shower and dressed. You two um…." She looked at the both of us then finished, "Make yourselves at home I guess."

Tamsin nodded and said, "Thanks Lauren. Oh and hey dress in something comfortable. Bo and I are going to take you on some wild adventures today."

Lauren got that adorable deer caught in headlights look. "You and-and Bo."

"Yeah why not? She's suspended to so we might as well make a gang of it or something." She looked at me, "You got shit to do today Dennis."

I smiled and said, "Nope. Not at all."

Lauren stared at the both of us then said, "Okay that cool. I think."

"It is. Now go. We've got to swing by my place so I can do the same."

Lauren nodded before she left the kitchen. I waited a moment to make sure Lauren was upstairs then I went over and stood next to Tamsin. I crossed my arms over my chest and asked, "What the hell are you doing?"

Tamsin got a confused look then pointed at her food with her fork, "Eating pork lo Mein. Duh."

I glared at her and said, "Not that. I'm talking about this. The spending the night and acting like you own the place? What the hell Tamsin?"

Tamsin got an exasperated look on her face then she muttered under her breath, "Fuckin' Christ." She placed her plate on the counter and said, "Listen up bimbo and listen good. I'm not after your nerd." She paused to take a moment to figure out what she was going to say next then she sighed, "Lauren's a genuine person and you know what she might be the only actual friend that I have so despite what you told me to do, it's whatever. I'm her friend Bo. That's all." She shook her head and smiled, "Damn you have it so bad."

I covered my face and groaned into my hands. "You have no idea Tamsin." I let my hands drop. "It's like once I realized I actually liked her. Like beyond her being a super nice and super sweet person it's like it has all snowballed and I'm ready to defend her honor or something. Or drink poison for her."

"Stop watching Romeo and Juliet. That movie sends a bad message. Also, dramatic much?" Tamsin picked up her plate and after taking a few bites of her cold food she said, "And don't worry Bo, Lauren is completely stupid over you. You just need to give her time to realize that you aren't trying to screw her over."

I bit the inside of my lip. Considering everything I had done and caused I was still a little uncertain about that. I turned around to lean back against the counter and I sighed. "I hope you're right Tamsin. I mean with everything I've done and the whole me kissing her thing….I could have screwed everything up by just being myself."

Tamsin got an uneasy look on her face as she said, "Yeah….that probably wasn't a bright idea. It took me forever to talk down that bell tower." She took a deep breath and after she let it out she said, "Just be respectful of her space Bo. She like the baby kitten that been abandoned. Skittish at first but then realizes that all you want to do is….take care of her." She smiled. "She'll come around."

I wrapped my arms around myself and I thought about all Tamsin said. I could do that. Give Lauren the space she needs and not crowd her. I could totally do that. I think. It was a weird really. I had never been this involved in regards to someone I liked, in fact I was rather blasé about it, but with Lauren I just wanted to know everything there was about her. I let out a frustrated breath. There was no way I wasn't going to screw this up.

* * *

XXX

I stood in the bathroom, wrapped up in a towel and alternating between staring at myself in the mirror and looking at the neat stack of clothes on the chair. The new pair of jeans and the Counting Crows shirt Bo bought me.

Blowing out a heavy sigh, I grabbed the clothes and started getting dressed. I was beyond confused and I wanted to hide in my closet forever. Tamsin was right about Bo, she really did like me, she showed it when she kind of freaked out when Tamsin strolled downstairs in the clothes she wore yesterday. Then her eyes turned soft when she grabbed my arm trying to calm me down about that weird joke about finding her attractive.

I was a math genius, and sadly the life equations Bo was handing my way all added up to one thing. Bo genuinely liked me and I had no clue in the universe why. I also had no idea in the universe why she chose me of all people. It made sense for me to have a crush on her, but the other way around? Nope, no sense at all. This is why I felt like Bo as pranking me or doing some sort of weird bet between her cool friends. Try to get the nerd to fall for the cheerleader, blah, blah.

After I was dressed, I scooted out of my bedroom to find Bo and Tamsin sitting next to each other. Tamsin seemed to be comforting Bo, patting her back like the football coach did for his players in his way of pepping them up after a lost. Looking at Bo, hunched over with that really cute frustrated face she got whenever I explained algebra, my heart wobbled. Making me hope that this was real, that Bo was real and that she liked me.

I shoved my glasses up and finished pulling my hair up in a ponytail before I walked into the kitchen. Catching Tamsin, once again drinking straight from the Pepsi bottle. Frowning I walked over to her, prying it out of her hands, "I told you about this, you backwash whether you think you do or not. Your germs are all over the bottle top and that just gets poured into my glass." I set the two liter down, snatching the cap up.

I was reluctantly accepting Tamsin was never going anywhere and I would have to probably suffer with her poor hygiene habits for a while. I shook my head, trying to wipe off the bottle before sealing it up when I saw Bo was giggling, looking at me. I swallowed hard, hating when she looked at me like that, "What's funny?"

She shook her head, "Nothing." I then watched her eyes roll over the Counting Crows logo on my chest, her grin growing bigger, "Nice shirt."

I blushed, tucking my head down as I placed the Pepsi back into the fridge, "Thank you." I closed my eyes, embracing the cold air.

"Nice jeans, Lewis. They actually fit and it looks like, oh, yup, you do indeed have an ass. You're not just two legs that meet a torso." Tamsin hollered at me around a mouth full of sandwich.

I spun around and glared at her, "Seriously, were you raised by farm animals?"

Tamsin winked at me, sliding off the chair she sat at, "Certainly was, but lucky for you the goats taught me how to eat at a table and use utensils." She walked past Bo, smacking her on the back, "I'll be back in a second. I'll drive Lewis back to my house so I can shower and change. Meet us there, Bo."

Bo sighed, scowling at Tamsin, "Fine, but don't take forever." She stood up from the chair, smiling at me, "Think about what you want to do today, Lauren."

I shrugged, "I don't really care. I mean, I don't really know what to do, I never skip school and I often avoid the places everyone hangs out at." I picked at the counter, hating the fact I was still a nerd and was a bit out casted. Hence making skipping school pointless.

Bo walked over to me, placing her hand on my arm. Her simple touch made me tingle and want to smile, "Lauren, I want to spend time with you. I want to get to know you and prove to you that I'm here for you, not any stupid joke or prank." She took a breath, biting her bottom lip, "I want you to trust me, because I trust you and…I don't know…I just. Ugh." She rolled her eyes, dropping her hand from me, "I'll meet you at Tamsin's house."

Bo turned around and walked out the front door quickly. I could see she was upset in the same way she was when she showed me all of her failing grades in chemistry.

That's when I realized seeing Bo upset, made my stomach hurt.

Groaning I leaned against the counter, I had it bad for Bo.

* * *

"Lewis, I can't believe you don't want to go to an arcade, the batting cages, the bowling alley or just hit up that all you can eat Chinese buffet downtown." Tamsin squinted at me as she pulled onto her street. "There has got to be something you've always wanted to do that can count as being a stupid teenager. You're like fifteen and you got nothing."

I shrugged, "I'll be sixteen next month." I looked at her, shoving my glasses back up, "Plus all the things you listed are what you clearly want to do. I have a game system at home, the batting cages frighten me with how fast the balls come at me and the bowling alley smells like feet." I looked out the window, catching Bo's red Camaro parked on the street in front of Tamsin's house and my stomach lurched. "Why do I have to do this?"

"What?" Tamsin glanced at me then caught Bo getting out of her car. She rolled her eyes, "Oh for peter fucking Christ's sake." She then slugged me in the arm, "Because if I didn't force your hand, you'd be back up in your room of science fiction, getting lost in theories and probably another X-files marathon instead of living." She pointed out the window at Bo, "That girl likes you. You like that girl. Nature dictates that you must do something about it in the name of the reproductive cycle of life."

I frowned at my friend, "Tamsin, two girls can't reproduce…..so that…"

"I know, makes my theory invalid. I'm just trying to prove a point…." Tamsin suddenly paused, her eyes darting to the silver corvette in the driveway. "Oh hell's angels in my ass, my dad is home."

I raised my eyebrows, "Okay?"

She shook her head, "This isn't good. He's going to crawl all over my ass about getting suspended for three weeks." Tamsin looked at me, "Did you leave all our homework in my room?"

I nodded, "Yes, on your desk. We got through most of biology and I got you caught up in Chemistry. You are actually ahead of everyone and should now be passing with a low B."

The older blonde blew out a breath as she parked the car next to the corvette, "Okay. So here's the deal." She got out of the car and waved Bo over as I stepped out, "Lewis, you and Bo are going to disappear for a couple of hours. Come back to my house around dinner time and talk to my dad." She frowned, her green eyes turning to ones of a little girl very much afraid to disappoint her father.

I stumbled, not wanting to be alone with Bo, "But…Tams…I…"

She looked up at me, "You can do this." She smiled softly at me, turning to Bo, "Trust me. I will be at your wedding, I want to be at your wedding so for the love of aliens and abductions, go with Bo. Let her in." She pushed away from the car, moving to tell Bo what the new day's plan would be.

I stepped away from the car, clutching my sweatshirt I snagged as a last thought like it was a life rope and I was in the middle of the ocean. "Fudge."

I watched Bo and Tamsin talk for a few minutes until the front door opened and a older, very well dressed man stepped out, "TAMSIN! GET OVER HERE NOW!"

Tamsin straightened up like she was struck with lightning, turned around and walked towards the house, only to stop and shove me towards Bo, "Go Lauren and live. Follow the weird feelings you feel and I promise you, she won't hurt you. If she does, well….you've seen what I did to Carl on the football team last year for sitting on Bev's lip gloss." She winked at me and took in a deep breath before heading towards her very angry father.

I blinked at her back, clearly seeing her with Carl in a full nelson and ramming his head into the field goal padded post over and over until he cried uncle. I turned to Bo, immediately picturing her in that same position as Carl.

"Fudging fudge." What the hell was going on in my life.

"Um, so Tamsin said it's just you and i?" She shoved her hands into the front of her hoody, looking extremely bashful and completely adorable. I smiled, I really liked this version of Bo, the dressed down, crazy hair out of the usual tight ponytail and very little makeup.

I nodded, "Yea, I guess she's expecting a reaming from her dad." I smiled, "If you want, you can take me back home."

Bo scowled at me playfully, "No way, I have you to myself, there's no way I'm giving that up."

My face began to turn that stop sign red color, "Bo…"

Bo huffed, her hands snaking out from her front pocket and wrapped around my upper arm, "Lauren, get in the car and tell me where you want to go."

I stuttered as Bo pulled me to the Camaro, "I…uh…I don't know where to go." I looked at her blankly.

Bo opened the passenger door and pointed at the seat, "Sit down." I nodded and obeyed her, crumpling up my hoody out of nerves.

When Bo sat down, she turned and faced me, her cheeks flustered from the chilly air and probably from me. I instantly felt bad and looked at my lap, I wasn't good at this, how would I be good at being anything for Bo or with her? She said nothing as she started the car and pulled out of Tamsin's neighborhood and for a split second I had the hope that she was taking me home.

It took five minutes to realize Bo wasn't taking me home, we were heading towards the edge of town. I found my voice and reached to turn down the radio blaring the Cranberries, "Bo? Where are you taking me?"

She kept her eyes on the road, "Somewhere special to me, I have to prove that you can trust me." She glanced at me, a soft smile on her face, "I think you'll like it."

I turned away from her, tucking my head against my chest and started pulling at how tight my jeans were against my thigh, letting the car fall back into weird silence.

I really wasn't good at this.

I finally looked away from my jeans when I felt the car slow down.

"When I first got my license, I sped off in the Camaro. I felt free and crazy, nothing but this nice new car and the open road. The problem was, I have no sense of direction and ended up super lost." Bo smiled as she drove the car down a dirt road with trees creating a canopy overhead. "I turned down this road, hoping I could find a driveway to turn around or ask for directions." She bent forward, grinning when she pulled off to the side and shut the car off.

Before I knew it she had hopped out of the car and was opening my door, her hand outstretched to me. I hesitated, not knowing exactly what to do or say that wouldn't be a request to take me home.

Bo rolled her eyes and grabbed my hand, yanking me out of the car, "Come on, Lauren, trust me."

I barely heard her, only focusing on the fact she was holding my hand and it felt awesome. I stumbled a few steps before I caught up to her and went to gently remove my hand when Bo smiled at me, shaking her head and slid her fingers to fit in mine, "I have to hold your hand, you might get lost."

"Bo…" I couldn't look away from our hands together. Together in the same way I had seen a ton of couples in school hold hands, my parents, my grandparents, the weird couples on those soap operas, and now Bo and I. It was something I secretly hoped for, one day to hold someone's hand and be led into the unknown.

I was lost in my weird and awkward thoughts that I barely noticed Bo stop until I halfway slammed into her side. She giggled and grabbed me, steadying me, "Whoa there."

"Sorry." I took a step back, trying to let go of her hand when Bo just started talking and drawing my attention to what was in front of us.

"I had to stop the car since the road got too small, and decided to walk further." She looked at me, "Then I found this." She waved her hand out in front of her.

We were standing on the edge of a cliff that rolled down into a view I had never knew existed in the town I lived in. The cliff gave us a overhead view of the downtown area before rolling up into the mountains that surrounded us, the fall colors creating a strange but beautiful painting that was emphasized by the bright early afternoon sun sinking into the reds, oranges and browns. "Wow." Pushing my glasses up I took a step closer, squinting as I picked out the office building my dad worked in, the bookstore I went to on Saturdays, and then in the far distance our school. "This is…incredible."

Bo squeezed my hand, nodding, "It is. When I found it, I stood up here until the sunset before I drove home. After that, I would come up here anytime I wanted to be alone with my thoughts and trying to sort out the bullshit of being a teenager with no idea what to do with my life." She sighed, looking back over the view, "It's my alone spot, the one place I can stop being Bo the cheerleader, Bo the popular girlfriend, Bo the heir to my parent's company, Bo the dumb girl who has no clue why letters and numbers are put together in math, and Bo the girl who wishes she understood life."

I frowned at her, "Bo, I told you, you're not dumb."

She turned to face me, nodding as her face fell serious, "I am dumb, Lauren. Dumb for all the things I've done trying to fit in. Dumb for screwing things up for you when I tried to help you." She dropped her head, slowly lifting our hands up, "I've never told anyone or shown anyone about this spot, until you." Bo lifted her eyes to meet mine, those big brown eyes looking right into my churning heart and stomach, "Lauren, I really really like you and I have no fricking clue how I can prove to you that I want to be around you. I want to sit and listen to you rant, rave and pick at your shirts with that redhead on them when you're nervous. I secretly do everything I can to make you nervous and blush, because it's the cutest thing when you blush and look at your shoes instead of at me." Bo let out a slow breath, "I suck at this and I mess things up because you make me nervous, jealous and a bunch of other stuff I so totally don't get."

I gave her a half smile, "Why do I make you nervous?" I didn't dare ask why I would ever make her jealous, she was beautiful and I was, well I was me.

Bo laughed, shaking her head, "You make me nervous because I have never liked someone as much as I like you, I feel weird around you and I do stupid things." She stepped closer to me, "Lauren, will you at least try to be my friend and let me prove to you that I'm not doing this for anything other than I feel a bunch of things for you that are beyond what my seventeen year old brain clearly can handle." She let out a puff of air.

I stared at her as she looked in my eyes and then back at the maple tree behind me. My mind was racing a million miles a minute, trying to analyze all of the options and things I could say, when Tamsin's voice popped up in the back of my head, shouting, "Balls, find yours and use them. Shut down that fucking computer in your head and do something."

I rolled my eyes, hating that my only friend was right, I had to stop thinking and just go with the flow. Whatever the hell that really meant.

I swallowed a few times before finally speaking, "Bo, when you kissed me in front of all those people, it felt like you did it to prove a point to them or egg on whatever prank Dyson had planned in retaliation." I paused, knowing that I was about to admit a super embarrassing fact to Bo, but Tamsin had shown me that confidence only came with taking chances. "I also hated that my first kiss was in the mall in front of a bunch of boys with dried nacho cheese on my shirt. That's why I ran….away. And that I really like you and I'm clearly confused about those feelings and how my life is becoming a cheesy eighties movie." I scrunched up my face, feeling like now was probably another good time to fake an illness and run to the bushes.

Bo's big brown eyes grew wide, "Wait, you've never…that, your first kiss?"

I nodded slowly, finally gently freeing my hand from Bo's and hating at how cold it felt without hers wrapped around mine. "Yes, I know. It's strange, but, I've never really been social or had friends or a crush or a kiss." I closed my eyes, shaking my head, "I'm making this awkward."

Bo chuckled, "A little bit." She then stepped closer, her hands falling to my upper arms, forcing my eyes to open and look right at her. She smiled softly, "I think, well I think seeing that we're alone and there's nothing but the trees here." Bo paused, her smile turning into a playful smirk, "Lauren, can I kiss you again?"

I felt my mouth fall open as my glasses did their usual slow descent down my nose, "Um, what?"

Bo shook her head, moving closer as she spoke softer, "I'm going to kiss you now. I'm going to re-do your first kiss, because I really want to kiss you again and haven't been able to stop thinking about when I could the second you ran away from me in the mall." She moved even closer, "Lauren, breathe."

I let out a puff of air on her command, my throat tightening as Bo looked at me for approval and before I knew it, my teenage hormones and the fact I had not been able to stop thinking about Bo since we kissed and she touched my boob, I was nodding my approval.

Bo grinned and leaned forward, her lips grazing mine and sucking all the air out of my body. I tensed up until I felt Bo's hands slide around to my sides and hold me steady. She whispered, "Breathe, just breathe."

I nodded and closed my eyes at the same time her lips made full contact with mine, sending the same intense feelings through my body as the first time those Bo Dennis lips met mine. But this time, I paid attention to every little thing that was happening. The way Bo's hands moved to my lower back and pressed against my shirt, sending shivers and tingles everywhere. The way my hands found their own path to her back, pressing harder against the thick material of her hoody and how I could almost hear her heart beat over the rustling leaves and the wind.

Bo kissed me slowly, moving with me and gently guiding me on kissing her back. I had no idea what to do, since I had never been really kissed, but soon my photographic memory kicked in and every single stupid kissing scene from every stupid thing I had ever watched flooded in, my giant brain working and computing and downloading instructions to my mouth. It was a simple logic behind kissing and I just needed to try, and kiss Bo back before she gave up and told me I kissed like a dead fish.

So I did, I kissed Bo back. Pushing against her mouth, and holding her tighter as I just went with it. Just stopped thinking and kissed this girl I had liked from the moment I first saw her this year and probably ever single year before that, back to the first time I bumped into her in sixth grade science.

I must have been doing something right, I felt Bo smile against my mouth and the tip of her tongue glide against my bottom lip, startling me back and away from her mouth. Tongue was definitely something I was not ready for. Bo looked up at me, her cheeks very red as she bit her bottom lip, "Wow."

I shrugged, "I'm not, good at." I stopped, looking down at the ground.

Bo shook her head, and leaned her forehead against mine, "You're better than you think, Lauren." She sighed contently and pulled me into a hug, her head resting on my shoulder, "We can work on it later, but I hope you know that was probably the best second first kiss I've ever had."

I raised my eyebrows, looking at the back of Bo's head, "Really?"

Bo nodded, "Really, because I really like the person I just kissed." I felt her squeeze me tighter and for a moment, I felt like the only place I ever truly belonged was in her arms. I was seriously crushing on her and falling into something I knew would probably change my life more than it already had.

I wrapped my skinny arms around her, squeezing her back, I had no idea what to say to her that wouldn't be my usual stupid farts or burps of words. "I really like you too." I did, and deep down I knew that I was probably two days away from falling head over heels in love with Bo Dennis, even if I wanted too or not. "And I trust you, Bo."

I felt Bo smile against my shoulder as we stood on the cliff in a tight embrace, the city below us as if we were the only two people in the world.

For the first time in a long time, I laughed and my face broke out in a huge grin.

My life might be confusing and weird as crap, but I was happy. Like stupidly happy and I understood all the giddy happy sappiness my parents talked about when they told me all the cute little moments they shared when they first fell into their romance.

I had found my balls and my heart in Bo Dennis.


	7. Chapter 7

**Heres another chapter of this story. It took WS and I a minute to get this up, we both have been distracted. Then adele came out and the last half was her fault, it will also be the soundtrack for the upcoming devastation i have planned elsewhere. Anyways, read this and leave reviews, then when you're done go buy book Redemptio Animae on amazon, then save your money for WS's book that should be out next year. BOOKS ARE FUN!**

* * *

I got home a little after eight and I was on cloud nine, actually it was cloud ten. I had shown Lauren the place where I liked to go hide out at and we spent forever talking to each other before we went back to Tamsin's. She introduced us to her dad who was thankful that Lauren was helping his daughter pass high school on top of being a good influence for his daughter. He insisted on us staying for dinner as a way to thank Lauren for helping turn Tamsin into a respectable student.

I had just closed the front door when my mom came walking out of the living room. I had been stuck on my high from my awesome day with Lauren that I had forgotten to check to see if my parents were home. I took a deep breath then said, "Hey mom."

My mom didn't have a happy look on her face. "What part of being grounded did you not understand when we spoke on the phone last night?'

I kept the smartass remark to myself and said, "I know but I had to take care of something and I completely lost track of time."

"Your keys Bo." She said as she held out her hand. I was reluctant to give them to her but then she said, "Now."

I let out a frustrated breath then asked, "How am I supposed to get to school?"

My mom gave me a pointed look and said, "I'm certain you have friends who are willing to give you a ride to school. Or you can take the bus."

I scoffed. I had no idea when the bus ran and her suggesting that was just stupid. And friends? Psh. I had two friends. Well one friend and a possible girlfriend. That last one was a bit unclear, Lauren and I hadn't talked about that. We had spent the day talking about everything else like school, her interests, and everything else but we hadn't placed a label on anything. Although if we did do something of that nature then Lauren would probably laugh at the sheer absurdity of it, even though I had spent a majority of the day opening up to her and letting her know how serious I was about us.

"Bo."

I shook my head and said, "What mom?"

"I asked you where you were. Also you have another week of being grounded." My mom told me as she walked into the living room.

I ran my hand through my hair as I followed her into the living room then sat next to her on the couch. "I was um-I-" Blew out an frustrated breath. My mom and I have had a pretty decent relationship compared to my dad and I but telling her about Lauren it just seemed like I would be telling her too much. But despite me not staying home today I usually told her the truth. I took a deep breath then took the plunge. "I was hanging out with Lauren and Tamsin today. Well mostly Lauren today because Tamsin's dad got home early and he was not happy about her grades." My nerves took over and I started to ramble, "And I mean if you had seen her grades you could understand why he was upset. I'm surprised Lauren was able to turn her grades around like she had but that girl is a miracle worker." I got a small smile on my face. "Lauren is pretty amazing all around. I mean she has all the colleges coming for her and she has all these aspirations to do the same work as her mom does but at the same time she wants to do something different because she thinks the work her mom does is really-" I stopped talking when my mom placed her hand on my forearm.

She studied me for a moment which made me super uncomfortable then she asked as delicately as possible, "Are you and um…" She trailed off then there was an awkward moment of silence that was between. I realized what she was going to ask and I felt like deer caught in headlights. I knew I had only a few seconds left to decide if I wanted to be completely honest with her or lie and tell her that Lauren I were becoming close friends. I hadn't even thought through what I was going to say when she asked, "Are you and Lauren involved?" She had asked it all in one breath which meant she didn't want to venture to this discussion either. Then my mom had her own case of verbal diarrhea. "And it is perfectly fine if you are involved with her. I am a progressive woman who is very open-minded. I mean your cousin Mike is gay and I love him like he was my own son. So if you are you know, gay, or would you be a lesbian? Either way it doesn't matter I would still love you no matter who you love. Though your father may have a hard time with it. He was so upset to hear about you and Dyson. I let him know that I wasn't going to let my daughter be involved with someone who took pleasure in destroying the property of others-"

"Mom!" I shouted to get her to stop talking. It was nice to see where I got my verbal diarrhea from. I bit my bottom lip and thought about everything she said. I took a deep breath then said, "I don't think I'm a lesbian or whatever. I think I'm more bisexual than anything."

"So you're confused?"

I rolled my eyes in irritation and then let out an exasperated sigh. "No I'm not confused. I've just noticed that I look at both boys and girls the same way. No confusion." I decided to move the conversation back to the reason why we were having this discussion in the first place. "And Lauren and I are not involved but I think we might be. I don't know it's weird."

My mom gave me a small smile. "Do you want to become involved with this girl Bo?"

I rested my head back against the couch and as I looked up at the ceiling I smiled. "More than anything. She is perfect. She's got all these little unique things about her that make me smile. I used to think she was weird but when she started tutoring me I realized what made her weird actually made her unique and a far better person than anyone else at that school." I let out a breath then said, "Then Dyson was a jerk towards her and like that changed everything. I wanted to protect her and make sure that she was happy. Then it sorta went downhill from there."

I rolled my head to where I looked at my mom and she had a smile on her face. Great. Of course my mom was all for this budding romance stuff. It annoying the hell out of me. She asked, "And does Lauren like you?"

I laughed. I hadn't meant to but I'm pretty certain Lauren more than liked me and I'm pretty certain I was right there in the boat with her. I got that weird indigestion feeling. I ignored it and said, "Yeah she does. We talked today and like I haven't felt this way before mom. It's so weird and scary all at once. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to vomit other times I sorta want to make out with her for a long time. And she is really great-" I stopped when I realized where I was headed. My face started to heat up with embarrassment.

My mom started to laugh and I'm pretty certain my face was turning that same shade of red Lauren's face turned to when she had to talk to me. She took hold of my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze and said, "Thank you for stopping dear because we may have a close relationship but that's one thing you can keep to yourself." She smiled at me. "So are you two official or no?"

I turned to face my mom fully. She had let me go this far so I might as well keep talking to her especially since she was okay with everything. "No we aren't. She is painfully shy and reserved. Tamsin is trying to get her to open up more and we talked today and hung out but we never talked about it. But if we do I'm afraid she'll be too scared to say yes then what will I do? Besides pine over the one girl who has turned me into an idiot with verbal diarrhea."

My mom chuckled then said, "Well that is an option or you can continue to prove to her that you won't go anywhere and that you are just crazy about her as she is you." My mom snapped her fingers together then grinned. "I have an idea." As soon as she said that I knew this was going to be the beginning of a terrible one. "Why don't you invite her over for dinner say Friday night so your father and I can meet her then we can go out and leave the two of you alone so you can get things sorted out with her."

That wasn't as completely terrible as I thought it would be. The dinner part of the night would be. Lauren would no doubt be terrified to be at my house let alone the same room with my parents. But after we talked and figured everything out then we could spend the rest of the night making out. I got a smile on my face as I began to think about Lauren's lips on mine. My lips started to tingle as I remembered our kiss earlier.

"So I'm guessing by that smile on your face that's a good idea?"

I focused on the conversation and said, "Yes that is an awesome idea." I leaned over and gave my mom a quick hug. "Thanks mom and thanks for being so cool about this."

She gave me a quick squeeze then she let me go as she said, "Well you're growing up Bo and you're going to make some decisions that I won't like but this one is probably on the lowest level of things that could upset me."

I smiled and said, "Thanks mom."

She smiled back at me and said, "But you're still grounded because you left the house today."

I let out a groan but it was a half hearted one because she had agreed to let Lauren come over for dinner on Friday. I was excited, nervous, and that weird indigestion feeling was happening again. I hoped that I would be able to invite Lauren over for dinner.

* * *

XXXXXX

 **The next Day –**

Not only was my entire life now weird, so was school.

When I walked into the building and headed right to Mr. Aberdeen's room, I noticed that the entire student body was looking at me with genuine smiles and finally finding all of their manners as they stepped out of the way for me to walk freely down the hall. I was left alone for the entire day, never once did I have to run, apologize for bumping into people and lastly, there was not a sight of Dyson and his douche crew. It made me smile and feel better about the day, helping to untangle the ball of things hovering in my stomach about what had happened yesterday.

Bo and I kissing, Bo showing me her spot and actually talking to me, sharing so much about herself that I began to see past the cheerleader and actually saw Bo. The beautiful, young, innocent girl who wanted nothing but to find her place in the world. That same girl really liked me and I finally accepted it was true when she kissed me goodnight in her Camaro outside of my house. It was a quick one, but it invigorated much of my body in ways that scared me and excited me. Also giving me a thousand other things to worry about in regards to things I had no idea how to do.

For a half second I was scared the peaceful school around me was another prank and so desperately wished Tamsin had woken up early enough to come to school with me as a shadow. Instead she hung up on me with a yawn growl, mumbling that if I needed help, to go find Wayne. The end of the day had come and I was unharmed and super eager to get to the tutoring session so I could see Bo. Before I could do any of that, Mr. Aberdeen requested I see him as soon as the day ended.

I dipped my head down and tightened the grip on my bag and rounded the last corner to pop into Mr. Aberdeen's room. He stood up, grinning at my arrival, "Ah! Lauren there you are. I have some great news for you!" He removed a thick envelope from his desk drawer and handed it to me.

Pushing my glasses up, I stared at him blankly, "What is it? A detention slip for missing school yesterday?"

The older man laughed, "Oh no, we all know you're only coming to school to help others and to be very frank, it's good to see you living it up." Mr. Aberdeen pointed at the envelope, "That is from Stanford University. Came to Mr. Carp's office yesterday morning, he gave it to me to pass on to you."

I felt my eyes widen as I saw the university logo up in the far corner, "I just sent applications off last week?" I glanced at the teacher, "How?"

Mr. Aberdeen shrugged, "Open it and find out."

I nodded, wiping sweaty palms on my new jeans and tore open the corner to remove the thin stack of papers stuck inside. When I unfolded it, I began to unconsciously read aloud, "Dear Ms. Lewis, it is this administrative offices pleasure to offer you a full collegiate scholarship to Stanford University in whatever degree program you desire." I felt my brain light up as I grinned, quickly reading the rest before looking up at Mr. Aberdeen, "They accepted me! I start next May on early entrance to the summer semester." I started hopping in place, so excited that I had gotten into my number one college pick.

Mr. Aberdeen patted me on the back, grinning with me, "We all knew you would, we are very proud of you." He motioned to the letter still in my hand, "Have you decided what degree or degrees you might seek out?"

I shrugged, "I was thinking biochemistry, or forensic science, or computer technology, or nuclear biology, and then my dad suggested I should get a law degree since I am so in love with the FBI right now, but that's only because of my favorite TV show." I paused realizing I was rambling, "Sorry, I'm just really excited."

Mr. Aberdeen shook his head still laughing, "It's no bother, my dear girl. You will figure it out or just graduate with ten different degrees." He glanced at the clock, "You should go, your tutoring starts in fifteen minutes and I know how much you like to prepare before the students arrive."

I nodded, tucking the letter back into it's envelope as I turned to walk out the room, "I do, thank you Mr. Aberdeen, I will see you tomorrow and maybe you and Ms. Watson can help me look over the degree programs." I half waved at him and as I hit the corner, I jogged to the tutoring classroom.

I was so excited that I shoved the door open and threw my bag on the desk before doing a tiny victory dance.

"Not only are you a good kisser, but it looks like you have some moves, Lauren." Bo's soft voice startled me into supreme embarrassment.

She was sitting on top of the first desk in the room and in my excitement I didn't see her. I looked down, my face turning a deep beet red color, and picked at the glow in the dark ink on the shooting star on the front of my shirt. "Bo, I didn't see you there." I pushed my glasses up, smiling at her and feeling that weird gurgling, bubbling, swishing thing my stomach did whenever I looked at Bo. My eyes went straight to her lips curled up in a smirk. "I didn't get a chance to say Hi today."

Bo nodded, sliding off the desktop, "That's because I actually went to all of my classes on time and spent extra time in the library trying to get ready for the ACT's." She moved closer to me, holding out her hand for me to take, "Seems that all of my classes are on the other side of the school and nowhere near you."

I sighed, taking her hand as the super dopey grin covered my face, "I can fix that. I mean since I really don't have any classes I have to go to." I met her eyes, she was moving closer to me and my heart began to race.

Bo nodded, leaning forward whispering, "You should start walking me to my classes, reinforce to the entire school that you're my gir….um, friend." She tilted her head down, dropping a hand to my waist before looking back up in my eyes, "I've been dying to see you all day and to do this." She leaned forward and kissed me gently. Making me melt like an ice cream in a pit of lava at the way it felt when we kissed. I moved my hands to settle on her sides, feeling how warm she was through her purple cheerleading sweater. I barely noticed that she was wearing her uniform and probably came from practice, I was too focused on her and how her eyes were the color of expensive chocolate. I broke the kiss, again, when I felt Bo's tongue sneak it's way across my bottom lip. Still so not at all ready for what that would entail.

I cleared my throat, shoving my stupid glasses up my face, "Shouldn't you be at practice?"

Bo shook her head, reaching up to brush back a few loose pieces of hair that fell free from my ponytail, "I ditched. Practice is boring since we've been doing the same lame routine for all the fall games. I left Katie in charge and came here, using my suspension and my mom grounding me for a week as a reason to get here early." She grinned, "And I really really wanted to see you, I missed you." I felt my heart skip and then stop, forget two days, I was minutes away from falling beyond hopeless for Bo. The way her eyes lit up when she said the sweetest things, made me want to skip and ride that rainbow unicorn Tamsin keeps talking about shitting rainbows all over me.

I rolled my eyes playfully, leaning into her touch like she had magnets in her hand, "Well I'm glad I could provide you with an excuse." I stepped back, a strange look on my face, "Wait, you're grounded?"

Bo nodded, taking a step back to give me more room to grab my bag, "Yea, mom was pretty ticked that I skipped out on my punishment to spend time with you. So, grounded for a week with no car. I had to have my dad drop me off and then I bribed Tamsin with two bags of cheeto poofs to pick us both up after tutoring."

I frowned, digging in my bag for tonight's notes, "Bo, I feel terrible. You getting suspended and now grounded because of me." I shook my head, "Maybe I can talk to your mom like I did Tamsin's dad." I gripped the Stanford envelope, my face splitting into a huge grin, "Oh, I have something I want to tell you."

Bo smiled, "Really, cause I have something to ask you."

I raised my eyebrows, "You go first?" I clutched the envelope, suddenly nervous about telling Bo. We were barely friends for a week, now we were friends who kissed, neither left room for us to discuss college plans. I didn't even know what Bo wanted to be when she finally grew up, I just knew she didn't want to follow her in her parents footsteps and be interior designers.

Bo leaned against a desk, folding her arms her face dropping, "So, I um…" She shrugged as she looked at me with nervous eyes, "So, my mom asked if you and I were, uh….friends who really liked each other. I told her yes, that you and I were doing something about the way we felt but we still hadn't figured it out because I am so totally always getting you in trouble and then I get in trouble and none of us are ever going to graduate with all the suspensions." Bo huffed out a heavy sigh, "Anyways, mom wants me to invite you to dinner this Friday night. My dad and her want to meet you and see what all the hub bub in my life is all about."

I blinked maybe once during Bo's explosive verbal vomit, only catching a few key words that had my stomach seizing up and then wanting to explode it's little contents into the metal trash can next to me. The biggest sentence that rang in my ears like a bullhorn was meet Bo's parents.

Fudge.

I stumbled a step back as my nerves went into overdrive along with my nervous shrugging, "Your mom and dad want to meet me? Why? I mean I'm just a tutor, your tutor and your friend who you kiss." I cringed at the last part, squeezing my eyes shut, "That's not what I meant." I sighed, looking at the scared look on Bo's face and how it made me sad whenever I saw that look. "Friday night?"

Bo nodded, biting her bottom lip like she always did when she was super nervous, "Friday night at like six. It'll be okay, they're really cool and my mom is super open minded about the world and my dad, when I told him, he didn't care. Just cared I was happy and that he wouldn't have to worry about me getting pregnant…." Bo paused her eyes growing to the size of dinner plates as I half choked on my spit, "Oh my god, Lauren, I mean it's….and…." she blew out a slow breath, "Fuck, this is all going to shit."

I set down the Stanford envelope, calling upon Tamsin's spirit and what she would say in this moment. After frowning deeper at the strange curse word filled things she probably would have said, I gathered my courage and swallowed down the need to endless throw up until my brain and my body could stop focusing on key points of this conversation. Sexual contact being the one running rampant and embarrassing the fudge out myself when I started thinking about Bo's boobs. "Okay, I can do Friday night."

Bo opened her mouth to say something, probably expecting a rejection. When it wasn't a rejection, she grinned and rushed me, scooping me up in a crushing hug, "This is awesome. It'll be awesome, and afterwards we can watch movies and hang out."

I nodded, placing my very sweat and shaky hands on her back, "Yup, awesome." I swallowed a few times, praying to all that was listening that I wouldn't throw up.

Bo giggled then suddenly pulled back, reaching for the Stanford envelope, "Is this what I think it is?"

I nodded, jamming my still sweaty hands in my back pocket, "Mr. Aberdeen gave it to me. It's my acceptance letter." I watched Bo open it up and read the same letter I just had, her face glowing and then slowly falling when she reached the line where it stated my start date along with when I needed to be situated in the dorms.

She slowly folded the letter up, "You'll be leaving two days after graduation?"

I shrugged nodded, "I don't know, I have to talk to my parents and work out details." I moved closer to Bo, "I know I have a ton of options, I can start in the fall or the late summer semester." I saw the look on her face and it broke my heart. Yes we had only started whatever this storm of emotions we were living in a few days ago, but I knew a part of me wanted Bo forever and I had to make her see it.

Bo smiled, setting the envelope down, "It's cool. I mean it's totally months away." She grabbed my upper arms, running her hands down them, "But it does give me motivation to start working on those college applications instead of using them as bookmarks." She met my eyes, "I'm happy for you Lauren, this is amazing." Her tone was semi-serious in an attempt to hide sadness that I was going to moving across the country in a handful of months for college.

I shrugged, pushing my glasses up for the millionth time, "Thank you." I stared in her eyes, my heart doing that weird wiggly thing, telling me that screw the time frame I had forgotten it all and fallen in love with Bo.

The door opened and people started filing in, forcing Bo and I both to take huge steps away from each other as they greeted us and patted my shoulder.

Bo went and found her seat, looking up at me as she pulled out her notebook and textbooks, grinning at me so much that her big brown eyes could up light up the room and I had realized over the last they only did that when she was looking at me.

Fudge.

I had gone and fudging fell in some sort of convoluted teenage love with Bo Dennis.

And it fudging made me feel alive.

Now if I could find that strength not to puke all over her parents when I met them.

* * *

 **xXxXxX**

Nothing about this night was okay. My hair sucked. My clothes sucked. Pretty certain dinner was going to suck. But what sucked the most was that Lauren was going to Stanford in a few months. I could barely get Stanford grades. Hell, I could barely get into RISD but my dad knew the dean of admissions so that's how I was getting into that school if I wanted to go. I took deep breath then let it out. I wasn't going to think about that. I was going to think about dinner tonight and the fact that it was with both Lauren and my parents. I looked at the clock. Crap. She was going to be here in a half an hour and I was still figuring out what to wear. Letting out an exaggerated and frustrated breath I began to rifle through my closet.

Ten minutes later and wearing a tight pair of jeans with a blue long-sleeved shirt that was tighter than the jeans and had a tendency to ride up, I walked downstairs to the kitchen. Dinner smelled delicious. Mom was making her rarely made pot roast and homemade rolls. Best thing about having Lauren over was that mom had left work early to come home to cook. She was excited to meet the girl who had done so much for me.

My mom was working on the mashed potatoes when she glanced at me over her shoulder real quick. She turned around and said, "No Bo. You're having a meal with your parents and future girlfriend. I don't think cleavage and exposed midriff is acceptable dinner dress."

I rolled my eyes and I walked over to the stove and plucked a carrot out off the roasting pan then popped it into my mouth. I chewed it up then said, "I have nothing to wear mom. Everything is terrible. This is the most appropriate thing I have to wear."

My mom shook her head then turned back around to finish the mashed potatoes. "You're only saying that because you're nervous." She smiled at me over her shoulder. "I remember when I met your father's parents for the first time." She chuckled then said, "I had completely destroyed my room by going through all my clothes then I thought I was going to throw up because I thought they were sure to hate me since I was definitely was a bit of a wild child." My mom paused for a second then continued, "But they loved me. Granted your grandmother was certain he was going to dump me for the woman that she had set him up with the week prior but I won that one." She turned to look at me. "So Bo this is just one thing and it doesn't really matter especially if you're really into her."

I thought about it. My mom was right because if everything went well with me and Lauren then this would be insignificant. I got another carrot out of the pan and ate it. As I chewed it up I said, "You're right." Then I had a thought. "Dad better not embarrass me."

My mom got a hesitant look on her face then she smiled. "I don't think he will do that to you Bo. I have told him to be on his best behavior." She looked at the clock on the stove. "Though he is late. Can you call his office to find out if he left yet?"

I nodded and I was walking over to the phone that was hanging on the wall and called my dad's office. It rang a few times then it went to his answering service. I hung up and said, "He didn't pick up so maybe he's on his way home. Did you need me to do anything?"

My mom shook her head no. "Nope. I set the table while the roast was cooking. I just have a few things to do then we'll be all set."

I told her okay then went into the living room and turned on the TV. I clicked through the channels a few time before I landed on a rerun of the Wonder Years. I didn't watch any of it, I was too nervous. The reassurance my mom had given me had faded and as time dragged on I was ready to cancel this whole thing. Pretend that I had a stomach bug or something. I think we had some ipecac in the bathroom somewhere but then doorbell rang. Now I was going to throw up. I stayed on the couch and hoped that my mom would answer it but when it rang again she shouted, "Bo answer the door please. I'm making the gravy."

I let out a groan then I took a deep breath then got off the couch. I took my time walking to the door and I could see Lauren's shadow through the window next to the front door. It was inevitable that I was going to throw up on myself between my nerves and excitement. I reached out and grabbed hold of the doorknob and took a deep breath. Jesus I was mess. I rolled my eyes then opened the door. Even though I was nervous Lauren looked like a timid deer ready to bolt into the woods. That alone made me smile and I said, "Hey."

Lauren got a shy smile on her face. "Hey."

I chuckled as I looked at her outfit she was wearing a black button up that was a size too big on her and the sleeves were rolled up at the end. Other than that Lauren pretty much looked like herself without the sci-fi shirt. I walked out of the house and closed the door behind me then I reached out for her hand and said, "You don't have to be nervous. My mom's going to like and my dad will probably pick your brain for a million facts that he's not going to retain. They're going to like you Lauren."

She started to pick at one of the buttons on her shirt as she mumbled, "I don't know Bo, I mean this is a huge deal. I mean it's your parents."

"Why is it a huge deal Lauren?" I asked hoping maybe if she put the label on what we were instead of me then it would have been on her terms and I wouldn't feel like I'm rushing things with her.

Lauren shrugged and said, "It's your parents Bo and they're like people I'm suppose to impress or something."

I couldn't help but to laugh. Lauren was worried about impressing my parents which was ridiculous because they would be impressed with her even if I didn't have really strong feelings for her. I took hold of the hand that was fiddling with the button on her shirt then brought it up to my lips for a quick kiss. Lauren looked up at me through her lashes and I noticed her cheeks started to get red. I smirked at her before I let go of her hand. I moved closer to her and placed my hands on her waist as I said, "You don't have anything to worry about. My parents are going to fall in love with you will probably want to disown me." I smiled then let out a soft hum. "I don't think I like that competition. I'll have to tell them you're corrupting me."

Lauren's head snapped up and she began to ramble. "I didn't mean for you to get suspended Bo. I didn't mean for Tamsin to get in trouble either. I-"

I pressed my lips against hers. That was the only thing I could think of to get her to stop, and for a second it worked. I felt Lauren start to kiss me back but then she pulled back. "What about your parents?"

I grinned and held Lauren tightly against me as I said, "My mom's too busy cooking and my dad's not home yet. So we have a few minutes where I can show you that I'm the one probably doing all the corrupting." Lauren bit her bottom lip and she had a thoughtful look on her face then her eyes dropped down to my lips. She stared at them for a moment then the next thing I knew she was kissing me. It took a second for me to get over the shock that Lauren had initiated the kiss but then I melted into it. Lauren's ever soft lips moving against mine caused me to let out a soft moan that I couldn't stop. This girl had a major effect on me and I couldn't stop it.

I slid my tongue across her top lip hoping Lauren would let the kiss go further but we were interrupted by someone clearing their throat. I broke away from her and I turned around to see my dad standing in the doorway with a huge grin on his face. I felt my face heat up with embarrassment and I hoped when the ground swallowed me and Lauren up that we both ended up in the same place. My dad walked out and stuck out his hand, "Hi there I'm Phil Dennis. Bo's dad."

Lauren stuck out her hand and she cleared her throat then said, "Lauren Lewis. I um-I-"

"She's my friend dad." I said so I could save Lauren and she wouldn't have to fumble over what we were to each other.

He looked at me then glanced at Lauren before he looked at me with a skeptical look on his face. "You kiss all your friends Bo?"

I covered my face with my hands and groaned. "Oh my god dad."

He let out a deep laugh and I wanted to run but I couldn't leave Lauren to defend herself. However, Lauren didn't need defending. "If it's okay with you Mr. Dennis would like it Bo was my girlfriend."

I turned my head to look at Lauren with a shocked look on my face. She had just asked my dad for permission to date me. I was a mixture of emotions. Happy because she wanted to go to that level with me, of all people. Confused because why did she have to ask my dad for permission to date me? But I was also smitten because it was such a Lauren thing to do. It was old school and so cute.

Surprised, my dad scratched back of his head and said, "Uhh…let's see how dinner goes then we can discuss it."

The whole thing got even more bizarre when Lauren smiled and said, "Fair enough sir."

My dad moved out of the way and said, "Let's go in and have dinner." I let Lauren go first and before I walked into the house my dad took hold of my arm and I looked at him with a confused look on my face. "What dad?"

He chuckled and asked, "So that's her huh?"

"Yes that's her." I answered.

His face scrunched a little then he said, "Bit of a pipsqueak isn't she?"

I rolled my eyes and countered, "Well that pipsqueak is smarter than the both of us."

We started to go in the house and he chuckled. "I'm certain she is. She seems like a nice girl though."

I shook my head and the two of us walked into the foyer where Lauren was waiting for us. I took hold of her hand then the three of us walked into the dining room. My mom was already in there waiting for us and she smiled, "Finally I was wondering if I was going to have to come get you three."

My dad walked over to his usual seat and remarked, "Well if you hadn't told me to gone out there I'm certain Bo would have had the poor girl pinned against the side of the house."

"Dad." I exclaimed. This night was going end with me dying from embarrassment.

He laughed and then said, "I'm just telling your mother the truth."

I shook my head then introduced Lauren to my mom. "Lauren this is my mom Colleen."

Lauren shook my mom's hand and my mom said, "It is finally nice to meet you Lauren. Bo has told us so much about you and I would personally like to thank you for helping her get her act together. We were so worried that she wasn't going to be able to get into college."

Lauren sat down at the table and said, "Oh you have nothing to worry about Mrs. Dennis. Bo is a superb student who just needs things explained to her differently."

"See Bo I told you, you were smart." I rolled my eyes and my mom continued talking to Lauren. "Lauren I hear you are somewhat of a genius. Have you had any thoughts of what you do when you finish school in a year or two?"

Lauren cleared her throat and said, "I'm actually graduating with Bo's class and I'm going to Stanford."

My dad let out a low whistle and said, "That's a top-notch school. Congratulations."

I scowled because this wasn't a topic that I wanted to have so I said, "Lauren's a big fan of science fiction movies."

That caught my mom's attention because she was a big fan of them even though she never has the time to watch them. The conversation shifted as we all ate dinner. College was never brought up again and it wasn't until the end of dessert did my dad broached the subject of Lauren's question.

"Hey Col do you know what Lauren asked me when I interrupted their suck face session?" My dad said as he leaned back in his chair.

I closed my eyes and groaned to myself. Then I glanced at Lauren and even though she looked a little nervous, her back was straight and she was ready to approach the subject head on. My mom took a sip of the coffee that was sitting in front of her and said, "Phil, can you show a little civility please and not use phrases like 'suck face'? Thank you?" She rolled her eyes in irritation then looked at Lauren, "What did you ask him?"

Lauren took a drink of her water and I took hold of her hand under the table. She looked at me with a small smile on her face then she looked back at my mom. "I asked if it was okay if Bo was my girlfriend. If it's okay with her parents."

My mom chuckled then set down her cup of coffee. She rested her elbows on the table then she folded her hands together before resting her chin on them. She smiled at Lauren then said, "Thank you." She chuckled again. "Though it's a little dated to ask a girl's parents to go out with her."

This was awkward but apparently Lauren had a mission or something. I just found it adorable. "I know it is but it's respectful. I would like to think that Bo would do the same just to make sure my parents approved of the person that I was dating. I mean it isn't a set in stone thing but it shows respect. "

I was impressed with how well Lauren handled that. I looked at my parents and they were even more parents. My dad let out a small laugh then said, "I don't mind if you date my daughter." But then he pointed at her, "Don't break her heart. Break her heart I'll break your nose."

"Dad!" I shouted again. I looked at Lauren and chuckled. "He's kidding."

My dad shook his head no and stated, "Nope. Not at all. If I could get my hands on the little shit-"

"Phil."

I rolled my eyes and explained, "Also I broke up with him. Lauren's nothing like Dyson."

"Well that's obvious." My mom commented.

Lauren got a small smile on her face then said, "Well if it's any help I don't for see me breaking Bo's heart anytime soon."

I looked at her for a second and I decided I was going to hold my tongue on that. Dinner had been fine so I wasn't going to ruin that. I got up from the table and said, "On that note I guess I'll clean up the kitchen."

My mom smiled at me and said, "Thank you Bo. Your father and I actually need to get going. We're going to go over to Mark and Katrina's for some get together that they're having."

This was her leaving me and Lauren alone. Crap. I forced a smile on my face. "Okay mom I think I can handle it."

"Come on Phil let's go." My mom said getting up from the table.

My dad got up and said, "Okay though I don't remember this get together nor do I think two teenagers who are full of teenager hormones should be left tog-" My mom scowled at him and he tapped the table and said, "So we're actually doing this. Well you girls clean up and uh...stay safe I guess."

I only stared at him before I asked Lauren, "Do you mind helping me?"

Lauren appeared to still be baffled by the situation but she shook her head and said, "No-No. Not all."

We gathered the dirty dishes and headed into the kitchen. We were cleaning up the kitchen when my mom shouted, "We'll be back in an hour Bo."

"Okay mom." I shouted back. I heard the front door close then I looked at Lauren and said, "I am so, so, so, so sorry about my parents. They don't have social filters sometimes. Okay a lot of the time and they can-" Lauren started to laugh which caused me to get a confused look on my face. "What?"

She rinsed off the dish that was in her hand then put it in the dishwasher as she said, "You're cute when you ramble."

I scoffed then threw the dishtowel at her then I remarked, "Well you're cute when you're being all respectful and asking my parents if it's okay for you to date me." I chuckled a little. "Who does that anymore?"

Lauren shrugged and went back to working on the dishes in the sink then said, "It seemed like the respectful thing to do. I'm certain even if your parents didn't approve of me you'd still date me but I like being forthright with them and letting them know that I respect them and you."

I stood there completely baffled by what Lauren saying. We're in high school so people get together and breakup in the next week or so. But this was different. Lauren was making this huge gesture and I was being swept away by it like that one scene in Gone With The Wind. All that was missing was the southern plantation and the swelling music. I walked over to stand next to Lauren and said, "So um…about us…." Lauren looked at me and I bit my bottom lip before I got a bashful smile on my face. "So we're like official, official now?"

Lauren eyebrow's scrunched up a little then she turned off the running water before wiping her hands on the dishtowel. "I mean-I-If you want to Bo. I guess I should have asked you first before I asked your parents." She frowned. "Fudge. I've never done this before so I don't know the proper protocol and-"

I kissed her. And this time it wasn't to stop her from going into a nervous babble but because I wanted to let her know that I was more than okay with us being official as well as her asking my parents before asking me. To let her know that I was totally okay with the entire situation that was going on between us. I felt her hands her hands tentatively rest on my hips as we continued to kiss. I wanted it to go further so bad but at the same time Lauren's lips were an experience all on there own. But the kiss was short-lived when she broke it. I pouted and asked, "Why did you stop?"

Lauren got a sheepish grin on her face and said, "Well I wanted to formally ask you to be my girlfriend."

I chuckled and I rested my arms on her shoulders as I told her, "I think we both know what this is now Lauren. I don't think we need to talk about it anymore."

She glanced down at the floor then back into my eyes. "I know but I want to Bo."

The girl was too adorable and a pro a melting my heart so I said, "Okay."

Lauren smiled a little then she bit her bottom lip before asking in a timid voice, "Will you be my girlfriend Bo?"

I still got the nervous anxious feeling and the tingly exciting feeling as she asked me. I was such a sucker for Lauren Lewis. A smile broke out on my face and I said, "Yes I will be your girlfriend Lauren."

The smile that came across the other girl's face made that weird indigestion thing happen and my heart started beating faster. I wasn't certain what any of that meant but I had to dwell on it later because Lauren asked in an uncertain tone, "So….can we go back to kissing now?"

I smiled at then leaned in to kiss her. That was one thing I definitely wasn't going to say no to.

* * *

XXXXX

"In one day you get accepted to Stanford, kiss Bo with tongue and ask her to be your girlfriend." Tamsin sat next to me in a bean bag as I sat at her desk, going over her homework and the stack of college applications her dad wanted to be filled out this weekend. "Call me Dr. Frankenstein, for I have created a full ball carrying monster." She chuckled, chugging on a bottle of Surge.

I nodded, my cheeks turning red at the thought of kissing Bo like we did on her parents couch, "I'm not a monster, I just really like Bo and it was a spur of the moment thing to ask her parents and her to be my girlfriend." I set the pencil down, shoving away the chemical equations I was drawing out for Tamsin to work on. Pushing up my glasses I looked at Tamsin, "I knocked on her door and the second she opened it, I knew what I wanted." I felt the dopey smile grow, "To be her girlfriend."

Tamsin rolled her eyes and wiggled deeper into the bean bag, "School is going to be interesting on Monday. Maybe I'll go undercover again and sneak in. Watch Dyson's beard catch on fire when he sees his ex on the arm of the school nerd." She winked at me, resting the bottle of soda on her sweatpants. "You know I love you." Her green eyes turned mischievous, "Speaking of love…."

I shook my head furiously and stood up from the desk, "Tams, no. I am fifteen, love is not something I should be indulging in." I folded my arms across the Captain America logo on the chest, "We've only been talking for a couple of weeks and it already feels like I'm in hyper drive getting into this girlfriends situation with Bo, but I couldn't resist. The look on her face when I told her about college." I paused, the look on Bo's face did something to me that still had me wondering so much about life and that no matter how much I was denying it, I was in very much in love.

"Speaking of college, has Bo mentioned anything about where she is going?" Tamsin burped softly after draining the rest of the bottle. She looked up at me, "My dad wants me to shoot for Stanford or Harvard, basically anywhere you go, he wants me to follow you. Thinks you're going to keep me on the straight and narrow."

I shrugged, "You can get into any school you want. You have the money, your dad's name helps and in time you will have the grades." I swallowed hard, moving to sit on the edge of her messy bed, "No, Bo and I haven't talked about school. We're usually doing other things with our mouths."

Tamsin gagged, "Stop putting images in my head." She groaned, rolling out of the bean bag to stand up. "I wouldn't worry about it, it's months away and knowing Bo. This could be a Monday to Friday relationship." Tamsin walked over to the desk, leaning over to look at the chemistry homework. "Ugh, can we do this tomorrow? It's Saturday, even hydrocarbon dioxide takes a rest on Saturdays."

I stared hard at the giant X-files logo on Tamsin's back, digesting what she had just said about Bo being a flake when it came to dating. I knew it, I had seen her go through boyfriends until Dyson. She would go through a school year and have fifty different guys on her arms. I bit the inside of my cheek, "You…uh…you think Bo and I…." I looked down at my hands, shrugging nervously.

Tamsin spun around, her face pale as she realized what she had said, "Fuck. That's not what I was getting at, I'm used to Bo being Bo." She bent down to look at me with a soft smile, "Honestly, I do believe you and Bo are going to be that gross, disgusting high school sweetheart story we all gag over at the twenty year reunion." She patted my knee, winking at me, "She clearly likes you and if she breaks your heart…."

I smiled slowly, shoving Tamsin in the shoulder, "You'll pound her until she is Bo pate."

Tamsin chuckled, "I'm glad you pay attention." She stood up, "Now, let's order something to eat and figure out what stupid shit on TV we're going to watch." She glanced at the clock, "Your girlfriend should be here in an hour."

My head shot up, "What? She's grounded." I began nervously running my hands down the tops of my thighs. "She'll be in trouble."

Tamsin laughed, shaking her head, digging in the desk drawer for take-out menus, "She was. Bo called me earlier today to tell me that after you charmed the fucking pants of her parents last night, they forgave her suspension. Realizing that Dyson deserved the malicious destruction of balls." She turned around holding up a pizza menu and a menu for the burger place outside her subdivision. "Cheese pizza or bacon cheeseburgers?"

I waved at the burgers, "So why is Bo coming here?"

Tamsin threw burger menu at me, "Because you're here, doofus. I told her you were spending the day with me doing homework and shit. She asked if she could come over, using the guise that she was spending the night with me since I was home alone again." She pointed at my pale white face, "I already called your mom when you were in the bathroom. Told her you and I were going to slumber party it up, under the guise that since dad limited my driving to the week to take you to school, I'm bored as fucking fuck in this house."

"She is going to know you're lying. My mom is the best intelligence analyst in her office." I felt my stomach flip, I hated lying to my parents even if it wasn't actually me doing the lying.

"I know, she called me out on Bo coming over." Tamsin picked up the phone, "Wanted me to pass on to you that she knows what it's like and that she trusts you. Said something about you being the prudish fifteen year old she has ever met."

I frowned, laying back on the bed and covering my face, "I hate everyone."

Tamsin threw a koosh ball at me, "No you don't. You love me, your parents and I'm pretty sure you love boobsy mcboobs Bo."

I rolled over on my stomach, taking the fleece blanket with some weird football team logo on it and burrowed deep into it, mumbling how I didn't love Bo.

* * *

 _ **One hour later-**_

Tamsin and I were sitting in the TV room, flipping through the cable channels when the doorbell rang. Tamsin hopped up and ran to the door, her bunny slippers making a weird scrapping sound across the wood floor as she shouted for whoever it was to settle the fuck down, she was coming.

I rolled my eyes and reached for the remote. After ordering the food, Tamsin and I worked on her college application to Stanford. She decided that it would be in my best interest if she came to California with me, for protection. I knew it was for reasons she would never admit too. Tamsin had become my best friend in a short period of time and I could see I had become hers. My mom was right, I would never get rid of the cursing blonde.

We had gotten her packet filled out, selecting the law program as her major. Tamsin admitted that deep down she wanted to get a degree in something criminal justice related and maybe become a cop or a federal agent, do some good in the world instead of falling into her father's path of technology design.

I flipped through the channels, stopping on HBO and National Lampoons Vacation. I was too caught up laughing at my favorite part that I didn't notice anyone enter the TV room until I felt a pair of soft lips press against my cheek, Bo's voice against my ear as she whispered, "Hey you."

I grinned, my face turning a bright red as I looked at her, "Hi." I licked my lips, resisting the urge to kiss her right on the spot, especially since I could hear Tamsin swearing at the food delivery guy for demanding a tip. "I'll shove the tip of these bunny ears up your ass. Leave before I take my fiver back."

Bo laughed, shaking her head as she sat down next to me, leaning against my shoulder, "Your best friend reminds me of a fifty year old woman who was in the marines. Foul mouthed and cranky."

I sighed contently at the warmth that was Bo, "Yep." I looked down at her, feeling those weird things in my stomach and around my heart that made me think of a future, like a real future with Bo. "What college are you going to, Bo?" I blurted it out and regretted it instantly when I saw her smile fall as she moved away from me.

"I don't know yet, probably RISD. It's the only school I can get into. My grades are a pile of shit and have been for years. I don't know who would look past it." Bo smiled weakly, turning to the TV. "I will miss you when you go to California and I hope that we can stay in touch."

I frowned, shaking my head, "Bo, you can go to any school you want. I just got Tamsin's stuff ready for Stanford, she's retaking her SAT's next week." I shifted to face Bo, "I can help you get into Stanford…um, I mean, if that's a place you'd think about going." I shoved my glasses up, "I'm jumping the gun, you just agreed to be my girlfriend last night and we don't know anything about life. We're just teenagers and….fudge, I'm going to stop talking and go help Tamsin."

I went to stand up when Bo grabbed my wrist, stilling me, "Lauren, I might be a teenager, but I know what I feel about you. It's pretty intense and scary as shit, but the only thing I know is that I would hate to be three thousand miles away from you." She took a deep steady breath, "If you think you can help get into Stanford or at least the California institute of hair coloring, I'm willing to try." She grinned, "Plus I would worry that some other girl would try to sneak in on what's mine."

I stared down at Bo, smiling at her, "What's yours?"

She nodded, smirking as she stood up, "Yup." She reached for my glasses, lifting them up to look at my eyes even as I squinted from being semi blind suddenly, "You're mine, Lauren Lewis and I think it's time you kissed me hello."

I blushed, trying not to squint as I leaned forward and kissed Bo softly. The way she said I was hers was amazing and didn't hint at all of being crazy possessive, it was a soft declaration of feelings. A declaration that chased away the stupid fears Tamsin had inadvertently put there earlier.

I kissed Bo hard, wrapping my arms around her to pull her closer against my gangly body before I whispered, "And you're mine, Bo Dennis."

Bo's big brown eyes turned glassy, she smirked and kissed me again, her tongue running over my lips and like last night I caved and opened my mouth wider to enjoy the newfound sensations that came with tongue kissing.

"Fuuccckinggg ggrrrooossss, stop it you two before I throw your double bacon and Bo's turkey burger on the floor and barf all over it." Tamsin bellowed as she entered the room, carrying three large greasy bags of burgers and fries. She also held a tray of milkshakes, "Hey twerp and the cheerleader, take the milkshakes into the fridge while I disinfect this entire room from your cooties."

Bo giggled, laying her head on my shoulder, "Cooties? Are we six Tamsin?"

"No, but this is my sanctuary and watching you two give each other dental exams has given me the heebie jeebs. So go while I wipe down our eating surface and fire up Christmas Vacation." She shoved the tray my way, making me stumble out of Bo's arms, "Don't filth up the kitchen either." She smirked at me as I handed the tray over to Bo, whispering, "I'm proud of you Lewis, I heard everything. You got balls, finally."

I shrugged nodded, looking at Bo as she walked into the kitchen, "I couldn't do it without you, Tamsin."

"I know." She shoved me playfully, dropping the food on the giant coffee table in front of us, "Sit down and eat your food."

I laughed, nodding, "Yes ma'am."

A handful of movies and some SNL later, Tamsin stood up from the couch, announcing as she yawned, "It's fucking time for bed. I have been on the food coma struggle bus since that triple chocolate shake. I need to sleep this shit off." She dropped her arms to her side, looking at Bo and I semi cuddled up on the couch, "You two are so cute, gross but cute." She sighed, "You know where the spare room is Lewis."

Tamsin turned and trudged up the stairs, "Breakfast is on me in the morning and then we can hit the books." She looked over her shoulder at us, "Don't do anything that will make me want to burn the sheets and the entire bed."

I groaned, covering my face as Bo giggled, "Goodnight Tamsin."

Her obnoxious laugh was the final word before her bedroom door slammed shut.

I huffed, moving to clean up the rest of the cups and napkins left on the table, "I don't get her sometimes. It's like she's a boy trapped in a girls body."

Bo leaned over, holding open the bag for me to drop garbage in, "I've wondered the same thing since I met her. How a girl who could probably be a runway model in New York be as brash and gross as my cousin Eddie."

I shrugged, standing up and yawning, "It's the magic of Tamsin?" I sighed, realizing how tired I was from the junk food and watching movies all day. "I'm tired." I glanced at Bo, "I…uh…can sleep…on the couch in Tamsin's room. It's soft and I've done it before. You can have the spare room, that bed is the size of a car." I frowned, I was rambling. I was nervous. I hadn't been left this alone with Bo and I had no idea what girlfriends did when they were alone. I mean I had an idea, especially from watching Cinemax, but this was different. I wasn't any of those confident, well bred people on those shows.

Bo grabbed my hands, "We can share the bed, I mean if you want to." She looked up at me with a soft smile, "We are girlfriends, and I think it's in the rules that we can share a bed."

I swallowed hard, kissing Bo had triggered something in my body that had me craving a lot of things from Bo, things I still was struggling to understand. I was only fifteen, granted I did have fifteen year old hormones running rampant, but I was scared and nervous. I liked Bo, scratch that, I loved Bo and remembering awkward conversations with my dad about the birds and bees, when two people were in love…..fudge, I had to stop thinking about everything.

"Lauren, I can see you thinking." Bo moved closer, "I won't try to do anything you don't want me to try. I like you, I love kissing you and I'd be a stupid lying idiot if I didn't say that I kind of want to do more." She sucked in a slow breath, "But I like you, I respect you and to be super honest, I have no idea what to do if we ever got to that point. I mean I have a reasonable idea since I have dated boys and we've rounded a few bases, but like I don't know how or what or stuff with a girl." Bo scrunched her face up, "Verbal diarrhea?"

I nodded with wide eyes, "Yep, like a lot of it." I blew out a slow breath, hating that I wasn't more confident or read a few more romance novels instead of science books in the corner bookstore. I stared at her, her big brown eyes full of worry, I smiled deciding to call on my balls to guide me like they had last night. "Let's go to bed. I think I know how to cuddle, granted I have sharp elbows, but I think we can manage those."

Bo rolled her eyes, shaking her head, "I can do that, cuddling is my strong suit."

We both blew out a sigh of relief and I led Bo to the spare room, moving to turn on the light I pointed at the closet next to the bathroom, "Tamsin has a bunch of her dad's tech company shirts in the closet if you need something to sleep in." I motioned to the dresser, "I left some of my stuff here since we seem to alternate Saturdays at my house or her house lately. I'm going to go change and I'll meet you here." I shrugged, smiling at Bo looking at the massive bed in wonder.

I came out of the bathroom to find Bo in bed already, tucked up like a sardine in a can with the blanket pulled up to her chest. I smiled as she looked at me, her eyes drifting to the fact that I was wearing a pair of my mom's old running shorts that showed off much of my knobby legs. But the look in Bo's eyes and the small smile made me blush and hurry to the other side of the bed.

Hopping under the covers, I took off my glasses and placed them on the side table before turning off the light. Settling back into the pillows I could feel Bo's body heat swarm around me, "Goodnight Bo." It came out super awkward and I felt like one of those married couples on the old black and white television shows my grandparents watched. All prim and proper and nowhere near excited to have someone in the bed with them.

I was excited, practically out of my skin and wanted nothing more than to roll over and cuddle up to my girlfriend and relish the fact I had a girlfriend. A girlfriend that was Bo Dennis and probably the hottest girl in school and she really liked me. Like a lot and she was in the bed next to me and never in my life had I predicted I'd be in this moment.

I grinned in the dark at my internal ramblings when I felt the bed shift and the warmth get closer. Then a hand fell to my stomach, warming up the skin underneath the Captain America shirt I left on, "Lauren?"

I managed to force a squeaky, "Hmm?" out, clutching the blankets tightly.

"Relax." Bo's voice moved closer as she pressed her body against mine, settling her head on my shoulder, I could feel her breath move across my neck. I could feel her smile as I let out a breath and soaked up the way it felt to have her this close. I moved my hand to find hers on my stomach, sliding my fingers in hers, I shifted to bring her closer and heard the cutest, softest little sigh come from her. "Goodnight Lauren." She snuggled deeper into me and in a few breaths I could tell she was asleep.

I didn't fall asleep right away, I laid there in the dark with the biggest, dorkiest, nerdiest grin on my face. Staring at the dark ceiling trying not to laugh in complete joy.


	8. Chapter 8

_**N: This is a two for one! and all ya'll need to pat WritingSux on the back for what's to come next. I did a dirty and laid that part in the capable hands of a very capable author. So read on and enjoy! As before, this is the only LG ff i will be working as i have officially retired. I will be working on getting OSCSM to print by hopefully next Feb. So stay tuned at the twitter and the facebook as i move about writing in original format. Thanks and enjoy this mess we created!**_

 _ **A Few Months Later -**_

"It's okay to go a little fast, or at least the speed limit, Lauren." Bo's voice was soft, but had a hint of frustration.

"I got my license today, Bo, I don't need to get a ticket the first day." I kept my hands at ten and two, driving Bo's red Camaro as carefully as I could. "You're making me nervous."

Bo giggled, placing a hand on my arm, "You're super cute when you're nervous."

I could feel her smirk and sighed, "I think I like it better when I drive with Tamsin."

Bo cocked an eyebrow, "Really? Even when she threw cheeto poofs at the side of your head when you made a mistake, yelling oh god we're all dead now, Lewis! You prefer her over my kisses?" Bo leaned over, pressing a quick kiss to my cheek.

"Bo! Seriously, stop it." I gripped the steering wheel tighter, turning onto the dirt road that would lead us to our spot. The cool spring air was filling the car through the open windows, carrying the breath of fresh air after a very long winter. Bo and I were going out to celebrate me finally getting the courage to get my driver's license. Both her and Tamsin had taken on the task of teaching me how to drive and it was what I imagine going to boot camp was like. Tamsin would yell at me like a drill sergeant and throw cheese poofs or whatever food she had in her hand, Bo would be more thorough and reward me with kisses. Kisses that led to some serious making out in the front seat that lead to Tamsin throwing food at the both of us and gagging.

Bo and I had been dating for seven months and it was amazing. Our classmates stared at us in disbelief the first few weeks, then Tamsin came back to school and soon no one cared or dared to care for fear of a tornado of fists from the blonde. I was growing more confident in every aspect of life, but still maintained my nerdy ways and I was still always very wary of Dyson and what was up his sleeve. He would glare at me in the hallways and a few times he cornered me, whispering strange threats that he would make sure I got mine for stealing Bo from him. Right when I was about to vomit and or pee in my pants, Tamsin would appear like a ninja and yank half of his beard hair out. Sending the boy yipping like a kicked dog back to his dumb friends.

It was now early April and I had most of the senior class prepped to graduate with honors and most of them were on the verge of receiving scholarships from the colleges of their choice. Mr. Aberdeen had told me last week that I had been named Valedictorian and oddly enough Tamsin had been named salutatorian. Her GPA was second to mine and only by half a point, it was shocking. Shocked all of the teachers into disbelief that the tough blonde girl actually had a brain in her head and I had unlocked her full potential. Bo was third in the senior class and in a month and a half we would all be graduating and moving on to college. Tamsin would be heading to Stanford with me and Bo was still waiting for her acceptance letter for the fall semester. We were both excited and eager to start this new chapter in our lives, our friendship had grown to a point that it was unbreakable and Tamsin I wore Best Friend Forever pizza slice shaped necklaces. Tamsin had bought it for my birthday, telling me that I was the slice that made her pizza whole. I laughed and shook my head, telling her she was so fudging weird but I loved her anyways. She slugged me in the shoulder, her way of expressing her love for me.

"Pull over here." Bo's voice was against my ear, sending shivers through my entire body. The second the Camaro was in park, Bo climbed into the back seat, yanking me back with her. I knew I was in for some fun trouble the second I saw the devious glint her big brown eyes.

"Wait, I have to unbuckle my seatbelt." Excited hands fumbled over the thing as I tried to climb back still strapped in. I shoved my glasses up as the seatbelt clicked free and half launched my body on top of Bo.

Bo grinned, removing my glasses and setting them by the back window, "I wish you would get contacts, I love the color of your eyes." She ran her hands over my cheeks, "Or smaller glasses."

I swallowed hard, squinting at Bo, "I don't like touching my eyes and I have to wait until summer before mom's insurance covers a new pair of glasses." I shifted so I was half sitting up, running my hand through Bo's soft brown hair, feeling nervous like I did every time we were in the back seat. We had numerous make out sessions and lately they had been increasing in frequency and Bo's hands began to travel further under my clothes, making me freak out inside at the possibilities that would come with roaming hands. I smiled as she moved closer, kissing the corner of my mouth like she always did before she full on kissed me.

Bo whispered against my mouth, "I'm proud of you, passing your driver's test." She kissed me deeply, her tongue sneaking across my lips as I sighed and kissed her back. I quickly fell into the haze that was Bo Dennis kisses, forgetting everything in my head I wanted to say in response, and pulled Bo closer against my body.

The spring air was motivating and before I knew it, Bo's hands were under my shirt and flat on my bare back, pressing her palms hard against the skin. I half moaned into the kiss and it spurred Bo on, her hands moving back down to grab the edge of my shirt and lift it up, breaking the kiss to pull it over my head like she was a magician doing the tablecloth trick. The cool air hit my bare skin, making me shiver and reach for Bo for her warmth and kisses.

"Wait a minute." Bo reached and grabbed the hem of her NASA shirt I got her for Christmas and yanked it off, smirking when she saw my eyes grow the size of dinner plates. "Come here." She grabbed me again, kissing me as she pulled us together.

I was lost to her, not even digesting the fact that this was the first time I actually saw Bo skin in the daylight. We had made out a ton of times in Tamsin's guest bedroom, but that was fumbling in the dark and I usually stopped everything when Bo's fingers reached my bra clasp.

Right now I was excited that I was sixteen, a licensed driver in the state of Rhode Island, had the hottest girlfriend in the world would let me drive her wicked cool muscle car and now we were making out in the back seat with a Saturday afternoon in spring sun shining down on us. I was throwing caution to the wind and drowning happily in the kisses of my girlfriend I was super in love with.

Bo suddenly shifted us both to lay down on the squeaky leather of the back seat, her hands grabbing my butt and pulling me up to basically straddle her. I gasped in her mouth from the pressure of her grabby hands, "Bo."

She looked up at me, licking her lips before looking down at my breasts in the tiny pink bra she gave me for Christmas, "Yes Lauren?" Her hand moved to the side of my breast, her fingers brushing in a way that had me squeeze my eyes shut, "You're so beautiful." She kissed the edge of my chin, "And I really really want to see you naked."

I swallowed hard, debating on what to do. I was a complete and utter virgin in the truest form. Bo was the only one I had kissed and the furthest we had gone was over the clothes groping. Now here I was topless, pressed up against her in the tiny space of the backseat, and when I opened my eyes they fell right on her glorious boobs about to pop out of the black lace bra she was wearing. "Fudge." I sucked in a breath, trying to find something to focus on that wasn't boob related. It didn't help that Bo's hand was now covering my left breast, squeezing as her fingertips plucked at the edge. Triple fudge.

Bo bent up, kissing me again as her hand slipped under my bra and palmed my bare breast. The feeling was incredible, like Gillian Anderson standing in front of me asking me out on a date incredible, and it short circuited my thoughts and I unconsciously pressed into her hand. My teenage hormones were about to explode from a pure sexual revolution and I was about to say fudge it all and let Bo continue when I heard a branch snap. Snapping back into reality. I lurched away from Bo's hand, "Wait, wait, wait wait." I leaned on the other side of the back seat, folding my arms over my chest after grabbing my glasses and putting them back on to look at a very flushed and flustered girlfriend, giving me the saddest concerned look.

"Are you okay?" Bo reached for my knee, "I know you said you wanted to go slow because of your lack of experience, but it's hard to resist you when I lo…like you so much, Lauren." She squeezed my knee comfortingly, scooting closer. "I get lost in making out with and I just totally think you're beautiful and amazing and I want to show you all of that." She looked down at her hand on my knee, "I'm sorry." Bo reached in the front seat, handing me my shirt to put on.

I sighed, reaching for it slowly. I wanted the same thing from Bo, but was so freaked out that it would be the worst experience in her life, plus I was scared fudgeless for anyone but my doctor and my mom to see me naked. I was still a gangly mess regardless that I was putting on muscle from running on the treadmill with Tamsin at her house while we watched movies.

"Bo, I'm scared, nervous and that has nothing to do with you. It's me and all of the after school abstinence movies I watched with my dad." I smiled as I picked up her hand, "I really really like you too, Bo, I just want to wait a little longer. We have so much going on right now. Graduation is around the corner, final exams, college prep, the big senior game and the spring fling." I bent down to catch her eyes, "I might be terrible at this…and I'd hate to disappoint you." I sheepishly smiled at her watching her face fall at the words college prep. Bo and I were still struggling with the chance that she would not get into Stanford and what we would do about our relationship. I loved her, but had yet to tell her. Tamsin told me that if I balled up and told Bo I was in love with her, she would pay for Bo to come out to visit every other month. But I had to actually tell Bo that I was in love with her, head over heels beyond hopelessly in love with her.

There was a chance hell would fudging freeze over before I told Bo that, for the simple fact it scared me how in love with Bo I was at the age of sixteen. It didn't make sense in the analytical part of my brain to fall in love at such a young age when I had no life experience, yet the other side of my brain, driven by my heart told me that it was a sign of true love.

Bo gave me a look, throwing her shirt back on, "You couldn't disappoint me Lauren, I might have experience but it's all with dumb boys. Dumb boys that got their nut off and left me hanging." She kissed me quickly, "Not a beautiful genius who stole my heart over chemical equations."

I blushed like a volcano was exploding on my face, "I'm not beautiful." I shrugged.

Bo shook her head laughing, "Yes you are Lauren, remember when I first time I said that to you?"

I nodded, "On my birthday when you took me to the planetarium for the solar exhibit in the amphitheater." I grinned, "I showed you the constellations and you kept staring at me."

Bo grinned wider, "And you asked why I was looking at you instead of the stars and I said because you were more beautiful than any star in the sky."

I could only nod. It was all I could do when Bo told me flattering things, it through me off guard and had me truly befuddled how the head cheerleader of the high school was my girlfriend and actually thought I was beautiful.

I cleared my throat, "You're more beautiful than the entire solar system." I looked up to see Bo roll her eyes in the way she did when she was playfully irritated I couldn't accept a compliment.

"Lauren, I hope one day I can tell you the truth of what I feel and think about you and you agree with me." She then brought my hand up to kiss it, "Well now that you put the kibosh on a backseat celebration, what do you say to dinner and a movie to celebrate getting your license? Then we can head to Tamsin's for movie night with some snuggles?" Bo batted her eyelashes at me.

I sighed at her. "Yes, of course. You know I can't turn down our weekend snuggle fest." I laughed when her eyes perked up. I kissed Bo, murmuring against her mouth, "Will you please drive? I might have an anxiety attack if I have to drive through town."

Bo giggled, climbing back over the console to flop down into the driver's seat, "I will if you do one thing for me."

I climbed into the passenger seat, "Anything for you Bo."

She met my eyes, "Go to the spring fling with me?"

I whipped my head around so fast, my ponytail almost spilled out of its scrunchie, "What did you just ask me?"

Bo giggled, lifting my hand like a gentleman in black and white movies would, "Lauren Lewis, my very beautiful girlfriend, will you please go to the spring fling with me? Make it a big date where we do our hair, put on makeup and wear dresses?"

I blushed harder, "Like the spring fling, the biggest dance before the senior prom?" I bit my lip nervously, my glasses sliding down my face.

"Yep, that one. I want to dance with you, see you in a dress and get you a corsage. Have our parents take stupid pictures of us and then wave us off. All that shit and more." Bo sighed, "I kind of already booked a limo and picked out a dress, so will you please go with me?"

I scrunched my face up, having a heck of a time not saying no to the look on her face, fearful I would say no and ruin whatever romantic fantasy she had planned for us. I sucked in a breath, "Fine, but we have to get Tamsin to go." I fidgeted with my hands, "I heard Dyson is going and I'm still afraid he's going to do something stupid before the year is out."

Bo squealed in joy, kissing me hard before pulling away, holding my face, "This is going to be epically awesome! We can go shopping for makeup and dresses and all that shit! I love going to the mall!" She kissed me once more then started the Camaro, driving us back down to town for dinner talking a bazillion miles a minute about the spring fling and how much fun we would have.

I sighed softly, thinking that getting to third base with Bo would be a bajillion times less nerve-wracking than going to a school dance.

* * *

 **xXxXxX**

I looked at myself in the mirror one more time though it would be my thousandth time making sure I looked okay. It was a big night. Not for me. For me it was another boring dance but it was a big night for Lauren. It was her first dance and I wanted it to be special for her. Four months is the longest relationship that I had ever been in and I've enjoyed every last bit of it. It was fun watching Lauren evolve from a shy nerd to less of a shy nerd. She was just as beautiful as when I had first fallen for her. And fallen for Lauren I had. I was in love with her.

That's what that weird indigestion feeling was. I realized it one day when she was helping Tamsin and I with our homework. She had made some cheesy joke about the equation and even though it went over my head I still laughed because it was Lauren. I would listen to a ton of her cheesy science jokes if that meant a smile was always on her face. I was in it deep.

I let out an aggravated breath when I realized that my hair wouldn't look any better than it already did. I grabbed the jean jacket that I was going to wear and headed downstairs. I walked into the living room and my mom was sitting at her desk doing some work while my dad was lying on the couch watching a basketball game. He sat up when he saw me and said, "Well don't you look nice all dolled up. I hope the way that dress shuts, is something that is very complicated that your pipsqueak nerd of a girlfriend won't be able to undo."

I covered my face with my jacket and groaned. "Oh my god dad." My parents actually adored Lauren and if things between us didn't work out I was pretty certain that they would want to adopt her and give me to Lauren's family but I'm not certain Lauren's parents would want me either. I frowned at that thought then shook my head before I said, "Lauren and Tamsin should be here in a minute. Remember I'm staying at Tamsin's tonight and I should be home in the morning."

My mom got up from her desk and she walked over to me. As she fixed my hair she said, "I do wish you would take the wrap that came with this dress instead of that dreadful jacket."

I rolled my eyes and told her, "It'll be fine. I'm only wearing it for all of ten minutes total."

She let out an exasperated breath then muttered, "That's beside the point." The look on her face changed to a confused one as she said, "I don't understand why you won't wear it. I mean you and Lauren spent at least four hours at the mall the other day. I couldn't imagine Lauren had a fun time shopping."

I could feel my cheeks start to heat up. We hadn't spent four hours at the mall. In fact, I'm pretty certain we had spent all of an hour at the mall. Lauren's parents had been working late when I had gone to get her to go to the mall and what had started out as a hello kiss turned into us stumbling into the living room for a make out session that had me praying to all gods, even the forgotten Greek ones, that Lauren wanted to go to the next level but I hadn't been that lucky. We had both been topless and I was close to having her bra undone and actually touching Lauren's boob when she told me to stop. So we did. I respected her decision to go slow and only wanted to do what she was comfortable with but the level of sexual frustration that I was feeling was ridiculous. And my method of trying to alleviate some of that tension had my mom asking why I had started taking long baths after school.

"She had a great time shopping." I said with a forced smile on my face hoping my parents wouldn't figure out what we really happened yesterday. "We got dresses that went well together and Lauren is totally cool with me wearing my jean jacket." I scoffed a little then remarked, "Lauren definitely doesn't care about style or fashion or anything."

My dad let out a grunt then remarked, "She may not care about your dress but she is a hormonal teenager. Keep that jacket on all night." He held up a finger. "You know what I think you still have time to go up and change. You have to have a dress that doesn't…" He gestured around in front of his chest, "Show all that."

My mom turned and looked at him. "Phil leave her alone. The dress is fine. Bo is fine." She waved towards the TV. "Watch your game."

He scoffed and her mom smiled at her as she asked, "Where's your overnight bag?"

I shrugged and told her, "I don't need it. I have some clothes at Tamsin's." I chuckled. "I've been spending so much time over there because her and Lauren are inseparable."

I would be jealous about the amount of time that the two of them spent together but the way Lauren looked at me and the way that she was around Tamsin was a definitely different. Also the two of them nerded out about a TV show that I couldn't even wrap my mind around. I couldn't get past the alien thing, also I asked way too many questions. Though Xena I had become a fan of thanks to Tamsin. I almost had been Xena for Halloween but I was talked out of that. Something about my boobs being the reason why Lauren would get into her first fight.

The doorbell rang and I walked into the foyer to answer it. When I opened it Lauren was standing there in the dark blue dress she had picked out and she had looked amazing in it. Her hair had been styled to where it had been curled and it fell down around her face perfectly. But the one thing that amazed me was that her big, dark-rimmed glasses were gone. I was stunned by how beautiful she looked that I couldn't find a single word to say, which was a rare thing. I suddenly began to think that maybe I should have put more of an effort into how I looked.

Lauren stood there looking at me with a shy smile on her face and it made the weird indigestion feeling happen. I had no idea how I had gotten so lucky but I wasn't going to think too hard about it. My mom gave my shoulder a gentle nudge and said, "Oh my goodness Lauren you look absolutely wonderful. Come in and let's take a few pictures." Then she shouted, "Phil, get the camera."

Lauren glanced at me as I still gawked at her then she smiled as she said, "Thank you Mrs. Dennis. My uh-My mom surprised me today with a makeover since it was my first dance. Oh and contacts which are taking some time to get used to. I'm expecting to go blind any second here."

Tamsin bumped her shoulder against mine and whispered, "Guess that guest room will finally be seeing some action tonight."

That broke me out of my trance and I scoffed then told her, "I'm not going to do that. I mean I want to but if-if Lauren doesn't want to then I'm not going to uh-" I got flustered and moved away from her which caused Tamsin to laugh. I hated her so much. I walked closer to Lauren who was talking with my dad and he had a serious look on his face. I let out an annoyed breath then said, "Dad what are you doing?"

I saw the startled expression on Lauren's face along with the way her face was a shade of red that seemed to get worse by the second. He got a smile on his face and told me, "Oh don't get bent out of shape Bo. I'm just talking with her seeing where she's taking my darling daughter out on a date." He narrowed his eyes at Lauren. "And she will be nothing short of appropriate isn't that right Lauren?"

Lauren's head bobbed up and down in agreement and I rolled my eyes in irritation. Even if Lauren had been ready to go to that next level my dad had effectively shut that down. I let out a frustrated breath then asked, "Can we take pictures so we can go please?"

My mom told me yes and she snapped a few pictures. We were about to head out of the door when I remembered I had forgotten the tickets on the fridge. I ran into the kitchen and when I walked by the island I glanced at the pile of mail that was on it. I saw the envelope from Stanford mixed in and my heart began to race. Mom must have forgotten to tell me it had come. I pulled the envelope out of the pile then ripped into it and pulled out the letter. I had to read it twice and by the time I had finished the second time tears were blurring my vision.

I hadn't gotten in.

I hadn't gotten in and it meant that I wasn't going to be going to the same college as Lauren. I thought the world was crumbling from beneath me. If I didn't go to the same school as Lauren what was I going to do? "Hey Dennis where did you go to get those tickets?" I heard Tamsin yell as she began to make her way back to the kitchen.

I folded up the rejection letter and shoved it under the bigger pile of mail then wiped away the tears that were threatening to leak from my eyes. By the time Tamsin had gotten into the kitchen I was able to pretend like I wasn't on the verge of a meltdown. "You okay?" She asked as she looked at me.

I forced a smile on my face and I went over to the fridge to get the tickets. As I moved the magnet that was holding them onto the fridge I told her, "Yeah. I'm just excited. Lauren looks great."

Tamsin chuckled and remarked, "Yeah well you missed the live showing of her freak out about her looking like an idiot." I turned around and Tamsin placed her hand on my shoulder as she asked again, "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah I am." I held up the tickets for the dance. "Come on, we've got to get Lauren to her first dance."

Tamsin chuckled then told me, "I have a camera and I'm getting all of the fun on film."

We left and I pushed the depressing thought of me not going to the same school as Lauren out of my mind. I was going to make sure that Lauren had a good time then I would worry about the rest later.

* * *

XXXX

I sat in the back of the limo, fidgeting with the edge of my dress while Tamsin giggled, shoving a disposable camera in my face. "Can you stop, Tams?"

"Nope! Certainly can't and won't!" She snapped another quick picture and nudged me, "Cheer up Lewis, you look like a dog crapped in your hand." She bent to look out the window at Bo hugging her parents goodbye, "Get excited. You're going to the dance with your girlfriend and then coming to my house for the after party for three. Turn that frown down and get it the hell out of here."

I groaned, "Tams, please. I don't need more excitement." I glanced at Bo's dad giving me a halfhearted evil eye and groaned harder, covering my face. "I'm close to vomiting all over your dress pants."

"Hey don't knock my outfit." She waved over the white button down and grey pinstripe pants she wore, stating that if she was going to be the chaperone, she would dress the part. Tamsin poked my arm, "What's wrong, Lauren?"

I mumbled through my hands, "Bo's dad had a talk with me about tonight."

"Yeah, so." Tamsin slid down on the slippery leather to sit half on me, "He talked to me too, what's the big."

I glared at my best friend, "No, he like had the TALK with me. How I wasn't to touch his baby girl, avoid staring at her for more than three seconds and be nothing but a gentleman. I was to treat her like she was a national secret I was transporting to the president. I think he was about to threaten me with something before Bo caught him." I sighed, fidgeting harder with a hem, my cheeks starting to burn with embarrassment. "I know what he means about national secrets, my mom deals with them all day and she gets this look in her eye when she has to transport them, it's scary."

Tamsin rolled her eyes, "Oh lord. Bo's dad is probably screwing with you. To be honest you need to make that talk become reality." She shoved me a bit, "You two need to do something about this weird tension around you. One, you can't get her pregnant and she sure as shit can't get you pregnant, third, I am getting real sick of hearing Bo bitch about her mom bitching about all the long ass after school baths."

I raised an eyebrow, "Why is she taking baths after school?" I was confused. I knew Bo was a clean freak and sometimes took really long showers at Tamsin's house, but she had long hair and shaved her legs constantly.

Tamsin groaned, squeezing her eyes shut, "Bo is diddling in the bath tub because you leave her with blue balls the size of Africa every time you make out." She huffed, "It's the same reason why you hide in the bathroom for ten minutes under the excuse you had a bad burrito." Tamsin suddenly made an inappropriate gesture with her hands, "You two need to just finger blast to the moon and back."

I swatted Tamsin hard on the arm, "Oh my fudging god, shut up!" My cheeks were flaming red and I wanted to run out of the limo, "I…can't…shut up…I don't...shut up."

The blonde was giggling uncontrollably, slapping me back when the side door opened and Bo stuck her head in, a lopsided grin on her face, "Ladies, settle. My parents can see what's going on and my dad is debating on letting me go to the dance at all."

I shoved Tamsin hard, shoving her off the leather seat to land on the floor before looking at Bo, "Sorry, Tamsin is being…well Tamsin."

Bo shook her head and reached for my hand as she sat next to me, "I can see that, but relax Lauren. My dad was messing with you, but he does expect you to treat me right tonight." She looked in my eyes, "I told him that I was the one that had to treat you right, my incredibly gorgeous girlfriend." Bo leaned over, pressing a kiss to my cheek, whispering, "You look amazing Lauren."

I blushed and shrugged, "You do too, Bo." I smiled taking in how incredible she looked in her dress that was one shade of blue lighter than mine and fit her in ways that had me wanting to use the burrito excuse when we got to the dance, just to be alone and relax. My hormones and heart were colliding and I was scared crapless that Bo's dad would know if I laid on inappropriate hand on her. It didn't help that Bo smelled and looked beyond amazing. Her hair was done up and away from her face and her makeup was flawless, highlight those big brown eyes that I would do anything for, well almost. Damn morals conflicting with my raging hormones. This was going to be a long night, a long night where Bo's dad was always in the back of head.

"You both need to open up a syrup factory for how sappy this scene is." Tamsin waved a hand over us as she snapped another picture, "So what's the plan for this hoedown?"

Bo wrapped her fingers in mine, "We're going to dance, drink punch while I show my girlfriend off and then we'll hit up some pizza and head back to Tamsin's." She looked at me, "Whatever you want to do, Lauren, it's your night. But give me at least one dance." There was something behind her big smile, it was kind of like the fake one she gave that creep of a cheerleader coach when she just wanted to play along and not speak her true feelings.

I stared at our hands, squeezing hers and feeling the words want to come out. To tell Bo that I loved her. I smiled, "Whatever you want, Bo." I felt my heart backhand me at skipping a perfect moment to spill it. Three little words I had been choking down like my grandma's beef stroganoff.

Both Bo and Tamsin rolled their eyes, laughing. Bo lifted my hand, kissing the knuckles, "Lauren, tonight is about you. You and us, so relax, breathe and have fun."

I sighed, moving to push up the non-existent glasses, "Fudge."

This was going to be excruciating.

* * *

The gym was packed and looked nothing like Mapleview's gym slash basketball court. It was filled with flora and fauna, trying to play up the spring fling theme. I scanned the room, gripping onto Bo's arm as my anxiety began to reach a nuclear level. People were looking over at us as we entered, but smiled, waved and moved on with whatever mingling that teenagers did at dances.

"Relax." Bo's breath was warm against my ear, sending shivers down my spine, "You're with me, I'll keep you close and safe." She kissed right under my ear, chasing the shivers out with that weird liquid heat feeling that started in-between my legs and traveled north and south.

I swallowed hard, glancing at her, "I know. It's, I just, I've never done this and it's making me sick." I smiled weakly, "Would you be mad if I said I wanted to go home?" I batted my eyes, hoping the puppy dog look would win.

Bo cocked an eyebrow, not buying a thing, "Yes. You promised me a dance and I will get that dance or no more snuggles."

I frowned, running a hand through my hair since my glasses were missing, "Okay." I hated that Bo knew my weakness with snuggles and that my hormones would be equally as pissed if I blocked them from snuggling into all that soft Bo Dennis skin and boobs.

Bo kissed me quickly, leaning over to grab Tamsin's attention as she eyeballed the hell out of the snack table, "Tamsin? I'm going to get us a drink, can you make sure Lauren doesn't make a run for it?"

Tamsin chuckled, linking her arm in mine, pulling me closer, "Sure thing Boobs McGee, but bring me back a cookie or ten." She winked at me, "This one is a runner. Like a scared baby deer at the first sign of humans."

I frowned deeper, "I hate the both of you." I dropped my eyes to look at the gym floor. Tracking the lines in the parquet floor to calm my nerves. I was totally out of my comfort zone and felt like an alien in the dress, makeup and all the girly stuff Tamsin and Bo slapped on me.

Tamsin patted my arm like my grandma did, "You don't hate us." She peered over my shoulder watching Bo waltz away, "You love that girl more than you love all that science shit in your room." Her big green eyes met mine, full of sincerity, "Are you going to tell her tonight? Soon or never? You probably need to before we head off to Stanford and Bo is stuck going to RISD or some other community college."

I felt my eyes widen, "What? No, Bo is going to Stanford with us. We sent her application off last week and she should get her acceptance letter this week." I swung around looking at Bo chatting with Callie with a smile on her face. "We worked really hard on her letter and getting her social achievements highlighted." I had noticed that she seemed off at her house, and extra fidgeting when Tamsin brought up her dad hooking us up with a huge apartment off campus.

Tamsin sighed softly, squeezing my arm, "Shit. Lewis, I didn't tell you this, but I walked in on Bo crying in the kitchen. Trying to stuff the rejection letter under the weekly coupon clipper." She held my eyes for a second, "She's not going to Stanford with us." Tamsin shrugged disappointed, she had grown attached to Bo in her own way and all three of us were beyond geeked to take on the next chapter of life like we were the three musketeers.

I felt my heart drop like a rock to the bottom of my stomach. I turned to stare at Bo, the want to cry rising fast. I couldn't imagine not seeing Bo every day or not spending every day with her in some way. "Fudge." I whispered it, swinging around to look at my best friend for some sort of answer. "What can we do?" The panic and anxiety were colliding and now I understood what everyone meant when they spoke of true love being one of the life giving functions. To eat, breathe, drink, sleep and love, it was what kept a human alive, and Bo was critical in that. Even if I was being a typical dramatic sixteen year old, she had become a key component of my life.

Tamsin shrugged, "Nothing. Her grades have been a pile of shit since junior high, she kept falling back on her parent's money and the hope they'd just shove her into design school then take over the family business. We both know Stanford has a stupid ass high admittance criteria and you know what saved me was that I had decent grades in junior high and my dad made a donation. That and the teachers all vouched for me that I had a big brain hidden under the need to punch every fucking idiot in the world." She stepped away as Bo started walking back, squeezing my shoulder. "Anyways, you don't know anything, but I promise, we'll figure something out." Tamsin winked at me and hustled off to high five Wayne and the rest of the football team devouring cocktail wieners.

I nodded slowly, feeling more anxiety about Bo. I forced a smile when she handed me a cup of fruit punch. "Hey, Callie says hi and that you look great."

I blushed, taking the drink in both hands. Not knowing anything else to say, I was still learning how to take compliments from anyone, including my girlfriend.

Bo moved closer, that million-watt grin plastered all over her face, "Everyone is staring at us." She looked around the room at all our classmates looking at us, smiling, waving and oddly approving of Bo and I being together. "And I feel like the luckiest girl alive to have you as my girlfriend."

I blushed deeper and mumbled something I didn't even understand, when Bo gasped at the new song that started playing from the front of the gym.

"ooh, I love this song." She grabbed my hand and tugged me out on to the floor. I grimaced not recognizing the song, I needed to pay better attention when Tamsin and Bo forced me to watch MTV.

"Bo…I don't." I shrugged looking at her.

She rolled her eyes, took the cup out of my hands and set it on a table next to us, "I played it for you last week at our spot. I told you that it was what I totally thought is our song. I swear by Boyz II Men."

I half smiled, only remembering making out heavily anytime we were in our spot. I blew out some air and swallowed hard when Bo took my hand and slid her arm around my waist. She grinned at me, her brown eyes sparkling as she sang the words to the song softly to me.

Looking in her eyes, I felt the entire world melt away to the point it was just her and I. God, did I love her so much that I could never put it into words. I looked away before I started tearing up from the stupid emotions of being sixteen and grossly in love, and caught Ted glaring at us with Dyson pointing and sneering. I swallowed hard again, sensing Dyson was about to do something by the way he smirked at me. "Bo…" I scanned to find Tamsin, my freak out about to happen regardless of Bo holding me tight.

Her hand on my cheek drew me back to her, "Lauren, I really like you and I have to tell you something." Her smile faded as she sighed and rolled her eyes.

I looked down at the front of her dress, mainly at the tops of her boobs and blurted it out, "I know about Stanford." I glanced up at her, her face turning a pale color as she bit her bottom lip.

"Lauren, I can come visit…" Bo shook her head, looking up at the ceiling, "I don't want to think about it, but I had to tell you. I like you so much and it's hard to hold it in." She met my eyes again, "I know we've been together only seven months, but it's been incredible and I feel like a piece of shit for not taking school seriously. It's biting me in the ass now and I have to figure out how to live without…um, live so far away from you." She tore her eyes away, looking down at our hands, shaking her head and paused her words, words that were on the verge of a verbal diarrhea outbreak.

I swallowed hard, trying to find the courage and the words to tell her exactly what I felt for her and that it was probably time that I showed her what she meant to me. I didn't give a flying fudge that I was sixteen and barely able to vote and drive, Bo Dennis, my amazing girlfriend standing in front of me was the one true love of my life and I wanted her to know it. She was the fabled one my parents and grandparents spend nights telling me about and suggesting I search out. I had found her, she found me and if anything, I would give up Stanford for her. She was that important to me, I was in love with her.

I took a slow breath, licking my lips to embark on the third scariest thing I had ever done in my life and confess my feelings, when I felt a very familiar strong hand on my shoulder shoving me with force.

"We got to go." Tamsin's voice had a sense of urgency in it that had both Bo and I swinging to look at her. She shook her head and started shoving us, "Seriously, we need to hustle the fuck out of here."

I looked over her shoulder to see Ted lying on the ground, clutching his stomach covered in fruit punch. I frowned, "Tams…." This is when I noticed her white shirt was half covered in red, "What is that?"

"Shut the fuck up, Lewis and move. Wayne is covering for us." She turned to look at the havoc she created. Wayne and the football team were circled around Dyson, keeping him contained in a meathead cage. Dyson was shouting Tamsin's name, holding what looked to be like a bald spot on the side of his face, and I could've sworn he was crying. Wayne suddenly picked him up and started walking Dyson out towards the back door. A few teachers were walking over to sort out the commotion when the linebackers all distracted of them by hooting and hollering like the big apes they were.

Tamsin was now in the middle of Bo and I, her arms linked in ours as she dragged us towards the door. "Ted was about to ruin a bunch of shit and I stopped it. Dyson is missing a huge chunk of his beard and Ted probably will be shitting blood for a week." Tamsin shoved harder, "Move it bitches before I get suspended again." She then looked over at Bo, "Ted was about to pull a Carrie on our nerd here. I should go back and break his fucking nose right off."

Bo's eyes turned dark and she tried to break free from Tamsin, "I will kick Dyson's balls in until their dust."

Tamsin laughed, kicking the gym doors open, "I'd love to see that, but we need to leave this shit show and move the party back to my house. I have pizza on the way and a few bottles of Boone's farm on ice." She winked at me, "Tonight is going to be a night of many firsts for you, Lauren Lewis."

I huffed out a garbled mix of words that were my attempt to contest Tamsin's smirk, but when I looked at Bo, she was grinning at me with that stupid grin that had melted me from the first day I ever saw her in my freshman year.

I sighed, taking Bo's hand, "Fine, but no anchovies on the pizza."

Tamsin ripped the limo's back door open, high fiving me, "This is going to be a fucking blasty blast!"

I hopped in the backseat, silently debating her in my head.

If anything, this night was going to continue on the path of being a night of fudging too many emotions I was not prepared to deal with.


	9. Chapter 9

**Oh and happy holidays! from both WritingSux and I! send us cookies if you like this next update.**

* * *

XxXXxXx

I was pacing around the guest room of Tamsin's house. We had been up most of the night gorging on pizza and Boone's farm. Shouldn't say gorging since Lauren had half a glass and I had like two. Tamsin had passed out in the theater room an hour ago but Lauren and I had come upstairs to fall asleep. She was currently taking a shower in the en suite bathroom because we had all just changed to get comfortable after the dance. After Tamsin had told me and Lauren what those assholes had planned I wanted to storm back into the gym and murder both Ted and Dyson for trying to ruin Lauren's dance and for interrupting our dance. But I had forgotten all that once we had gotten back to Tamsin's.

Tamsin had admitted to telling Lauren about Stanford and even though I wanted to be upset for her telling her instead of me, I was relieved because then we would just have to talk about it. My stomach rumbled at that thought. I'm certain mom and dad wouldn't mind sending me out to California but it wasn't going to be the same. Before I could fall deeper into mental ramble and completely depress myself the door to the room open and Lauren walked in with a small smile on her face. "Tamsin is completely out. I'm certain World War III wouldn't wake her up."

I chuckled and remarked, "Yeah well with the amount of snoring that comes from her I'm not surprised." I looked at Lauren and she was wearing a pair of gym shorts and one of her numerous FBI t-shirts. She had taken out the contacts when we had gotten to Tamsin's and put on her glasses. I walked over to the stereo that was in the room and turned it on to the soft rock station that played slow songs at this point in the night, then walked to the middle of the room and held out my hand for Lauren to take.

She got a confused look on her face and asked, "What are you doing Bo?"

I grinned and told her, "Our dance was interrupted by Tamsin making us leave early so technically you still owe me one."

Lauren groaned and said, "Bo….do we-"

"I love you Lauren and I think I should be able to get in at least one dance with the girl I love." I told her. I knew what I had said. I had almost said it when we were at the dance and as soon as we were in the limo I had regretted not saying it. So I was saying it now. I wanted Lauren to know that she had filled my heart as much as she could and I was unable to stop it no matter how hard I had tried to fight and deny it.

Lauren stood there staring at me and I rolled my eyes then walked over to her. I took hold of her hand and because she was still stunned she was agreeable to come with me. I placed her hands on my shoulder then I rested mine on her waist and began to sway to the music. The current song playing was Dreaming of You by Selena and it was perfect for the moment. Lauren still hadn't said anything and I was content to stand there with her as we swayed to the music. The emotion that flashed in Lauren's eyes was interesting to watch. There was shock, disbelief, then at some point it turned into acceptance and I was able to see the love shining back in her eyes. Lauren swallowed then in a small voice she asked, "You love me?"

I held her closer to me and said in a quiet voice, "The fact that you have to ask me that tells me that I haven't done a good job at showing you. But yeah I do love you." I smiled and told her, "I tried to fight it for the longest time because you know I'm me and you're you and high social standards say that this shouldn't be a thing but it is and I'm happy that it is. Lauren getting to know you and learning so much about you has been an awesome thing for me and I just feel so lucky to have gotten to have this chance."

Lauren got a hesitant look on her face and asked, "Are you breaking up with me?"

I chuckled and shook my head. "No. No I'm not breaking up. Nothing would ever make me want to break up with you." I took a deep breath as I felt an overwhelming amount of emotions come over me that were going to make me pour out my guts to her. "I just….I just really love you Lauren and I want you to know this."

Lauren stared at me and I could see the wheels turning in her head. She dropped her eye from mine then she looked back into them and with a small smile on her face she said, "I-I love you too Bo." She then got a worried expression on her face. "You aren't saying this because you didn't get into Stanford and you're planning on using that to break up with me are you?"

I laughed a little then gave her a quick kiss before I rested my forehead on hers. "I have no plans to break-up with you Lauren. Me not getting into Stanford complicates things a bit but not to where it will affect us. I'll visit and call you all the time. We'll be fine Lauren." I gave her another kiss and I let it linger for a moment then I said, "We'll talk more about it later but right now I just want to hold you and dance with you."

We continued to dance and the song had now changed to Kiss From A Rose by Seal. I got lost in the feeling of having Lauren pressed against me and the way her breath tickled against my neck was doing nothing from keeping my body and mind from drifting to inappropriate thoughts. Fortunately for me Lauren murmured, "You have plagued my existence since the first day I saw you and the fact that we're this is just so surreal for me. I'm waiting to wake up from some dream or some weird science experiment but it never happens."

I let out a soft chuckle then whispered against her ear, "If you're dreaming then I'm dreaming and I don't want to wake up."

Lauren let out a soft groan the commented, "That was so terrible."

We shared a laugh then she pulled back and I smiled at her. Lauren bit her bottom lip for a second then she leaned in and kissed me. It wasn't the first time Lauren had initiated a kiss but every time she did it would surprise me before I melted into it. I held her tight against me as it deepened and I placed my hand on the back of her neck. I moaned into Lauren's mouth as my tongue slipped past her soft lips and into her mouth. I was clinging to the back of her shirt as I lost myself in the kiss. I knew this wasn't going to lead anywhere and yet the tension in my body was building, rapidly, and I couldn't stop it. Lauren broke the kiss and she pressed her forehead against mine. Her breath warming my face as we both struggled to catch our breaths. I had my eyes closed and I was trying to focus on anything like sports. Boring financial spreadsheets my mom and dad talked about. Anything but the fact that I wanted to toss Lauren on the bed behind us and have my way with her.

"Bo…" I let out soft hum. She didn't say anything for a second but then she moved her head back and her eyes met mine then with some hesitation she said, "I-I think I want to…" She trailed off and I had no idea what she was talking about. My libido was still in the driver's seat and thinking clearly wasn't my priority at the moment. She looked down and mumbled, "You know…"

I was still confused and then caught on. "Oh. Oh. Oh boy. Wow." I fumbled for what I wanted to say because I didn't think Lauren would want to…you know. I thought she would wait until a special occasion or something. Not in the guest room of Tamsin's house. "Are you sure?"

Lauren looked at me and I was shocked to see how confident she looked in this moment. Gone was the shy, skinny nerd that used to have a flair for walking into me at the beginning of the school year and in her place was a young woman who was gaining confidence in herself and in her body. A young woman who wanted me to be her first time.

Lauren would also be my first time. As confident as I was in my own sexuality I never could just sleep with someone. I wanted my first time to be with someone who saw me for me and beyond the superficial. It was then that I realized that this was right. If Lauren wanted it, then I wanted it too. Lauren nodded and said, "If I were honest with myself I would say that I have been sure for a long time now but I just was so insecure about everything but now I'm ready. I think we're ready."

I smiled at her and said, "Yeah we are." I bit my bottom lip then admitted, "Lauren this-this isn't just your first time either. It's mine too." Lauren's eyes grew wide and she gawked at me. I gave her shoulder a playful shove and said, "You can't believe everything that you hear."

I went to go move away from her because admitting this was a little bit too revealing but Lauren held onto my waist and said, "I'm sorry Bo and you're right I shouldn't believe everything I hear. I mean I remember hearing that that one kid was smarter than me and come to find out he's not that bright so I shouldn't have believed this. I just thought…." She trailed off and this time I knew where she was headed.

"I know. Bo-the-serial-dater-Dennis. But dating someone and giving them a part of myself is something different. I wanted my first time to be with someone who knows and understands me. Not with someone who's looking to get off." I gave her a wry smile. "Call me a hopeless romantic but I want my first time to be with someone I love and someone who will see how big of a deal this is."

Lauren reached out and placed her hand on my cheek. I closed my eyes and let the warmth of it radiate through me. When I opened them I saw the care and adoration in Lauren's eyes and she said, "I understand Bo and if that's something you want to share with me then I would be honored to share in this experience with you." A smile appeared on her face. "And you know I love you. I have loved you for so long now it's almost ridiculous."

I nodded my head as I chuckled a little. "I know. And you're sure you want to do this?"

"Only if you want to."

I looked into Lauren's big brown eyes and how we got to this point I wasn't sure of. But I was glad that it was happening with Lauren and that thought solidified my decision of wanting to do this with her. "I want to do this." Lauren moved in to kiss me and before our lips met I pulled back then in a rare show of vulnerability I whispered, "Go slow okay."

Lauren gave a slight nod and whispered back, "Okay." A tiny smile appeared on her face as she asked, "And you'll do the same for me?" I returned the smile and gave her a slight nod before I closed the small gap that separated our lips. As soon as our lips met I felt Lauren's hands move to my hips while my hands held the side of her face. This kiss was different. Maybe it was because it was leading up to something or maybe because it was that combined with us finally telling each other that we loved each other added something to it but whatever it was it washed over me and I never wanted it to stop.

This time instead of balling the back of Lauren's shirt in my hand I slipped my hand under it and I felt her back muscles tense before they relaxed as fingertips glided over her soft skin. I wanted to touch and explore every inch of Lauren's body then do it again because I wanted this experience burned into my memory forever. Lauren mimicked my actions and I smiled in the kiss because no matter how certain she was about doing this Lauren was still inexperienced. I let the kiss go for another moment then I pulled back and said in a quiet voice, "Let's move closer to the bed."

Lauren nodded and I took hold of her hand then we moved over to the bed. I looked at the lamp that was on the nightstand and asked, "Lights on or off?"

I saw the apprehensive look on her face and she gestured towards me as she said, "Whatever you want."

I chuckled then I took her other hand and said, "It's whatever we want because this isn't just about me Lauren. It's about us and I want it to be right for you."

She nodded and she didn't say anything. I waited as she thought about it. I wanted them on so I would be able to see every reaction and emotion play out on Lauren's face as we gave ourselves to one another. She chuckled and remarked, "Who would have thought something like whether the lights should be on or off would be such a big deal?"

I grinned and said, "I know." Then I had an idea. "Wait for a second." I walked over to the closet that was on the other side of the room and opened the door. It was a huge walk-in closet and it had a light that was bright enough that it would cast some light into the room but not a lot. I flipped the switch for the light then I walked back over to the side of the bed where Lauren was waiting for me. I turned off the lamp then asked, "How does this work?"

The room was bright enough that I would be able to still see Lauren's face but it was dark enough that it didn't ruin the mood. Lauren nodded and said, "This works great."

I smiled and took her hands in mine then stepped closer to her. I let go of her hands and I placed my hand on her cheek and said, "I'm going to ask this again because I don't want you to regret this but are you sure that you-"

Lauren's lips on mine stopped me from finishing the question. It lingered for a moment then she pulled back and with a playful, but certain, look in her eye Lauren said, "I'm more than sure that I want to do this with you Bo. If we don't I think we're both going to suffer from physical damage."

I laughed for a second then I shook my head before I kissed her again. This time as we got lost in it I rubbed my hand up and down Lauren's back then I got bold and let it slide move down to her ass. When she didn't stop me I grabbed it which brought Lauren further into me and I moaned as I rubbed my hand over her ass. I wanted to feel her skin under my hand but we agreed to go slow for both of our sakes so I let both of my hands rest there as we continued to kiss.

Lauren pulled up the front of tank top that I was wearing then her fingers brushed over the skin of my side which tickled so I tensed up a little before I relaxed. The timid touches that moved to the exposed skin of my back had me wanting Lauren to touch me in other ways but I was going to let her get comfortable first even if I was eager to move on to us not wearing clothes. I broke the kiss then focused my lips on kissing Lauren across her jaw and down her neck. Lauren let out a soft gasp and that drove me to nip the skin of her neck then run my tongue over the spot I had bitten. Lauren turned into putty in my hands and I was tempted, so tempted, to do whatever I wanted but I didn't. I kissed back up her neck and when I reached her ear I whispered, "Can I take your shirt off?"

Lauren nodded and I chuckled because I was pretty certain that she wasn't able to form words at the moment. I moved back and I looked in Lauren's eyes as I reached for the bottom of her shirt. She looked uncertain but certain at the same time and ready for what was to come next. I lifted the t-shirt and pulled it off of her. I dropped it and took in the sight before me. I had seen shirtless before but this was different because she wasn't wearing a bra so she had nothing covering her and I was speechless. Lauren began to move her arms so she could cover herself but I placed my hand on her arm and said, "Don't." I my eyes took in the sight before me and I smiled as I told her, "You're so beautiful Lauren."

Lauren didn't look like she believed me but it was true. I leaned in and kissed then murmured, "You are beautiful and if I have to spend forever telling you so then I will." I pulled back then I took off her glasses and said, "I'm not going to have you freak out on me because we broke those." After I placed them on the nightstand I pulled off my shirt. When I looked at Lauren I couldn't help but to laugh. Her mouth was open and she was staring at me. Lauren hadn't been subtle about her fascination with my boobs so I knew that her brain had certainly short circuited. To make matters worse for her I took her hand and placed it on my right breast. Lauren's eyes grew wider and I chuckled. "Well you now have an unobstructed opportunity to do whatever you would like to my boobs."

Lauren stood there with her hand on my boob and I let her process it for a moment even though I wanted to feel Lauren's skin on mine. Another second passed by then I took Lauren's face in my hands and I kissed her. I had to get her focused on something other than my boobs or we would be standing there all night. I guided her back and when the back of her knees hit the bed I broke the kiss and said in a quiet voice, "It's not too late to stop."

Lauren kissed me then said, "I don't want to stop Bo."

I smiled then it turned into a smirk and I gave her a gentle push back as I said, "On the bed." She sat on the bed and I told her, "Scoot back."

Lauren moved to where she was sitting in the middle of the bed then I got on it and straddled her lap. I ran my fingers through her hair and I gave it a slight pull so I could tilt her head back. I captured her lips for a passionate kiss. Lauren had placed her hands on my hips but as we continued to get lost in the kiss they moved up and they came to a rest right beneath my breast. Without breaking the kiss, I took hold of one of Lauren's hand placed it on my breast. I broke the kiss then whispered in her ear, "Pinch my nipple." Lauren gave my nipple a soft pinch and I closed my eyes as I told her, "Harder." She applied a more pressure to the next pinch and it sent a bolt of electricity that went right to the sensitive parts of me. I held the back of Lauren's neck and moaned against her ear. She must have liked that reaction because she did it again and I had the same response except this time my hips rolled into hers because I was getting more turned on.

I had to stop her or else I would throw going slow out the window. I moved back and said, "Alright enough of that or I might not be able to contain myself." I gave her a quick kiss then murmured, "Lay down."

Lauren lied back on the bed and she looked up at me with expectant eyes. There wasn't a trace of uncertainty in them anymore and in its place was excitement. That made me feel better about what was going on between because I wanted Lauren to enjoy her first time. I bent forward and I brushed a kiss on her lips then I left a trail of feather like kisses across her jaw and down her neck. I reached her collarbone and I glided the tip of my tongue across it then down the center of her chest. I moved to where my mouth had easy access to her breast and I looked up into Lauren's eyes. I didn't have to ask the question she just nodded her permission. Lauren's eyes fluttered close and her breath caught as the tip of my tongue circled around her hard nipple. Then when I began to suck on it she let out a soft moan that was music to my ears. Lauren ran her hand through my hair and she held my head in place while my hand gave her other breast attention.

Lauren writhed under me and she called out my name when I tugged on her nipple with my teeth. I liked hearing her soft moans and I liked knowing that it was because of me. The desire to move down Lauren's body and focus my attentions on other areas of her body were hard to fight but I managed. After a while Lauren was telling me to stop and when I lifted my head I asked, "What? What's the matter? Do you want me to stop?"

Lauren was breathing hard and she was trying to catch it so she could speak. In this moment she looked so innocent but so damn sexy. She smiled a little then said, "I thought I could do the same thing to you."

I grinned and I moved to kiss her then I rolled us to where Lauren was on top of me. I broke the kiss and whispered, "Don't be gentle."

Lauren looked stunned for a second then she moved to kiss me on my neck. I drew in a deep breath through my nose as my body tingled with anticipation. Lauren gave my neck a firm bite that had me sucking in air through my teeth but then I moaned out her name so that she knew that I enjoyed it. Lauren moved down my body and when she got to my breasts she paused for a moment and I smirked as I watched her. She was so damn adorable. She looked up at me and I nodded for her to continue. As soon as her mouth was on my breast my back arched off the bed and I held Lauren head in place. The girl either had a talented mouth or I had a very receptive body either way I was ready for us to go to the next, and final, level. Then do it all over again.

I bit my bottom lip as I breathed in through my nose then I said, "Lauren…stop for a second."

Lauren removed her mouth from my left breast with a bewildered look on her face she asked, "What? Was it not good? Am I doing something wrong?"

I chuckled and I caught my breath then told her, "No you….you were doing everything right. Just um…can you come up here." She moved to where we were face-to-face and I gave her a slow kiss then I broke it and whispered, "I need you to touch me."

She grinned and ran her hand up and down my side. "I am touching you Bo."

"God you're so adorable sometimes." I took her hand and moved it between my legs. "I want you to touch me here. If you want."

Lauren eyes were as big as a UFO but then she nodded and said, "If you want me to then I want to."

"I do." I replied. It was the only thing I could say. Lauren's hand resting on the most excited part of my body was making things worse and I need to have it alleviated.

"Should I…"

I chuckled then moved to take off the shorts I was wearing as I told her, "Next time you can but right now I sort of have a one track mind."

Lauren grinned and remarked, "So I should take my time then?"

I gave her a pointed look. "Remember payback is a you-know-what."

"Maybe that's the point Bo."

I stared at her for a second. I'm not certain if it's because we were about to have sex but the flirtatious undertone in the statement had me wanting to jump Lauren's bones in the worst way. I pulled off my shorts then I kissed Lauren as I guided her hand to the inside of my thigh. I wasn't wearing underwear and despite the need that was rushing through me I didn't want Lauren to just jump into it. Her hand moved tentatively up my thigh and I opened my legs wider so that Lauren would have room. The closer she got to where I needed her to be the more turned on I became and when I couldn't take it anymore I broke the kiss and whispered, "Touch me Lauren. Please touch-"

I stopped short and buried my face in her neck as her finger touched the fevered flesh between my thighs. Somewhere in my haze of arousal I heard Lauren whisper a "wow" and I wanted to chuckle but I was too focused on her touching me that it didn't happen. She was stroking me with her finger and though it felt good I knew I was going to have to guide her. I took hold of her hand then said, "Use two fingers and do this right here." I placed her fingers to where she was directly on my clit and had her start rubbing it in a slow circle. I let out a shuddering breath then moaned, "Good…so good."

"Really?" Lauren asked and if I wasn't lost to the pleasure going through me I would have assured her but god it felt so good. I had no idea how long I was going to last but I knew it wouldn't be long.

I moved my head back and I looked in Lauren's eyes as I bit my lip. I took a deep breath and as steady as I could I said, "I want you inside me. Do you-"

Lauren smiled and told me, "I think I can figure that one out. How many do you….."

I bit my bottom lip then said, "I think one to start with then we can go from there."

She kissed me then whispered, "Okay." I felt her finger glide down to my opening then Lauren asked, "Ready?" I nodded then she slid it into me and my breath caught as I pressed the palm of my hand into her back. There was a moment where we were looking at each other and Lauren was resting inside of me that all I could feel was a flurry of happy and loving emotions. They were so overwhelming that my eyes began to tear up. Lauren got a concerned look on her face. "What's the matter?"

I wiped away the errant tear that had escaped and told her, "Nothing. I-We'll talk about it later." I pulled her head down for a kiss then whispered, "Go ahead Lauren." Lauren hesitated and I smiled. "I'm fine. Now can you please make love to me?"

Lauren smiled and she kissed me as she started to move in and out of me. It wasn't long until I was getting into it and needed another finger added in the mix. Lauren obliged the request and after a few minutes I knew I wasn't going to last much longer. I was moaning Lauren's name out and letting her know how wonderful it felt while she whispered in my ear about how amazing it felt to be inside of me. I never wanted it stop but I knew I had no choice in the matter and soon the inevitable happened. I clamped my thighs shut and trapped Lauren's hand between them as my body tensed up as I came. I cried out Lauren's name and continued to mutter it as I rode out my orgasm.

After a few minutes I heard Lauren say, "Uh…Bo?" I let out a content hum. "Can I uh…get my hand back? It's going numb."

"Oh. Yeah." I opened my legs so she could move her hand and when she pulled out of me it left me I began to miss her. I wanted more but I knew that would have to wait. I looked up at her and asked, "Your turn?"

"Well if you want-"

I lifted my head and kissed her then guided her back onto the bed we continued to kiss as I managed to pull off her shorts. I more than wanted to. Lauren had made me feel more than amazing and I was going to do the same for her. I pulled back from the kiss and I looked in her eyes as I asked, "Are you sure?" Lauren nodded and I said, "Okay." I moved my hand down and when my fingertips felt the wetness between her thighs I almost whispered a wow like Lauren had earlier but I didn't. I began to rub her clit and told her, "Tell me how you want it Lauren. I want this to be enjoyable for you."

Lauren bit her bottom lip and nodded. Watching her enjoy the pleasure I was giving her was fascinating and I was glad that I was the one witnessing it for the first time. She was beautiful and I wanted it to last a long time for her so I teased her and played with her until she was begging me to enter her. With my finger poised to enter her I looked in her eyes and in an earnest tone I asked, "You're certain that this is what you want?"

Lauren kissed me and it was a deep one that took my breath away. She pulled back then whispered, "I love you Bo and I felt like everything between us has been leading up to this. So yes Bo Dennis I want you to make love to me."

I pressed my lips to hers and as we got lost in the kiss I entered her. Lauren broke the kiss to gasp and I focused all my attention on her making sure she was okay and felt no discomfort. "Are you okay?"

Lauren nodded her head and I waited. She took a deep breath and as she blew it out she opened her eyes and said, "Go ahead Bo."

I started to move my hand in and out of her and Lauren clenched at the sheets. Soon she was murmuring my name and her hips were moving of their own volition. I was mesmerized by it all and I wondered how I could prolong it for her but I didn't want to interrupt the pleasure that she was feeling. I held her close to me as I continued to make lover to her. Soon I felt Lauren's muscles clench around my fingers and she buried her face in my neck as she cried out my name. I held her as she came. It wasn't until she relaxed did I notice that her body was slightly shaking. I kissed the side of her head and asked, "Lauren are you okay?" She sniffed and nodded her head. "Do you want to talk about it?" She shook her head. "Okay. I'll be here when you're ready to talk."

I pulled the blanket over us and we got settled in the bed. I was close to drifting off to sleep when I felt Lauren kiss my neck then whisper, "I love you Bo."

I smiled then pressed a kiss into her hair before I said, "I love you too Lauren." Then we both drifted off to sleep.

* * *

XXXXX

I had committed what Bo looked like naked to memory the second I saw her in the dim lighting of the room, but I still couldn't resist staring at her. She was asleep on her stomach, the sheets had moved to rest at her waist, giving me a view that I still couldn't believe was mine.

I ran my eyes over the way her back curved up to disappear under a mess of brown hair, the way her tan lines drew my eyes to her chest and the way it moved up and down as she slept peacefully. I moved closer to her, running the back of my fingers across the soft skin of her arm. I smiled, remembering vividly every little thing that happened last night. We made love and it changed something inside of me so much that I felt completely different. I felt new and like I was finally opening my eyes to the world around me.

It could have been that she told me she was in love with me or that I finally got to see her amazing boobs up close, either way. I felt different, complete in a way that still made no sense since I was only sixteen. Hearing her tell me it was her first time and that I would be her first, shocked me. I had never ever thought the most popular girl in school would be a virgin and that I would be the one she gave that part to. It made me teary last night, and unable to find the words to tell her what I felt. It was the reason why I cried in her arms. She made me feel beautiful, strong and all that other stuff I never believed until she told me. That and the thought of being away from her now was impossible and I would go out of my way to get her into Stanford or at least to California with me.

I closed my eyes, trying to shake off those thoughts to focus on the face that I was in love, happy, and understood what my parents meant about setting off teenage hormones. I had one night with Bo, but I knew I wouldn't be able to resist stopping her any time after this. The way she made me feel, the way she took her time and was strangely dirty in her talk as she guided me, it was something I knew I'd give up new X-Files episodes in favor for.

I sighed like a lovestruck fool, and reached to run my hand over Bo's back, maybe wake her up and ask if we could try things again. I wanted more of Bo and now.

My hand was in mid air when I heard Tamsin stumbled up the stairs and knock on the guest room door, before poking her head in, rubbing at her eyes, "You bitches awake? I want, need, food."

I tugged the blanket over Bo to cover her up, "Shhh, Tamsin. Bo's asleep." I grabbed the small blanket we tossed on the floor and used it to cover up before I rushed to the door, scooping up a shirt and pair of shorts along the way.

Tamsin yawned and blinked a few times until her eyes focused on the scene in front of her. A huge shitty smirk crossed her face as I shoved her out the room, "I'm going to have to burn that bed, aren't I?"

I scowled, closing the door before yanking on the shorts and the shirt, "Shut it." I felt my face burn hot, "I don't want to wake her up. We…she…um….had a late night."

Tamsin folded her arms across her Bart Simpson shirt, "You two finally sealed the deal, popped the cherry, did the naked twister, bump uglies…"

I slugged her hard, "Shut up! Seriously." I squinted at my best friend, cursing I had left my glasses inside.

She shook her head, still laughing, "I'm not going to shut up. I'm proud of you Lauren. Well, I mean teen pregnancy isn't funny and I don't think I will make a great adult figure in you and Bo's future spring fling baby. I knew I should have left condoms out." She looked up at me, "Did you tell her?"

I shrugged, "She said it first." My face split into an unexpected grin, "And I told her I loved her too."

Tamsin grimaced, half gagging, "Ew, I think that's even more disgusting than defiling that guest room." She then winked at me, leaning forward, "But you two are a fucking fairytale I hope to tell my dogs when I'm older. The nerd and the cheerleader, the most awkward love story."

I frowned, my thoughts slipping into reality, "I have to get her into Stanford, I can't see myself being away from Bo." I bit the inside of my cheek, "Maybe I'll stay here and go to college here."

"I won't let you, Lauren." Bo's raspy morning voice scared Tamsin and I both. I looked to see her grinning lovingly at me from the doorway. She was wearing my FBI shirt and a pair of sweatpants, "You've wanted Stanford for as long as I can remember." She held out my glasses, grinning, "Good morning."

I blushed hard, taking the glasses, "Good morning, Bo." I said it softly, trying hard not to look at her chest. I now knew what was there and it was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen, and they were attached to the girl I was so in love with.

Tamsin gagged again, "I'm going downstairs. You two come down when you're ready, but strip the sheets and put them in the washing machine first." She laughed obnoxiously when both Bo and I turned a bright red, "I'm kidding, you two idiots are as adorable as a litter of brand new puppies." She waved her hand at us, "Go be cute in the morning after, but hurry up, we're going to the waffle house for Sunday buffet."

Tamsin skipped down the stairs, leaving me to groan and slip on my glasses. "Why am I friends with her?"

Bo giggled, "If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have you." She moved closer, wrapping her arms around me, looking up at me with those big brown eyes, "How are you feeling this morning?" She kissed the edge of my chin slowly.

I closed my eyes, sucking in a breath as my body did that weird electric buzzing thing it did last night, "Good." I wrapped my hands around her waist, "Tamsin ruined me waking you up." I bent forward kissing her quickly.

Bo grinned, "I wasn't sleeping, I was waiting to see how long it'd take you to make a move." She ran her hands down my back and slipped under the shirt, her palms were warm against my back.

I sighed, "Bo, thank you for last night." I made a face at how dumb I sounded, "I mean…it was…um…fudge…I don't know what I'm saying." I squeezed my eyes shut.

Bo slid her hands up further, "I love you, Lauren. You don't ever have to explain anything to me from this point on." Her eyes turned glassy, "I woke up seeing you next to me and I felt different, like my life makes sense now. You are the reason I want to break free of life and be myself, you make me feel I can be anything I want as long you're with me." She sniffled, "I don't know what I'm saying, I'm just rambling because I'm just so happy."

I smiled, sighing, "We will have plenty of time to sort out our feelings, but I love you too, Bo and nothing will ever change that." I searched her eyes, when we both heard Tamsin yell from the downstairs.

"WILL YOU FUCKERS STOP THE SOAP OPERA MOMENT AND GET A MOVE ON. THE BUFFET ALWAYS RUNS OUT OF BACON BY ELEVEN AND THE OLD PEOPLE HOARD THE FRUIT! FOR FUCKS SAKE!"

I rolled my eyes as Bo giggled, burying her face in my neck, "I noticed Tamsin has a really big shower in this room."

I raised my eyebrows, shoving my glasses up, "Yeah?"

Bo leaned back, biting her bottom lip and shrugging, "We could shower together and save time…." Her hands moved forward underneath the shirt and moved up to cover my breasts, "And we could work on getting better at a few things…."

My body responded well before I could take a second thought. I grabbed one of Bo's hands and led her back into the bedroom, "I've never been one to shy away from hard work." I sighed harder as I looked back to see Bo removing her shirt with a big grin.

I grinned back, and for the first time in my life I felt very alive and very much ready to take on anything the world could throw at me.

I was sixteen, but I was in love and happy. The world was mine.


	10. Chapter 10

_**N: Merry Xmas and happy holidays from WritingSux and I! here is a chapter! it's the last chapter of our beloved girls in high school. We now embark on the adult trials and tribulations of these two! read on! review it and love it! but basically tell us what you think!**_

 _ **Graduation day –**_

I was nervous, beyond nervous, I was petrified. In less than four hours, I would be standing in front of the school delivering a speech about young minds and the future.

Fudge.

I hadn't thought about this part as I was too caught up in Bo and our relationship for the last month. That is until Mr. Aberdeen stopped me in the hallway last week handing me the program outline for graduation. My name right at the top underneath commencement speaker.

I stared at the purple gradation gown hanging from the top of my closet doors. My life had changed so much and so fast since the night of the spring fling when Bo and I gave in to our love for one another. The next day it felt like everything started to move in fast forward with quick pauses where Bo and I would cave to explosive teenage hormones and do things that made me blush if I let my thoughts drift too long.

I was leaving for California in two days to get setup at Stanford for next month's classes. Tamsin was coming with me so she could get the apartment ready for the both of us. Then I would come home for a week, pack my things and head west. Bo would be on that second flight with me, her parents had agreed to let her spend a handful of weeks in the Golden State before she had to come home and get ready for her fall semester at RISD.

Leaning forward on my knees, I closed my eyes trying to calm the storm in my stomach. Today was going to suck hard.

"Lewis! You decent?" Tamsin poked her head in the crack of my bedroom door.

I didn't look up, just nodded with my head in my hands, "Yes."

"Thank god, I don't think I'll ever recover from last weekend and walking in on you and Bo in the bathroom." Her eyes grew wide, "The things the porn channels never prepare you for." She flopped down next to me on the bed, poking my side, "You two are like rabid rabbits, trying to procreate like it's the end of the world."

I groaned, lifting up to look at my best friend, "Tamsin, I apologized a thousand times for that. Even bought new sheets for the guest room." I smiled taking in that Tamsin looked amazing in the simple pale blue dress she chose for today. Her hair was up and way, neatly done up with more care than her usual ponytail or letting her wild blonde hair flow as it may. She had light makeup on that brought out the softer side of her intense green eyes. "You look really nice."

She rolled her eyes, poking me again, "Shut up." She then looked at the gown on the closet. "Holy shit, we made it, Lewis. Three stage steps and an hour long ceremony away from being officially classified as adults."

Raising an eyebrow, "I'm still sixteen. I can't buy cigarettes or vote, so technically…"

"Technically you and you're girlfriend have banged it out enough times to put any adult to shame. You have the brain of ten million adults trapped in that head of yours and who gives a fuck that your sixteen fresh out of a learners permit. You'll be a bigger adult than I will ever be." Tamsin hugged me, "I'm so proud of you, Lauren. You've grown into a real lady with a huge set of balls. California better be ready for what we're going to do to it."

I hugged her back, chuckling, "Thank you, Tamsin. It's all your fault I'm like this now." I smiled letting go and moving to stand up.

Tamsin smoothed out her skirt, "So when's Bo getting here? Your mom said the grandparents will be here soon. My dad will meet us at the auditorium." She looked around the room, "He wants to come to dinner tonight with the family, if that's okay?"

I nodded, "Of course it is." Tamsin had been fully adopted by my parents and my grandparents over the last few months. Anywhere I went, she tagged along and when her dad was in town, he would often stop by for family dinners at my house. It was a strange blended family and it was amazing.

I let out a slow sigh, reaching for the gown, "Bo is meeting us there." I ran my hand over the cheap material, "She's been acting really weird the last two weeks." I glanced at Tamsin, "It's making me nervous."

Tamsin looked away from the box of X-files shirts I had packed, "Weird how? Every time I see you two together, it's disgusting in a Hallmark romance movie kind of way."

I shook my head, "She's been distant. We talk about the future, California and she gets weird. Changes the conversation or distracts me…by doing things." I cleared my throat, staring at the floor, "I get nervous that she's going to break up with me. That this long distance thing isn't her thing."

Tamsin stood up, huffing and shaking her head, "I know I tell you a million times, Lewis, but you need to hear it again. That cheerleader adores you, loves you, covets you and all the other romantic bullshit that we learned about in English Lit." She placed a hand on my shoulder, "You have to stop worrying that Dyson is going to do something or that this whole thing with Bo and you is a really elaborate prank. I saw the way she looked at you the morning after spring fling. It was like she was about to give birth to your puppies right there on the hardwood floor and propose to you."

I blushed, rolling my eyes, "Shut up." I bit my bottom lip, trying to hold back the grin. "I just love her so much, that I'm scared it's not real."

"Oh it's real. My guest bedroom knows it. The back of Bo's Camaro, those sad Star War sheets know it and I heard a rumor you and Bo did it in the back of the chem lab supply closet." She looked at Princess Leia on my pillow. "Poor Leia, kissing your brother seems so tame now compared to what you've seen here. Lewis and Dennis naked cage match."

"Shut it! My mom might hear you." I shoved the blonde, my face a bright red. I should stop telling Tamsin everything. Including how Bo and I christened my bedroom two weeks ago instead of working on her biology homework. Overall Bo and I had been exploring the new level of our relationship to a point that I wondered if it was healthy to have that much sex. I couldn't help it, she had unlocked a side of me that was incredible and I was addicted to her like I had been to a certain redheaded FBI agent. But Scully didn't have the amazing boobs Bo did.

Tamsin laughed at me, moving to pick up my bag, "Move it Lewis. We have pictures to take, so shake off the lovely shade of apple red on your face."

"I'll be down in a minute." I reached for my graduation cap, thinking about the weirdness that had been Bo. She had been acting extremely strange since the one morning we went back to her house before going to the park with Tamsin. She ran up to her bedroom with an envelope in her hand while I sat and chatted with her parents. Trying very hard to ignore the knowing looks her father was giving me, knowing that I had broken the gentleman promises he placed upon me. When she came back down, she was different. Mildly distant and nervous until we met up with Tamsin.

And that was how it had been over the last few weeks. Bo would be normal and fine until we were in the same room alone. She would get worse if I asked about her fall classes, change the subject and ask me about random weird things. Bo was acting weird and my worst fears were boiling up.

Bo was going to break up with me, I could feel it.

All because of a bunch of stupid states in our way.

I took in a slow breath when I heard my dad call me downstairs.

* * *

"Breathe Lauren before you pass out." My mom grinned at me as I stood off to the side of the stage I was about to take. She smoothed out my hair, "Your dad and I are so proud of you."

I shrugged, reaching for my missing glasses, having gone with contacts for the day, "You knew I was going to be valedictorian when I was in the sixth grade. This isn't a surprise."

My mom laughed, "No it isn't, but the incredibly strong, beautiful young woman you've become is what has made us very proud." She shook her head, "Who knew you had it in you?"

I shrugged again, looking out in the crowd to see Tamsin sitting at the end of the row next to my empty seat, looking bored and annoyed to be in the front row with the rest of the nerds. I smiled, still in disbelief that she was second in the class. My eyes moved to the empty seat on the other side of her where Bo was supposed to be. My smile faded, "Have you….have you seen Bo?"

My mom nodded, "I have. She's behind you waiting for her turn." She pulled me into a hug, squeezing me tightly, "I love you, Lauren. Also, I know what you two did in your bedroom. Do it again, and I will be a childless mother." She pulled back, patting my bright red cheeks, laughing, "Can't hide secrets from a professional secret keeper."

I bent my head down, whispering, "I'm sorry."

Her hand lifted my chin up, "You should be, but I'm happy in a weird way that you've found your way to someone who loves you." She shrugged exactly like I did, "Upside, I never have to worry about a teen pregnancy."

I groaned and covered my face while my mom kissed the side of my head and walked away laughing.

Two seconds later, I felt warm hands pulling my hands from my face, "Lauren, you look like you're about to throw up all over the floor."

I looked up into the bright brown eyes of my girlfriend, feeling my nervous heart skip with excitement like it did every time I looked at her. I couldn't help the stupid grin from covering my face, "Hey, I was looking for you."

Bo grinned, kissing me quickly, "I was tied up with my parents. They want to take me to dinner after the ceremony." She looked down at our hands tangled together, "But I'm free after and I…I want to talk to you about something." She furrowed her brow nervously, "And I hope you're not mad when I tell you that something."

I felt my stomach tumble like a rock into my stomach and squeezed her hands, "You can tell me now, Bo." I let out a slow stream of air, this was it. If she was going to break up with me, I wanted it to happen now and not drag it out.

Bo shook her head, meeting my eyes again, "After. After all of this, I will tell you." She looked over her shoulder at Mr. Aberdeen waving at me to get ready. "I should go sit down." She kissed me again, "We will have all the time later to talk." Our foreheads met as Bo closed her eyes, whispering in a ragged voice, "I love you so much Lauren Lewis, it's ridiculous how much I love you."

I swallowed hard as she leaned back, searching her glassy eyes for some sign of the impending doom. I saw nothing but her love and it settled me, I licked my lips and whispered out a few words that might have been I love you, but I was in panic mode and trying to hide it.

Bo winked at me and hustled away, her own purple graduation gown flowing like a purple cloud as she ran down the stairs to sit next to Tamsin.

I stared at the two of them for a minute to calm down before Mr. Aberdeen pulled me to the stage.

I scanned the auditorium at the graduating class of 1996, catching people smiling and waving my way. All people I had helped over the last year, and it helped to settle me down. Then I hit the cool kids sitting in the back, glaring at me. Dyson was flipping me off while Ted and Bev giggled, swigging from a mountain dew bottle I knew had more vodka than soda in it.

I tilted my head down towards the podium where I had a small card with the words, "I want to believe" written on it in Tamsin's handwriting. It made me smile and focus. I cleared my throat and looked up, finding the people I loved as I spoke and delivered the speech of my life.

* * *

"I can't help it, I have to piss so bad. It's all that free lemonade back at the snack table." Tamsin was holding her gown up as she rushed towards the girl's bathroom outside the auditorium.

"Or it could have been the four dozen cookies you ate while your dad asked me about helping you get into the computer science program, then drowned down with four gallons of that weird lemonade Mr. Carp's wife made." I half ran behind her, needing to escape the crowd of people congratulating me on Stanford and the epic speech I just gave. "We need to hurry up, my mom and dad want to get to the restaurant soon. My dad has been complaining about being borderline starved for the last hour." I swallowed hard, "That and Bo wants to talk to me about something."

Tamsin rushed down the hall, "About what? Doing it in the locker room? Or on Mr. Carp's desk as a last hurrah?" She giggled at me, "It's no big Lewis, she told me she wanted to talk to me later as well while we sat on those cold ass metal chairs, kept asking me if an hour commute from our apartment to UC Berkley was a crazy commute. I told her I didn't fucking know, or cared since we were living right outside of campus. She probably wants me to the best man at your wedding."

I rolled my eyes as Tamsin took the last corner like a race car and ripped the heavy wooden door open to the bathroom, tossing me her cap before it closed. I didn't even think about why Bo was asking about UC Berkeley, Callie was going there in the fall and mentioned us all getting together right before the semesters started.

I leaned against the wall, looking around at the lines of metal lockers that had been the walls that witnessed my strange evolution from gangly Nerdo Lewis to Lauren Lewis, valedictorian of the class of 1996. I was still gangly, but I was growing into myself and actually stood tall enough to look at the lockers. See how they were all different colors and decorated with stickers, pictures and words of encouragement for the next senior class. I smiled to myself, how funny the world looked when you actually looked up from the floor to face it head on.

I shook my head, flipping Tamsin's cap over to see she had placed a picture of Bo, her, and I at the spring fling. I grinned, feeling so many things in that moment.

"Hey Lewis."

I shot my head up at the sound of Ted's voice and glared at him. "Ted."

He smiled softly, holding his hands up, "I'm not here to do anything stupid. I know Tamsin is in the bathroom and my nose just stopped hurting." He took a step closer, "I just wanted to tell you that your speech was cool. It got me thinking about shit."

I nodded, smiling tightly, "Thank you." I looked over my shoulder, hoping Tamsin was done and about to come out.

"I feel like a dog for what I did to you at the swim meet." Ted looked down at the floor, "One of these days I will learn to not be a follower."

I stared at him, confused why he was doing this. Apologizing for terrorizing me for the last handful of years, "Well, I hope you learn it sooner than later." I pushed off from the wall, looking around for Dyson. "Where is Dyson? You two are always attached at the hip."

Ted raised his head, "He's around the corner, talking to your girlfriend. I took the moment to go to the pisser and found you here. Thought I would say my piece when I had the chance, before Dyson found me." He smiled tightly as the bathroom door pushed open, Tamsin walking out, blowing out an exaggerated sigh of relief.

Ted's eyes grew to the size of small tires, "Yeah, I should go." He turned and ran down the hallway and disappeared into the men's room.

"What the fuck was Ted doing?" Tamsin's voice turned icy.

I handed her cap back, "He wanted to apologize for being a jerk and thank me for my speech? I guess? I don't really know." I turned to look down the way he had come, "But he said Bo was around the corner talking to Dyson."

Tamsin heard the urgency in my tone and shoved me, "Go, go get your girlfriend. I'm going to back to the parents." She smirked at me, "If you have to, make eye contact with Dyson then launch a knee into his balls. He never sees it coming. If I had an idea, he's probably trying to apologize to Bo. Her mom let it slip to my dad that they found out he had been terrorizing you. They told his parents and he has to spend the summer working at his uncle's rubber plant to learn how to be a man."

I raised my eyebrows in disbelief and laughed, "The poor bearded rich kid has to work at Bilson's Rubber Manufacturing?"

Tamsin winked at me, "Yup, cleaning the pits in the heat of the summer. He's going to smell like the piece of shit he really is for months." She shoved me, "Go, stand up to the fuckface once more before he's nothing but a glimmer in our rearview mirror."

I smiled and turned to walk around the corner. Knowing what Dyson's immediate future held, gave me a strong sense of strength. I could face him one last time, maybe kiss Bo in front of him before we walked away hand in hand towards our own future.

I drifted away in thoughts of the future and turned the corner, looking up at the sound of Bo's soft voice.

But what I saw, nothing could ever prepare me for it.

Bo was kissing Dyson. Her hands were on the side of his face, her fingers tangled in that stupid nasty beard of his. She was kissing him, hard. He had his arms wrapped around her waist and it was clearly a passionate, intense kiss that they both were enjoying.

I stared for a second, hearing a soft whimper come from Dyson as he pulled her closer and they continued to kiss.

All of my fears became a reality. Bo was breaking up with me because she had gotten back together with Dyson. This whole thing between her and I was a lie, a lie to get Dyson back and destroy me. The nerd.

I closed my eyes and spun around, running back towards the auditorium. I wanted to vomit, scream, and break and the brick walls around me. Instead I ran, ran as fast as I could as the tears streamed down my face, my heart breaking into a million pieces with every step I took in the low heeled flats Bo chose to go with the pale grey dress I wore under the gown.

I kept running as the tears turned into sobs, I had to cover my mouth from letting out a sharp cry of the pain my heart breaking. I ran past the open doors and barely heard Tamsin yell my name, I was too focused on getting out of the building and out to the fresh air.

I exploded out into the sunny spring day, sucking in as much of the clean air as I could to slow down my sobs. I ran right to where my parent's car was parked next to Tamsin's dad's silver corvette. I ran in-between them and threw up immediately, crying as hard as I ever had in my entire life.

After I threw up, I fell back against the side of the silver corvette and slid down to the ground, covering my face as I cried like the idiot I was.

"Fucking A Lewis! We need to sign you up for the track team…." Tamsin came around the back of my parent's car, looking down at me. "Oh fuck, what happened!?" She crouched down next to me, wiping at my cheeks.

I sniffled around choked sobs, "Bo…Dyson…they….kissing in the hall. She's back with him" I scrunched my face up, gasping, "This. Her and I…it was a lie. She…used me."

I watched as Tamsin clenched her jaw, her face turning that one shade of pale red that told the world she was about to destroy much of it. "Where they fuck are they."

I shrugged, shaking my head, "Back inside by the bathrooms outside the auditorium."

Tamsin went to stand up, her fists clenching, "I will fuck them both up to the point dental records won't be able to identify their remains."

I grabbed her arm, tugging her back, "Don't. Leave it, leave them. Just take me back to your house." I used her strong arms to get back on my feet. I stared in her green eyes, "Does your dad still have that standby perk at the airline?"

Tamsin nodded, "He does." She looked over her shoulder at the crowd of people rushing out of the school. "Why?"

I looked down at the ground, my heart mixed in with the vomit, "I want to leave tonight, I can't be here anymore. I can't see her or be reminded of her." I closed my eyes, "I don't think you'll understand."

Tamsin sighed, wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug, "I do, Lauren. You're my best friend and I'll do whatever you ask of me." She huffed, "I can't believe that stupid fucking cheerleader had the fucking audacity to do this to you. A fucking year long prank and I didn't even see it. I'm a fucking idiot for letting this happen to you, Lauren."

I squeezed her harder, looking up to see our parents coming over, "I was the idiot, Tamsin. An idiot to ever think that I could have a Bo and be in love with someone like her and ever think she'd love me back. I am a fucking idiot." I sniffled into her shoulder.

Tamsin leaned back, "Did you just say fuck?"

I closed my eyes, "Can we go? Before I throw up again or contemplate doing something stupid by letting you go find those two." I swallowed down the need to throw up, thinking back on all the things I gave Bo, mainly my entire heart.

"We can, I'll tell my dad we need to stop off at your house to change before we meet your parents. I'll call the airline while you shower." Tamsin opened the back door to my parent's car after my dad saw us and unlocked it from afar.

I sat down, wiping more tears away, "Thank you."

"Never ever have to thank me, Lauren. I'll always be there." She shut the door to greet my parents, giving me a chance to recover.

A minute later my mom and dad hopped in, my mom looking back at me with a look on her face, "Are you okay? Tamsin said you needed to stop at home before we went to dinner."

I plastered a fake smile, pushing out some words, "I got the after show nerves. Threw up outside from everyone praising me. You know how I can get in a crowd."

My mom squinted at me, "Yeah, I do." She squinted a second longer, "Are you sure you're okay?"

I nodded, looking out the window, "Totally."

My dad piped in, getting my mom to focus on getting us out of the parking lot before we got stuck in the impending traffic jam of everyone leaving at once.

As she started the car, I looked back at the doors. Watching the flood of purple gowns and parents exit. Smiling, happy excited to be moving on to the next phase of their lives or on to the greatest summer of their lives. I pressed my head against the cold glass feeling the car back up, when I saw Bo running out of the doors, pushing people out of the way. Dyson two steps behind her.

She stopped in her tracks at two cars away from my moms and we made eye contact. There was a look in her face that I couldn't read and it forced me to close my eyes as the tears rushed forward.

The last thing I saw of Bo Dennis was her standing next to her new boyfriend with his arm around her, grinning that wolfish grin and kissing her cheek.

And I left the heart she broke in a puddle of tears and vomit, with only one thought in my head.

I never wanted to see her again.

* * *

 **XXxxXXxx**

Graduation day.

Who would have thought that I would have made it to this point? I almost didn't but thanks to Lauren and her big, beautiful brain I was graduating and walking across that stage today. I smiled a little as I thought about the soft spoken, insecure nerd that Lauren had been before everything had happened between us and with Tamsin. In the months since that god awful day at the swim meet Lauren had transformed into this wonderful person who had managed to steal my heart. I sighed then chuckled to myself. I sounded like some crappy romance movie that I watched on those days when I need a good cry.

I walked to my closet and I opened the door and I pulled out the hideous purple graduation gown that I was being forced to wear in public. I was going to look like Grimace in it. I scowled at the polyester material for a second then I turned around and walked over to my bed with it and laid it down. I looked at myself one more time in the mirror and my hand automatically went to the necklace that was hanging around my neck. I grinned at myself. Besides graduating today I was going to tell Lauren that I had gotten in UC Berkeley which was only an hour and a half away from Stanford. After the whole not getting accepted to Stanford my mom encouraged me to apply to NYU while my dad continued to push me towards RISD. I was still determined to be close to Lauren so I looked for schools that were close to Stanford. That was how I found UC Berkeley. So I applied to the ones in California and NYU to get my mom off my back. I got into both.

I was going to surprise Lauren tonight with my acceptance letter to UC Berkeley and a necklace. The necklace matched mine which was the other half of a heart and hers had my initial on the back while mine had her initial on the back. It was something cute that would remind of us each other. But before I gave her the two presents I was going to show her my NYU acceptance letter first as a joke. I was surprised I was able to hide it from her this long because I was terrible at keeping secrets. Anytime Lauren asked me about the fall semester or if I needed help setting up my course load I would throw myself at her or I would change the subject to something that would make her forget that she had asked me about college. I knew it was awkward but I didn't know what else to do but tonight the two of us were going to go camping at our spot and I was going to tell her and we would celebrate.

I heard a quick knock on my door and I turned to see my mom standing in the doorway. She had tears in her eyes and I just smiled at her. I understood her overreaction because it was nothing short of a miracle that that I was graduating. Before I could react she was wielding a camera and the flash went off. I blinked a couple times and remembered why I hated occasions like this. This is why I was going to elope if I ever decided to get married.

The spots didn't clear so I rubbed my eyes and said, "Mom cut it out. I'm surprised you still have film."

My mom was winding up the camera for her next shot then she set the camera on the bed before coming over to me. She began to fuss over me and said, "Your father bought all the film at the drug store, so we have film until it expires in 2001." My mom ran her hand over my hair and her eyes started to shine with tears. "I'm so proud of you Bo."

I stopped looking in her eyes and glanced down at the carpet that was on my floor. "Yeah well, we both know that we owe this day to Lauren." I chuckled a little then remarked, "If it wasn't for her I would probably be repeating the twelfth grade."

My mom chuckled and moved away from me as she said, "If you hadn't turned your act around you would have been sent to military school." I gawked at her and she looked up from my jewelry box which she smiled. "It crossed my mind once or twice. Wear your grandmother's earrings they would go well with your dress." I took the earrings from her and as I put them on she commented, "Is that a new necklace?"

I put the back on the left earring and told her, "Yeah it is."

"From Lauren?" I bit the inside of my bottom lip as I thought about what I was going to say because I had used my credit card to buy mine and Lauren's necklaces. I must have taken too long to answer the question because my mom asked again, "Bo did Lauren give you the necklace?"

I went over to my bed and I picked up the hideous graduation gown. As I took it off the hanger I tried to come up with any half-truth that would work but I decided the truth would be more logical since my mom would find out anyways. I put the gown on and avoided my mom's gaze as I told her, "I bought it. I bought Lauren and I both necklaces." I paused for a second then continued, "With my credit card."

I mentally prepared myself for what was coming but the scolding never came. I looked at her and I saw that small smile that was on her face and was worried about what was about to come next. If she told me had to work at the company for the summer I was going to lose my shit.

My mom walked over and she adjusted the gown then zipped it up for me. "You know when you father was trying garner my affections he didn't have the funds to do so, but he worked hard and he bought me small simple things, go out on cheap dates or something." A grin came to her face as she continued, "And when he gave me those small gifts I remember how I felt. I felt special that someone this wonderful and thoughtful would have gotten me something." My mom looked in my eyes. "Lauren will love whatever you gave her because it came from you. It doesn't matter the price Bo."

I played with my piece of the heart and said, "I know mom but I just wanted to give her something that showed her that no matter how far apart we are I'll always be thinking about her." I chuckled and remarked, "Granted we'll be only an hour and a half away but the sentiment is still the same."

My mom smiled at me and said, "I'm certain it is. But in any case Bo….I will be expecting repayment on however much you spent on those. That's not why your father and I gave you a credit card." She sighed then a sad smile came to her face. "I can't believe you're going to California."

I took hold of her hand and said, "I'm certain you and dad will be there every month to visit and I'll have Lauren and Tamsin nearby so I won't be alone or anything." I grinned and added, "And you don't have to worry about me getting good grades because Lauren has me covered there mom. I'll be okay."

My mom blew out a breath then said, "I know you will be Bo. I'm just…" She trailed off then finished with a forced smiled, "I'm just being your mother." She wrapped her arms around me and gave me a hug. "I love you Bo."

I hugged her back and tears formed in my eyes as I returned the sentiment, "I love you too mom."

She held me for a moment then as she let go of me she commented, "And with you in California it means I won't be subjected to you and Lauren's uh…active sex life."

I felt the blood drain from my face and I started to stammer, "I, I, I have no idea what you were talking about mom. Lauren and I have never-"

"Cut the crap Bo." My mom said holding up her hand. "Remember how I said I was working late that one night about a month ago and I actually ended up coming home early?" I nodded my head. "Yeah well I got home a lot earlier than you thought I did."

I felt the blood drain from my face. Of course she would have heard me and Lauren because I thought we had the house to ourselves so I wasn't concerned about being heard and once I had Lauren preoccupied she didn't care either. It took me a week to reassure her that my mom didn't hear us. This was something I wasn't going to tell Lauren. "Oh my god! Please tell me you didn't tell dad."

My mom laughed then said, "Do you think Lauren would be over here so often if your father knew?"

I blew out a breath of relief. Not only would my dad would have killed me, Lauren would have probably denied me sex until we graduated college. I drew in a deep breath then said, "Don't tell him until I'm like forty or just don't tell him and definitely don't tell Lauren."

My mom laughed again and this time I laughed with her because the situation was pretty funny.

"Bo, Colleen, can we get a move on please?" My dad bellowed up the stairs. "I want to get a good seat."

"If I didn't love him…" My mom said before she walked over to the doorway of my room to shout, "Phil, give us a second. We're having a mother-daughter moment."

I walked over to my full-length mirror to make sure that I looked good and to check that the necklace was hidden under the grown then I walked out of my room with my mom following behind me. When we got to the main floor of the house my dad got a huge smile on his face and said, "I might have to start going to church because I swear I didn't think this would happen."

My mom gestured for him to move closer to me and said, "Go stand next to her Phil. We'll take a few pictures before we go."

My dad stood next to me then he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. He gave the side of my head a kiss and whispered, "I'm proud of you Bo." I couldn't fight the grin that broke out my face and I hugged my dad as my mom took pictures.

* * *

In the post-graduation commotion I had lost Lauren and Tamsin. My parents, grandparents, and a couple of other relatives were probably looking for me but I wanted to congratulate Lauren and tell her what I thought about her speech. I had heard it before today when she had been writing it but I still wanted to let her know how the whole class seemed to have hung onto her every word. I was close to yelling out Lauren's name when I heard someone call my name. I turned around to find Bev walking towards me. I rolled my eyes in annoyance. I was so excited that I would never have to see her fake, superficial ass ever again. When she was close to me she held up her diploma and said, "I told you we would make it."

I scoffed and remarked, "I actually worked for my grades and though they weren't the greatest I still earned them. I didn't have to have my parents bully the administration into letting me pass."

"Geez Bo I was coming over here to be civil towards you and congratulate you but clearly you think you're better than everyone around you." Bev retorted which turned the conversation into one that I no longer wanted to be a part of.

I shook my head and remarked, "Whatever Bev. I got to go. I'm looking for Lauren and Tamsin."

"Oh she and Nerdo bolted out of here."

I eyed her for a second. I wanted to punch her in the face but instead I took a deep a breath and thanked her then headed out of the auditorium to look for Lauren and Tamsin. I walked by the snack table and when I didn't see at least Tamsin I was about to go find Lauren's parents, but then heard my name being called again. I swear I just wanted to find my girlfriend. I let out an irritated breath and turned around to see Dyson coming towards me. After my run in with Bev I didn't want to hear whatever bullshit he was about to spout off. I turned around and began to walk away from me. I felt him grab my arm and he dragged me down a hall that wasn't too crowded. I shoved him away and said, "Fuckin let go of me asshole."

"Wow dating that nerd has done wonders for you vocabulary Bo." He remarked with a smug grin on his face.

I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him. "What the hell do you want Dyson?"

He looked away and scratched the back of his head then his eyes met mine again. "Look I'm sorry about how everything went between us. Tamsin must have told you that I'm working at my uncle's factory because of all the shit that I did to Lauren."

"Serves you right." I said as I continued to glare at him. He didn't deserve my forgiveness for all the shit he did to Lauren. He was lucky that I was able to show restraint and didn't punch him in face.

Dyson let out a frustrated sigh and countered, "Bo I'm trying to apologize here can you give me some wiggle room?"

I scoffed and retorted, "Fuck no. The person you need to apologize to is Lauren. I'm not the one who was terrorized for four years."

Dyson grimaced a little and said, "Yeah and I'm on my way to do that. I figured I'd start with you first because you would be easier."

I shrugged. "Well you thought wrong."

He looked away and sighed then he said, "Okay well clearly you don't want to talk to me. So I'm going to go. Can I get a hug at least? End on something that resembles good terms."

I thought about it. I didn't want him to touch me but I was going to be the bigger person because after this I wasn't going to have to deal with his ass anymore. I moved to give him a quick hug but as I moved in he kissed me and pulled me closer to him. For a moment I was stunned by what was actually happening then I grabbed the side of his face and two handfuls of his beard. I tried pushing him away but he had a good hold of me. I did the only thing I could do to get him off of me.

I brought my knee up and slammed it hard into his groin. Dyson jumped back and howled out in pain. I turned my hand into a fist and I punched him on the side of the face then ran away from him.

Of course the fucking asshole would try to attack me. I tried to show him an ounce of civility and he pissed all over it. I found my parents in the atrium of the school and I went up to my mom and asked, "Have you seen Tamsin or Lauren?"

My mom shook her head and my dad said, "Yeah I actually saw her go flying out of here seconds ago. For a little twerp she moves pretty damn fast."

I began to worry about Ted getting to Lauren and I ran out of the school to look for Lauren. I had walked out of the side door that led to the parking lot and as soon as I walked out of the door I recognized Lauren's mom's car. It was pulling out of its parking spot and Lauren was looking out of the window. The look on her face was one I that couldn't read. I moved to the curb and as the car drove by I felt an arm wrap around my shoulders. I looked up to see it was Dyson and I shoved him away from me then glowered at him. "What the hell did you do?"

The shit eating grin on his face made me want to punch him again. "Nothing Bo. But it's pretty obvious Lauren's come to her senses. She doesn't need a girl like you. In college she'll be able to get chicks that are smart and can keep up with her smarts wise." He clicked his tongue. "Not have to dumb it down all the time."

I glared at him but I couldn't keep his words from latching onto the one insecurity that I tried to ignore. The one that told me that Lauren would realize at some point that I was nothing but a dumb cheerleader and that she was wasting her time on me. I felt a lump form in my throat and managed to ground out, "Fuck you Dyson."

I stormed away from him and I went back inside to go get my parents. I had to leave and I had to talk to Lauren. Dyson had to have done something. There's no way she would just dump me like that. There had to have been a reason.

* * *

There was no reason. Not a single one. She had left with no reason. No phone call. No message or note. Nothing.

I was sitting in my room at my desk and I was running my finger over the gold chain of the necklace that I had gotten Lauren. I had gone over to Lauren's house after dinner with my family and when her mom answered she told me that Lauren was gone. That she had taken an early flight to California. I knew she was leaving in two days but I thought I had time. I was trying to rack my brain about what had happened to get her to leave early.

There was a knock on my door and I got up to answer it. My mom was standing there with a small smile on her face and she asked, "How are you doing?" I just shrugged. "I'm certain you probably want me to send him away but that kid that hangs out with Dyson is here."

I got a confused look on my face. "Ted?"

"Yes Ted. I only see him with Dyson and I don't think he's ever been introduced to me." My mom remarked.

I couldn't figure out why Ted would be here so I said, "Yeah. I'll come down."

She looked at me for a moment then asked, "Are sure you're okay Bo? I know Lauren leaving early has to be tough on you."

My throat tightened with emotion but I had decided not to cry until there was something to cry about. There could have been many reasons why Lauren had left. I swallowed any lingering upsetting emotions that I was feeling then said, "Yeah mom I'm fine. I'm going to go see what Ted wants."

We went downstairs and my mom gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze before she headed into the living room. I motioned for Ted to go out to the front porch and after the front door was closed I said, "What do you want?"

Ted leaned back on the rail of the porch and said, "I thought you should know something. I told Dy and he told me that you deserve it, but I saw how you and the nerd were and I thought you should know."

I wrapped my arms around myself. I knew what he was about to say wasn't going to be good. "Spit it out Ted."

He cleared his throat then sighed. "I'm starting to realize what a dipshit Dyson is but I get why you're angry. I'm doing this because it isn't right." He looked away then ran his hand through his hair before he said, "After graduation I was walking to the john and before I turned the corner I heard Lauren talking to Tamsin. The two of them were talking about Tamsin's crush on Lauren and Lauren told her that she was with you." An uncomfortable look came on his face. "Tamsin called you a dumb cheerleader who wouldn't be able to fully understand her and that she would understand Lauren."

I turned to look down the driveway and I drew in a deep breath. I had always brushed off any jealousy that I felt about Lauren and Tamsin's friendship because I thought Lauren was in love with me. She couldn't have possibly faked all of that. But maybe she had started to feel something for Tamsin. I could have misread the signs. I bit my bottom lip as I thought longer about. There was no way that this could be true. Tamsin always said that she was just protective of Lauren. That she had never felt any other feelings towards her. I was confused as to what was real and what was just my imagination and the one person I could talk to had left.

Then tears began to fill eyes as the reality slammed into me. I wasn't on the plane to California with Lauren. Tamsin was. Then on top of that Lauren had left without saying anything to me. She had just left without any of the messy breakup stuff that followed. My eyes began to burn as the unshed tears threatened to fall from my eyes but there was no way in hell I would let Ted see me cry.

When I had a handle on my emotions I turned to look at Ted and I put a half-assed smile on my face as I told him, "Thanks Ted. I'm going to back in, way too much celebrating."

He nodded and said, "Sure thing Bo. Hey look though. I'm sorry about everything. You don't deserve that."

I tightened the hold that I had on myself and said, "Thanks."

I went inside then ran upstairs to my room. I slammed the door close then headed over to my desk. I picked up the necklace and I moved to go throw it away. Feeling all the hurt and betrayal Lauren's abrupt departure had created in me. I wanted to think that Ted was lying to me but with the obvious staring me in the face what else was I to believe. I stared at the necklace and I felt every emotion I was feeling slam into my heart as it broke into a ton of pieces.

My breath caught then I began to sob at the loss of the first person I had truly loved and because of the heartbreak that she had caused. Still holding onto the necklace I went over to my bed and laid down on it. With the piece of jewelry clenched in my fist I held it tight against my chest as I continued to cry. Lauren had left me for Tamsin and she had done it in a way that was so devastating that I knew it had to have been Tamsin's idea. Lauren, no matter how much she betrayed me, wasn't capable of being that careless with another person's feelings. As the pain of heartbreak wrapped around me I clenched my fist tighter around the necklace that was in my hand.

The last physical connection I had to the girl who had taken my heart and broken it.

* * *

 ** _XXXXX_**

 _ **Eight years later –**_

I scanned over the desk, looking at all of my notebooks and brand new law books neatly stacked up on the edge. I had at least three more hours until my first class, introduction to litigation, at Harvard Law.

I was nervous as all hell and there was no reason. I had three bachelor's degrees from Stanford. One in biomechanical engineering, software engineering, and then as a last shitty whim on a bet placed by Tamsin, a bachelor's of Law. Oddly enough out of the three degrees, law was the only one that held my attention. I could figure out biomedicine and software in a matter of minutes. Science was easy because always had a direct route of hard facts, hard testing and hard hypothesis. Whereas law and becoming a lawyer was a test of my intellect. Humans were ever evolving and the law could be manipulated in unique ways to cater to such evolution. That and I had grown to love an intense verbal sparring match with other intellectuals.

I reached for the first stack of notebooks to put them in my worn out messenger bag and begin to line up all of the black ballpoint pens in their respective slots along the interior. Organizing was the only way to keep my nerves at bay, well aside from the learned behavior of getting drunk as hell. A trait passed onto me by Tamsin. I smiled at the black frame glasses that I only used when I was writing notes or using the computer. Long gone were the years I spent pushing errant glasses up my face and hide behind them.

The downstairs front door swung open, followed by my best friend and forever roommate's dramatic groans. "Lewis! You still home?"

I rolled my eyes hearing her drop her gear bag like a lead balloon on the hardwood floors. "In my room Tams."

I set my bag down and moved to throw on the Boston Police Department hooded sweatshirt I stole from Tamsin and sat down on the edge of the bed.

Tamsin trudged up the stairs, shoving open my door as her polyester dark blue pants with the heavy gear belt hit the floor. "Whoever decided polyester was a great idea for police officers…."

"Need to be tarred and feathered." I smirked at the tired blonde, "You've been saying that almost every day for a year and a half. I can hear it in my sleep."

Tamsin shuffled, trying to shake her feet free, but failed and stumbled to fall on the bed next to me. I dragged her to sit next to me. After eight years of living together, nothing about Tamsin bothered me. I had seen her naked on accident, in her underwear a million times, and in her varying states of sweatpants and shorts. She had become my sister through and through after year three of being at Stanford.

She squinted at my desk, plucking at the buttons her dark blue shirt, "You're nervous aren't you?"

I shrugged, pushing some hair behind my ear, "Sort of. There's something about today that has me really nervous, fuck if I know what it is." I looked over, "You know you had the grades to do this with me." I frowned slightly, I hated that Tamsin opted to become a cop while we were still in California. We both had tried to work at her dad's company after graduation. Tamsin grew horribly bored and bailed. Signing up for the Los Angeles County Sheriff's department to put her forensic science degree and criminal justice minor degree to good practical use.

She did that for two years while I grew bored with software engineering and applied for Harvard Law one drunken night. I was immediately accepted and put on a waiting list while Tamsin transferred to Boston Police Department.

"I did, but you know I lack the patience to keep my mouth shut. You know you have the guts and balls to do this with me. We could be like Ponch and John on the mean streets of Beantown." She threw her shirt on the floor, looking over at the two boxes I had yet to unpack. Two boxes my mom dropped off a week ago trying to clean out the basement. "You ever going to do anything with those? Donate, recycle, burn the living fuck out of the contents?"

I frowned, looking down at my hands, "Can we not talk about it?"

Tamsin shook her head, sitting in her underpants, white t-shirt and bulletproof vest, "We can, but we've not been talking about it for six years now."

I sighed, rubbing at my eyes, "Yes, and I would like to keep it that way." I went to stand up to move the boxes away when Tamsin beat me to them.

She flipped open the top one, reaching in to pull out a Mapleview High yearbook, my purple graduation cap, and the small white envelope that I knew was stuffed with pictures. She held up the envelope, glaring at me as her beat up pizza slice necklace dangled over her vest. "Burn these then, or at least cut her out of them and keep the goods ones of you and I." She walked over to me, "But you have to let go of something, Lauren. That cheerleader has been tailing around in the attic of your brain like those incestuous grandkids in the old Victorian house." She held out the envelope, glaring at me to take it.

I shrugged, "I want to, but then I think about it. She was my first everything. My first girlfriend, my first time, my first kiss, and my first huge fucking heartbreak." I slowly took the envelope from her.

Tamsin chuckled, "Yeah and I was your second kiss and your almost second time." She folded her arms across her chest as I blushed. "Lauren, you were hammered as fuck, beyond fuck and your dad let it slipped he ran into Bo on his trip to New York. I don't think he ever really understood what she did to you and that letting you know he had coffee with her and her new girlfriend would set you back so far and into a gallon jug of Jack Daniels."

I grimaced, "And for whatever reason, I thought sleeping with you would make me forget her." I slowly looked up at her, "Instead I kissed you, ripped your shirt and puked in your bed." I was embarrassed, still, for thinking I could turn my incredible friendship with the blonde into something more. Thankfully Tamsin was a bit more sober than I was and could fend off my drunken grabby hands and desire to forget the way Bo touched me when we made love.

Tamsin laughed, nodding, "And this is why you're banned from Jack Daniels." She sat back down next to me, poking my shoulder. "If it makes you feel better, you've got some mad kissing skills. Just a shame I feel absolutely nothing for you in my bathing suit area."

I laughed, shaking my head, "You have such a poetic way with words." I stood up suddenly, walking to the desk to tuck the envelope in the back of a drawer. "This weekend. You and I will burn the shit out of the memories of the cheerleader over a case of beer."

Tamsin hissed out a yes and hopped to her feet, "Beer, fire and destroying memories." Tamsin scooped up her pants, "Sounds like a hell of a weekend." She hit he doorway before looking over her shoulder, "By the way, dad will be over next month for a visit. He wants to check maybe buying the brownstone on either side of us as rental income property. So try to keep this clean, okay?" she waved her hand around my spotless room.

I rolled my eyes, "Yes Officer." I waved her away, "Go, shower. You smell like a shit and gun oil."

Tamsin chuckled, winking at me, "Two of my favorite scents." She closed the door behind her, laughing as she drug her discarded uniform pieces towards her room.

When she was gone, I leaned on the edge of the desk, my stomach turning like it always did when I thought about Bo. She had been my everything and shattered it all in the blink of an eye. Destroying my heart and hope.

In the last eight years I had changed, grown and become a woman. I had finally grown into my body, put on muscle over the skinny bones. Ditched the glasses and found a style that bordered on geek chic, a look that gained a lot of female attention. I literally went from ugly, gangly duckling to gorgeous nerd model, as Tamsin described me to her friends when they asked for the story of how we met.

I dated here and there in college and at the software company, especially after I launched an attack on Tamsin, hoping to fill the void of losing such a big part of my heart. I would never admit it to Tamsin, but I never really wanted to fall in love again. I didn't need it, nor did I want it. Losing Bo like I did and being the butt of a terrible prank had me wishing to shove that part of me away in a locked box. I would continue to date here and there for my body's physical needs, but not for companionship.

I had Tamsin, I had my family and the few fringe friends that I'd have drinks with on weekends, but nothing more. I found that the fairytales and romance stories I had been told were just bullshit lies only created to sell greeting cards, flowers and expensive jewelry.

Other than that, love was not necessary or desired. I had given my heart away once in the belief that once would be it. I had plans to seek out a full future with Bo, and it became fruitless, painful dreams. It got worse when I was tipsy right after we moved to the brownstone and I went on Myspace. Stumbled across Bo's page and saw how happy she was. A new graduate of NYU with tons of pictures of boy and girl suitors, getting swallowed up in the irresistible charms of Bo Dennis.

I ended up crying on the keyboard before crawling into bed and wrapping myself up in my brand new adult Star War sheets. Sobbing as the high school heartbreak felt as fresh as it did on graduation day. The sobbing would turn into hard anger that would linger for days when I would see her kissing that shitty fucking beard, holding onto him like I craved her to hold me at night. The audacity she had to pull the school nerd into such an elaborate, hurtful prank. If I ever saw her face to face again, I was pretty sure the first words out of my mouth would be telling her to go fuck off.

I glanced at the desk drawer, this weekend. This weekend I would burn the pictures and all the stupid little things Bo gave me, drew for me, the love notes that encapsulated our very short and very young romance. Burn them and her away, then maybe I could move on to something else.

I finished packing my bag and took it downstairs to set by the front door. Where I found Tamsin eating a sandwich on the couch in only her underwear watching Cops reruns.

I sighed, at least I had Tamsin. If anything I would become a crazy lonely cat lady with Tamsin as my forever platonic roommate.

Things could be worse….I guess.

* * *

The classroom was packed, making me very glad I had arrived fifteen minutes early to secure my spot. I was in the exact middle of the auditorium style seating. A perfect place to hear and see the instructor.

I carefully laid out my notebooks and pens, arranging them in a specific order. I had heard this law professor was a tough as nails defense attorney and I did not want to be the focus of her negative attention.

I barely looked around at the other students as they took the seats around me, focusing on what I had to do. I didn't want to make friends in the first few weeks of Law School knowing that study groups would be forming around the second month and people would flock towards me if they latched onto how intelligent I was. I learned that lesson when I was a freshman, leaving me doing all of the work in group projects until Tamsin caught on and threatened to punch the living fuck out of the eighteen year olds taking advantage of me.

I smiled at the thought of my voracious body guard, I would have to make sure she kept her fists and threats in check. I was in Harvard Law and she was a cop, we both didn't need the shitty reputations. I already had a moody one, didn't need to add shitty to it.

I glanced at the clock, five more minutes and class would start. I flicked open my notebook when a brunette hurriedly slid into the seat in front of me. Mumbling and cursing silently to herself as she emptied out the overstuffed backpack she dropped on the floor.

I smiled at the memory of overstuffed backpacks in high school and in my first few months at Stanford. Eager, nervous and in a hurry all the god damn time.

I watched her for a second until the professor walked in, booming in a strong feminine voice to the classroom. "Welcome to Litigation 101. I am Professor Keating and if you are not seated by the time I set my briefcase down on this desk, I suggest you leave, because you are already late."

I grinned at the woman as she moved effortlessly to the desk, scanning the students with a hard intense pair of brown eyes. I already liked this woman and her intensity.

I clicked my pen and got ready when I heard the girl in front of me mutter another curse word and turn towards me, and ask in a very soft voice, "Excuse me, I forgot my stupid pen in the last class. Do you have an extra one I can borrow until the end of class?"

When her bright brown eyes met mine, I felt my heart twitch, skip, and tumble hard into the pit of my stomach. Memories of how those brown eyes looked in the first light of morning, how they looked when she watched me explain a chemical equation and how they looked that first night we….I swallowed hard, not saying anything as the slow realization of recognition hit her. Her face went pale and her jaw twitched as she forced out, "Lauren? Is that you?"

I let out a breath, "Mother fucking Fudge." I looked down at the cover of my law book.

Bo Dennis was sitting in front of me, asking if she could borrow my pen.


	11. Chapter 11

**N: i feel like i shouldn't have to explain this path we're taking. But if you read the one shot you'll know that these two have a happy ending. As for what happened, remember it was the 90's and instant communication wasn't always there, something i miss. So it was easier not to want to communicate and avoid it, like a 16 year old insecure girl probably would. also for those who keep up with the nasty reviews and intense negativity, it's not welcomed here. WritingSux and i are now writing this for ourselves for our enjoyment and it should be enjoyed for the quality of a story we're producing and that it is my final ff on here. I haven't ruined christmas, because i had a pretty great one writing this story with my co-author! and with that, the rest of you please keep on reading and enjoying! you all know there is a happy ending at the end, it's just going to take a rough road or two to get there!**

* * *

"Mother fucking fudge." Lauren said as she let out a breath.

I opened my mouth to say something but I couldn't formulate a single thought or word or utter a single noise. Lauren Lewis was sitting behind me on our first day of law school. I continued to stare at her then I heard Professor Keating say, "Excuse me miss but if your eyes aren't on me then I'm going to assume that you have no interest in my class. If that is the case, then you need to leave."

I turned back around in my seat and mumbled an apology. I didn't even bother with pretending to find a pen. There was no way that I was going to be able to focus on class now. I had half the mind to move to another seat but there weren't any open ones and I was already in Professor Keating's crosshairs. So I sat there slumped down in my seat as my brain racked over a million reasons why Lauren would be at Harvard law school. When I wasn't able to pick out a single reason why she would be there, my brain decided ventured into a more dangerous and volatile line of thinking.

It's not that I didn't think about Lauren over the last eight years. It's just that when I did think about her I was either drunk or depressed and even when that was the case it would result in anger and regret.

I was unable to focus on Professor Keating's lecture. Lauren had consumed my thoughts and the only thing I could focus on was the fact that Lauren was sitting behind me. I had my book bag packed and was ready to leave as class drew to a close. When Professor Keating let us go I bolted out of the room and didn't look back at Lauren. Mostly because I had no idea what I would say to her. I had imagined this type of scenario many times over the years. Most of the time when I thought about it I was the empowered jilted ex-girlfriend who would demand for an explanation of what happened on what should have been one of the happiest days of my life but now faced with the reality of doing that wasn't at all an appealing idea.

I still wanted to know but at the same time I wasn't ready to know. It still hurt to know that Lauren and Tamsin were still together after all these years but I knew I shouldn't have been surprised considering how close they had been our last year of high school. As I walked away from the building that my class was in I thought about how different my life was. Lauren leaving without saying a single word had had a dramatic effect on my life but in a weird way it forced me to learn more about myself. However, that didn't happen right away because of my depression which was triggered by the whole Lauren thing. I had almost flunked out of my first year at NYU because instead of focusing on my schoolwork I was partying and screwing anyone that would help me forget about Lauren. It worked for a little while but not long enough because I found myself longing for Lauren and her cute nerdy ways. My mom finally forced me to go to therapy and the doctor had prescribed me anti-depressants which worked for a few months then I was back to square one. It wasn't until my dad presented me with the ultimatum of a treatment facility or being cut off did I turn everything back around for myself.

I got to my car and when I was within its safe confines I rested my head on the steering wheel and closed my eyes. I didn't need this my first day of law school. I had worked too damn hard to get here. I took a deep breath and decided that Keating's lecture hall was big enough for both Lauren and I so I would find a different seat. Grabbing onto that very short thread of hope I lifted my head then started my car.

I drove to the apartment that I shared with my friend Laurel. When I was inside I yelled, "Laurel are you home?"

There was no answer which caused me to let out a breath of relief. I dropped my book bag on the couch in the living room then I headed for the kitchen. When I was in there I went right for the refrigerator and I took out the pint of Ben and Jerry's Half-Baked ice cream. It was that kind of a day. I probably had better things to do but when the girl who stole and broke your heart in high school shows up for your first day of law school it kind of puts you in a terrible mood. I took my ice cream and headed into my room. I set it down on my desk then changed into sweat pants and a tank top as I thought more about Lauren.

No one could compare to her. I had dated several people during college and a few of my relationships had gotten serious but I always broke them off when that void in the middle of my heart never filled. I always thought I just needed time but when I couldn't feel anything more than lust for the person I knew I was wasting both of our time.

It was in the spring semester of sophomore year and after my third relationship did I declare my major for law. I had taken a few civics classes and I found that I had an interest in law. More specifically criminal law because I wanted to help people to get their second chances. Helping people get that second chance that I would never get myself. Once I found out what I wanted to major in I focused on school. My mom had been so impressed with my grades during my junior and senior years of college that she had asked me if I was paying someone to do my homework. But I hadn't, I just found something that held my interest and allowed me pour all of my energy into it.

After I declared my major I stopped having relationships. I had sex and a social life but I didn't date. Love was something that had become this ambiguous anomaly to me because no one would ever reach that same level of love that Lauren and I had. Sure we had been young at the time but it was different. For the most part when I wasn't being dragged to parties I was focused on my school work. I had finally developed a work ethic. I chuckled to myself and thought about how Lauren would be proud of me.

I shook my head then sat down at my desk and booted up my computer as I ate my ice cream. Lauren had lost the right to have any influence on my life a long time ago but dammit was it hard to keep her from my mind. Once I started thinking about her she occupied my head space for several days. I had noticed that when I started to meet Lauren's dad for lunch when he was in New York. I knew I could have told him no or come up with some excuse but it was Lauren's dad, and a part of me did it to find out what Lauren was up to but I never asked. Although he did let slip about Lauren and Tamsin staying in California once and that resulted in me getting shitfaced. So to avoid alcohol poisoning I made sure we stayed on safe topic like school and my future. But eventually I had to stop meeting him for lunch all together because afterwards I would spend the rest of the day drinking and crying while thinking about how life would have been had we still been together.

I went to Myspace once the computer was up and running and I was online. It was the popular site to be on so I was on it, and everyone was on it. I had to block Dyson when he discovered my profile. That asshole was one person I never wanted to talk to.

I went through my notifications. Nothing interesting as usual, just an invitation to some site called Facebook. I only had a few pictures on there and they were from some party that I had been dragged to. I ate some ice cream as I thought about what I was going to do to avoid this Lauren thing. I could change my schedule but I didn't want to do that. I heard Keating was the best and that at the end of the semester she picked a few students to do some work for her law firm for a semester. I leaned back in my computer chair and looked up at the ceiling. I could just ignore Lauren. I laughed to myself, there was no way that would happen. Once Lauren was on my brain it took a large bottle of Jack to get rid of her.

I heard the front door of the apartment open then Laurel shouted, "Bo are you here?"

"Yeah, I'm in my room."

I spun around in my chair and waited for her to come to my room. Laurel appeared in the doorway of my room and she smiled at me. "How was your first day of law school?"

I chuckled then said, "My ex is in my litigation 101 class."

"Carson?" I shook my head no. Laurel then said, "Lily?"

I knew I should have probably stopped her because none of those could count as relationships. Just hook-ups that lasted longer than they should have. I ate some ice cream and after I pulled the spoon out of my mouth I said, "She-who-must-not-be-named."

Laurel looked confused for a brief moment then her face changed as she realized who I was talking about. Laurel knew about Lauren because she had been my roommate for the last four years. She had found me in one of my Lauren induced drunk stupors after a hook-up went wrong emotionally. I spilled everything to her and she was pissed at Lauren for me but also told me that I shouldn't hold onto something that I couldn't change. Laurel walked into the room and she leaned against the edge of my desk. "Did you slap her? Yell at her? Tell me you at least caused a scene Bo?"

I shook my head then said, "Nope. I did nothing. I kept my eyes forward and when class let out I was out of there quicker than anything."

"Well that's for the best. I thought she was some science nerd? Is this the reason for your Ben and Jerry's therapy?"

"Well clearly science wasn't enough for her." I smiled at her and added, "And yeah it is but I don't know if it's going to solve everything."

Laurel grinned and remarked, "Of course it's not. I hear there is a party going on tonight to celebrate the start of classes." She smirked. "I hear that cute TA who gave us the tour over the summer will be making an appearance."

I bit my bottom lip. I knew I probably should have stayed in and try to decipher Professor Keating's lecture but I also knew that there was no way I was going to focus on work. Not with Lauren on the brain. I put down the pint of ice cream then asked, "What was his name again? Lawrence?"

Laurel laughed then corrected me. "His name is Leo. So you're in?"

"Oh I am definitely in." I said with a smile on my face. This was what I needed for the night. Some booze and a random hook-up. Then tomorrow I would find a seat that would keep me far from Lauren.

* * *

XXXX

 ** _A month later –_**

All my plans to work around Bo in one of my law classes went belly up. The second day in Professor Keating's class, I walked in to see small name placards on every desk. Keating had assigned us seats and they were the same ones we all took that first day. Meaning I was stuck with Bo sitting in front of me and there was not a damn thing I could do to change it.

So I sucked it up and focused on my notes in the minutes before class started. It worked for a couple of days, almost a week until out of bad habit, I started observing every little detail going on in the class. Including Bo.

I observed ow she would skate in with Keating right behind her most days. Sometimes very hungover, sometimes very sober and sometimes she was hanging in the bare balance of making it through the two hour long class coherent. It made me angry that Bo was living up to the party girl image her Myspace profile presented. Wild, carefree and living more in the party life than the hitting the books she so desperately needed to.

I ignored it, even ignoring when Keating seemed to focus in on Bo's faltering when she was called on in class. It was growing worse by the week and now a month in, I could see the familiar signs of frustration on Bo's face as Keating tore into her and tore her apart. But it wasn't my focus, nor my problem. I had to pass law school, not help everyone else around me like I had in high school.

I had even gone so far in staying out of the brunette's business, that I had yet to tell Tamsin who sat in front of me. She didn't need the extra stress, working doubles at the police department and worrying about me while I worried about her. If she knew Bo was back in my life, she would hover around me and hide all of the alcohol in the house.

I took a slow breath, I could do this, I could ignore my former high school girlfriend who broke my heart like a glass light bulb and power through this semester. I had done it year after year and stood tall and strong, not letting my heartbreak smother my life and my goals. If only I had the balls to tell that to Bo's face, not stare at the back of her head, internally reciting all the things I had to say eight years later.

Ugh, her face. Another thing I found myself starting at random moments in the lecture. Bo was still beautiful as she had been in high school, but more. She had grown into many of her curves and some of the high school baby fat had fallen away to reveal more of her cheekbones and it drove me insane to sit behind her. I hated that I still felt the smallest amount of attraction towards her, and that would amplify my lingering anger for her. The anger mainly coming from how much I suddenly missed her and it made no damn sense why.

It was the end of the first month and I was eager to have found a groove in all of my classes. Law school was challenging but not impossible for me, it was all about memorizing things and I could do that in one look at lecture material or textbooks.

It was Friday, the weekend was to start and I had been invited to a house party in the city, a few blocks from where I lived. After that, Tamsin had the weekend off and we were thinking about heading to New York city for a quick road trip to decompress.

I glanced at the clock as people filed into the classroom, class was about to start in five minutes and I could already hear the click of Professor Keating's heels coming down the hall. I tucked away the notes from my other classes and looked at Bo's empty chair. If she didn't rush in now, she would be locked out of the class and give Keating even more ammo to launch Bo's way.

I looked down at my notebook, staring at the two sets of notes I had written a few nights ago at the library. Bo had also been in the library, sitting in the far corner and struggling severely with Keating's lecture from the last few weeks as well as the lectures from her criminal procedure class that I had, but on a different day. For whatever reason, watching her struggle tugged on my heartstrings and on a whim, I made two sets of notes. One for me and one to slip in her backpack the next day to help ease her struggle. But the next day she rolled into class, hungover and I shook my head in disappointment and tuck the extra notes away. I looked at the door, idly willing Bo to just fucking show up on time before Keating tore into her again.

I rolled my eyes at the strange boost of anxiety, Bo's a big girl, stop worrying about her, Lauren. I pulled out my law book and opened it to the current chapter as Keating neared the doorway, I looked up and caught Bo running in the door and towards her seat. She fell into the desk with a huge sigh and dropped her backpack on the floor with a heavy curse.

I shook my head, her hair was messy and her hands shook as she took out her notes and book. Bo had been out late last night, overslept and barely made it to class. This was the third time this month she had come in like this. I knew it was because of a party or whatever social thing she engaged in. I had overheard Bo telling the super annoying girl next to her about going to this frat house or that one more than once over the last couple of weeks.

"Good morning class." Keating's voice commanded the room, she slapped her briefcase on the desk, garnering more attention. "Today is going to be a different day. I am going to present to you an old case of mine and I want you to pick it apart and show me how you could have done it better. First, I need to know if any of you fully understand the legalese that is in every single page of this document." She held up a massive stack of papers. Keating glared around the room, "Can anyone tell me what mens rea means and how it might apply to a litigation case?"

A throng of hands shot up, including mine, eager to answer the woman. Keating scanned the room and stopped on Bo with her head down, desperately trying to flip through her notes.

"Ms. Dennis. Would you care to tell me the definition of mens rea?" She smirked at Bo when the girls head shot up like she had been stuck with a cattle prod. "And I suggest you don't use your notes."

Bo stood up, "Um, mens rea is the…uh…when the, or one party, claims responsibility of their action. Through their fault and it can be…"

"Wrong, Ms. Dennis. Sit down and I suggest you start focusing more on studying then rubbing elbows with TA's and other useless entities. They will get you nowhere but failing my class even before the midterm." Keating turned her glared from Bo and latched it on me, "Ms. Lewis, care to correct Ms. Dennis?"

I heard Bo huff angrily as she sat back down. I bit my bottom lip, feeling mildly bad. Bo had been the lone target of Keating for the last two weeks and I could see she was close to breaking her. I cleared my throat and began, "Yes Professor. Mens rea concerns what mental state a person is in while they commit a crime for it to be an intentional act. Basically if their criminal act was premeditated. In a litigation it could be use in a civil suit or a suit resulting from injury, property damage, etc. during the commitment of a crime. The attorneys on either side can use mens rea to add or subtract to the case, disprove or prove a foundation for the litigation to continue." I smiled as Keating grinned at me.

"Oh, Ms. Lewis, if only the rest of this class had your dedication to your studies." She removed another large stack of papers from her briefcase and walked them up to my desk, handing them to me, "This is a current case I'm working on. I want you to look over it and give me notes by next week on how you suggest I should proceed." She smiled, then glared at Bo, "And Ms. Dennis, I feel it might be in your best interest in your career in law to meet with Ms. Lewis and get your head into the game. Your attention to detail is dull and uninspiring."

I swallowed hard, sitting and setting the thick stack of case notes on my desk. I could see the side of Bo's jaw twitch just like it did when she was in high school and beyond frustrated that she was basically called dumb in front of the class. Keating headed to the front of the class and continued her lecture.

I sat and stared at Bo, my stomach twisting at what I knew shouldn't being caring about versus the damn weakness I had seeing Bo Dennis in distress. I blew out a breath and returned to listening to the lecture. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't do it. Bo didn't need me.

At the end of class, Keating dismissed us but held Bo back, asking to speak to her for a moment. I watched as Bo's shoulders sagged as she went down the steps.

Picking up my messenger bag, I glanced at her notebook. Bo had scribbled notes and in the corner she had written 'don't give up, you can do this. You're not dumb.'

I winced at the words. Bo's biggest insecurity had always been that she never felt like she was smart enough to do anything more than follow in her parent's footsteps. For her to be sitting in a Harvard law class, I knew she had at least worked somewhat hard to get here. And deep down, I couldn't allow her to go without some sort of help and negate all of the couldn't, wouldn't I promised myself a half hour ago.

I frowned and without a second thought, I yanked the second set of notes and quickly tucked them in the front cover of her law book before I left the classroom.

As much as I hated Bo, she would always be my weakness and I didn't have it in me to watch her completely suffer. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't.

I wasn't that terrible of a human being.

I wasn't a Dyson or a Bo searching out pleasure in other's misery. I was better than the both of them and proving that to her, was the first step to moving past her.

* * *

 ** _Later that night-_**

I sat on a battered leather couch, a bottle of beer in my hand as I chatted with a girl named Amy who was in my constitutional law class. She was very cute with wavy dark hair and big blue eyes. She had been flirting with me over the last week and when I ran into her at the party, she was moving full steam ahead on trying to build up the courage to ask me out.

I smiled listening to her ramble about wanting to be a defense attorney. Amy and I would probably go on a date or two, sleep together, and then I would end it right before winter break. Using the excuse that I was too overwhelmed with exams and course loads that a relationship was not in the cards. It was the same old excuses I had used for years when I really wasn't interested in someone for more than a few dates and a few nights in bed.

"Yeah, so, would you like to get coffee with me next week, Lauren?" Amy grinned sheepishly at me.

I looked down at my beer bottle, spinning it in my hands, "Maybe. I will have to look at my calendar. I have a few study groups starting up." I looked up to smile at the girl and caught Bo walking around the corner with a drink in her hand, she wore a low cut black top that gave the entire house and probably the city a choice view of her goods. She was smiling, laughing and had a typical frat boy's hands on her hips. He was whispering in her ear, making her laugh more as he pawed at her like a drunk gorilla.

My jaw clenched on its own as a bunch of sensations ran through my body. One mainly being anger as I saw Bo was clearly tipsy and close to drunk, allowing that gorilla frat boy's hands go wherever. "Fuck." I tore my eyes away when they huddled in a corner and started making out. A huge spike of jealousy out of nowhere, ran through my body and heart, making me clutch at the bottle in my hands. I had to settle down, she wasn't my concern.

Amy touched my arm, "Lauren? Did you hear me?"

I threw on a tight smile and turned to the girl, "Sorry, I zoned out. The beer is giving me a buzz, what did you say?"

Amy giggled, moving closer, "Oh I was just talking about how Will over there is being his usual creep ass self." She pointed to the frat boy shoving his tongue down Bo's throat.

I clenched my jaw tighter and stared at the glass bottle, "Who's Will?"

"Will is the asshole that sits in the back of our constitutional class. Always nodding off and being a dick head. His dad bought his way in here, so he thinks he doesn't have to do anything but sit back and collect his degree." Amy leaned over me, "He's been talking about that girl he's with. Bo? Or some weird name like that. It's the same girl that Professor Keating has been tearing apart on the daily." Amy giggled again, "Will made a bet with his bros that he would get into her pants by the weekend. Kept telling everyone that she's easy as shit to take advantage of after a drink or three. She gave one of the TA's a handy last week after he bought her two drinks."

I felt my stomach twist and slam into my heart, I met Amy's eyes with a hard glare, "Bo isn't that type of girl."

Amy rolled her eyes, "Whatever, she totally is. You've told me how she rolls into class after rolling out of someone's bed. Will is just looking to land another notch on his bedpost." Amy leaned closer, "Word has it the girl is about to flunk out by midterms. Too busy blowing, sucking and screwing everyone."

I squeezed my eyes shut to try and calm myself. This wasn't my problem, Bo wasn't my problem anymore, I kept repeating it over and over to talk myself down. She had made her choice in high school and left me for Dyson and a future full of him and frat boys named Will. I turned to look where she was still pressed against the wall, the Will kid groping her as he kissed her hard and sloppily. His hand was up under her shirt and she was trying to move back away from his grabby hands. Bo would shove him back a bit, but he pressed on.

"Lauren, do you want another drink and we can talk about that coffee date?" Amy was brushing some of my hair back, but I was too focused on watching the shit show in front of me.

Bo was getting more forceful in trying to shove Will back. I closed my eyes again, begging my conscious to let it go and leave Bo to the life she chose, when Amy huffed, "Will is so gross, I hope the fifty bucks is worth it."

I glared at Amy, "Fifty bucks?"

Amy smiled, "Yeah, Will's bros all bet him fifty bucks that he couldn't get Bo into bed by midnight tonight. Looks like he's about to win." She giggled and waved her beer bottle at the two.

Something deep inside of me cracked and I lost control of any thoughts and actions. I slammed my beer bottle on the table and stood up. Making a hard beeline towards Will trying to suck Bo's face off. I reached into my back pocket and pulled all of the cash I had and walked right up to Will.

"Hey fuck face." I had to half yell it over the loud music pouring out of the other room.

Will broke off the kiss and gave me a shitty look, "Can't you see I'm busy?"

I looked at Bo who was half drunk and wiping the slobber off her face. I shrugged, still having no idea what the fuck I was doing, "I think it's time you moved on."

Will laughed at me, looking at Bo, "Check this bitch out!" He reached for her waist.

Bo slowly looked up at me, her eyes glassing over as she swallowed, "Lauren…" The sound of my name sucked the air out of my lungs. It felt so familiar yet so foreign.

I turned away from her, focusing back on Will. I held up the wad of cash and shoved it down the front of his lame bro shirt, "Here's sixty bucks. Get the fuck out of here. Go back to your bros and tell them you came across a better deal. Leave her alone." I motioned to Bo, feeling her stare at the side of my face like I was a horrible car accident she happened across.

Will chuckled again, his face turning red with embarrassment, reaching for Bo and grabbing her arm in a way that made her yelp. I felt my anger spike and shoved him in the chest. "Let go of her." I was silently thankful that Tamsin made me take all of the same self-defense and fight classes she had to take in California. I wasn't going to back down from this piece of crap frat boy now.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" Will stepped closer to me, bobbing his neck to instigate a move from me.

I glanced at Bo, tears running down her face. I had to look away, "Get the fuck out of here and leave her alone before I get mad." Seeing her cry sent sharp pains to my heart and pushed more adrenaline into my veins. I hated that I was getting involved in Bo's business, but damn, this piece of shit needed a knee to the balls and the face.

Will laughed out loud, taking a step to move further into the room, taking Bo with him, "You're a dumb bitch, get the fuck out of my way." He nodded at Bo, "Why do you care if I fuck this girl or not?" He yanked Bo harder, not taking notice she wasn't interested in coming with him by the way she softly gasped out a weak sob.

I grabbed his arm, "I shouldn't care, but I can't not care." I looked over at Bo, feeling the need to throw up but the look in her eyes begged me to save her, do something.

I caught Will drawing his fist back out of the corner of my eye as he hissed through his clenched teeth to let him go. I ducked right as he swung, his fist connecting hard against the wall and breaking through the plaster. I rolled my eyes and when Will came back up to swing again, I ducked and threw a hard sucker punch into his stomach, dropping him to his knees. He screeched out to his friends and since everyone was fairly hammered, they all began fighting each other out of mob mentality.

Glasses and bottles took to the air, hitting hard surfaces like grenades, sending shards of glass everywhere. I looked back to find Bo leaning against the wall, crying harder now. I grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the door. I had to bite the inside of my cheek at the way her hand felt in mine, sending a million long forgotten memories to the front of my mind.

I navigated us through the brawling wad of people to make it out the front porch, almost unscathed. I had caught a chunk off glass across the bottom of my chin when a giant bottle of Jameson struck the wall in front of me.

I ran out the front door, holding my bleeding chin and Bo's hand. Only letting go when the police cars skidded to a stop in front of the house, Boston's finest rushing out to sort out the mess before them. I groaned and waved at Freddie, Tamsin's best friend at the department, as he rushed over to me.

He squinted at me, "Lewis?" He then looked over my shoulder, "Don't tell me this shit show is your fault?" He smirked, shaking his head as law students ran around us in a panic.

I shrugged, "Nope. But there is a fucking nasty frat boy in the house named Will who might need a night of questioning about how he treats girls." I looked over my shoulder at Bo stumbling to sit down on the brick wall next to the front stairs to the house. "He tried to screw her on a bet, liquored her up and didn't quite understand no means get the fuck away." I smirked, looking at the blood on my hands, "I also think he stole sixty dollars from me." I took another swipe at my chin, wincing when it stung. I quickly described what Will looked like and the clothes he wore.

Freddy shook his head, laughing, "I'll make sure to look into that, Lewis. A concerned citizen complaint." He motioned for me to sit, "I got a bus coming to take a look at that chin."

I smiled, "Thanks Freddy." And went to walk over to check on Bo.

Before I could say another word, take another step, I heard. "What the fuck is fucking going on Lauren!" Freddy and I turned to see Tamsin stomping up the grass, a pissed off look on her face. "What the fuck! It's like a fucking frat boy clown car. Shitheads pouring out and running away with their tails between their legs." She waved at another group of drunks run past her and get snatched up by another police officer.

I chuckled with Freddy as he whispered a good luck and headed in with a couple other officers to shut down the party. The brawl had stopped as quickly as it started at the sight of the flashing blue and red lights.

Tamsin stopped in front of me, tilting my chin up to look at the cut, "Who hit you?"

I grabbed her hand, pulling it down, "No one. It's from a bottle breaking next to my face." I sighed.

"Why the fuck are you here? I thought you were going to a quiet party." Tamsin looked around at the mess, then scanned across the front yard, her eyes growing the size of the moon when she saw Bo sitting and shivering on the brick wall. "Wait a minute, is that…." She squinted harder, "The cheerleader." The words came out with thick venom behind every syllable.

I grabbed Tamsin's arm, "Don't."

Tamsin glared at me, "I don't like that you said that, the way you said that." She glared harder, she was slowly putting things together. "The cheerleader is the brunette in your litigation class you keep bitching about, isn't she? The one that you wished would stop calling herself dumb and pay attention before Keating eats her for breakfast, lunch, dinner and then save the remains for dessert?" Tamsin grimaced, "Why didn't you tell me, Lauren?"

I sighed, "Because you'd hide the booze." I looked over at Bo, catching her watching Tamsin and I intently. "It's nothing, her and I aren't speaking. I…" I looked down at the ground, "There was a frat fuck trying to fuck her on a bet and wouldn't get it that she didn't want him. I…stood up for her." I cringed, feeling the shitty look I knew my best friend was giving me.

"Goddamit Lauren." Tamsin grabbed my shoulder, "For the record, you tend to binge eat my secret stash of junk food when you think about her. Not drink all of the booze, you hate throwing up, remember? Remember when I had to throw your bed out after spring break our senior year? Bottomless margaritas and your mom telling you Bo's parents sent out her NYU graduation announcement, inviting the both of us?"

I nodded slowly, covering her hand, smiling back the painful tears wanting to come forth.

"Aw, so fucking cute you two are. So fucking adorable that you are still going strong after eight fucking years." Bo's shaky but loud voice had Tamsin and I turning towards her. Bo was wiping her eyes, "Why the fuck did you do it, Lauren?" She stood up, stumbling a step when she tried to walk over. "Couldn't you just…stay out of my life?" She sniffled, "You have her, you've had her." She waved at Tamsin, "Can't you just go away? Be with the one you really love and leave me the fuck alone."

I stared at Bo, confused, "What?"

Tamsin squinted at me and then at Bo, "Is she talking about us?" I could see the blonde's gears turning. I was equally confused as to why Bo would say anything about Tamsin and I being cute, then again she was pretty drunk.

Bo took another step and tripped, Tamsin reacted and caught the brunette before she smashed her face on the concrete. "Whoa there chief."

Bo shook her head, trying to push Tamsin away, "Let me go." She was sobbing hard.

I went to go for her, my heart pulling me to do something like it had all damn day. Tamsin shook her head, motioning over her shoulder, "Let the paramedics look at your chin. I'll take this one home. Freddy can give you a ride back to our place and then when I get home, we need to talk. Explain to me what the fuck is going on and how this mess reappeared in your life and why you're rescuing her."

I sighed, "My number one weakness, Tams. You know that, I can't...I couldn't this time either." I swallowed, "Especially her." I grimaced at the words, I couldn't believe it myself. That I had gone and rescued Bo, effectively opening the vault door back open.

Tamsin rolled her eyes and shifted Bo up to walk her towards her patrol car, "I know, you could never walk away when she needed help. I just hope this doesn't bite your fucking ass like a bear trap carefully laid by this one." She glanced at Bo half passed out, "Harvard law, impressive Bo."

Tamsin walked Bo to her patrol car and sat her in the passenger seat while I was escorted to the back of an ambulance to have my chin looked out.

While I was getting it bandaged up, the adrenaline fell away and I began to realized that I was setting myself up for a complete mess. Bringing Bo Dennis back into my life was going to be a huge mistake, I knew it, Tamsin knew it and the world around me knew it.

But I couldn't stand to see her cry or become another notch in a frat boy's belt. She had been my first love and even if I didn't love her anymore, and hated what she did to me when I was sixteen, she didn't deserve having the Will's of the world treat her like a disposable bet.


	12. Chapter 12

**_N: here's this. read it and enjoy! leave reviews! also Kenzi will not be making an appearance in this. Just he characters you've been reading about for 12 chapters now._**

* * *

 _"Few times I've been around that track but it's not just gonna happen like that. Cause I ain't no hollaback girl….I ain't no hollaback girl….."_

I groaned into the pillow that my face was buried into and I reached for the obnoxious cell phone that was sitting on my nightstand. I kept my eyes closed as I fumbled with the stupid thing and tried to flip it open so that I could answer the call. I was hung over. Again. This wasn't good. I succeeded in answering the phone and after I put it up to my ear I said, "Hello?" My voice was hoarse from the several shots I had taken last night.

"Bo? What's the matter with your voice?" My mom asked.

Shit. I cleared my throat and hoped it would sound a little bit better. It didn't. "Nothing mom. I just woke up."

My mom was quiet for a second then she said, "It's one in the afternoon."

I opened my eyes then rolled my head so that I could look at the alarm clock. Of course it was one o'clock in the afternoon and my mother would be calling me. I let out a breath then said, "I was up late studying."

I couldn't tell my mom that I was out partying last night. She would make a trip to Boston and check on me. I didn't need her to know that the stress of law school and being in the same school with Lauren had me drowning in self-doubt and depression. It also didn't help that Keating had made me her whipping girl and liked to humiliate me in front of the entire class. The corners of my eyes started to sting. I took a deep breath to get control of my emotions then asked, "May I ask why you're calling me?"

My mom let out a small hum and said, "I haven't spoken to you in almost two weeks and I was concerned."

I covered my face with my hand and tried not to groan. My life was a shit show. Not only was school and Lauren reappearing back into my life had me stumbling but my depression was wreaking havoc on everything else and instead of using the healthy coping skills that I had learned in therapy I had reverted to what was easy, booze and sex. When I did that I shut myself off from my parents and I was surprised that Laurel hadn't said anything yet. Then again she didn't know about my class work. I rolled onto my side and pulled my blanket over my head as I apologized, "Sorry mom. I...I've just been busy."

"See if you were anyone else I would accept that but you aren't anyone else." She paused for a moment and I knew she was about to go into something heavy which I so didn't want to get into right now. All I wanted was Laurel's hangover cure and four Advil. But that wasn't going to happen. "I got a call from Dr. Greenbaum-"

I scoffed then retorted, "More like you called her to check up on me."

"Don't take that tone with me Bo. I'm just worried. Law school is tough and the workload is unforgiving." She took a breath then continued, "Your father and I support you in this but considering your confidence issues and depression we don't want you doing something that will…." My mom trailed off and my throat tightened with emotion. I had dark places. Dark places that were so black that it's what caused my dad to snap and send me to a treatment facility for my drinking and depression. My mom still worried about me going back to those places even more so because of my stress and I hadn't even told her about Lauren because that would lead to a conversation that was not hangover friendly and more therapy which I barely had time to go to now. Or so I thought I didn't. I would actually have to go to a therapy session in order to find out how it affected my schedule.

"I'll go today mom." I said in a small voice. I couldn't put her through that again. I hadn't done anything but I saw that look in her eyes, that fear, like she could lose me at any moment. Since I had signed off on Dr. Greenbaum telling my mom about anything pertinent about my sessions I decided to tell her everything because she was going to find out at some point. I bit my bottom lip then I threw back the covers before I rolled onto my back to look up at the ceiling. "I've been drinking again."

"Bo-"

"No mom just let me get this out." I said cutting her off because if I didn't tell her then I would never be able to talk to her about it. "You're right the workload is a lot and if my professor wasn't harping on me so hard I would probably be able to get through it but she is."

"Do I have to call the dean of the law department?" My mom said in a tone that almost made me laugh.

I smirked a little. "No mom. I don't need you to call the dean. I've managed to grovel for all sorts of understanding but only a little." I rubbed my face and sighed. "It all sort of just snowballed. I thought I would do it once and then I just lost control of everything." I blinked a few times to clear my eyes of the tears that were forming in them. "I didn't mean for it to get like this mom." Drinking while I had a handle on my depression and self-loathing wasn't a bad thing it was when I didn't have control of either of those things did it lead to terrible decisions and dark places.

I heard my mom blow out a deep breath then she asked, "What happened Bo? I'm certain school had something to do with it and not seeing your therapist but there has to be something else."

I bit my bottom lip and closed my eyes. I didn't know how I was going to tell my mom about Lauren. After she had found out about the way Lauren and I had broken up she didn't have anything nice to say about her. My dad was even worse. "Is dad around you?" I needed to know because I wasn't going to tell her if he was around. It would result in him driving to Boston and kicking Lauren's ass personally. Though finding out that Tamsin worked for Boston PD would probably help with posting his bail. She owed me since she stole Lauren from me. I scowled. I never had Lauren if I actually thought about it. I shook my head then took a second to figure out how I was going to say this to my mom. "Lauren's at Harvard and we have a class together." I said in one breath.

"She is what?"

The indignation wasn't missed by me and I dreaded carrying on the conversation. I swallowed then said, with some hesitation, "Lauren is at Harvard for law school and we have a class together."

That set her off. "You're transferring schools. I refuse to see you fall down that dark hole that she caused-"

"She didn't cause anything mom. She just triggered it." I said exasperated by the fact that I had to tell her that. My depression was going to worsen someday Lauren just happened to be the thing to make it worse. My mom knew that but she still blamed Lauren.

My mom scoffed and asked, "But you're drinking again and I'm certain you're making the same decisions you made when you had your first bout of severe depression."

Well she wasn't wrong there. I hadn't had this much sex in almost three years. "You're right mom. But I can't just blame her and she got me out of a really shitty situation last night so she's not-"

"And here you are defending her. Bo when are you going to see that nothing good comes from that girl? Yes, she is smart as hell but sweetheart when it comes to you it is obvious that she doesn't care." She argued and I couldn't argue back because she was right. Lauren had done so much damage that it took me the longest time to dig myself out of it.

I took a deep breath but I didn't say anything as I wiped my eyes. I had begun to cry because it seemed to be the natural thing to do when I talked about Lauren. There was silence on the line for the longest time then I said, "I'll call Dr. Greenbaum to see if she can get me in for an emergency appointment today." My mom didn't say anything and I was worried I had lost service so I pulled the phone away from my ear to check my signal. I had full bars so I put the phone back to my ear. "Mom?"

She sighed then said, "I'm still here Bo. That sounds like a good idea." My mom paused for a second then she added, "Think about finding a new school. I'm serious when I say that she isn't any good for you Bo. She already has an effect on you."

If this were any other conversation I would have countered with how I was an adult and how she couldn't tell me what to do but this wasn't any other conversation. I played with the hem of the comforter and said, "Mom this is a good program and I don't want her to ruin what I feel like could be a good thing for me." I came up with a compromise, "How about this, I see Dr. Greenbaum twice a week and go to her weekly group sessions?"

"And the drinking and partying?"

I nodded and said, "I will stop that as well."

I waited for her to think that over. The partying and drinking would have to stop if I went to the group sessions. It was like AA without actually being AA. "Okay. And I won't tell your father about Lauren because if I do he will come down there and kick her ass."

That brought a smile to my face and I remarked, "That I have no doubt about." I glanced at the clock and said, "Okay mom I'm going to go call Dr. Greenbaum to see if she'll see me today."

My mom said okay and have to we said our goodbyes I hung up. I was serious about getting back on track. I had screwed up and instead of trying to avoid the train wreck that was currently happening I was making it worse. I called Dr. Greenbaum's office and she was able to get me in for a late session that afternoon. I got out of bed and I walked over to my desk and took my notebook and books out for Keating's class. If I was determined to get out of my tailspin then I would have to get my schoolwork back on track as well. When I pulled out my note book a stack of index cards fell out. I didn't remember putting any in there so I was confused as to where they had come from. I picked them up and noticed the handwriting on them. Just as neat and meticulous as it had been in high school. My hold tightened on the cards and instead of throwing them out I let out a resigned sigh. I needed to get on track but at the same time Lauren jumping in and saving me, no matter what form it was in, was going to do more damage than good. I sat down and began to look over the note cards. Maybe my mom was right. I probably should transfer.

* * *

I was on my way to Dr. Greenbaum's when I got pulled over. I rolled my eyes and shook my head as I pulled over to the curb. This was my day today. First my mom, then Laurel, and now this. Laurel had not been happy when I told her about my downward spiral and she went off on me. As soon as the Spanish started flying I knew I was in it deep. I was now part of a sober study group, which was ran by Laurel's secret crush Michaela, and Laurel was going to make sure I didn't end up in shit again.

I saw the officer get out of the car and saw that it was a woman which meant me flirting my way out of the ticket went out the window. I rolled down the window and I saw who it was and mumbled, "Of-fucking-course it's you."

Tamsin scoffed and remarked, "This is the thanks I get for taking your drunk ass home last night? Lauren got hurt because of you."

I handed her my license and scoffed. "I didn't tell her to help me."

"Right because letting some asshole grope all over you while you're not completely sober is something that Lauren is going to let happen." Tamsin commented in a sarcastic tone.

I focused my gaze out the windshield as I muttered, "I'm certain you made sure that she was well taken care of afterwards."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

I clenched my teeth together and gave her a pointed look. "Nothing, Officer _._ Are we done here?"

Tamsin scoffed and said, "No we're not. You don't get to give me attitude after the shit you pulled on Lauren."

"After the shit that I pulled on Lauren?" I couldn't believe what she was saying. I wasn't the one who had left without saying a single word. Nor had I dragged someone along and used them emotionally. Lauren had done all that to me and then some. "You know what? Fuck you Tamsin. I hope the two of you are very happy and I wish you both the best."

Tamsin gawked at me for a second then exclaimed, "What the fuck are you talking about?'

I chuckled a little then commented, "And you were supposed to be the smarter option." I blew out an aggravated breath then stated, "You and Lauren. The relationship that you two have been in for apparently the last eight years." I got irritated by the perplexed look on her face. I wasn't going to hash this shit out with her on the side of the street. I really didn't want to hash this out with either of them. It wasn't good for me. "If you're not going to give me a ticket can I have my license back please so I can go?"

"Wait…." Tamsin said before she trailed off. "Who told you that Lauren and I were together?"

"When?" I snapped. I was annoyed with this conversation and if I was really honest with myself it hurt me more to reopen these old wounds for her sadistic pleasure. She had won a long time ago. Why Tamsin felt the need to do this now I wasn't sure of.

Tamsin shrugged and replied, "Anytime."

"Lauren's dad mentioned you two living together and Ted at graduation." I answered not hiding my frustration over this line of questioning.

Tamsin looked stunned for a moment then she said, "Here's your license. Uh…drive safe."

I watch her walk back to her car in the side mirror. I wasn't sure what that was about but I didn't think too much on it. I was late for the appointment that would help me fix the damage that her girlfriend had triggered.

* * *

XXXXX

I ran a finger over the three small stitches on the edge of my chin. This was not how I wanted to spend my weekend, a weekend that had successfully gone down the toilet after last night. Freddy had to take me to the hospital after the paramedics decided I needed stitches, then picked up by a very pissed off confused best friend. I quietly told Tamsin during the ride home I didn't want to talk about it until I had slept off the weird painkillers that were making me incredibly emotional.

So she kept quiet and tucked me in bed, alternating her stare from me curled up under the blankets, squeezing my pillow and the large box of high school we had yet to deal with. She cancelled the weekend trip to New York due to having to work overtime due to the frat house brawl. Her shift supervisors wanted extra patrols over the weekend to ensure nothing outrageous happened again.

I sighed and walked away from the bathroom mirror, grabbing my hair up into a loose ponytail, I headed downstairs to find something to eat and watch mindless cartoons until Tamsin got off her extended midnight shift. It was a quarter after three in the afternoon and she would be home soon, regaling me with crazy and gross stories of the day, quickly followed by the ass chewing I was expecting.

Bo Dennis back in my life was like a black hole in the solar system, sucking the planets to collide together and cause a weird catalyst of bullshit to happen. I shook my head as I dug out some leftover Thai food to warm up. I had done a really stupid thing last night taking on Will, Freddy even mentioned it as he handed me back my sixty dollars. I could have gotten hurt worse, Bo could have gotten hurt, etc. But I couldn't stop myself, seeing Bo in trouble and the look in her eyes…

I shook my head harder, stop it. She was the past. That's where she had to stay or I would start replacing Will with Dyson and sliding back into horrible memories. I also suddenly regretted shoving the notes in her book, hoping she would throw them away and ignore the stupid spontaneous gesture.

While the Thai food spun around in the microwave, I ran upstairs and grabbed the envelope of pictures. Today I would burn them and start the final purging process of getting Bo out of my system, then I would meet with Keating on Monday and see if she would allow me to transfer into her afternoon class. I had to get her out of my system completely and leaving Harvard was out of the question.

When I was back downstairs, I threw the envelope on the large coffee table on top of Tamsin's stack of police procedure books, and rushed to the fireplace to start a healthy fire. When the fire was roaring and hot enough for my liking, I sat back on the couch and picked up the envelope. Slowly removing the pictures, I felt my heart twitch at them. I hadn't bothered looking at them in years, not wanting to slide further down a pit of despair when I was so young and so freshly heartbroken.

There were the pictures my parents took at the spring fling, the ones Tamsin took and a handful of random candid shots Bo had taken in her car, outside at the stupid spot of ours and a handful of other places. I swallowed hard, sifting through them. I was so young, so stupid and it was clear I would have never fit in with anyone in high school. Especially the head cheerleader.

I bit my bottom lip hard, feeling all of the emotions in all of the memories held in each one of those pictures. God, did I love Bo with everything I was and more. She had my heart completely and maybe in a way, still did. But in a way that she had purchased an item I pawned off and could never get back.

I stood up and walked to the fireplace, throwing one picture after another into the orange flames. Watching the edges curl up and turn black, I sniffled and tried hard not to cry. It felt like parts of my heart were on fire, burning painfully at the fact I would never have Bo like I once did or a love like I had with her in my life.

I burned half of the stack until I got to the last one, and I froze. It was a picture of Bo and I the day after spring fling. After we had professed and consummated our love. It was a picture that Tamsin had took with the last few shots on her disposable camera. Bo and I were sitting outside of that atrocious all you can eat buffet, on an old wooden and metal bench. Bo had her head on my shoulder, looking up at me while I looked down at her. Both of us had big shit eating grins on our faces and our hands were locked together tighter than a Fort Knox vault door. The look of love radiated from the picture and I could feel my hands tremble as the tears rolled down my cheeks.

"Lauren! Are you eating my leftovers?" Tamsin burst through the front door. Her gear bag hitting the floor with a loud thump, "I told you to leave that shit alone or I'd handcuff your hands to your ankles for a week." She rushed around the corner, into the living room, already pulling her work shirt over her head. "And why the fuck is it as hot as Satan's asshole in here?"

I cleared my throat, tucking the picture in my back pocket, "You can have the leftovers, they're sitting in the microwave. I thought I was hungry." I folded my arms across the baggy, faded Stanford med school logo on my chest, and glanced at the fire, "I started a fire…to um…burn things." I nervously reached up to push my thinner black framed glasses up.

Tamsin threw her shirt on the back of the couch, squinting at me. "Please tell me you didn't burn everything?" She folded her arms angrily, "You didn't check your phone when you woke up, like I told you?" She shook her head, "Some people's children."

I frowned at her, "I don't remember where you put my phone when you helped me to my room." I softly ran a finger across the edge of my stitches, "Can you not yell, my head hurts."

She rolled her eyes, pointing at the couch, "It's not going to get any better. Sit your ass down, it's time for an ass chewing." Tamsin turned and headed to the kitchen, "I have to tell you who I pulled over today. I think it's time I pull out my Cagney and lacey skills, because something is rotten as fuck in Boston and it's not the New Kids reunion tour everyone keeps hoping and wishing for."

I frowned deeper and walked to the couch, "Why are you unusually annoying today?" I pushed her books to a corner and set down a magazine for her to set her plate on. "And I asked you to stop fucking yelling so much. I'm not a perp."

Tamsin rolled around the corner, looking at the fire, "Can we take a log of that thing, before I sweat the rest of my tits off? And I wish I had never taught you how to say fuck, you use it too much and it makes you very unlady like." She looked down and caught the edge of the white envelope with a few pictures still in them. She pointed at them with a fork covered in noodles, "Oh god, please tell me you didn't decide today of all days to go burning the witch from the east out your memory?"

I gave her a dirty look and settled deeper into the couch, "It was your idea." I closed my eyes, "And I have to get Bo out of my life. I keep doing stupid fucking things to help her. Stuffing school notes in her book like the nerd I was in high school and then taking on a frat boy fuck face. Almost getting the both of us hurt and arrested for instigating a riot." I sighed heavily, "Dammit, why does she still get to me after eight years? Why can't I avoid her, stop feeling anything for her whether its anger and distaste, or an overwhelming need to see her do well and stop calling herself dumb?" I opened my eyes slowly to see Tamsin looking at me genuinely. "You don't have to answer me, but did you happen to talk to her in the car?"

Tamsin shoved a huge fork of noodles in her mouth, "Nope, tits McGee was passed out when I sat her down. She only snored, mumbled, drooled and cried the ride to her apartment. I got her to the front door where her roommate, a Spanish chick, took her. Spewing curse words in Spanish my way." Tamsin looked up at the ceiling, scrunching her face up, "I'm pretty sure she called me a raging asshole of fire?" She shrugged, "I don't know, my Spanish is no Bueno."

I shrugged, leaning forward, "I'm going to transfer out of Bo's class on Monday. I can't do this. If I do, I might be compelled to actually talk to her to find out why she did what she did."

Tamsin moved around the table and sat on the edge facing me. She set the bowl down and looked up at me with her big green eyes that were soft and had that look that told me were about to have a serious heart to heart. "First, I have to chew your ass for starting that bullshit last night. Don't ever do that again, I couldn't stand it if you got hurt again and lord knows your mom would make me disappear if you really did get hurt. No matter how well I taught you to fight, it might not always be the way to go against creepy frat boys looking to get their nut off." Tamsin looked at her hands on her knees, "By the way, call your mom later. She called me at eight a.m. inquiring about why you were in the hospital for stitches. God, she's scary with her spy ways."

I sighed softly, "I will." I swallowed hard, "I'm sorry about last night, Tams. I know you've always been there for me, picking me back up and putting me back together. I shouldn't let Bo mess with my life and my friendships." I smiled, "My family."

Tamsin rolled her eyes, "And you've been there for me. Helping me study for the police academy, getting me through the shittiest days of my career so far. Holding me as I cried, yelled, punched walls. Never mind the disastrous relationship back in California." She rolled her eyes, "Never again will I date a co-worker."

I chuckled, "Bullshit, you've got your eye on Freddy and we both know it. He's handsome and a good guy, you should go for it." I playfully slapped her knee, "I've known for a while. He always gets a goofy smile on his face when you show up and rant."

Tamsin's cheeks turned a bright pink, "Shut up Lewis." She then looked up at me, "You really think he likes me?"

I nodded, reaching for her bowl of noodles, "I do, and I think it'll be good for you to have someone else to fuss over." I took a large bit of the food, "I'll be fine after I switch classes and get away from Bo. I think after I burn the memories of high school and graduation day, I'll rebound."

Tamsin's smiled faded, "Speaking of graduation day and Bo and the shit tornado that was eight years ago." She shifted in her spot, "I…uh…pulled Bo over today right down the street from her apartment. Kind of sat on her all day so I could um…you know…give her an ass chewing and tell her to stay away from her or she'd be swamped in parking and speeding tickets."

I groaned, "Fuck Tamsin, why did you do that? I told you…"

Tamsin held up her hand, "I know, to leave it alone. To leave her alone and not track down Dyson and cut his balls off. I promised and I held to that promise, but I had to know. After her weird adorable comment." She fidgeted, "Bo said something that kind of blew my hair back."

I raised my eyebrows, "Where do you get these sayings?" I focused on the bowl in my hands, "I don't think I want to hear what she had to say."

"She made a comment about you and I being together for the last years, and not in a platonic, seeing you naked makes me want to vomit, way." Tamsin sighed, "I asked her where she heard that and she told me your pops mentioned us living together in California and then Ted on graduation day."

I paused midchew, looking up at the blonde, "Excuse me?"

She let out another hard breath, "Yeah, I know. I let her go and my mind started pulling it apart. Bo kept repeating that you and I were together, still going strong with our love, blah blah." Her green eyes met mine, "What if….and hear me out...what if Ted and Dyson did something real fucking dumb after you left, to make Bo not chase after you?" She shrugged, "We know your dad told Bo a few times that you and I were just roomies, living in that apartment my dad paid for."

I laughed, setting the bowl back down, "Why would she chase after me? She had Dyson, she was kissing him. She got what she wanted that day, why would she want me?"

Tamsin stood up and grabbed my arm to stand me up. She quickly reached into my back pocket and pulled out the picture I had shoved in there, "I might not be as smart as you, but there's been something eating at me all night while I rehashed last night and that fucked up graduation day." She held the picture up, tapping her finger on it, "I remember taking this picture. I remember looking at you two stupid idiots and seeing the love ooze out of your faces and on to the ground around you." She flicked the corner, "I flipped through the stack you burned away after you passed out in your bed. I couldn't shake the one glaring fact in all of them even as I was wicked livid at the cheerleader for inspiring a superhero moment out of you."

I rolled my eyes, moving to walk away from her before I started crying, "I don't want to talk about it." My voice broke as I spoke, "I'm going to go upstairs and shower."

Tamsin grabbed my elbow, "Stop for a fucking moment." She shoved the picture against my chest, "The glaring fact I still see is this, the love in all of those pictures is real. Realer than the sun itself, it burns so bright between you two. And that is the one thing that I can't get past now combined with Bo's comments. It leads me to believe something isn't what we might have thought it was."

I shook my head, "Stop it, just fucking let it go and stop it." I pushed my glasses up, "She kissed Dyson, I saw it with my own eyes. How they kissed and the way they held each other, it was completely different than how she kissed me, it was…more." I swallowed down more tears.

Tamsin bent her head down, "Look, I am not a huge fan of the cheerleader turned town trollop, but maybe, just maybe, you should ask her why she kissed Dyson."

I grimaced, "Why on earth would I open that wound again?" I looked up at the ceiling, "I need to get away from her, not drag her closer to interrogate her. It's not doing me any good."

"Do it for me, Lauren." Tamsin's voice was stern, yet soft.

I spun around, looking at her shocked, "What?"

Tamsin sighed, "Ask her for me, I've a hunch and I can't charge in and ask her, that's like begging for police harassment complaint." She took a step closer to me, "My hunches have never been wrong, I think you should ask her why she did what she did on graduation day, if anything it will offer you up a fat slice of closer and I'll buy you junk food for a month to eat away the pain."

I stared in the unbending green eyes, knowing there was no way Tamsin would let this go until I did what she asked. I did owe, I owed her so much and if this was the least I could do, I probably should do it. "Ugh, fucking fudge. Fine. I'll ask her." I pointed at her, "But when it all goes to shit and I end up crying on that couch with empty ice cream containers and bottles of jack, you leave me alone for a week."

Tamsin grinned, "Deal. But my Cagney and lacey senses say I'm on to something." She scooped up the half empty bowl, "Oh by the way, Bo will be at the library in two hours. You probably need to go study there and run into her."

I gawked at the back of the blonde, "Tamsin, what the fuck! How do you know?"

Tamsin flashed a smirk as she leaned on the open fridge door, "I pulled over her roommate and pulled it out of her. People will spill the beans when you threaten them with a suspended license."

I groaned, covering my face, "I hate you sometimes."

"Ha, no, no you don't. You love me in a very platonic way." Tamsin slammed the fridge closed, "Go upstairs and get ready for the library. I have to call Freddy."

I couldn't help but half smile as I shuffled up the stairs to shower.

I just hoped I still loved my best friend after launching me into the mouth of hell to ask my ex about the worst day of my life and why she was the one who orchestrated it.

* * *

I nervously ran my finger along my chin, feeling the rough edges of the band aid I had placed there to keep some dirt out of it. I walked into the massive library and looked around. It was almost empty for a Saturday. Most students didn't want to study on Saturday, opting to choose it as the day of rest and start the hellish pace back up on Sunday.

I shifted my messenger back on my shoulder and continued to look around the room, only spotting a kid from my criminal procedure class and the one super annoying know it all girl from Keating's class. She waved at me, smiling and motioning for me to come over. She was dying to start a study group and get me in, telling me that we could be quite the power team and get two of the coveted spots in Keating's special internship. I smiled back and shook my head, when I spotted Bo in the far corner.

She was sitting at a large table with books all around her and notebooks open as she scribbled in them. There were a couple large Styrofoam coffee cups around her, a sign that she was trying to clear out a hangover. I grit my teeth and frowned, I hated deeply that Bo was drinking. She had always sworn off of it when we were in high school, only ever indulging in that one glass of Boone's farm that night at Tamsin's.

My throat suddenly went dry when I thought about that night. How special it was and how incredible patient, loving and beautiful Bo had been. The way she looked and felt. I squeezed my eyes shut, chasing out the memories of how she felt in my arms and how her hand felt in mine last night. Warm, strong, safe and I missed it, I missed her to the point it made me want to throw up in the middle of the library.

"Fuck you, Tams." I whispered the curse and sucked in a steadying breath. I had to do this, I had to do this for Tamsin, for me and to move past the brunette that had cursed my entire being like the beautiful plague she was.

I tightened my grip on the bag and moved towards the table, cursing silently a million times with every step I took. This was stupid. This was ignorant. This was going to blow up in my face and set me back to a place that took a very long time to dig out. The only thing that kept pushing me was that I would hear the truth from her mouth, then I could tell her to fuck off and walk away.

At least I hoped that's what would happen.

I stopped at the edge of the table, Bo was leaning on her hand with the typical frustrated look on her face as she read through Keating's lecture notes. She twirled a yellow highlighter in her fingers as she chewed on her bottom lip. I looked past her hand and saw my note cards laid out carefully next to her notebook, key words highlight in yellow.

I felt my jaw clench and release as I finally found the courage to start this conversation, "Professor Keating has a pattern to her lectures. When she asks for a definition, it usually means that term will end up on a quiz or an exam. She also pulls exam questions from her past cases." My voice shook a little and I cursed myself.

Bo's head shot up, her big brown eyes met mine, "Lauren?" Her eyes fell to the band aid on my chin and a flash of concern rolled over them before they shifted to agitation. "Why are you here?" She reached over and shuffled the cards up, shoving them under her notebook. "You here to beat up the kid in the corner for asking to borrow the Massachusetts State civil law book?"

Her tone was icy as hell. I frowned, "No…about last night. I'm sorry…I." I paused, "Can I sit down? I need to talk to you."

Bo shook her head, "No you can't. I think it's better if you turned around and walked away. Walked away from me and back to Tam…home." She scrunched her face up, "I will at least thank you for last night, I put myself in a really shitty situation and I…" She shook her head, "I can't do this, Lauren. I can't. So please, go." She blinked a few times, her brown eyes glossing over.

I winced at the sight, feeling my defense weaken and sat down. "I can't leave until I ask you one question. I made a promise to Ta…someone and I can't leave until I know." I looked everywhere but at Bo.

"Lauren, please." Her voice was a whisper, "This is too much, I can't…." She stood up quickly, randomly grabbing her notebooks messily. "Never mind, I'll leave." She then mumbled, "Maybe my mom was right, I need to transfer."

I glared at her, feeling the anger rise at her indignant behavior, making it feel like I had been the one who broke her heart and not the other way around. I blew out an agitated laugh, "This is fucking pointless, but whatever." I sucked in a breath hating that I never broke any of my promises to Tamsin, "Just answer one fucking question, Ysabeau Dennis, why the fuck did you play me along and then kiss Dyson on graduation day? Why the fuck did you pull that stupid prank on me? Was it a bet or you're way of getting him back? Play on the nerd's feelings for you and make him jealous so he'd run back to you. Or were the both of you behind it?" I was rambling, my voice rising with every angry question spewing forth, "Make me fall hopelessly in love with you to the point I would have given you my entire life, and then I have to watch you kiss him. Hold him like I wished you'd hold me when we kissed." I felt my throat tighten and the tears rise, I looked up at Bo with bleary eyes. She stood motionless, staring at me with wide eyes, "You broke my heart to fucking pieces that day. Watching you kiss him in the hallway…I've carried that image with me every day. Now I need to know the truth." I stood up slowly, my legs trembling as I found the last ounce of strength to get my answer, "Why did you do it? Kiss him? Lead me on for months? Was it a prank or not?"

Bo dipped her head down, she was breathing heavily, "What the fuck…no." Her face had turned a paler than pale shade of white, "I don't…" She stumbled over her words.

I closed my eyes, nodding my head at the lack of answer being the total answer I needed. I had been the pawn in her game, "I figured as much." I sniffled, "You won't ever hear from me again, Bo." I turned to walk away.

"Is that why you ran to Tamsin? Ran away with her to be with her? All because of what you thought you saw?" Bo's voice trembled but was strong, I could feel her glare on the side of my head.

I furrowed my brow and turned to look in blazing brown eyes with tears rolling down her cheeks, "She has nothing to do with this, don't bring her into the mess you made."

* * *

 **xXxXxX**

"The mess that I made?" I asked my voice rising because of the incredulous statement that Lauren had just made. "Oh that's real rich coming from you Ms. I left without out saying a damn word. You have no idea the hell I have been through because of the mess that you made."

Lauren snorted and remarked, "I'm certain you life with Dyson was so miserable after the shit that you pulled on me."

"Lauren I have no fucking idea what you're talking about but do know that I haven't spoken to Dyson since graduation."

She scoffed then said, "Such bullshit. I saw the two of you kissing at graduation."

I stood there and tried to remember graduation since the only thing I was recalling at the moment was the tremendous amount of pain that the woman standing in front of me had caused. My therapy appointment with Dr. Greenbaum had been a productive one but this conversation was testing the coping skills that she had reminded me of during our session. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes to centre myself. I reminded myself that I didn't have to be an active participant in this conversation. But like my mom mentioned, when it came to Lauren I tended to put her first over my own needs. I took another deep breath then let it out. When I opened my eyes I looked at Lauren and told her, "I didn't kiss Dyson. The asshole dragged me down the hall for some half-assed apology then he kissed me which resulted in him getting kneed in the balls."

A stunned look came across Lauren's face and then I realized something. "Did you see that Lauren? Is that what caused you to leave that day?" She continued to stand there with a stunned look on her face and that caused me to go off. "Are you fucking kidding me? Instead of asking me you assumed the worse? I know I'm not the brightest bulb in the box but at least I would have had the decency to get my facts straight." Tears began to form in my eyes. "Years of bullshit and so much…." I wasn't going to let her know what had happened to me. I wasn't going to let her know about how she had broken me and how I was still dealing with the effects of her leaving me. I finished packing up my stuff and said, "It's whatever. What's happened has happened and we can't take it back."

"Bo I-"

"No Lauren." I shouted. "You don't get to do this. Not after all this. Not after everything that has happened. I'll stay out of your way and you can stay out of mine."

One of the library assistant's came over and said, "Excuse me I'm going to have to ask you two to leave. You're disrupting the other-"

"It's fine. I was leaving anyway." I put on my back pack and as I walked by Lauren I glared at her. There was no way we would be able to fix this. What I had been through because she didn't bother to ask me about the truth had destroyed whatever we had between us. I managed to keep it together as I walked out of the library but the tears began to fall as I headed to my car. Of course fucking Dyson had a hand in what had happened between me and Lauren but the fact that she hadn't trusted me or didn't even confronted me about it is what hurt more. I loved her. I loved her more than I loved myself on most days but apparently she didn't have much faith in my love for her.

I left the library and headed to the apartment. I wanted a drink and I wanted to fall in that weird numb place that was all too familiar because it was better than the shit I was currently feeling. I got in then I made a beeline for my room. I slammed the door behind me and I dropped my book bag on the floor. I began to pace around my room as I tried not to give into the dangerous urges that this confrontation with Lauren had stirred up. I threw caution to the wind then headed for my closet. I opened the door then knelt down to go into the shoebox that held a pair of boots but in the boots were a couple of nips of vodka. I heard a knock on my room door and I shouted, "Go away Laurel."

"I'm not going anywhere Bo. You said you would be at the library all night and I just got a call from Michaela about how you got in an argument with a blonde." She said through it then she added, "Open up the door Bo or I'm coming in."

I clenched the small bottle that I was holding and got up from the floor. I walked over to the door then opened it and Laurel narrowed her eyes at me as she asked, "What happened?"

"She-who-will-not-be-named." I said after I let out a sigh. I held up the nip of vodka. "You might want to take this and the other three that are in the Timberland shoe box in my closet."

Laurel stormed into my room, Spanish flying, and she confiscated the remaining alcohol in my room. She turned around and looked at me. "How did you get this bad under my nose?"

I shrugged then walked over to my bed. I laid down on it and curled up as the conversation with Lauren continued to take its emotional toll on me. I felt Laurel sit next to me on the bed then she wrapped her arm around me which caused me to lose whatever hold I had on my emotions. I held onto her arm as I cried. When I was too exhausted to cry any further I said, "I'm sorry about all this."

Laurel chuckled a little then replied, "Don't apologize Bo. Her coming back into your life was bound to screw with you but the fact that you're hiding alcohol, letting your work lapse, and not going to therapy is something that shouldn't happen. You can't let her do this to you Bo."

"I know." I turned to where I was laying on my back and I said, "It's just that all those feelings, the good ones and the bad ones, they all just came flooding back and I had no idea what to do with them. Not even my easiest coping skill would have worked on the shit I was feeling." I paused for a moment then muttered, "But that's the Lauren Lewis effect, destroying my life one assumption at a time."

"What?"

I took a deep breath then told her, "I found out the reason why she hauled ass after we graduated. She saw me kissing my ex-boyfriend when that hadn't been the case. And instead of asking me about it she assumed the worse."

"You've got to be kidding me?" Laurel exclaimed as she sat up. I shook my head no and she scoffed. "That is so stupid. Did she tell you why she didn't ask you?"

"No. I didn't let her and I honestly don't want to know. I just want to move on with my life and stay the hell away from Lauren." I said as I wrapped my arms around the extra pillow I had on my bed.

Laurel nodded and said, "Okay. How about I call Michaela so she can whip your ass back into shape for Keating's class then we can order take out or something?"

I looked at Laurel with a grateful smile on my face and asked, "Are you sure?"

Laurel returned the smile and said, "Of course I'm sure. You need this and we need to keep your mind off of today's events. Gorging on food and litigation homework will definitely help you with that."

I chuckled and rolled my eyes as I remarked, "Oh I highly doubt that." I grinned at her and asked, "And this isn't your way to get Michaela into your bed."

Laurel got off my bed and said, "That has nothing to do with this. This is about you and getting you back on track. When's your next therapy session?"

"Day after tomorrow and I have group on Thursday."

Laurel nodded and said, "Okay good. Now when your mom calls to check on you I have something to tell her." She held up the two small bottles of liquor. "I'm going to dispose of these. Get what you need to work on and meet me in the living room."

I watched her leave my room and I had a small smile on my face. Laurel was good at keeping me preoccupied when I was going through a rough patch. As long as we didn't up doing something like going to visit her family then we would be okay. I looked up at the ceiling and blew out a breath. I would be okay. I just had to keep reminding myself of that. As long as I stayed far away from Lauren I would be fine.

* * *

XXXXX

"Excuse me miss? But you have to leave." The library assistant stare at me as I stood in my spot, frozen.

I slowly turned to look at him and the back of Bo rushing out of the library. "Um. I understand. Sorry." I tucked my head down and exited the room, my heart pounding like hell.

I made it out in to the bright afternoon sun and ran right to the closet garbage can and threw up. Threw up so hard I felt the stitches pull on my chin. Wiping my mouth, I stood up, Bo had been telling the truth. I saw it in her eyes and the whole truth of what she was telling me, the heartbreak that was present. That wasn't anything the greatest actors in the world could ever recreate.

"Fuck." I swallowed a few more times and pulled out my cell phone to call Tamsin.

"Did you do it or did you shit the bed?" Tamsin was clearly eating by the way she mumbled around a massive mouth full of food.

The sound of her voice struck a chord and I completely fell apart, half sobbing in the phone, "Can you pick me up? I…oh god….I fucked up….we fucked up." I stepped back and fell to sit down on a bench next to the garbage can. I leaned forward, holding my head in my hands as I felt a slow trickle of blood running down my chin. "Tams…I don't know what to do."

Tamsin mumbled that she would be there in five minutes and hung up on me. I closed my flip phone and squeezed it as I cried harder. My stupid fucking insecurities had spoken for me that day and a thousand days before and after. I had been always afraid that Bo was going to leave me because of who I was and I let it consume me. When I was presented with the smallest idea of what my insecurity thought was correct, I ran with it and threw sense out the window along with my unconditional love for the brunette.

I wiped at my eyes and my chin when Tamsin screeched her car up to the curb. She rushed out of the car, striding towards me in her uniform pants, black boots untied and one of her ratty old shirts with a faded Scully on the front. She knelt down in front of me, those piercing green eyes swimming with emotions waiting for me to tell her what happened so she could pick the right one to rely on.

"Tell me."

I looked up at my best friend, scrunching my face as I cried, "It wasn't a prank, it wasn't anything but that bearded bastard trying to pull one last move on Bo." I sucked in a shaky breath, "She told me that he grabbed her against her will and what I saw was her steadying him before she kneed him in the balls then ran after me."

I gasped out a shattered breath, "I was stupid…my insecurities…I never asked for the truth, I just assumed." I bent my head down to look at the tops of my shoes. "Why did Ted have to tell me they were around the corner that day?" I sobbed softly, "I lost Bo because of my ignorant immaturity to ever believe she could love someone like me." I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling my heart tighten at the revelation that combined with the intense feeling I had to fix this, I had to do something, anything to reverse the past. Bo had been a part of my heart and never really left it for eight years. It just hung in my chest only beating like it was alive when I saw her over the last few weeks.

Tamsin let out a low whistle, "Wait. That's the second time I've heard that bastards name mixed in with the debacle from eight years ago." She stood up and sat next to me, wrapping an arm around me to pull me closer. "I think it's time I go talk to Ted." Her voice had an edge to it.

I shook my head, "No, don't. You'll end up breaking his entire face." I looked at Tamsin, "Bo kept saying whatever happened is what happened, that there's no way to take it back. Do you…." I shook my head again, wiping at my cheeks. I frowned, my heart was alive at the idea of that graduation day had been a gross misunderstanding and this all could be repaired. Bo and I could be…again.

"Do I think that this is the end? Nope." Tamsin leaned back against the bench, "I need to find out the truth so I can apologize to Bo. Regardless of the bullshit we might have thought she have started, if it's a pile of lies. I need to apologize to her. I should have also known better than to let my abrasive reactive behavior take the lead. But man, I was a wild child back then." She looked up at the blue sky before looking down at me, "I'm going to ask you one question, Lauren." She held my eyes, "I want the truth from you, so don't bullshit me."

I sighed, "Go ahead."

Tamsin paused, searching my eyes before she continued, "Do still love Bo and do you think there's something there to fight for? No matter the outcome?"

I stared in her eyes and let my heart answer, even though it came out in a harsh whisper, "She's the only I've ever loved, will ever love….but I don't know about something there to fight for…"

Tamsin held up her hand, "Shut it. Your insecurity is showing." She stood up, pulling me to my feet with her, "Then let's go find Ted."

I groaned, "Tamsin, I have no idea where he is and I am not in the mood right now. I really just want to cry watching Gilmore Girls and try not to throw up endlessly."

The blonde chuckled, "I didn't say you had to do anything, just call your spy of a mother and set things in motion. She will find Ted."

I gawked at my best friend, "I don't think that's a good idea, and I don't think I can get her on board with anything Bo Dennis related. I had to beg her not to put Bo on certain lists that would make traveling very inconvenient and very invasive."

Tamsin laughed, "Man, I do love your mom." She yanked harder, "Let's go, Lewis. Let's get operation best man started, after we get those stitches looked at."

I continued to frown as Tamsin blithered about this and that. All I could think about as I crawled into the passenger seat was how badly I wanted to go back in time and hug Bo.

* * *

 ** _Three days later-_**

I sat in my room, reading over lecture notes in-between working on Keating's current case. I was thankful that Keating's class was only Wednesday through Friday due to the fact she had another of her case go to trial. Meaning I didn't have to see Bo and follow through on my overwhelming need to sort this huge mess out before my mom found Ted.

I shoved my glasses on top of my head and rubbed at my eyes, blinking a few times to find them focusing on the picture of Bo and I tacked on the corkboard, mingled in with notecards and other pictures of my parents, grandparents and Tamsin and I. My heart pounded, my stomach rolled and I had to clench my fists to prevent from running out of the brownstone to find Bo and hash this out.

The low whistle of the X-files theme filled the room. I opened the desk drawer and removed my phone, answering it before the whistle started over. "Hi mom."

"Hey Lauren." There was a sad tone in her voice, making my heart drop that she hadn't found Ted.

I rubbed at my chin, the new stitches itchier as the last, "It's fine. I didn't expect you to be able to find a tool bag like Ted in a couple of days."

My mom chuckled, "Great to see you have faith in my capabilities, but actually I did find him. Working over at the auto plant one town over." She paused, "I have to say first, I wasn't too keen on this idea of finding him in the name of clearing up what that girl did. You know how I felt about her and what happened. Watching my little girl turn into a shell of a human, moping around lifeless."

I bit my bottom lip, "I know, but she was my first love, my everything and when…it all happened. I left my heart in that parking lot." I cleared my throat as the tears rose up, "Thank you again for not putting her on the watch lists or god knows whatever else it was dad said you were threatening to do."

My mom sighed, "Just be glad I love him as much as I love you." She cleared her throat, "But it seems I might owe her an apology as well."

I sat up straighter, tapping my pen on the edge of the desk, "What did Ted tell you?"

"Well after arranging him to be arrested on an excessive speeding charge, I paid him a visit. Showed him all of his interesting internet activity and that he's been helping that strange child Dyson with some illegal insider trading. After presenting him with at least fifteen years in a federal prison mingling with the Bubba's and Biff's, he broke down and told me everything. He set you up that day, he and Dyson. They played on your insecurity and Ted led you to go around the corner to view things. Then after you left for California, they wanted to ensure Bo never went after you like she was planning to. Ted went over to her house and told her that you and Tamsin were together, that Tamsin had stolen you from the girl because Bo was too dumb to keep up with you."

She sighed, "They played the two of you like a well-tuned violin. Focusing in on both of your insecurities to break you up and make so neither of you wanted to chase the other. All because Dyson and Ted were pissed that the whole school was behind you two, the love you two had."

I covered my mouth as tears streamed down my cheeks. "Oh god." I closed my eyes, "It was all a lie and we believed it."

"Yes, and I feel terrible. I've called Bo's mom and we're meeting for coffee tomorrow to go over this." She then half chuckled, "I've also called the SEC, Dyson should have a nice visit from some pleasant federal agents in the morning."

I smiled softly, "Thank you, mom." I let out a sigh, "I have to figure out what to do now."

"Do you still love her, Lauren?" My mom asked it tentatively.

I looked up at the picture on the cork-board, "She's the only one I've ever lived for, yes I still love her even though I have no idea who she is anymore. And if I, we can ever fix the damage."

"Just one more thing, Lauren. Bo's mom mentioned a few things about Bo having a hard few years after, everything. She may not want this, she may not be able to…want to fix things." My mom paused, "She didn't have anyone after you and Tamsin left, she learned how to cope with losing you alone."

I bit the inside of my cheek, sniffling, "I have to do something, mom. She's…." I hesitated saying it aloud, for fear that if I said it, I would be committed to a fight that was turning out to be hopeless. "She's still my everything." I forced the words out in a harsh whisper. My heart skipped a beat, telling me that I had to do this. I had to try, fight and fix this.

"Then go get her. I emailed you her address, she's there now. Her roommate called her mother right before I called and told her the truth. Bo is studying all night." My mom blew out a breath, "Might be a good idea to leave Tamsin at home for this one until you gain a little bit of ground with Bo."

I nodded and stood up to start collecting my notebooks and stuffing them in my bag as I fired up the laptop to get Bo's address. "I'll call you in the morning, I'm going to head over there now."

"Sounds good, try not to start any fights. I don't want my beautiful daughter to end up full of scars and stitches." I could hear the disappointment in her voice.

I smiled, "I won't. I love you, mom." I whispered a quick thank you and hung up.

After quickly scribbling Bo's address down I ran out of the house, leaving a snoring Tamsin on the couch with an empty bowl on her chest.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later I stood in front of a small house on the outskirts of campus. It was Bo's house, I spotted a Range Rover and a newer red Camaro in the driveway, making my throat go very dry.

I sucked in a breath and found my courage to climb up the stairs. Raising my hand, I knocked on the door three times, hearing Bo's yell she would get it, that I was probably the pizza guy. I ran a finger along my chin, noticing I was developing a nervous habit, I dropped my hand away and tucked them in the front pocket of my jeans.

The front door swung open, Bo had her head down as she thumbed through a stack of money. "How much do we owe you?" I took the moment to look at her in the soft light from the house. She was wearing a NYU shirt and baggy sweatpants. Her hair was up in a ponytail and she had tortoise shell glasses perched on her nose. My stomach twisted at the sight and the feelings all rushing back, the feelings I had for this girl, this woman from eight years ago, slammed into me like a semi-truck.

"I think I owe you an apology, Bo, and the truth." My voice trembled but it was loud enough for her to hear it.

Bo's head shot up and she glared at me, reaching for the door to steady herself, "What the fuck are you doing here, Lauren?"

I stepped closer, holding my hands up, "I need to talk to you, give me five minutes, please."

She shook her head and took a step back as I heard another girl's voice call after Bo, "Leave Lauren, before I…call the cops." She frowned realizing that the calling the cops would just bring Tamsin to her door as well.

"I found Ted, well my mom did, and he confirmed your story." I took another step, meeting her brown eyes that were tearing up.

"Great, you still don't fucking believe me." Bo shook her head, "I told you I can't do this, I can't fall back. I can't let you keep me in the dark places…." She murmured the last bit.

Another girl rushed up behind Bo, dark hair and blue eyes and she looked like she was about to murder me, "Bo? Is this her? Is this Lauren?" Bo nodded folding her arms across her chest and letting the girl push her back, "Get the fuck out of here. You've done enough damage to Bo and I will not have her sliding back just because you think now is the time to ask for the truth. You should've done that eight years ago." She then muttered in Spanish something I knew was an insult.

I scoffed at the girl, "Who the fuck are you? This isn't your business." I leaned to look at Bo, "Please Bo. Five minutes."

Bo was crying now, covering her mouth as her roommate stepped up to me, facing me down. "I'm Bo's roommate and best friend, that's who the fuck I am. You need to leave now. Leave her alone and don't look back. You broke her heart. I don't even know you but I know the mess you left when you left her for that blonde butch ass cop you've been banging for eight years."

I felt my anger rise at the lies that Bo and I both bought like it was dime store candy. I looked at the angry blue eyes, "You need to step back. You're right, you don't know me." I had reached my boiling point and I couldn't hold back anymore, I had eight years of resentment to release and make up for. "You don't know that I loved that girl, that woman behind you with everything I had, was and that my stupid fucking sixteen year old insecurities dictated every fucking aspect of my life. No matter how much I thought I knew, I couldn't shake the fact I was the school nerd, the school joke and was always on the verge of a prank."

My eyes welled up, "Insecurities that led me to believe a snapshot in time as full unmitigated truth and that the one I loved, lied. I ran, like the scared ignorant child I was then and refused to let go. Let go and believe in the power of love. Our love." I stood taller stepping towards the roommate, watching her cower ever so slightly.

I looked up to see Bo standing motionless, looking at the opposite wall from the doorway. "When I heard the truth, Bo. I did go running to Tamsin, told her what happened. You know what she did? She made me find the truth, find Ted and pull it out of him. Turns out Dyson, your ex-boyfriend and him decided to fuck with the both of us, knowing exactly how to do it and play on our weakness and that we were so stupidly in love with each other that we didn't trust how in love we were." I waited for a second, swallowing down a sob, "It was all a lie, Dyson set you up. Ted set me up to catch him kissing you and then when I ran like a timid deer, Dyson sent Ted to you to tell you that I ran off with Tamsin. That I couldn't be with the dumb cheerleader, that I was better off being with my best friend who understood me."

Bo slowly looked at me, her face pale as tears covered her cheeks. I choked on another sob, stepping closer to the point her roommate had to grab my arms, "All of this because they were jealous of how much we loved each other. You've never been the dumb cheerleader, Bo. You were the love of my life and still are eight years later. I couldn't breathe, sleep, life like I did with you by my side. I still can't. I couldn't love anyone like I loved and still love you, Bo. Tamsin couldn't hold a candle to you, there was and is no one in this world that will ever compare to what I felt for you. Still feel." I broke down completely, seeing no reaction from Bo, "I fucked up, I fucked up and I know I can't go back in time. But I had to tell you the truth, all of it and that I still love you so much it consumes me and if you can't stand to see me, I understand. I was a goddamn fucking idiot and threw away the best thing all because of a bearded fuck face who was a million times more jealous than I was."

A loud crack of thunder shook the house and the air around us. I flinched but stood my ground as the heavens opened up and the rain poured down, soaking me instantly as Bo's roommate took shelter inside. I had to yell over the heavy rain, "I will always love you, Bo, even if I have no idea who you are anymore. You had my heart, you still have it."

I shrugged and turned away, jamming my hands in wet jean pockets as I walked down the steps. I couldn't tell what was tears and what was rain as I sobbed heavily, feeling the weight of eight years of pain lifted off of me to be replaced by a new, yet milder one.

I closed my eyes when I heard Bo's front door slam close.

This was it, this was the closure I finally had. It hurt like hell but at least I knew that it wasn't Bo's fault. Bo hadn't broken my heart.

I broke my own damn heart.


	13. Chapter 13

**N: this thing writes itself. Even Writingsux and i are making each other suffer with what we're doing, but holy crap this story is something we never expected and absolutely love. It still has a happy ending, but it's taking a moment. So read on and enjoy, there is light at the end of the tunnel. For those questioning certain things, all i can say is that when i was 16, i had the communication skills of a shadow. I had the emotional intelligence of a 16 year old in the 90's. Most of this story is actually truly based off human response, real human response, keep that in the back of your mind that being a teenager in the 90's was way different than today. We didn't grow up the second we had a smart phone in our hands, we had to wait for them to be invented.**

 **Also, we chose Laurel because we both love her and again, Kenzi will not be making an appearance. With that read on and enjoy! review!**

* * *

Laurel slammed the front door close and I continued to stand there. My vision blurry from the tears that still streamed down my face. There were so many things going through my head, so many things that I wanted to deny, but the harsh reality was before me and I wasn't certain if I would be able to handle it.

"Bo..." Laurel said in a soft voice as she placed her hand on my arm. "Are you okay? What do you need?"

I didn't know what I needed. It had all been one last fuck you from Dyson and it had done so much damage. Irreparable damage that I didn't know could be fixed. The last eight years of my life, of my own personal hell, was caused by him and Ted's psychopathic tendencies. I felt a wave of nausea come over me and I ran to the bathroom with Laurel right on my heels. I got to the bathroom and I dropped to my knees then threw up the seat. I dry heaved a few times then rested my forehead on the brim of the bowl as sobs racked through my body.

I cried because of all the shit I had gone through over the last eight years. I cried because of what had happened that dreadful day. I cried because I hadn't known Lauren's love for the last eight years. I cried because I didn't want to be this person crying over Lauren Lewis again. I cried because I was crying and I cried because I was done with crying. After a few minutes I sat back against the wall that was in front of the toilet and I closed my eyes. I could let this all go. I had dealt with this before and I had made my mistakes because of what had happened. But there was something in me that told me that I shouldn't dismiss what Lauren had thrown at me. That this was the second chance I had been dreaming about all these years.

Then the doubt crept in. Lauren had run because of her lack of faith in us and in me. I was riddled with self-doubt, depression, and things that no sane person would ever want to get involved with. I wasn't the same person I had been in high school. I had changed for the worse and for the better but in the end I had changed and there was a chance that Lauren wouldn't like what I had become. Hell I didn't like what I had become most days. I covered my face with my hands and tears seeped from the corners of my eyes. I wanted a drink so bad. Not only it would get rid of the tumultuous emotions that were raging on inside of me, it would also make numb. The one thing I would be comfortable with at the moment. I laid down on the cold, tile floor and I stared at the bottom of the cabinet underneath the sink as I thought about what had just happened.

 _"….I still love you so much…."_ I shut my eyes tight as Lauren's words, the words I had longed to hear from the one person who had meant so much to me, resonated through my head. I couldn't deal with that. Not yet. I had so many other things to deal with before I would be able to handle that aspect of what Lauren had said.

I didn't know what to do. I was lost in this weird abyss where Lauren was the center of it all. Laurel sat next to my head on the floor then she lifted it up so she could move her thigh under it. She pressed a phone against my ear and said, "Talk to your mom."

I drew in a shuddering breath then whimpered, "It was all a lie mom."

"I know sweetie. I know." She stated in a soft voice. "Bo you don't have to deal with it all tonight. Have some tea and go to bed. Start fresh in the morning."

It was a good idea but I was afraid of what I would dream about. I was afraid of dreaming about Lauren and that dreadful day or that my dreams would be filled with what could have been. My head was a mess and nothing was going to sort itself out while I was in an emotional and unstable state. I sighed then told her, "Okay."

I heard my mom let out a breath of relief then she said, "Good. Let Laurel help you, Bo." She wasn't able to hide the emotion in her voice as she said, "Call me in the morning please."

"I'm not going to do anything mom." I said in a reassuring tone. "I'm just so exhausted. This entire thing is so exhausting. It has been for the last eight years…" I trailed off and tears laced my words as I said, "I'm so done with it all."

My mom was quiet then she said, "Go to bed sweetheart. I'll talk to you in the morning. I love you."

I wiped at my face and told her, "I love you too mom." I closed my phone and I laid on the floor for another second. I didn't want to sleep alone tonight. I was vulnerable and I felt like I was moments away from shattering into a million pieces. I took a deep breath. "Laurel…." She gave a small hum, "Can you sleep with me tonight?"

"Uh Bo…"

I smiled at little then said, "Not like that. I-I-" I couldn't express what I needed because it was hard for me to admit that I needed another person but I did. Tonight of all nights I needed some comforting from someone else. "I just don't want to be alone."

Laurel ran her hand through my hair as she said, "Sure thing Bo. Let me know when you're ready."

I sat up and the room spun for a moment but then it steadied. An intense crying session while lying on the bathroom floor was probably not the best idea. I gave Laurel a small smile. "I'm ready now."

The two of us got up and I headed into my room while Laurel went through the apartment shutting everything off. I got ready for bed then I went to my closet. I opened the door then reached for the small wooden box that was hidden in some cranny between the shelf in there and the wall. I opened the box and pulled out the two necklaces. I hadn't looked at them in the longest time but I always kept them with me. For what reason I wasn't sure. Maybe to still feel that connection with Lauren, or maybe because they represented the love that we had shared, but tonight I needed them because they represented the past and what she and I were before it all fell apart. I dropped the necklaces into the palm of my left hand then closed it. Laurel walked in with a mug of tea and said, "I know you're not getting any sleep tonight but I would like for you to try."

I took the mug from her and took a sip from it then said, "Thank you. For everything."

Lauren rubbed my upper arm and smiled, "Don't thank me. You know I'd do this for you no matter what Bo."

I smiled at her and said, "Still though…thank you. You've dealt with a lot of my less than stellar moments."

Laurel chuckled then remarked, "I have and you'll pay me back somehow until then I'm happy to do it. So let's get you into bed."

I rolled my eyes in a playful manner but I did head over to the bed. I could barely continue to stand. We got in bed and after we were comfortable and the lights were off I asked, "What would you do Laurel?"

Laurel let out a deep breath and said, "I would say forget her and move on but that's only because of you. In my objective opinion I would say call your therapist, talk to her, and then decide where to go from there." She stopped for a second then stated, "But put yourself first Bo. This is a lot for you and if it causes you to do anything that will bring you harm then you need to step away from it."

I thought about that as I listened to the storm that happened outside. Lauren had been the trigger for everything and now that I had the chance to fix everything that had happened between us I wasn't certain I wanted to. I wasn't sure of what that would help. I tightened the hold that I had on the necklaces that were in my hand and closed my eyes. Tonight was not the night for me to figure anything out. I was going to sleep then I would focus on it when I was in a more stable place.

* * *

I walked into Dr. Greenbaum's office on Monday morning and sat in the waiting area after I said hello to her receptionist. My mom had to call to have her move my appointment to an earlier time. I had spent all day Sunday locked in the apartment and lost in my thoughts. I had been able to think about what Lauren had said and I had moved on from being sad and angry to just angry but that was directed towards Dyson and Ted. I had yet to deal with Lauren and what she had revealed to me. When my thoughts would venture to her I would shut them down as soon as they happened. Thinking about Lauren required me to have a good grip on my emotions and currently they were being held together by used tape.

Dr. Greenbaum came out of her office and smiled at me. "Good morning Bo. When you mom called me this morning I have to say that I was a little surprised. We had left things in a good place after our session on Saturday."

We went into her office and after she closed the door I said, "Well all the progress I had made was destroyed less than an hour later." I walked over to the window that looked out at the Boston skyline. "She-who-must-not-be-named and I had an altercation in the university library after I left here."

"Oh." I almost chuckled at the response. Dr. Greenbaum didn't do much talking. She would ask the necessary questions that would get me to talk about the actual matter that was at hand but that was it. My last therapist was a talker which annoyed the hell out of me. "Did you know that she was going to be there?"

I did chuckle at that question. I turned to look at the older woman who was now sitting in the arm chair that was next to the sofa that I loathed. "Yes because I actively look for things and people that cause me torment." I said not bothering to hide my sarcasm.

Dr. Greenbaum smirked and countered, "You've done it before." I scowled at her. "I'm just stating facts."

"Yes well let's stay away from those facts." I turned to look back out the window and I followed a helicopter in the distance for a moment then sighed. "I didn't know that she was going to be there. I went there to focus on my work, not on her. I have no idea how she knew-" I stopped when I remembered that Laurel had told me about her getting stopped by a cop on her way to her latest boyfriend's place. I chuckled and said, "Never mind I know now."

"How did she know where you were going to be?" Dr. Greenbaum asked behind me.

I moved over to the shelf of books that the woman kept in her office and replied, "Tamsin, her best friend, or whatever, stopped Laurel. I'm guessing so she could find out where I went."

"Ah." I heard the sound of Dr. Greenbaum's pen clicking then it stopped before she asked, "And how was the altercation?"

I shrugged and took the book that she had on Victorian architecture down. I began to flip through it as I recounted mine and Lauren's run-in at the library. "She approached me and we talked about what happened Friday night for a moment then it snowballed into a verbal sparring match that was started because she wouldn't leave me alone." I let out a small scoff and commented, "That's one thing that hasn't changed about her. Her tenacity to know things."

"What did she want to know?" Dr. Greenbaum wondered in an attempt to keep me focused on telling her about the altercation.

I turned the page and thought about Saturday. The way Lauren had looked when she started to lay out the false indiscretions that had tormented her for the last eight years had been something that confused me now that I thought about it. I bit my bottom lip as I remembered the pain and hurt in her eyes and I remembered how she tried to hide it with her anger. I didn't notice it at the time because I was too busy trying to get away from her but now, in the safety of my therapists' office, I was able to think about it. I closed the book and as I placed it back I told her, "She wanted to know if I had kissed Dyson as a prank to pull on her for graduation."

"Dyson? Why do I know that name?"

I looked at the woman over my shoulder and said, "Ex-boyfriend and douchebag extraordinaire." Dr. Greenbaum nodded and I looked back at the bookshelf. "It wasn't a prank. I loved her. The love I felt for her was-" I stopped as I tried to describe the indescribable. I wasn't able to. "You know how when people get struck by lightning and the pattern of the strike scars their skin?"

I looked up to see Dr. Greenbaum nod as she said, "You're speaking of Lichtenberg scarring."

I nodded. "Yeah, well, the pattern of Lauren's love had scarred every inch of me and when she left it was like each bit of her that had been etched into my skin was surgically removed. And all that was left behind was the exposed, frail, and sensitive part underneath it."

"You think you're frail?" Dr. Greenbaum asked as I walked over to the sitting area.

I sat in the arm chair that was on the other side of the couch and I looked down at the rug as I thought about the question. I wasn't frail but I wasn't strong either. I had only begun to find my strength over the last few years but now I felt it had been ripped away from me. "No." I answered in a soft voice. I cleared my throat then said, "I don't think I'm frail but I think I am losing myself."

I didn't look up to meet Dr. Greenbaum's gaze. It was hard enough for me to admit what I had. "Why do you think that?"

I looked up at her and said, "Because who I am when I decided to come to Harvard is now clashing with some part of myself that I thought I had left behind and I don't know how to reconcile the two."

Dr. Greenbaum nodded and she asked, "What if it's not a matter of reconciling the two?" I got a confused look on my face and she elaborated. "What if it's more about you facing the past and dealing with it in healthy ways? Because if I remember correctly Bo you've never actually resolved the trigger for your depression because Lauren wasn't-I'm sorry are we calling her by her name or is it still she-who-must-not-be-named?"

I swallowed and said, "The latter. I'm not ready for her to invade this part of me yet."

The older woman nodded in understanding then continued her original train of thought. "Since she was not a constant that you had to face every day I do believe you focused more on treating your depression than confronting the past." The doctor pressed her fingertip to her lips then muttered, "If I pull out your file I'm certain your previous therapist's notes will pinpoint where-"

"We don't need to do that Dr. Greenbaum. I get what you're saying. I repressed my Lauren issues and locked them away hoping never to see them again." Dr. Greenbaum got an expression her face that told me that I wasn't wrong. I sighed then got up to pace. "Yeah well you're not wrong there. If I faced them then I wouldn't have her anymore. She is a piece of me that I am reluctant to let go of because-" I was unable to say the words because then that would open up the main reason why I had repressed my Lauren issues to begin with.

I fell silent and I tried to ignore Dr. Greenbaum's waiting stare. When I didn't say anything she asked, "The altercation at the library, how did that end?"

I chuckled and walked over to the window. "I stormed out of the library. I found out the reason why she had left and it was because of what she had seen."

"Which was?"

"After graduation Dyson had found me in the hall and I showed him an ounce of civility and he took advantage of it." Knowing what I knew now caused my anger to flare. The asshole had only approached me because of this sick and elaborate prank he had devised. "He kissed me and she had seen it."

"Wait, wait, wait." I turned to look at Dr. Greenbaum. "Are you saying that he…"

She trailed off and I nodded. "Yes the asshole came up with a convoluted plan so that Lauren and I would break up. Lauren saw me kissing Dyson and Ted came over to my house to say that she had left me for Tamsin." I turned around to stare out the window for a moment. "You have to admire his dedication about not letting me go." I sighed then said, "And instead of her asking me about it she let her insecurities rule her decisions so she left."

"But why didn't you go after her if you loved her like you said you did?"

"I did love her." I snapped. I was getting irritated with people questioning the level of love that I had for Lauren when we were younger. "I loved her more than anything and I would have done anything for her but she didn't believe in me or my love for her. So I'm not the only one to blame here."

"I'm not blaming you Bo. I'm asking you what stopped you from going after her?"

I gestured in the air and answered, "Ted. Dyson's lackey. He came to my house and told me that Lauren had called me a dumb cheerleader and had left with Tamsin because she understood her."

"Ah." There was a beat of silence then she said, "Lauren wasn't the only one who was ruled by her insecurities."

I walked over to the couch and laid down on it. I hated the couch because the couch meant revealing more and being more vulnerable but that's where that conversation was going. I held the throw pillow against my chest and said, "Well, when that's what you're seen as for four years then you tell me how much self-confidence you have."

"I feel I don't need to tell you this Bo, but I'm going to anyway. You're not a dumb cheerleader. You're an intelligent, young woman. For god's sake you're at Harvard Law. That isn't an easy program to get into and you did it all while battling some pretty damn vicious demons. You're not the dumb cheerleader." Dr. Greenbaum said and the earnest tone in her voice had me believing it. Even for a brief moment. "You know what you need to do?" I turned my head to look at her and she smiled at me. "You need to talk to her."

I scoffed and got comfortable on the couch as I said, "Oh now I know you've been dipping into the prescription pad. I'm not talking to her."

"Why won't you talk to her? If you talk to her then you can clear up this misunderstanding between the two of you then you'll be able to move on in a healthy way Bo."

I looked at the painting that was on the other side of the office. If I talked to Lauren then that would open us up to addressing the feelings that she had revealed on Saturday night and I wasn't ready to do that. I wasn't ready to confront anything in regards to Lauren. I drew in a deep breath then replied in a soft voice, "She still loves me."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

There was a moment of silence, a long moment of silence, and all that could be heard was the ticking of the clock that was on the wall behind Dr. Greenbaum's desk. "Do you still love her?"

"No." I stated with no hesitation as I sat up. I frowned a little. That didn't feel like an honest answer so I backtracked, "I mean I don't know. It's like you said I repressed my Lauren issues and this includes feelings. I don't know how to feel about her. She has caused so much-"

"Which wasn't her fault."

"It may not have been her fault but the way she responded is her fault. " I took out my hair tie to let my hair out of its ponytail then I ran my hand through it. "And I'm not who I was. We both know that."

"I know." Dr. Greenbaum said as she nodded.

I got up and paced, "So it's like I said, I don't know how to feel about her and I for damn sure don't know about any remnant feelings I may have for her."

Dr. Greenbaum looked at me and said, "Okay. But I really do think you should talk to her Bo." I scoffed. "On a surface level this can be the thing that will help you to move on. You confront your past, get resolution, and then you move on. And isn't that what you want the most?"

I walked over to the window and stared out of it. I wanted my life back. To be who I had become before I had come to Harvard. If that meant confronting Lauren to get back to that then that would be something that I would have think about. But I wasn't certain if I was ready for that because that would mean dealing with the hurt and pain that she had caused. I also didn't know what that would leave me with once I did get my resolution. I rested the side of my head on the wall next to window and whispered, "I don't know."

* * *

After my appointment I walked to a small coffee shop that was around the corner from the building that house Dr. Greenbaum's office. I ordered a green tea then I found a comfortable chair that was settled in the corner and near a window. The rest of my appointment had moved from Lauren and focused on me and making sure that I didn't neglect my mental health. That was one thing that was being drilled into my brain. Not to let this situation with Lauren have an adverse effect on me. I took a sip of my tea as I watched the people walk by.

She wasn't going to have any adverse effect on me but she was going to occupy my head until I figured out what I was going to do. I thought about what Dr. Greenbaum had said about talking to Lauren and she was right. It would do me some good but it would be a process for me emotionally. I drew in a deep breath then decided that maybe it was time to summon some of the strength I had found to come to Harvard. I got up and left the coffee shop then I headed for the parking garage that I had parked my car at. I didn't think about where I was driving because if I did then I would lose my nerve and never get the closure that I desperately needed. I parked my Camaro then I took a moment before I got out of it. I ignored the looks that were directed at me as I walked up the sidewalk and in the building. I went up to the man behind the administration desk and said, "I would like to speak to Officer Mikkelsen."

An aggravated look came across the man's face even though he looked thoroughly irritated to begin with. He pointed to a bench and said with a grunt, "Have a seat."

I got an apprehensive look on my face as I started to think that the man wouldn't call Tamsin. I opted to stand next to the bench because the other occupant looked like someone who smelled like booze and considering it was eleven in the morning that said a lot. Especially from me. I decided to wait five minutes and if Tamsin didn't show up I was going to leave and forget the whole thing. It was too stressful and my life was already stressful enough. I looked at my watch and when I saw that six minutes had passed I started for the door. I had almost reached it when I heard Tamsin's loud ass yell, "Dennis wait."

I turned around to look at her and remarked, "It's about time."

She shrugged and said, "I was busy." We stood there in the crowded lobby of the police department and neither of us looked comfortable. Tamsin gestured to the left with her head. "Let's go somewhere we can talk." I nodded and followed her. We went down hall then went into a small conference room. After the door closed she asked, "What are you doing here Bo?"

I walked over to the other side of the room to give myself some space. Being near Tamsin stirred a number of emotions and being in an enclosed small room with her had me on edge. I looked at her then at the door. I looked back at her and asked, "Can you open the door?" She got a weird look on her face and opened the door. The noise filtered in and I relaxed a little. I took a deep breath then said, "I need to talk to Lauren."

Tamsin got a small smile on her face and said, "That's great. She has been wearing through the carpet at our place and eating all my food. It's driving me fucking insane."

I was confused by Tamsin's reaction. I thought-"Why are you so excited for me to talk to her?"

Tamins rolled her eyes then stated, "Because she is in love with you."

"I know." I said as I looked away from her. I glanced at her and it took all the courage I had to ask my next question. "You-you two aren't-"

Tamsin laughed and after she caught her breath she shook her head. "God no. It's so weird that you think that. Lauren and I are more like irritating siblings at this time. And not those siblings from that weird Foldger's Christmas commercial." Seeing that Tamsin was as weird and blunt as ever gave me some weird comfort. Or maybe it was the fact that she had told me that her and Lauren aren't together. She walked over to the table that was in the room then leaned against it. "I'll be honest that she did try to but she was hurting Bo. All this has been such a mess for her."

I wanted to tell her that it had been a mess for me too but I held my tongue. That wasn't the reason why I was here. "I want us to clear things up. Where is she?"

Tamsin looked at me then sighed. "She's at home. She's been talking about leaving and I've done the best I could to try to get her to think but I think you talking to her might be the nail in the coffin."

Great. Pressure that I didn't need. I still had no idea what I was going to say to Lauren. I bit my bottom lip then asked, "Can I get the address?"

Tamsin nodded and she took out a small notebook from her front pocket and as she wrote it down she smirked. "Look at you being the strong, silent type. I never thought I would see the day when you would be the stoic type."

"I'm not." I said in a low voice.

"Huh?" Tamsin said as she ripped out the piece of paper and handed it to me.

I took it from her and said, "I'm not." I held up the piece of paper. "Thanks for this."

I started for the door and Tamsin said, "Bo before you go I have to say that I'm sorry. I should have forced her to stay instead of jumping the gun like I had." She scratched the top of her head. "I saw you two. You were the type of love that I still dream about. Even though I wanted to be the big badass I was glad that you made her happy. She loves you Bo and I don't know what you're planning to say but think about that. She loved you despite her heartbreak and despite eight years of being away from you she still loves you. So that has to mean something right?"

I bit the inside of my lip as I let Tamsin's words settle in my brain. She was right it had to of meant something but what that was I wasn't sure of. Tears came to my eyes as I said, "Maybe a long time about but now I have to love myself and do what's right for me."

"What does that mean?" Tamsin asked as she stood up straight and crossed her arms over her chest.

I recognized the defensive pose and I wasn't going to let it intimidate me. "Always protective of her even when she isn't here." I looked down at the piece of paper in my hand then back at Tamsin. "This is between us and how this goes is between us. You can't always protect her Tamsin."

"But I'll do my damnedest to make sure that she doesn't get hurt the way she has been."

I let out deep breath then before I turned to walk out of the room I told her, "She may have known pain but she had you."

Tamsin's eyebrow scrunched together and she said, "Again, what does that mean?"

I held up the piece of paper she had given me. "Thanks again for this." I walked out of the conference room and left the police station. As I walked back to my car I thought about what Tamsin had said. Lauren may have loved me through her pain and while we were separated but that didn't mean anything. I loved her for so long after everything had happened and I loved her while I let others touch me in ways I wanted her to touch me. I loved her as I drank bottle after bottle of liquor to try and rid myself of my love her. But it remained through it all. Love meant nothing and everything when it came to Lauren and me.

* * *

I left the police station and I drove to the address that Tamsin had given me. I parked down the street and watched the brownstone in my rearview mirror as I tried to settle my nerves. I closed my eyes and repeated to myself over and over that I was doing this because I needed closure, that as soon as I had that then I would be able to move on. I drew in a several deep breaths then I got out of the car. I walked to the house and I stood on the stoop for several minutes, staring at the door, then without thinking I pressed the button for the doorbell.

I heard it chime throughout the house then I heard footsteps approaching. My heart began to race and my palms got sweaty. I felt like I was going to run away, throw up, and pass out all at the same time. The door didn't open for the longest moment and I didn't hear the footsteps anymore. I started to think that maybe Lauren didn't want to talk to me so I turned around and began to make my way down the steps. I turned around when the door swung open and Lauren called out, "Bo wait."

I stared at her and she stared back at me. We stood there looking at each other. Lauren had her arms wrapped around herself and I stood there with my hands in my pockets. Just standing here looking at her was hard to do. Lauren looked as tired and exhausted as I did. She looked lost and uncertain and that woke something up inside of me which gave me a boost of courage. I went up to the next step and I said, "Hey."

"Hey."

It was a start. I leaned against the rail and looked at her then down at the ground. I kicked at the ground with the toe of my sneaker and commented, "Nice house."

"Yeah Tamsin's dad helped us out with it." I looked up and I saw Lauren push up the glasses that she was wearing. They weren't the thick rimmed ones that she had worn in high school but the gesture caused my heart to flutter but I wrote it off as a residual response.

I stood up straight and forced a smile on my face. "If you're busy then I can go."

"We both know that I'm not busy Bo." She sighed then said, "I assume you're here to talk." I nodded and she moved out of the way so I could come in. "Let's talk then."

We went in and I followed her into the living room and when I was sitting on the edge of the love seat that was across from the couch I told her, "I just wanted to let you know that the way that everything had happened was messed up and I'm sorry that it happened the way that it did."

"Oh." I saw that surprised look on her face. I don't know what she expected but I wasn't going to go somewhere that I wasn't ready to. "I'm sorry too. I should have-I…" She trailed off then sighed. "I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions."

I nodded and replied, "I shouldn't have either." I scoffed then remarked, "I should have known better than to listen to Ted but…" I didn't finish the sentence. I blew out a breath then said, "I just, I just wanted to let you know that I was sorry and that there weren't any hard feelings." The stunned look reappeared on her face and I couldn't stop myself from asking, "What were you expecting Lauren?"

She shrugged and said, "I don't know I was thinking that we would actually talk."

"We are talking." I countered.

Lauren let out a small chuckle then remarked, "This isn't talking. This is being polite." She stopped and looked at me but I looked away. "I tell you that I'm still in love you and you come over here for what? Common courtesy?"

I nodded and told her, "I wanted to let you know that there were no hard feelings and that I don't blame you anymore."

"Well that's just fucking great Bo but I have a lot of things I want to say to you. Things I need to say to you. I have been through so much in the last eight-"

"You have been through so much?" I said cutting her off. I was sick of hearing about how much she had been through. I was still going through shit because of what her leaving me had triggered. I narrowed my eyes at her and stated, "Lauren I am still going through shit because of what happened. For the last eight years I have fought depression, alcoholism, and so much other shit that you probably wouldn't be able to fathom it. So shut the hell up about what you have been through. I've dealt with my shit, or I'm dealing with my shit, so you need to learn to deal with yours." Lauren gaped at me and I let out all the emotion that I had been repressing for the last eight years. "I loved you Lauren. I loved you so much and you leaving without so much as a 'fuck you' destroyed me. I lost myself and I had no one. I fucked anyone and drank everything. I was so desperate to stop feeling the hurt, the pain and the love that I fucking did everything just so I wouldn't feel any of it."

At some point tears began to fall but that didn't stop me. "Do you know what it feels like to hit rock bottom Lauren? Because I'm certain I've been there a time or two. I have felt worthless because I believed that I was just some dumb cheerleader and sometimes I still feel that way. Do you see how fucked I am? And if you really knew the depths of how fucking screwed up I am you wouldn't be telling me that you love me. There is no way anyone would love someone like me. I'm surprised you did in high school."

I got up and wiped at my eyes as I managed to get a grip on my emotions. I let out a small, self-deprecating laugh then remarked, "You got self-confidence and I got this shit show. Awesome. I've got to go. I just wanted some closure and I guess I've gotten it." I started for the door and I didn't bother to look at Lauren. I didn't need to see the pity on her face. That was the last thing that I needed from her.

* * *

XXXX

I heard everything Bo said clear as day, every single syllable of every painful revelation she tearfully spewed out. So much of what she said choked my heart and I honestly felt it stop beating for a few moments as she threw out heavy words as depression, alcoholism, careless sex and being in the pit of despair. But none of that struck a harder cord and made my anger flare like hearing, _'I was just some dumb cheerleader, no way anyone would love someone like me.'_

I loved her. I still loved her.

I blinked back the unshed tears in enough time to see Bo start towards the door, I swallowed and shouted, "You are not dumb, Bo. Stop saying it!" I watched her jumped at how loud I was, "Stop fucking saying it over and over. You are not, and have never been dumb and it infuriates me when you continue to say it and use it as a reason!"

Bo spun around, glaring at me, shouting back, "A reason? Really? Just like you felt my love for you wasn't real because you were a nerd, waiting for me to run away in horror. Your biggest insecurity and your biggest fucking reason for running without questioning anything." She huffed, "This is completely pointless." She turned, reaching for the door knob to open the front door a few inches. "We're just talking in circles."

I took a few steps towards her, and slammed my palm against the door, shutting it. Bo flinched again when she saw I was inches away from her. "Stop it Bo, stop and let me finish." I took in a huge breath, "What I was going to say when you cut me off, is this I've been through so much in the last eight years but I see now it compares little to what you've gone through, what I put you through." I clenched my jaw, the anger towards myself for believing the those to assholes raging forth. "You had no one, you left all of your friends for me. To be with me, to be in love with me and that took an immense amount of courage to do that. I recognize that now, like I did then, but now I've grown confidence to say it out loud."

Bo grabbed onto the pause I took to take a breath, "This doesn't matter, Lauren. You can sit here all day and talk, but I know you're only doing it so that when you run again, you'll feel better. You'll heal after saying your piece." She half yelled at me with tears pooling in her eyes, her voice rising in pure anger, "Tamsin told me that you're fleeing again." Bo huffed, reaching for the door again, "So predictable, running from your emotions."

I pushed all of my weight against the door and bent my head down to make eye contact, enacting a hard tone to match hers, to gain Bo's full attention, "Yes, I am leaving. Leaving law school, I'm dropping out after midterms and attending the Boston Police Academy. You know why? So you can have the peace to carry on with your dream without me haunting you around every corner. I'm done running, I'm staying her because my family is here, and you, my heart is here. But I seeing the pain I caused and continue to cause, I need to let you breathe and live out your dream you've worked so fucking hard for."

I waited until she looked at me with painful confusion, "You're not a dumb cheerleader, a dumb cheerleader would not be sitting in Harvard Law School taking on the course load you are. A dumb cheerleader would not have graduated NYU with top honors, a dumb cheerleader would not be this tough, this strong to go through what you have and stand tall. Fix the shit I piled on you, pile on you every day you have to walk into Keating's class and see me. I struggle not helping you, because I see the frustration of you doubting yourself creep in. That's why I hid the notecards and started a brawl, I can't not help you, you're my favorite weakness."

I bent my head down to look away from the shimmering brown eyes that would make me fall apart if I continued staring in them. The more she cried the more I saw the world I had lost, "You're a brilliant woman who saw something in me and gave me this." I reached up with a shaky hand and pressed it against tentatively against her chest over her heart, "Love. Something no one ever gave me, and will never give me." My jaw twitched at how warm Bo still was to the touch and quickly her heart was beating. Giving me the tiniest amount of hope that I could get through to her, shed some light on the darkness.

The sensation didn't last long, Bo took a large step back, whispering "Don't, Lauren."

I dropped my hand away, looking back up at her, "I can't go back in time, fix the mistakes I made. The mistrust I laid on you, the lies, and my childish inability to understand love like I think I do now." I cringed as a tear rolled down my cheek, "To know you suffered like you did and felt alone, empty, and worthless. Destroys me, because I always loved you even when I thought I hated you. My heart was with you, everywhere you went. You had it. You still have it." I rasped the last few words out.

I stopped, feeling a sob slid up my throat, when Bo shook her head. Tears fully rolling down her face, "It's just all words, Lauren. It was your actions that hurt me the most. You ran, you didn't trust me. You ran out of my life thinking I had treated you like you were just a stop on the road to whatever you thought I was going to." She cleared her throat, her cheeks turning pink as the anger returned, "Your actions, Lauren. They've always spoken volumes…it was what made me fall in love with you, still feel lo…" Something flickered across her eyes and Bo stopped herself, shaking her head furiously as she stepped closer, "Please let me go."

I felt my heart lurch at the tiny flicker and I acted, I removed my hand from the door and took the one step left between us and grabbed Bo gently on both sides of the face and kissed her.

She was right, I had always relied on my mind and logic to express my feelings. Her biggest frustration about me, that I could never just act and do something to give her and us confidence that we were on the right path as life ignorant teenagers. I kissed her gently, pushing hard against her mouth, attempting to pour everything I had said and more into this one and probably last kiss. I squeezed my eyes shut at the way her lips were still as soft and warm as the last time I kissed her on the stage at graduation. I instantly regretted every day of the last eight years I didn't have Bo, her kisses, her warmth.

Bo's hands grabbed my wrists out of shock, clutching them but in a second of kissing her I felt her respond ever so slightly. Her hands relaxing a moment and almost pulling me deeper into her. She broke off the kiss, panting out my name as she slowly removed my hands away from her face, "Lauren…." Her voice was soft but still angry.

I leaned forward, our foreheads almost touching, "I know you may not love me anymore, but I love you, Bo Dennis and I will always love you. You were my first true love and you will be my last." I swallowed the lump in my throat down and dropped my hands away from her face and stepped away like an anvil had been dropped between us. The look on her face confused me and I feared I done a shit ton more irreparable damage.

Bo stared at me with shocked wide eyes, reaching up to run a hand over her lips she furrowed her brow and rushed to the front door, ripping it open she looked over her shoulder at me, her chest heaving as she said, "I…I love you…but…" Bo looked down at the wooden floors, "I'm not sure if I'm capable of loving you without hurting you, Lauren." Her big brown eye met mine and I saw the flurry of emotions and demons she had been cradling for eight years, swim like an ocean tempest.

She turned her back to me, whispering out harshly, "I need to leave."

Bo ran out the front door, letting it slam behind her.

I let out a heavy breath, covering my mouth to keep the sobs silent. I feared, from the bottom of my gut, I had just made things that much worse.


	14. Chapter 14

**N: this is a quick one. but it gets us somewhere! leave reviews and things!**

* * *

I ran from the brownstone. Tears ran down my face as freely as the torrential downpour of thoughts and emotions that had been unleashed from my confrontation with Lauren. I got in my car and after I had slammed the door close I began to pound the steering wheel as I shouted, "Fucking, goddammit, fucking, shit." I rested my head on the steering wheel and I continued to cry. I had to get out of here. I had to get out of this city and most of all I had to get away from Lauren. Far away from her.

I started up my car and I began to drive. I was on auto-pilot but my brain was running a mile a minute. Lauren had kissed me. I had almost kissed her back. I had let loose everything on her and she had unleashed everything on me. Then the one thing that I had buried so damn deep, that I almost for a moment believed it was gone, broke to the surface and came falling from my lips. I had almost said it in my session with Dr. Greenbaum earlier but I had felt it the moment she saved me from that asshole on Friday night and I had felt it every day I saw her in class. I still loved Lauren Lewis with every fiber of my being and it hurt. It hurt because she was happy without me. It hurt because I knew she was better off without me and it hurt because I knew I would never have her again. Slowly over the last month it chipped way everything I had worked for and I was back in the same place I was all those years ago.

But now after everything that had just happened I didn't want to fix myself. I didn't want to feel the love I felt for Lauren. I didn't want to know her love. It was too painful. Everything about us was too painful. The further I drove away from the city the darker my thoughts became. I knew I wasn't going to come back from this. A part of me wanted to fight it but the other part of me, a larger part of me, had given up. No matter how hard I tried I would never stop loving Lauren. That was the cold hard truth and I hated it. The more miles I traveled the number I became and my determination to end my personal torment grew.

* * *

 **XXXX**

Moving around my room, more like pacing around my room, I couldn't stop my mind from racing. It had been at least an hour since Bo left and after going through a tumultuous amount of emotions, I went upstairs to bury myself in schoolwork. The one thing that I could latch onto as a strong foundation when the world slipped off its axis.

I was stupid for doing what I did, touching Bo, kissing her and hoping. Hoping that she would have broken and just stayed. I barely even registered that she said the three words I had missed over the years. Three such powerful words that started wars, turned religion on it's side in its many meanings, and should have been powerful enough to heal the sick feeling I had. Shit I wasn't even sure if she was directing it my way, her eyes were so tear filled I only saw dirty brown puddles of fear.

But it was what followed her saying that she wasn't sure she was capable of loving me without hurting me. It made me angry and scared the shit out of me what it could me. I wasn't a professional of the mind, but I had a few appointments with a therapist and worked with a few psychologist's to reaffirm that Bo's dark places might be something deeper and darker than I could get through.

I stopped pacing, hung my head down and closed my eyes, "Why had I been so stupid? So afraid of the fairytale?" I squeezed my eyes shut as tears pricked at the edges. I grit my teeth and looked up, and out of nowhere I just started screaming. Screaming out the pent up everything the last few days and weeks had been boiling up and I let it out. Screaming with my arms pressing against my chest, forcing more from my lungs.

When I was done, and most of the neighborhood dogs barked or howled in acknowledgement, I stumbled to my bed and fell onto the pillow. I smashed my face into it, trying to find a balance in this moment to move forward on. I was twenty four years old but felt as dumb about loving Bo as I did at sixteen.

I loved her, I told her I loved her and told her all the things I should have when I was sixteen and every day after. But she walked away, she couldn't do this. Couldn't break through all of the pain and hate triggered by a couple of assholes and a very young and immature me.

I didn't lie when I said she was my first and my last love, I would never want to love anyone like her and maybe that was why I chose the police academy. To fill my days up with helping others so I wouldn't have to worry about finding love.

"Lewis! Why is old man crotchety next door calling the cops? Said something about a dying cow in the upstairs?" Tamsin blew through the bedroom door in her full uniform. She had a weird panicked look on her face. "Are you dying or doing some weird fucked up sacrifice?"

I shook my head and rolled over to full look at her, "Bo was here, we talked. She left after telling me she wasn't sure…"I shrugged, pulling my glasses down from being smashed against my face. "I think it's finally done."

Tamsin blew out a breath and rushed to my closet, throwing clothes at my head. "It's not. I got a call from Momma Lewis by proxy of Momma Dennis." She cocked and eyebrow as she whipped clean jeans my way, "Did you know the moms have combined forces and joined operation best man? Anyways, you've got to go. We've got to go." She hurried around the room, reaching the cork board and yanking down the picture of Bo and I.

I scowled, "What are you doing? And where are we going?"

Tamsin shoved the picture in her front uniform pocket, "We're going home." She nodded at me, "Take a quick shower and get in my car. I took a few days off under emergency family leave."

I stood up quickly, letting the thrown clothes slip to the floor, "I don't like those words, what's happened?" My stomach lurched and my heart skipped.

Tamsin sighed heavily, "Bo went home, did or is about to do something really stupid and her mom called your mom to call me since you never answer your fucking cell phone." She clenched her jaw, "We're going home because Bo's mom is scared shitless and honestly truly believes you are the only one who can get through to Bo now." Tamsin stepped closer to me, "Whatever you did, it broke her. Broke through to her and now she's relapsing." The blonde tilted her head down to avoid me seeing the tears well up, "We have to do something, I'm partly to blame and since you're my family, that has always made Bo a part of that family. And I'll do whatever it takes…to stop her…" Tamsin trailed off.

Her trailing off scared the living shit out of me. I ran to the bathroom, tearing off my clothes, "Five minutes is all I need. Then you drive as fast as you fucking can."

"Why do you think I kept the uniform on." Tamsin ran out of my bedroom to hers to grab whatever she thought we would need.

I flung myself under the tepid water as my heart beat and the need to run grew stronger and stronger. But this time it was towards Bo not away from her.

* * *

 **xXxXxX**

There was a light breeze blowing and it chilled the tear tracks that stained my face. I had stopped crying minutes ago but my face was damp. There was a warmth radiating throughout my body as the alcohol from the bourbon I was drinking made its way through my bloodstream and effected my central nervous system. I took another drink from the bottle that I had picked up on my way through town. It was some brand that I probably paid way too much for. When I bought it the clerk seemed apprehensive to give it to me considering I probably looked like shit. I had driven home and at first I was going to go to my parents' house but on my drive to Rhode Island my mom kept calling me so that had gotten rid of that option. I was now sitting on the hill that overlooked the town. The hill that held so many memories. Memories that I hadn't thought about in years and looking at the town I had grown up in caused me to think about things I could have sworn I had forgotten.

My parents separation. Their eventual reunion. The death of my grandfather. It was as if a floodgate had been opened and I couldn't close it. Every miserable thing that I had ever been through was crashing down on me and I wanted it to stop. My mom wouldn't have to worry about me. Lauren would be free to do whatever she wanted. Laurel wouldn't have to keep taking care of me. I wouldn't be a burden no longer. I brought the bottle up to my lips again and took a long pull from it. It was a big bottle and what I hoped to find at the end of it I wasn't sure but all I knew was that I wanted peace.

"So this is how you plan to break me into a million pieces Bo Dennis? By drinking yourself to death?"

The tears in her voice wasn't something I missed but I chose to ignore them though my heart ached for me to stop them. I took another long drink from the bottle and asked, "Would it be a bad thing?" I took another drink. "I wouldn't be this shit show and you would be able to have the life you wanted."

I heard Lauren's quick steps in the grass then she snatched the bottle of bourbon out of my hand and her voice was hard and angry as she said, "The life I wanted had you in it. This is far from what I wanted." I watched as she poured the liquor out of the bottle. "We can still have the life we want Bo but in order to have that you need to be alive." Her voice trembled as she said, "And I can't live in world without you in it."

I brought my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs before I rested my forehead on my knees. The tears began to fall again and I forced out a breath then I mumbled, "There is no life with me Lauren. All there is, is my shit and the hell that my life has become. You're too good for this and I don't want you to have to deal with this."

"You don't get to decide what is right for me Bo." Lauren snapped. She was quiet for a moment then she continued, "I'm willing to deal with everything that you're going through Bo but you have to let me in." She sighed. "I failed you once by running away and not having faith in what we had, you, and our love but I'm not going to do it again. I love you Bo and I refuse to let you be swallowed up by whatever darkness that is inside of you."

I sniffed then lifted my head and began to shake it as I said through my tears, "Stop. Stop. Just stop." I stood up and I lost my balance but I managed to fall back on the tree I had been sitting under and I started to cry harder. "You can't love me. There is nothing left of me to love. The person who you loved isn't here anymore Lauren don't you see that? I'm nothing. I've always been nothing."

I closed my eyes and surrendered myself to the sobs that racked through my body. It was true I was nothing. The only time I had been something had been when I was with Lauren. Sure I had managed to create some semblance of being a functioning person but there was a hole in my soul. A gaping hole that was going to destroy me. I took several shuddering breaths then said, "You were the only good in my life Lauren I had ruined that. You may have left but I let my insecurities eat at me and then I started to hate myself. I hated who I had become and who I continued to be because I had lost myself. But no matter how much I lost or hated myself I still loved you. And that only added to everything because I knew you wouldn't love me. Not after all this." I let my head fall back against the tree and squeezed my eyes shut as I whispered. "I didn't want to hurt you."

Lauren took hold of the sides of my face and brought my head down but I kept my eyes closed. "Look at me Bo." I kept my eyes close. I couldn't look at her. I didn't want to see the pity or the guilt in her eyes. I didn't deserve it. I had ruined everything and she should have just let me go. "Goddammit Bo look at me." I drew in an unsteady breath then let my eyes open. The look in Lauren's eyes was a wild, desperate one and I felt guilty for putting it there. "You will not hurt me." She stated with determination. "The only way you will hurt me is if you continue on this path that you're on." Tears began to fall from her eyes, "We've both made mistakes and we'll talk about them but what matters now is you and-" Her voice broke and she pressed her forehead to mine then whispered, "Please don't leave me. I love you so damn much."

My hands shook as I brought them up and place them on the sides of Lauren's neck. I shut my eyes and whispered, "I love you too." Then I moved to place a soft kiss on her lips. I knew it wasn't an instant fix but in that moment there was no darkness. No torment. And no terrible past. There was just me, the woman I loved and our love for each other.

* * *

 **XXxxx**

"What do you think Tamsin?" I sat on the back porch, clutching a cup of coffee.

She huffed, running a hand through her messy hair, "I think that she's going to have a hell of a hangover and then I really think you're need to corner her and talk."

I shrugged, "Do you think what she said was the truth? That I finally got through to her?" I looked up at the old maple tree.

Tamsin grabbed my cup, taking a huge sip of it, "Bourbon is a great truth serum, so yes. I think Bo meant exactly what she said, remembering it. Eh that will be the guess of the century. The way her breath smelled when we put her to bed, I would say she was at a .12. Drunk as a fish." She gave me a half smile, "That bourbon was top shelf, the same shit my dad buys for his VP's at bonus time." She then yawned, curling her legs up underneath her. She was wearing her beat up Boston Celtic sweatpants with the one X-files shirt I honestly wished she would give in and burn. There were only two blue eyes left on the shirt, the rest faded out from washings and over wearing.

Frowning I looked up at my bedroom window at my parent's house. It was the closest place to go to get Bo safe and in the process of getting sobered up. I had Tamsin sit down the road and walked up to our spot. The one place I knew Bo would go after her mom mentioned something about Bo going to the only place where she could be herself and not the dumb cheerleader.

Yes, it was a huge hunch on my part, but running up the small hill and finding her red Camaro parked at a weird angle, I hoped I had made it in time. Finding Bo sitting against the tree where we would sit, talk, and shared our very first real kiss, slamming down the bourbon like it was Kool-Aid. It killed me and it was very hard not to be angry with her and her sense of hopelessness. I fought not to cry in front of her, realizing that Bo needed someone stronger than herself to be there for her and pull her from the depths. That's where I called upon the anger, used it against her and for her.

I had a hard fight in front of me, Bo was beyond hammered and it did make me question if her kiss was real and if her saying I love you was real. Not just boozed soaked wishes that would be hidden under sober steel walls.

"Lauren, honey? Bo is starting to wake up. Mrs. Dennis and I are going to take Tamsin to breakfast and talk a bit more." My mom poked her head out the back door, smiling at me tiredly. She had helped me last night get Bo stable. Taking turns as the brunette threw up from the amount of bourbon she filled her stomach with. Tamsin would also alternate when Bo's mom arrived. Our parents had united together in this operation Tamsin started. All of us seeing how stupid we all had been and leaving Bo, of all people, to fend for herself. The dads had done their part but my dad was in Seattle at a conference and Bo's dad was over in France at a design show. Both men had expressed their own regret and promises to right their own wrongs.

I stood up, brushing bits of leaves from my sweatpants, "Thanks mom." I grabbed Tamsin's hand as she almost fell scrambling to get up at the first sounds of free breakfast hitting her ears.

Tamsin grinned sheepishly, "I can't help it, I haven't eaten since that half dozen I slammed in the car on the way here." She squeezed my hand, "I'm close to hangry and we know how dangerous that is."

I poked her lightly, shoving her towards the open door, "I know. Bring us back something? I know Bo will need something greasy."

My best friend nodded and suddenly grabbed me in a crushing embrace. "I love you Lewis. I'm proud of the woman you've become over the last few days." She leaned back, smiling, "Now go get your girl."

I bent my head down, shrugging and nodding, "Thanks." I whispered the simple word out, but the weight was there.

I was let go of when my mom hollered for Tamsin to get her ass in the car before the bacon boat left shore without her.

Draining the rest of the black coffee, I stepped into the kitchen to refill the cup and grab one for Bo with a couple bottles of water. As I climbed the stairs, I had a strange flashback of doing this exact thing when we were studying late to get Bo ready for her SAT re-takes. A night that lead us to other things on the bed.

I ran a hand through my hair, stopping to push up my glasses. I knew there was a hell of a mountain to climb ahead of us, if Bo woke up wanted me. Wanted us.

After calming my nerves, I quietly opened the door to my childhood bedroom. My parents had left it close to as I had it when I left for Stanford, but it was less science ridden. The posters that covered the wall were taken down, replaced by Stanford pennants and pictures of my family on trips out to the west coast over the years. I still had a tremendous amount of books in the room, now intermingled with my parent's home literature.

The only thing that made me cringe in the room was the full sized bed that still had my Star Wars sheets on them. I would have to ask my mom later why she didn't update or throw those out.

I moved quietly to the desk chair I had set next to the mattress to watch over Bo after we had her settled in. Bo was still sleeping, but not as heavily as she had been after throwing up tremendously. Her face was less flushed and she was breathing easier. Her hair was still up in a ponytail and she wore one of my old X-files shirts.

In another moment, this image of Bo in my bed would have been a coveted daydream. It was real now but it still worried me what was to come next.

I set the hot cup of coffee on the side table next to a couple of waters and went to the bathroom to find some extra towels to take a shower. I wanted Bo to sleep a little more, she needed the rest to rid her body of the alcohol and I knew the constant emotional roller coaster we had been on, had worn her ragged.

While digging in the bathroom cabinet for shampoo, I heard a quiet cough followed by a large groan that only came from having the biggest of hangovers one could have. I stepped out of the bathroom to find Bo sitting up, looking at the x-wing fighters, light-sabers and princess Leia staring up at her. She had a confused look on her face as she ran a trembling hand through her hair.

I smiled softly, and moved to the side where I had sat, "Good morning." I picked up the coffee cup, "Did you want coffee or water?"

Bo spun her head around, squinting to focus on me. "Um, water." Her voice was thick and raspy.

I opened the bottle and handed it to her, holding onto it as she tried to get her hands steady. After taking a few sips she looked at me, "Why I am in a bed covered in Star War sheets? And why are you…" She paused, moving to look at the bottle where our hands touched barely.

I dropped my hands away, tucking them deep in the front pockets of my Harvard hoody. "You're at my parent's house. In my old bed." I shrugged, smiling, "That's why the Star Wars sheets." I sighed, "As for the why I'm here." I paused, trying to find the gentlest of ways to ask, but opted for the other route. "What do you remember from yesterday, Bo?" I asked slowly, already fearing the answer.

Bo kept her gaze on the water bottle, clearing her throat and wincing from the headache it caused. "You. I remember going to your house, talking. You…kissed me…and I ran. I ran home and found the biggest bottle to drown myself in." She frowned, her jaw twitching.

It was a few seconds of silence before I nodded and went to stand up. "I can call your mom and tell her that you're awake. She'll be back in a little bit. She went to breakfast with my mom and Tamsin." I reached for my cup of coffee, "I'll be downstairs if you need me."

"I remember you walking up on our spot, grabbing the bottle out of my hands and yelling at me the same old things we've been talking around and around about." Bo sniffled, a few tears finding its way down her cheeks. She paused again, then looked up at me her brown eyes meeting mine with a strange clarity that I didn't expect from someone so hungover. "Then you told me we could still have a life we wanted, but I would have to stop."

I nodded slowly, "I did and you have to, but I'm not going to push." I licked my lips, holding back the things I wanted to say, but couldn't. Bo was fragile and if I pushed way too hard, she would shatter and I would never be able to put her back together.

Bo fell into another silence that lasted a few more moments. I took it as a cue and pointed at the coffee as I stood up. "There's hot black coffee and I can make eggs or something." I tipped my head down to look at the rim of the CIA mug in my hands. The air in the room was thick and I needed to leave, get some air. Breath before I smothered the both of us with questions and asking if I had a chance.

I turned and headed to the door when I heard in a very soft voice.

"And I remember telling you that I love you, Lauren."

I looked at Bo, she had her eyes locked on mine, scrunching her face up, "And I think I might have kissed you, but I'm not really clear on that part." She smiled tightly.

I couldn't help by grin and blow out a nervous laugh, "You did, both." I took a step back towards the bed, "I love you, Bo. Everything I said, I stand by. I am not going anywhere and I will be here for you. I will fight for this. I will fight for us." I stopped the words as Bo's face twisted and she broke down, sobbing.

She set the water down on the table and choked around a few sobs, "Lauren, I'm scared. I don't know if I can do this. If I can swim out of the darkness and be someone you can love again. I'm a mess, a huge mess that hasn't been stable for more than a few days in a very long time." She looked up at me, "I don't know if I can go without hurting you, I love you so much, but I'm so scared. More scared than I was when I was seventeen….because…what if…I lose you again?" She covered her face with her hands and cried harder.

I set my cup on a bookshelf and rushed to the bed, scooping Bo up in my arms and holding her tight against my chest. She resisted for a second until I whispered, "Let go, I have you now."

I soon felt her arms slip out from underneath us and wrap around me, her hands clutching to my back, grabbing to wads of my sweatshirt as she clung for life to me. Crying and letting out what I hoped was the last strings of her resistance. I kissed the top of her head, holding her, "I have you, Bo. I'm not going anywhere unless you're next to me. We can do this. It's the fates finally giving us and our love the chance we never gave ourselves."

Bo sobbed a few more times before leaning back and looked at me with red, tired eyes, "It's going to take time, I'm not sure…of anything…all I have is that I love you so much, Lauren. But is it enough?" She frowned. "What if I can't…be me like you knew me?"

I swallowed hard, seeing how deep the hooks of depression had sunk into her. It scared me for a second than I thought about it, looking in her eyes searching me like a lighthouse in the storm. The love I felt for her was hooked deeper than any sort of depression should shake free. I grinned suddenly, nodding, "It is. I'm not going anywhere. I have nowhere left to run, because the only thing I've ever wanted is back in my arms. You're my Bo and even if you changed, my heart only beats for you." I bent and kissed her forehead, "I will wait until the end of time for you, if that's how long it takes."

Bo sniffled and leaned back against my shoulder. Her arms squeezing me tighter as she murmured, "I missed you so much."

I sighed, holding her as my heart began to feel different with every second that passed. I felt stronger, warmer, confident, and determined on a level that nothing could shake me.

I had Bo back in my arms, the rest I would worry about it when I had to.


	15. Chapter 15

**N: the edit isn't great on this part, mainly my parts, but whatever. Happy new year and heres this chapter for WritingSux and i to continue ruining your lives. Keep reviewing because at some point we will see them all when FF starts working again! i've read a few and most of you get what we're doing. So, here we go! and the next chapter...it all goes back to crap...maybe.**

* * *

There was a lot of sitting in silence in my old bedroom after I held her for what felt like a beautiful eternity. Bo eventually wanted to get up and go take a shower, and I left her to do as she wished. I was so afraid to push and lead her, our new foundation was shaky at best. I had her back, and that was what was important. I had a start.

Bo and I would talk a little bit after she came out of the shower wearing one of my old, old, Nasa sweatshirts and a pair of basketball shorts I thought might have been Tamsin's from high school. Bo would talk, tell me random things and then she fell painfully quiet and I took it as a sign to let her sit in the silence and not try to fill it up with idle chatter. I would get her more water or fresh coffee and just sit with her. I had no idea where to start or if she wanted me to start asking how I could help.

Around the third cup of coffee she began to loosen up and wake up. She looked at me, frowning as I pillaged my messenger bag, looking for chapstick. "Oh god, I forgot I have class tomorrow and I haven't studied or looked in a book in days." She ran a hand over her hair, "I should probably call Laurel and see if she wrangle up an emergency study session."

I smiled softly, standing up with the chapstick and a thick notebook in my hands. I held up the notebook, "I know it might be a little much as we are definitely taking baby steps. But I have this." I bent my head down, shrugging.

Bo sighed quietly, "I need a lot more help than that notebook, and you're leaving law school." Her brow furrowed as she focused on the coffee cup on her lap.

I nodded and moved towards the bed, sitting on the edge of it as I set the notebook next to her. "I was, am. But like everything academic in my life, I completed the first year of law school last week. I met with the Dean of Law yesterday morning and he suggested I could take a few weeks off if I needed it, since this big brain of mine has read all of the books cover to cover and passed all of the examinations the professors had online." I shrugged embarrassed, looking up at Bo feeling even more deflated about her level of accomplishment. "Sorry, I still ramble at times." I pushed the notebook closer. "You can take that home to Laurel and the study group. It'll help all of you."

I stood up from the bed when I heard my mom's car pull into the driveway. I walked to the window to see Tamsin stumble out of the backseat with a grease spotted brown paper bag and a large flat box I knew had at least a dozen of doughnuts hidden in it. I smiled at our mom's smiling and helping the gluttonous blonde with her load. "Mom is back. You can eat and see how you feel after. I can or Tamsin can drive you back to your house or whatever you want." I felt nervous like I was sixteen again.

"Lauren, can I ask you a question?" Bo's voice was quiet.

I looked over, jamming my hands in the front pocket of my hoody. "Sure."

Bo brought her knees up under the blanket covered in the galactic rebel empire, "Why law school? My mom told me that you had graduated from Stanford with a computer and biomedical engineering degree. You were on your way to being a rocket scientist. Why…why are you at Harvard?" She asked the question in a way that felt like she was asking was it fate that brought us in the same room or if it was orchestrated.

I smiled, "I took a criminal justice class with Tamsin when she was struggling to pick a major. I went with her to be her cheerleader and when a prosecuting attorney came in for a speech, I was hooked. The never ending twists and turns of the judicial system and how verbal sparring is what really pushes a case more than the undeniable hard science. It fascinated me and I applied to Harvard on a whim." I looked at the floor. "It was completely random to come across you in Keating's class." I smiled before looking up at Bo, "And now I'm really glad I chose Harvard."

Bo smiled, reaching to set her cup on the bedside table. She swung her legs out from underneath the blankets, letting her legs dangle for a moment. "And maybe, I'm really glad too." She met my eyes, falling into silence as she seemed to stare at me in a way that she was studying me.

I cleared my throat as I felt my face turn a bright color. Good lord were we starting this entire circle all over. "What about you Bo, why law and not design or marine biology like you intended?"

Bo chuckled, "I think in the nineties everyone wanted to be a marine biologist, I blame Sea World." She tucked her hands under her thighs, "I picked law because I felt being a lawyer I could give people a second chance were others left them behind. It was the one thing I felt like I was really good at, really smart at and I love it." She sighed, "It took me a year to get accepted to Harvard Law and it's harder than I thought it would be." Bo had that self-deprecating look on her face, the one I knew told me she was calling herself a dumb cheerleader internally.

I moved and sat down next to Bo, keeping a small space between us, "From what I understand, your NYU professors were incredibly impressed by your work ethic, your intelligence and drive." I looked down at Bo with her eyes still down on the floor, "You belong at Harvard, Bo. I know in a few years time, I'll be sitting in the graduation audience, watching collect your law degree." I glanced at her hand, wanting so badly to grab it.

Bo scooted over an inch, leaning her head on my shoulder, "Can I ask another question?"

"Sure." I moved my arm back to give her more room to tuck into my side.

"Will you graduate with me? Lauren?" She cast her big brown eyes my way, "Can we do this together? I know it's a crazy idea and I'm not at all sure about anything. All I know is you and I graduated together in high school and it was one of the greatest days of my life, and if we're doing this whole start again and getting the life we both wanted. And it seems we both want to be lawyers, can we…"

I chuckled, throwing my arm around her, "Verbal diarrhea, at least I understand where you got it after spending some time with your mom last night." I waited until Bo lifted her head to look directly in my eyes, "I'll do only if you're sure you want me with you. I've disrupted so much…."

"Lauren, I want this. All of this. I'm not asking you to stay in law school to help me study in pass, but I think if we do this together, follow through on two separate dreams that brought us together. It'll help me stay on a good path." She smiled sheepishly, "You were a ball buster in high school when it came to study time."

I rolled my eyes, "I've loosened up over the years. I sometimes go a whole night without studying."

Bo widened her eyes, "A whole night?"

I frowned and opened my mouth to say something when Tamsin shoved her big blonde head in the open door, half whispering, "Is she awake? I have double egg, double cheese bagel sammies and a half pound of bacon."

Bo leaned forward, standing up slowly, "I'm awake, Tamsin. You don't have to whisper. The coffee chased away most of the headache."

Tamsin stepped into the room moving to set the greasy bag on the small dresser next to the door, "I'll leave this here." She smiled tightly, "I'm going to go hang out with the mom brigade, give you two some space." She took one step back and stopped, "Oh shit fuck." She reached into her back waistband and removed a small rectangular white bag and strode over to me. "I had the moms stop at my dad's house so I could get this."

I took the bag, feeling the weight of and furrowed my brow, "What is it?"

Tamsin jammed her hands in her pockets, "Doubles of the photographs you…um…lost a few days ago. I also framed one."

I felt my heart skip as I tore open the bag and flicked through the stack of photographs I had certainly burned in a fury a few days ago. At the bottom was the one single photograph I kept, carefully placed in a plain black frame. Tamsin kept looking at Bo and I nervously, "Bad habit I learned from my dad. Always get doubles made when you develop the film." She tapped the frame in my hand, "That one, that one is a rare original. Only one in existence. "She smirked, "If that isn't telling."

Bo leaned forward, taking the stack of photographs from my hand, sifting through them with a strange look on her face. A look that scared Tamsin and made her back up, "Okay, well, downstairs and shit I go." She looked at me, "Let me know when you want to leave, Lewis."

I nodded and mouthed a teary thank you to my best friend. She winked back and turned to leave the room.

"Tamsin, wait." Bo's voice startled us both.

Tamsin gave me a weird look before throwing on a nervous smile, "Yeah?"

Bo gently pushed past me and threw her arms around the blonde, making the poor woman seize up. Tamsin wasn't one for physical contact and this was way out of her comfort zone. Big green eyes looked my way for help.

Bo hugged her for a moment before leaning back and smiling with tears in her eyes, "I need to apologize and thank you." She looked over her shoulder at me, "I understand you were the one who pushed Lauren to find me, talk to me even when I wanted nothing to do with all of this."

Tamsin nodded, still looking freaked out, "I did. After realizing that I'd played right into the hands of douchebag incorporated, I had to fix things. I had to push and make up for what was messed up beyond fucking belief." She moved to look at Bo, taking in a slow breath, "And for what it's worth, I'm here for you Bo. I will always have your back from this day on like I should have had it all along." She then looked at me, "You two were shorted too much time and faced too much shit. When you are the perfect love this dumb world has ever seen." Tamsin's green eyes welled up and she took a step back from Bo, "So yeah, if you need me…"

Bo smiled, stepping back to lean against me, "I do and I will need you." She glanced up at me, "Both of you."

I smiled back, seeing in her brown eyes that she wasn't telling a lie. She would need me, need Tamsin to find her footing in the world. Find the footing to start over.

* * *

 ** _A month later-_**

As expected, Bo and I didn't fall into a whirlwind romance immediately. We moved into a very careful friendship to start. At her request I stayed in Harvard Law, shelving the Boston Police option until I was certain she had her head back in the game.

Bo was still on a mini hiatus from school work. It seems that while the moms were at breakfast that first day, they made a call to the Dean of Law explaining that Bo needed to take a break from school to recover from a unique illness. The Dean of course fed my mom the usual policy of Harvard Law and that if Bo missed so many classes she would not make it past year one. He eventually bent after Bo's mom, Tamsin's Dad and contributed a boatload in donations and my mom crafted up a satellite internship with the United States Attorney General for Bo. Basically it was a bunch of bullshit and money to get the Dean to agree to let Bo have a few weeks off to recover. Not that Bo was sitting at home watching movies and eating ice cream. She was spending night after night at my house or at hers, studying her ass off to get caught up after I finished my classes.

Even Laurel and her friend Michaela joined the study group. After I had a lengthy half Spanish half English brow beating in the backyard of Bo's house from Laurel. She made me swear to some Spanish entity and back that I would not break Bo's heart or do anymore damage. I promised her and told her I would prove her wrong. Laurel still gave me an evil side eye and watched me even as she started to borrow my law notes for Keating's class.

I knew had to prove to Bo's entire world that I wasn't this horrid destroyer of humanity, that I was just a dumb kid who did something really dumb when she was sixteen.

At the end of the three weeks off, I was walking Bo back to the brownstone. We had been studying at the library by my house, and Tamsin had pizza waiting before Bo went home to prepare for class the next day. Laurel was going to pick her up when she left her new boyfriend's house.

We walked along the leave covered sidewalk, silence only being broken by the crunch of the leaves under our feet. I kept my eyes forward, trying to find a topic to bring up for small talk. Bo and I were still struggling to maintain conversation when it wasn't revolving around law school. How do you start a conversation with someone who's time without you in it, was fraught with depression and you were the singular trigger of that depression? I cleared my throat to ask her about NYU when I looked over and saw her staring at me. Another new thing I noticed lately. I would often catch Bo starting at me when there was a lull in the studying or conversation.

I gave her a weird playful look and pushed my thin black frame glasses up, "Is there something on my face?"

Bo blinked and turned away, burying her face deeper in her plaid scarf, "No…I just…never mind." She frowned.

I shook my head, "Bo, say it. I don't want you to think you can't ever say anything to me. I kind of hope you can trust me enough to start talking like we once did. I mean, I'm boring myself with asking what your thoughts are on the Patriots this year or if we're going to get a bunch of snow or if my mom is going to forget the nutmeg in the pumpkin pie again this year." I chuckled at all of the stupid conversation topics I had brought up to try and make Bo feel comfortable in talking to me again like we used to. "So, if I have a glaring massive zit on my face, tell me. Please?"

Bo laughed lightly, sighing and looking back at me with bashful eyes, "I know, but this. I feel creepy."

I grabbed her elbow gently, stopping her, "I live with Tamsin, have lived with her for almost a decade. The definition of creepy has no meaning anymore. The girl has desensitized me to creepy."

Bo grinned that beautiful grin that had melted my heart a million years ago and I almost sighed aloud seeing it again. "It's stupid, weird."

I rolled my eyes, "Bo, again…living with Tamsin." I squeezed her elbow, "Tell me."

Bo chewed on her bottom lip, "I stare at you because I can't believe how different you look now." She blushed, "I never really looked at you when we reunited, I was so caught up in my emotions that all I saw was the heartbreak." Bo sighed, scrunching face up, "I keep staring and thinking about how beautiful you are, Lauren."

I felt my heart skip a thousand beats at her words, and squeaked out, "I'm not beautiful." I turned and started to walk towards the front stoop of the brownstone, "Hopefully the pizza isn't gone. Tamsin has a tendency not to share when people are late."

Bo grabbed my arm, "Lauren you are beautiful. You've grown into this amazing woman that's a far cry from the gangly, skinny, shy, and meek girl I fell in love with." She sucked in a breath, clearly finding her confidence, smiling softly, "You are still more beautiful than any star in the sky and I was wondering if I could, maybe, hold your hand?"

I turned back to look at Bo, shocked but so happy that she was finding something in me to trust again. I held out my hand with a gentle smile, "Yes, you can. I would like nothing more than for you to hold my hand, Bo."

She grinned and slipped her hand in mine, our fingers still linking together as if they were never meant to be apart. Her hands were so incredibly warm in mine even as the early November chill nipped at us through our clothes. I looked down at our hands interlocked, letting Bo take the first step to continue onto the brownstone when I murmured, "You're still more beautiful than the entire solar system, Bo."

Bo's only response was to squeeze my hand and ask what kind of pizza Tamsin ordered.

* * *

Tamsin patted her belly like a stuffed pig and stood up, "I need to take a nap before work. I hate the midnight split shift. Who the fuck goes to work at 3am? No one, not even bakers or radio hosts." She collected the empty plates and other random garbage from the kitchen table we all sat at.

Dinner with Tamsin had been easier. Bo asked about Stanford and how Tamsin found the road to being a police officer. Leading Tamsin into one of her epic storytelling rants. I sat back and listened, letting Bo lead the conversation and only interjecting here and there when Tamsin was about to take a really disgusting route in one of her oops, found a dead body in a suitcase stories.

Bo stood up, taking her own plate to the sink, "How much longer are you on that shift?"

Tamsin yawned, "A month. Petey is retiring next week. Dave is moving to the other district and the sergeant's spot is about to be filled. So by turkey day, this cranky blonde will be back on afternoons ruining the lives of many rush hour drivers." She turned to look at the clock, "Balls, it's already midnight." She shuffled over to the table, looking at me, "Can you pack some of the leftover slices for my lunch? I need to hit the hay."

I rolled my eyes, shoving her away, "Yes, I can. But make sure you turn your alarm off, I don't need it waking me up at eight am, because your lazy ass is lazy."

Tamsin giggled as she ran out of the kitchen, "Maybe." She then waved to Bo, "Night Bo, it was good to see you and good luck at class tomorrow."

Bo laughed, shaking her head, "Thank you and goodnight."

I sighed like my mom did whenever Tamsin was being Tamsin, "One of these days she'll have children of her own." I waved my hand over the dishes in the sink, "Leave them, I'll take care of them in the morning."

"Are you sure?" Bo gave me an apprehensive look. She pulled out her phone, frowning, "Dammit Laurel." She held up the phone to show me the text message, "She's staying at her boyfriend's. Seems she had a beer too many and is scared to drive."

I nodded, "I am." I glanced at the clock, "I can give you a ride home if you want? I know you have an early appointment." I swallowed hard, I had no idea what to do. I didn't want Bo to miss her appointment with her therapist, she had mentioned it to me earlier at the library, her way of telling me she didn't want to be out too late. "I'm sorry, I got caught up in having you here. I should have told Tamsin to shut up sooner and gotten you home."

Bo shrugged, smiling softly, "It's okay, it'll give me something good to talk about with Dr. Greenbaum instead of bitching about how my depression is a black hole I can't crawl out of no matter what."

I stared at the brunette picking at the edge of her grey sweater. I set down the hand towel I used to wipe the table, "Bo, do you still feel that way? I mean, that there's no way out?" I asked softly, hating to tread onto a disastrous path.

Bo kept her eyes down, a silence filling the room. She nodded slowly, whispering, "Can I stay here tonight, sleep with you?" She lifted her head up, her eyes filled with a strange vulnerable sadness.

I chewed the inside of my mouth, not quite understanding what Bo wanted from me. I stammered a muddied answer out when Bo stepped closer, "If I start talking about my depression, I won't want to be alone. I won't want to go home where temptation is everywhere and I want to tell you, but…I will need someone I love to keep me from tipping over."

I didn't hesitate. "Yes, Bo. You can tell me and I will not leave you until ask me to."

Bo clenched her jaw, "It's not pretty, any of it."

I smiled and placed my hands on her upper arms, "Did I happen to mention I live with Tamsin?"

Bo smiled weakly and walked into my arms and hugged me, "I love you, Lauren."

I sighed heavily at the tone in her voice, and squeezed her tightly, "And I love you, Bo."

The way she said it worried me that what I was about to hear was going to be ugly, painful but it wouldn't chase me away. I had made a promise that I was going to keep.

* * *

 **xXxXxX**

Lauren had given me a pair of spare sweatpants from Tamsin's academy days, a ragged Stanford t-shirt that had probably seen better days, and a guest toothbrush and towel. After I closed the door to the bathroom I leaned against it then closed my eyes. The last month had been a struggle for me. I was getting my academic career back on track, I had an army of therapist surrounding me, and I also I had two hovering mothers. Then there was Lauren.

She and I had been in this safe void that we knew there was a lot to talk about and sort through yet at the same time we weren't able to. I knew she wanted to ask how therapy was going, or what I had done in art therapy, or how I was doing but she wasn't certain how to do it. She would get this apprehensive look on her face then the conversation would die or she would ask what I wanted to study or go on about Tamsin.

I wouldn't talk about it because I wasn't ready to. Lauren had seen me at point when I had been vulnerable, hopeless, and at a dangerous edge and now that I was getting help for it I had clammed up about it. I was determined for her to never see that side of me again, but then Dr. Greenbaum, the captain of the Bo recover ship, told me that building a relationship on a half-truth was destined to fail. That if I didn't share this with Lauren she would never know who I was nor would she be able to learn how to support me when I would need her.

I had stood fast and told Dr. Greenbaum that I wasn't going to do it. But Lauren had broken my resolve. She didn't do anything directly it was what she had done indirectly that caused me to change my desire to open up to her. Lauren had been there day in and day out helping me with my school work and getting me organized. She had been there just sitting with me when I didn't want to talk. We would go for walks and neither of us would say anything. Lauren had changed. She had become stronger, more resilient, and she wasn't afraid to love. She was the epitome of the support that I needed and that frightened me so much.

I didn't want to drag her into the mess that was me getting my life back together but for weeks now she had willingly found ways to be with me. Making sure that I was never alone and checking up on me. She would never be forthright about but it was her asking about my reading or homework or saying that her mom had asked about me. It was the small gestures over the last month that created tiny fissures in the resolve that I built up.

The morning after Lauren found me on the hill had been the last time we had physical contact. I had withdrawn from Lauren which hadn't surprised me considering my stance on not letting her see me broken again. But tonight as we were walking back to her house I thought about what Dr. Greenbaum had told me about how the contact of another human being was enough to keep someone centered and kept their depressive thoughts at bay.

Lately I had gotten into this habit of looking at Lauren because not only had her personality evolved but she had changed physically as well and she was so damn beautiful. When we were younger I would watch her because she was so cute and quirky and she still was those things, but there was some subtle sensuality with it. It amazed me and there were times where I would look at her and begin to wonder how anyone like her would love someone like me then the thoughts would spiral out of control.

That had happened on our walk back to her house tonight and I took a chance because I needed to know that my demons didn't scare Lauren even if she didn't know they were running wild in my head. When she took hold of my hand I knew that she would be there, she may not have known how to chart the treacherous terrain that was my mental health, but she was willing to weather the tumultuous, sometimes violent, storms with me.

There was a light rap on the door and I jumped because I had been so deep in my thoughts. "Bo are you okay?"

I placed the pile of stuff that was in my arms on the counter and said, "Yeah Lauren, I'm fine."

I strained to hear her walk away but I didn't hear any footsteps. Even though a door separated us I could feel the tension that was between us. I could feel her urge to want to come into the bathroom and check on me and I wanted her to come in. I wanted her to hold me. Instead all I heard was a soft okay then she walked away from the door. I started the shower then I sat down on the toilet and began to cry. I wasn't certain I could do this. I had no idea on how to let someone in especially someone like Lauren. She held so much power over me already and I was so scared to give her more. I was afraid of her and yet I loved her so much. My volleying emotions were exhausting me but it was one of the perks of depression. I wiped my face then began to get undressed so I could take my shower.

After I showered and brushed my teeth I left the bathroom and walked down the hall toward Lauren's room. I had been in her room before but we had been in there to study or something involving school. This time I was going in there to sleep in the same bed as her. I walked into the room and I saw that Lauren was sitting at the foot of the bed and she had been staring at the floor but her head jerked up when I walked in. We stared at each other for a moment then she pointed to the hamper in the corner and said, "If you toss your clothes in there I can wash them for you in the morning." I nodded then walked over to the hamper and tossed my dirty clothes into it. I stood there and I looked everywhere but at Lauren. I wasn't sure how to do this and I didn't know how act around Lauren in this situation. "Bo, and I know I've asked this already but, are you okay?"

I swallowed then took a deep breath as I looked up at the ceiling. I forced it out then admitted, "I'll never be okay Lauren." I looked at her and a wry smile came to my face. "It's the sad fact of my reality. I'll be fine one minute but all it takes is one wrong thought or action or word and I'm falling into this dark hole. And the fall isn't a slow one. It's a fast one and it leaves me scrambling to try to stop it but I can't. There is nothing to grasp onto and it sucks."

Lauren stood up and she took a couple steps towards me then stopped so that there was a considerable amount of space between us. "What can I do Bo? Tell me how to help you."

My throat tightened as an overwhelming amount of emotion came over me and tears formed in my eyes. Lauren, again, was jumping into my mess when she didn't have to. I wrapped my arms tight around myself and tucked my chin down. I closed my eyes and asked, "Why do you keep doing that?"

"Doing what Bo?"

I sniffed and drew in a deep breath before I said, "Blindly following me into something that you don't have to be involved in." I lifted my head to where I was able to look up at her through my tear soaked lashes. "Lauren there isn't a quick fix to this. Sometimes you being there won't be enough then what will you do?" She stood there unable to give me an answer and I dropped my head down then closed my eyes, "See? You can only do so much and I can't have you getting involved in this only to have you end up regretting your decision to-"

"No Bo." I felt her move closer to me and she unwrapped my arms from around my body then she placed her finger under my chin to lift my head. "Bo look at me." She whispered. "Please." I tightened my jaw and took a breath then I opened my eyes. I looked into Lauren's sad, determined eyes and she stated, "I will never, _never_ , regret my decision to be involved with you. Never. You are the best thing to happen to me Bo Dennis and I let you get away from me once because of my stupid immaturity but I will not let it happen again. Do you understand?" I wanted to nod that I did understand because I wanted to believe her so much but the doubt in my mind prevented.

I opened my mouth to protest but Lauren pressed a finger to my lips, "No Bo. I will show you that there is nothing that will keep me away from you and I will spend every day of my life proving this to you if I have to." She sighed and said, "And so what if I'm not enough to help you but I can make sure that you have what you need to fight the darkness that is inside of you. If you need silence I will give it to you. If you want to be alone I'll give it to you but I will never be far from you." Her eyes began to shimmer with unshed tears. "Tell me what you need Bo because seeing you hurt like this and not knowing how to help you is killing me. So please tell me how to help you."

As I stared into Lauren's glistening eyes I knew I had to come to a decision. I could continue to fight against Lauren and continue to try to push her away or I could let her in and open up to her. She had made her choice now I had to make mine. I took a deep breath and rested my forehead on Lauren's. She wrapped her arms around me and I closed my eyes as let her warmth envelope me. My brain warred with my heart. Reminding me that I was damaged and incapable of being loved and unable to return it. It told me that Lauren had only seen a fraction of the darkness that's inside of me and that once she saw what was really there she would want nothing to do with me. I tensed up and Lauren whispered, "I'm here Bo."

I focused on what my heart was telling me. It knew that I loved Lauren. It knew that I had never stopped loving Lauren. It reiterated what Lauren had said. That she wanted to be there for me and help me through this. It repeated the words Dr. Greenbaum had told me over the countless sessions that I had gone to the last month. To let Lauren in and let her love help heal the parts of me that were broken. My heart knew it was scary but it also reminded me that love was scary. I drew in a deep breath then said in a soft voice, "I want to lie down."

Lauren let out what sounded like a relieved breath then she kissed my forehead before she said, "Okay. We can go lay down."

"And Lauren…"

"Yes sweetheart?"

I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat then asked, "Can you hold me?"

She kissed my forehead again then murmured against it, "Yes I can."

We moved to the bed and once were on it and in a comfortable position Lauren turned off the lights. We laid there with her holding me and running her fingers through my hair while I focused on her breathing and just being with her. The dark thoughts were quiet for the moment and I was able to enjoy the moment and feel the love that flowed between us. It was something I hadn't felt in so long and I now that I had it back I was determined to keep it. I drew a breath in through my nose then said, "Lauren…" She kissed the top of my head and hummed. I took a moment to revel in the attention she was showing then I said, "I'm going to try. I'm going to try to let you in. It's not going to be easy because I haven't let anyone in, well I haven't shown them the sides of me that are mentally debilitating, but I'm going to try with you." I held on tighter to her waist and shut my eyes, "I love you Lauren and I don't want our relationship to be built off of the truth I only want you to see. I'm going to show you the whole truth. It's not going to be pretty."

"I know Bo."

What I had to say next made me feel beyond vulnerable but I had to let her know how much I was putting out there and how much I was trusting her with what I was giving her. "I need-" I stopped and I took a second to gather my thoughts. This was such a hard thing for me to do. "I need you to not run away when you see what is going on and what I have gone through." Lauren was quiet and she didn't say anything for the longest moment. I began to think that maybe she had come to realize that she wouldn't be able to handle what I was asking of her. I began to pull away from her.

Lauren tightened her hold around me and said, "Stop it Bo. You can't keep doing that every time I don't respond how you would like me to. I need to process and that's something you need to understand right away." She sighed then said, "I have a lot of guilt in regards to what you're going through. I know we both know that neither of us are at fault in regards to what had transpired all those years ago but I feel like you wouldn't have gone through the ordeal that you had, or it wouldn't have been as bad, if I had confronted you." She stopped and we both knew that us discussing the events that lead to our break up and separation was beating a dead horse but we still had to address the aftermath of it all. "So if I need a moment after you tell me something or show me something know that it isn't because I'm scared or second-guessing my decision to be involved with you. It's because I have my own feelings to work to through too." Lauren kissed my forehead then she rested her cheek on the top of my head. "But I'm here Bo and I will always be here. I'll be here when you stumble and I'll be here when you succeed. There is nothing that you could show or tell me that will change that. I love you and I have no plans to leave you."

I drew in a weak breath then whispered, "I love you too Lauren." Silence settled upon us and it was just the two of us in the dark and holding each other. It felt so right and I never wanted to leave it. There were no troubling thoughts. No doubts. Just love and the promise of us being together no matter what.

* * *

XXXX

Bo had fallen asleep in my arms that night after telling me a handful of things that made me sick and hold her tighter. She told me about the first time she ever got blackout drunk a week after graduation. How her first year in college was a blur of bottles faceless, nameless bodies that made her feel something for a second but left her a broken shell. There were the failed relationships she hid in, that only caused her to spiral back into a bottle. Then there were the times she had to stop meeting my dad for lunch because he would innocently tell her about how I was and that seeing how happy I was without her, triggered the image she held of herself. The dumb cheerleader who had no worth in the world. I also wanted to search out all the fucking shits who touched her and used her, the Wills who took advantage of her vulnerable state. But I couldn't sensibly go on a rampage across a tri-state area, that would hinder my law degree a little bit.

It went on for a few hours, I held Bo and let her cry. She told me things that I was hopeful I would never have to hear again and she would never have to endure now that she was sharing them with me. The drunken nights, the endless stream of people touching her wishing it was me, and the utter sense of hopelessness that life was better off without her actively participating in it. I held strong, clenching my jaw and taking large gaps of silence to think before I would answer her and tell Bo that all that mattered now was we had a second chance. I would always love her, the good, the bad and the horribly ugly sides of her. They all combined to make the most beautiful woman in the world who was in my arms.

I didn't sleep that night, just held Bo and kept her close, enjoying the way she fit in my arms better than she did when I was nothing but gangly arms and knees. Bo fit better and had found the same spots she loved to tuck into when we were younger. She laid her head against my chest and her arms never left my waist. She would only move a little to readjust and fall back to sleep. The remarkable thing that happened how it felt painless to have Bo with me. I no longer felt the empty ache that carried on my back for years, it all dissipated when she fell asleep in my arms, trusting me.

I woke Bo up in enough time to get her dressed in more of my spare clothes and drop her off at her appointment. I almost offered to go in with her, but seeing the look in Bo's eyes, I knew it was best if I left. So, I helped her out of the car, told her to call me when she was done with her last class and I would meet up to study with her. I was on an off day for my own classes, having completed at least three of them in the last week. I was only down to constitutional law and Keating's class. The rest I had taken the finals and the professors gave me a passing grade. Giving me even more time to be there for Bo, and made me finally grateful for the big brain I was born with it.

I drove home, made a large pot of coffee and headed up to the roof of the brownstone to sit and stare out on the view of Harvard University. It was chilly and I huddled up into the big sweater I threw on, but welcomed the cold bite of the late fall air.

I sat for hours, staring and thinking. Digesting the things Bo had been through and only once did I question if I could do this. That question was shut immediately down by my heart screaming at me that Bo was the one I loved. That both my heart and I had tried and only failed finding anyone. But it wasn't easy lying with her and hearing it all, realizing the rock bottom depths she had seen more than once.

I leaned forward on the weird wooden chair Tamsin had put on the roof in July for us to watch fireworks, and silently cried. Cried for Bo, not for myself.

Taking on Bo meant taking it all on and standing with her as she continued working through things. But, fuck was it hard. Hard not to hold her and beg for her to forget it all now that we were back, but it was hard to understand some things.

"Lauren! Why did you leave the fucking roof door open, it's cold as a polar bears tits in the house now. I had to start the fireplace up and almost burnt my eyebrows off." Tamsin stomped onto the roof, "I can never gauge the match to flame ratio."

I sniffled, wiping my nose, "Or it could be the fact you have not patience to let the newspaper catch and dump at least a half of can of lighter fluid on the wood." I looked at Tamsin, she was wearing her uniform shirt and those god awful Celtic pants.

Tamsin gave me a sideways look, "Why are you crying?" She moved closer, "Did you and Bo...um...i mean I saw her clothes in the washer when I went to throw my pants in." She sat down next to me.

I shook my head, "We are nowhere close to doing anything. We just started to hold hands last night. She did sleep in my bed last night, but that was while she started to tell me everything she had been through." I felt my throat tighten.

The blonde sighed, yanking her ponytail out to release the blonde hair to flutter in the wind, "Do you want to give up?" She asked with genuine concern, "I mean it's clear Bo is very different than when she was seventeen, even I see the changes and it makes me want to hug her and I fucking hate hugging."

I smiled lightly, shaking my head, "I can't give up and I don't want to. But, fucking fudge." I paused, not being able to say anything. I didn't want to ruin the small amount of trust she gave me by turning to my best friend and spilling everything. "Some of the things…" I drifted off again. "I am not sure I can do this, even though I want to, can I do this? The dark places Bo has, are very deep and dark and leave me speechless."

Tamsin grabbed my arm, patting my hand, "Lauren Lewis, you are going to do this. I know you, you've never given up on anything or anyone." She glanced at me, "Remember what I told you in high school when you two idiots when you were fumbling then?"

I nodded, looking at my very cold cup of coffee. "I also remember that we are still balls deep in operation best man." I glanced at her, "Your exact words, Tams."

"Good, because I still believe I will be at your wedding. Wiping away big old crocodile tears as you and Bo exchange vows. Mainly tears that you'll hopefully be moving out and I can leave the junk food out and not hide it." Tamsin chuckled when I smacked her shoulder, "Honestly Lauren. You love her and she loves you. You'll make it through, she'll make it through and we all will make it through this shit pile called life. Plus, you have me to come to and cry and then I'll take you to shoot things or fuck with freshman in the dorms. Bo can come too if she wants."

I laughed, sniffling back tears, "Thanks Tams."

She punched my arm, "You're welcome, now let's go eat. Freddy is waiting downstairs to take us to lunch after we pick up Bo. We're going to that new Chinese all you can eat across from station. I have a new story, we found a severed leg in a dumpster behind that diner on ninth. It's a good one."

I stood up and watched my best friend run to the roof door hollering that I better shut it tight before the house froze over. I took one last look at the treetops and the rooftops of the old University and took in a deep breath.

I had one thought, if I could go back in time would I really change that day or would I stay on the same path that led Bo and I where we were now?

I ruminated for a second and had a quick flash of Bo standing in front of me, placing a ring on my finger, telling me she would forever, until death did us part. It was a quick flash of a possible daydream born out of not sleeping all night, but either way, it made me grin like an idiot and resolve to stay in this.

It also made me say no, I wouldn't go back to that day and change it. Fate clearly had a plan in mind and even though it was painful as hell right now, it was worth the pain. Bo was worth the pain because the love she gave me was painless.


	16. Chapter 16

_N: here is a bunch of things! review and tell us how we are doing! this story might be wrapping up in a couple more chapters!_

* * *

 ** _Two Months Later-_**

"You look different." Dr. Greenbaum's brow scrunched together as she looked at me. It was a little weird but I made my way over to the window and as I looked out of it I smirked. "You're happy."

I chuckled as I turned to look at her. She was sitting in her usual armchair that was next to the couch but today instead of looking at me with a focused and concerned look she looked happy for me. "I suppose I am. I think. It's weird. I want to say I'm happy but at the same time I don't want to because I'm afraid I'll be on the fast track to looking for a bottle or something."

Dr. Greenbaum nodded and asked, "What have you been doing when your depression has gotten to be more than you can handle?"

I went back to looking out the window and I replied, "I lock myself in my room and do art if I'm at home. If I'm at school, I go for a walk or I talk the campus counselor. If I'm with Lauren, I ask her to go for a walk with me or I ask her to hold my hand."

"So you do things that work for you?"

I nodded and told her, "I do and so far they have been working well."

"Well we have gone over a number of techniques over the last few months and I have seen a significant change now that we've included art therapy into your treatment plan." She stopped and I glanced at her.

I noticed the smirk on her face and asked, "What?"

The smirk turned into a smile and she said, "I've also noticed a change now that you have allowed Lauren to see this part of you."

I rolled my eyes and I walked over to the chair that was at the other end of the couch. I sat down and admitted, "Well it doesn't feel like I'm in this all by myself. I mean I know I had my parents and Laurel before but that's different. With Lauren she wants to see this side of me and wants to help me through this. With my parents and Laurel, though they say they want to be there for me, they didn't sign up for this and I don't blame them because I wouldn't sign up for this either. But Lauren she…" I trailed off and a smile came to my face. "She doesn't make me feel like a burden. She gets me to talk about things in a way that doesn't make it seem like I'm unloading on her. It's new."

Dr. Greenbaum chuckled a little then remarked, "I'm certain it is. Bo when you first started seeing me you were headed down a dark path that eventually led you to do something that you in my office twice a week for the last three months. We've worked on it all and I've had fight you tooth and nail to get through your stubborn shell but I'm happy to see you at this point."

I took a deep breath and it wasn't a heavy one like I had been feeling over the last few months it was lighter. I had noticed over the last couple weeks that I had been breathing easier and I didn't feel so weighed down. I grinned and commented, "It's good to be back at this point, Dr. Greenbaum."

"And just out of curiosity how has Lauren taken everything that you have revealed and shared with her?" The older woman asked reaching for her mug of tea.

I sat back against the chair and thought about it. It had been a slow process in opening up to Lauren but when I had begun to share with her things I had done in the past and the thoughts that were going through my mind she had been shocked. There had been times when she had cried and had asked me to stop. She had explained when she was able to talk to me but it had been hard but now that she knew a lot of my past it seemed like she loved more if that was possible. Lauren had begun to pick up on when my thoughts were headed to some place that wasn't going to be good for me and she would change the conversation or have me do something that would bring me from them. It was weird to have someone be that in tuned with me but I was grateful for it.

I got up from the chair and I walked over to the painting that hung in Dr. Greenbaum's office then said, "She has handled it as well as she can. Some things have been too much for her while other things she has managed to take in stride." I chuckled. "She's still around so that says a lot."

"Well she did tell you that she wasn't going to leave you."

I turned to look at the doctor and said, "Saying it is one thing but actually having the hard evidence in front of you is a shock to the system. I mean I have done things that I will take to my grave but what I have told her I wouldn't tell a lot of people and she has stayed and hasn't judged me for it like that is incredible. I don't think I would have the fortitude to do that for someone."

"Even if it's the person that you love?" I scrunched my eyebrows together as I thought about that. If the roles were reverse would I be able to fight for Lauren day in and day out against a mental disorder that was relentless. I would. I would fight with everything that I had.

I nodded and told her, "I wouldn't stop fighting for Lauren."

Dr. Greenbaum smiled and stated, "Now you know why she has stayed. Let's move onto your art therapy and its progression. Dr. Hamilton has sent his notes to me and I wanted to touch base with you about something."

I walked over to the window as she started talking about my art therapist's notes.

* * *

The rest of my session had gone well. Dr. Greenbaum had begun to feel like that I was headed in the right direction so we cut my appointments back to once a week but second appointment, the one later in the week, was going to be a freestanding appointment for me in case I needed it. We were walking out of Dr. Greenbaum's office when I saw that Lauren was sitting on the couch in the waiting area. This was another step forward for me. Lauren had volunteered to drop me off for my appointments because she wanted to be there for me but I had drawn the line at her coming up to the office with me. However, today was another step in the right direction and Lauren was going to meet my therapist for the first time.

I motioned for her to come over and when she was close enough she smiled. "It was a good session?"

I tried not to grin at her because Lauren was nervous to meet Dr. Greenbaum for some reason. I couldn't understand why because the woman would have been as dry as toast if weren't for her sharp tongue. I took hold of Lauren's hand and told her, "It was a good session." I looked at Dr. Greenbaum. "This is Lauren. Lauren this Is Dr. Greenbaum. The other woman who is determined to keep me on track."

Dr. Greenbaum laughed as she shook Lauren's hand. "With your stubborn nature I see I have bitten off more than I can chew." She smiled at Lauren. "It is a pleasure to meet you. It's nice to put a face with the name."

Lauren returned the smile and said, "Likewise."

I could tell Lauren wasn't sure of what to say so I gave her hand a gentle squeeze and said, "Come on let's go get some lunch. I'll see you next week Dr. Greenbaum."

We told her by then left her office. As we were waiting for the elevator Lauren remarked, "She seems like a nice woman."

I chuckled and told her, "She is. Until you argue with her and refuse to say anything to her. Then it becomes a fun time."

"I'm guessing you did that a lot?"

I grinned at her. "I still do."

We left the office building then headed to a small bistro that was down the street. Lauren and I's relationship had gone from then safe zone that it had been at to borderline flirtatious one over the last couple of weeks. It was nice and it felt like old times. I would say something that would cause her to blush then she would say something that would have my world stopping. It was a wonderful feeling and significant change for me. Once we were seated at a table and the waitress had taken out orders I asked, "Where'd you go?"

Lauren pointed over her shoulder and said, "There's like a coffee shop around the corner so I went there and read some magazines and people watched. I should have brought some homework."

I chuckled and told her, "That's the coffee shop I went to when I decided to go talk to you."

"Huh?"

I took hold of her hand. That was another thing that happening either consciously or unconsciously. I was touching Lauren more or I was either holding her hand. Sometimes it was for comfort. Sometimes it was because I wanted to but I had come to find out that when I touched Lauren I was settled. "That day where I had gone home. We had talked and you kissed me. I had come here after my session with Dr. Greenbaum. She told me that I should talk to you so I did. I was determined to move on from you and get some closure." I looked down at the place setting in front of me. I felt Lauren give my hand a gentle squeeze and I looked into her eyes. With them she was asking me if I needed anything and I smiled at her. "I'm fine. I was just thinking that I didn't get closure that day." Lauren frowned and I explained, "I didn't get closure. I got a new beginning. With you. It wasn't the ideal way for us to get it but we've gotten it and because of that we've learned more about each other." I glanced at our joined hands. I had come to a decision to share something with Lauren that I didn't think I was going to share with her because the door to our past was firmly closed but I think this would be worth opening one more time. I smirked at her and said, "I've got a surprise for you after lunch."

Lauren got a worried look on her face and asked, "What kind of a surprise could you possibly have for me?"

I let go of her hand and I continued to smirk at her. "You'll have to find out after lunch."

Lauren's eyebrows scrunched together as she thought about what surprise I could possibly have for her. I chuckled to myself. This was a surprise that was eight years in the making and I couldn't wait to give it her.

* * *

After lunch we headed to mine and Laurel's place and as Lauren parked she asked, "What surprise do you have for me Bo? I should let you know that I'm not too keen on surprises. Tamsin threw a surprise party for my twenty-first birthday party and I walked in swearing about how the dumb fucks next door had taken up all the parking again. Needless to say said dumb fucks were at my party."

I laughed at Lauren's story and said, "That's what happens when you inherit your best friend's foul mouth." I smiled at her, "Though I have to say I miss the fudge and other colorful words you came up with for swearing."

Lauren chuckled and opened her door as she said, "Oh I still do. It's a combination of the two that makes for a peculiar vernacular. Stay there." I got a suspicious look on my face as I watched her get out the car and walk around to my door.

When she opened it I commented, "I could open my own door Lauren."

Lauren smiled and said, "I know but I wanted to do something nice for you."

I reached out and placed my hand on her cheek as I told her, "You have done more than you will never know."

Lauren broke eye contact with me as her cheeks began to turn a bright shade of red as she stammered, "I, I, I just love you Bo."

I chuckled then leaned forward to place a quick kiss on her cheek before I said, "And I can't thank you enough for that." The color that was on her cheeks worsened and she mumbled something that was dismissive. I grinned and told her, "Let's go in."

We went inside and Lauren asked, "Where's Laurel?"

I shrugged and said, "Most likely class. Or pretending that she doesn't have a crush on Michaela."

"She has a crush on Michaela?" Lauren asked and I nodded with a smile on my face. "She does know that she's engaged right?"

I took her hand and I began to lead her to my room. "Yes she does know that, which is why she is not doing anything. But we aren't here to discuss that." We got to my room and I pointed at my bed and said, "Sit." Lauren went over to the bed while I went to my closet. I got the small wooden box out of its hiding spot then I turned around to walk over to Lauren. I sat next to her on the bed. I bit the corner of my lip then said, "I know we've made a decision to leave the dreadful day of our high school graduation behind but there is something I need to tell you about that day." I took a deep breath then continued on, "I was going to tell you that I had gotten in to UC Berkeley that night and I was going to give you this." I handed her the wooden box as she opened it I explained why I had them, "I haven't been able to get rid of them. I have tried several times throughout the years but eventually I accepted the fact that I was stuck with them." I watched Lauren pull out one of the necklaces and she looked at the gold broken heart pendant that dangled from the gold chain. The look on her face was one that I had a hard time reading.

I looked down at the carpet in my room and said, "There were days, days where I didn't know if I would make it to the next one, where I would take those out and think of you. I would remember our happiness and sometimes it worked enough for me to stop the destructive thoughts. Other times it didn't." I felt Lauren move closer to me on the bed and she wrapped her arms around my shoulders. I rested my head on hers. I took a moment and focused on the comfort that she was giving me. She kissed the top of my head and sighed. I lifted my head and I looked into her eyes. "I don't care what you want to do with them but I want you to know about them. To know that you have always been in my heart even when I had no control of the thoughts and emotions going through me."

Lauren looked at the open box that was sitting in the palm of her other hand then she looked back in to my eyes and said, "If it's okay with you I would like to get rid of them." I dropped my eyes from hers and stared at the box that was in her hand. "I want to get rid of them because they signify a bad past for the both of us and an even worse past for you. We're moving forward Bo and we'll get something that signifies that but these necklaces won't be that. Okay?"

I met her eyes again and I said, "Okay." I lowered my eyes and I found myself looking at her lips. We had shared innocent kisses on the cheek or Lauren would kiss my forehead or the top of my head but when we were in our safe zone actual kissing wasn't a thing. But I really wanted to kiss Lauren now. I looked back into her yes and I said, "I would like to kiss you Lauren."

She got a dumbfounded look on her face and asked, "Are you sure?"

I grinned as I couldn't help but to remember the time I had kissed her on the hill. She was just as dumbfounded. I leaned in to close the gap between us and I said in a quiet voice, "I am sure if you're sure."

Lauren began to lean in so that she could meet my lips and she muttered, "I am more than sure."

"Then kiss me." I said as I slid my hand to the back of her neck. Lauren closed the remaining gap that was between our lips and once her lips pressed against mine it felt like I had come home. I thought my heart was going to explode in my chest by how much I felt from it. This kiss was different from the one we had when she had found me on the hill. That one was me surrendering to something that I could no longer fight. But this one held promise of tomorrow and forever. It felt like a piece of myself was sliding into place and I was complete again. I wanted more of it and Lauren I moved to where I was guiding her back onto the bed without breaking our kiss. The kiss went further than I had expected but before it could lead to something else Lauren broke it and as she caught her breath she said, "Bo we have to stop."

I kissed the underside of her jaw then asked, "Why?"

She placed her hands on the side of my face to prevent me from getting reacquainted with her body. I looked at her and she smiled, "I think we need to slow down before we get to that. I mean I would love to but I think we should still take our time. We've only just got out of our safe zone and I don't want to do anything that would be detrimental for us both."

I smiled at her before I gave her a kiss then pulled back as I told her, "Okay." I gave her another kiss then moved my head back to ask, "But kissing is okay right?"

Lauren lifted her head so that she could meet my lips. We kissed for a brief moment then she whispered, "Kissing is more than okay."

I grinned and we went back to kissing. We were moving forward and I, for lack of a better word, was happy and I couldn't believe. Furthermore, I couldn't believe that I was happy with Lauren who seemed to be willing to go through hell and high water with me. I just hope that my hell wouldn't have her running for the hills.

* * *

XXXXX

 _ **A month later –**_

After moving out of the safe zone, things began to move forward with Bo and I at a steady pace. She was starting to trust me completely and would no longer be cautious about initiating physical contact with me, it just became second nature like it had years ago. We kissed, a lot, and made out, a lot. More than I think we did when we were teenagers, and it was incredible. Bo and I had definitely changed in terms of our physical confidence and I would often have to back up and away before we got too carried away. Making me laugh at how similar we were to when I was sixteen and afraid to tongue kiss Bo. Now I wanted nothing more than to tongue kiss her, touch her and relearn her much older and curvier body. I had to curse myself when I caught myself staring at her chest like I used too. But it was up to Bo to take that final step and give me the signal to move one step forward. I was happy with Bo as we were, I had made a promise to wait as long as it took and I would. No matter how dizzy and flushed her kisses made me.

I was still very careful and looked for the signs to back off or push a bit harder when she slipped into her strange silence. Overall, Bo and I were moving forward in our relationship. Granted it was still a tough road to take with her. More than a few times I would come home to Tamsin in the kitchen eating a mixing bowl of cereal and I would grab her and sob out the things Bo told me, showed me. Tamsin would pat my back, grab my hand and take me to the shooting range where I cleansed my mind and went back to Bo stronger and open minded for her to continue. It was a weird cycle of support, but it worked and was working very well.

We had made it through the holidays and Bo returning to class. She would still have a few rough days when the school work piled up, but there were many signs that Bo was improving in her schoolwork and confidence. Even Keating began to praise her, noting in front of the class that most of them should take after the dedication Bo showed and follow in her footsteps. That alone was a huge boost in confidence, and it was amazing to see Bo light up like she used to when we were young, stupid and full of positive energy.

Bo and I went home together for the holidays, but for the most spent them apart. I was a phone call away but Bo wanted to test and see if she could face another stressful aspect of her life without slipping up. She did well, but on new year's eve, she and I spent the night in my old bedroom watching the old movie channel. She was nervous about going out with Laurel or Tamsin, afraid that the temptation of alcohol would be too great. I stayed in with her and we made piles of popcorn and snuggled up under Star Wars blankets. By the time the ball dropped, Bo was passed out, curled up in my chest, clutching my hand. It was the first time in a very long time of her and I sleeping in the same bed together, that Bo looked at peace. Her brow wasn't furrowed in painful thoughts or dreams. She even seemed relieved when we went and had the gold necklaces melted down. The jeweler giving Bo back a nondescript golden disc for her to keep and decide what to do with later. Neither of us had an idea what to do with it, we were both too focused on being in the moment and working on the present before we looked at a future.

Overall, Bo looked happy and it was more and more evident as the days passed. The woman I loved finally looked happy, happier than when we were teenagers in the torrid evolution of young love. She carried herself differently and even spoke about her past in a different way. Like she was finally closing up some of the open doors to her dark places, locking them and throwing away the key.

I stood by her and loved her more and more every day.

It was edging into the end of February and we were both on a short winter break from classes, giving us both much needed time away from books, therapy appointments, running around to this study group and that one. Valentine's day had passed by us with a blink and I wanted to take Bo out on a date. A real date and do the silly stupid things we never really got to do. Especially now that we could finally take time and sit with each other and be with each other without worrying about case briefs and Laurel and Michaela hovering around freaking out about Keating's final exam.

Bo had been staying over at my house most of the week we were off, saying that Laurel was sometimes annoying with her new boyfriend and dealing with her crush on Michela, deep down I knew it was excuse to come to my house and stay. This was why Bo was spending the night tonight. It was Thursday and the weather had taken a turn for the worse, dumping a half foot of snow on the poor campus, effectively trapping Bo and I in the brownstone.

We had dinner with Tamsin before she went to nap before her shift, then moved to the couch to cuddle and watch whatever was on cable. The television was soon forgotten when Bo couldn't resist and started kissing me. We ended up making out like idiots on the couch until Tamsin caught us when she came down to grab a clean uniform.

Bo and I retreated to my bedroom and she fell asleep while I read a book until I couldn't resist and curled up into her and fell asleep.

* * *

Somewhere in the middle of the night I rolled over to find a very cold spot in the bed next to me. Frowning I squinted tired eyes open to look around the room, I didn't see the bathroom light on or heard water running. I went to sit up when I saw Bo sitting in my desk chair staring out the window. The snow was still coming down and the moon reflected off fresh snow that had been piling up throughout the night. The moonlight on the pure untouched white snow, filled the bedroom with a soft white light and draped over Bo with a gentle glow. Her hair was down and fell over her shoulders and the blanket wrapped around her. She was stunning and I would never grow tired of looking at her, staring at her and absorbing the incredible woman she had become. I swallowed hard at another quick thought of what it would be like to wake up forever to her.

She looked beautiful, peaceful, but she was staring out the window in the way that had me worried. I sat up further, "Bo? Are you okay?"

She smiled and looked away from the window towards me, "Yeah. Tamsin woke me up when she left for work and I couldn't go back to sleep." She motioned to the window, "The snow was pretty and I couldn't go back to sleep." She pulled the edges of the thick Stanford University blanket closer around her shoulders. "I was thinking about things."

I pulled my knees up against my chest and stared at Bo for moment, "Do you want to talk about it?" I had learned all of Bo's catchphrases when she was slipping into a bad moment.

Bo laughed lightly, pushing her hair back from her face, "It's nothing bad, I promise." She moved from the chair and walked to her bag by my bookshelf. "I was just thinking about a few things now that I can think freely and not worry about torts, misdemeanor laws, case briefs and civil statutes." She grabbed something from her bag and tucked it back under the blanket before moving to the edge of the bed.

She stared at me for a moment, the same ambient light that gave me an incredible view of her, was doing the same for me. Bo grinned, "You're so beautiful."

I tipped my head down, shaking it, "No, I'm not. I'm just me."

"And that just me is the most beautiful girl in the world who happens to be mine." Bo sighed softly, looking down at her hands in the blanket. "I was thinking that we've been so busy with school, the holidays, taking care of me, that I missed your birthday and Christmas was crazy, and well, Valentine's Day." She rolled her eyes, "It's such a silly holiday that is only good for the day after candy sales."

I laughed, "Tamsin would agree with you. The cupboard next to the fridge is full of half off kisses and candy bars." I reached out and found Bo's hand under the blanket, winding my fingers in hers, "It's not a big deal that we missed those things. We have forever to worry about them." I motioned to the stack of X-files DVD box sets Bo had gotten me for Christmas. "You gave me those, which I will not apologize when I force you to watch them all while we're snowed in in the morning."

Bo smiled, squeezing my hand, "And I love the art supplies you got me, that means so much that you support me. Everywhere in everything." She pushed her other hand out, holding up a battered card sized envelope, "But I couldn't help it. Happy Valentine's day, two weeks late."

I gave her a strange look, slowly taking the envelope and reached over to turn on the bedside lamp. "Bo, you didn't have to." I smirked, "But I was going to take you out to dinner this weekend as part of your Valentine's gift."

I carefully opened the envelope and pulled out a thick handmade piece of paper that had a beautiful abstract painting of a heart done in blues, reds, and soft pinks, with Bo's handwriting at the bottom. I looked up at Bo, "Is this one of your paintings?"

She nodded, "It is. Art therapy has taken on more than just therapeutic reasons." She leaned forward, "I did this one while you were asleep on the couch at my house a few days ago." Her voice grew quiet. Bo had never really shown me her art and I never asked. I was just happy she had a healthy outlet and I secretly loved watching her sit in a chair by the fireplace and scribbled in one of her large drawing pads when we were done studying.

I smiled, looking at what she had written at the bottom.

"You've watched me fall apart, and I'm now yours to keep forever. You've given my heart a safe shelter to be loved in, kept in. I love you with all I am, Lauren."

My eyes welled up as I held a true piece of Bo she was giving over to me. It was bigger than her telling me she loved me or me returning it. Bo had given me her complete and unconditional trust in allowing me to keep her heart and her safe.

"Bo, this. I don't know what to say." I looked up at her, smiling as I set the small painting on the bedside table against the light. I turned back to her, "Thank you, it's amazing. You're amazing, Bo."

She met my eyes, "I love you, Lauren. More than I did when I was seventeen and more everyday I'm with you." She leaned forward, grabbing my face with both of her hands and kissed me gently.

I kissed her back, soaking up the way we melted into each other when we kissed. It was if every time we kissed, we erased more and more of the bad and replaced it with the good only a true love could bring. Bo pressed harder against my mouth, moving to push the blankets back and straddle me. I wrapped an arm around her waist, kissing and feeling my desire to have more from her fill my body and heart faster than I wanted. When I felt her hands tangle in my hair I broke off the kiss, looking up in her eyes. Searching them for any sign that this was either a really bad idea or a really good idea to go further. I pressed my hand against her back, feeling how warm her skin was under the Patriots shirt she wore, "Bo…"

She licked her lips, her hands moving to rest on my neck, "Lauren, I think I want to, I want more of you." She ran her fingers down the side of my jaw, brushing the spot on my chin, still healing from having the stitches removed.

I felt my stomach drop and my heart pound. "Are you sure?" I bit my bottom lip, feeling my palms sweat from the nerves rising up fast. I had not been this nervous since the first time Bo and I went down this route.

Bo nodded, "Yes." She bent forward again, brushing her lips against mine, "I love you. You make me feel complete, Lauren. I finally feel whole and not broken."

I kissed her quickly, "I love you too, Bo." I looked up in the big brown eyes, "You've made me feel whole from the first moment I told you I loved you." I swallowed hard, trying to calm my body down so I could keep thinking straight, "I'm going to ask again, are you sure?"

Bo leaned back, lifting her shirt over her head, revealing perfect skin I had dreamt and ached about for years. She smiled softly, "Very sure. I want this, I want you."

I leaned forward, setting my hands on her bare sides and kissed Bo hard. Pouring all of my feelings into that kiss to make sure she felt safe, that I wouldn't hurt her. I soon felt Bo open her mouth wider, allowing our kiss to deepen and minutes passed while I was caught up in the sweetness of the kiss. How soft her lips were against mine and the warm, smooth feel of her tongue as it met mine.

Bo parted from me, shifting in the bed as she grabbed my hand and placed it in the center of her chest where I felt her heart pound. I looked up in her eyes, not watching as Bo's moved and found the edge of my shirt and tugged it up. I obeyed her silent requested and lifted my arms up to help Bo remove the plain grey shirt I wore to bed.

Warm, gentle hands fell to my shoulders. Bo's fingers moved slowly over my skin as if she had never ever touched me before. I watched as her eyes drew slowly from mine and down my body, settling on my breasts. "You're so perfect, Lauren."

Her hand moved across my collarbone to rest at the bottom of my throat where she laid it flat against my chest. The feeling of her hands on my skin after so long, had my libido lurching, craving for more. Bo spread her fingers out as she slowly drew her hand down, moving between my breasts as her pinky and thumb brushed against the curves until if found a place to rest under my right one. I almost yelped at the first touch of her thumb as it drew across my nipple.

I twisted my hand in the blanket underneath me to prevent from grabbing Bo and rushing things. I wanted this as much or more, but I wanted to go at the same pace as Bo.

Bo met my eyes and a silent permission passed between us, we were giving ourselves willing to each other.

Bo held on to me, her thumb drawing small circles while she bent forward, kissing my neck. Her lips pressing against my pulse made it race faster and faster with every touch from the woman I had loved for most of my life. I squeezed her sides harder as I let out soft gasps at how her tongue felt against my skin.

Bo's hand left my breast and moved to cover one of mine resting on her side. She lifted it slowly and placed it over hers. I drew in a slow breath at how she fit in my hands and the way she moaned at the first touch of my fingers gently holding her. Hearing the sound of her moan and knowing it was because of me, I couldn't hold back and lowered my head, quickly covering her with my mouth, enjoying the soft whispers and gasps I pulled from Bo with every slow circle I made across her nipple.

I lost myself in the way Bo felt and tasted that I barely registered her pushing me away, pulling my head back up to kiss me in a way that sent a fire storm throughout my body and settling right between my legs. Bo moved up, pushing me back onto the bed, moving her hands down my sides and to the waistband of the flannel sleep pants I wore. She slowly drew them down and dropped to the floor before she removed her own pair of shorts and moved to press her naked body against mine. Her thigh had found its way to settle in between my thighs, applying the lightest amount of pressure against where I ached for Bo to be. My hips arched and pushed down on their own, seeking out more from the woman above me. I had to force my body to slow down, my hands fell to her back, desperately trying to hold Bo steady before I lost all control. I met her eyes and begged in a heavy rasp, "Bo…please, I need you."

She smiled knowingly, bending down to brush her lips slowly against mine, "I need you too." She kissed me lightly as she began to rock her thigh against me. Sending a million lightning bolts through my body.

It had been a lifetime since I had been this turned on, this close to losing all control of my body. But with every slow, tantalizing movement Bo made against my body, I could feel my heart skipping, racing and sealing up every single fissure that remained from the past heartbreak.

When I was dangerously close to letting my body have what it needed, Bo began leaving a slow descent of kisses down my neck, over my collarbone and towards my breasts.

I had to bite the inside of my cheek to prevent a desperate demand to pass my lips. The need and the want for release was too much to bear and my body was vibrating with every touch of Bo's lips against my skin. When I felt her delicate breath float across the inside of my thighs, followed by the gentle push of her hands to allow her more access, I had to dig my teeth deeper into my bottom lip. The whispers of her warm breath floating across my skin, issuing hard promises of imminent ecstasy was making me writhe under Bo.

I almost arched completely off the bed, gasps shuddering out of my body when Bo's tongue glided along the length of me. I had to struggle and grip to the edge of the bed in hopes I wouldn't fall off and away from this incredible moment. It only took a second before my body gave up and I came harder than I ever had in my entire life, the orgasm rocking all of my nerve endings and shutting down my brain to the point I swore I blacked out. I clutched to the bed as I lost control, shaking and moaning out Bo's name as the waves of bliss fell over me like tidal waves.

When the world settled, the waves receded enough to let me fall back to the bed, Bo moved back up. Kissing my stomach, my ribs, my sternum, up my chin before kissing me on the lips. She pressed the palm of her hand against my thundering heart, and met my eyes with concern, "Was it too much?" She brushed some of the hair stuck to my face, worry covering hers as she had maybe done something horribly wrong.

I grinned like an idiot and said nothing, only reaching to grab the back of Bo's head and pull her into a hard kiss that had her moaning against my mouth. I quickly wrapped my arm around her to keep her pressed against me as my free hand ran down her flushed skin. I kissed Bo, biting her bottom lip lightly and smiling against her mouth when she nipped back. I knew we were in for a very long night, but the only thing I cared about was seeking out some payback. Make Bo call my name out over and over as her body trembled under my touch.

My fingers soon found how ready Bo was for me and I wasted no time. Bo broke from my lips when I slid my fingers in her with ease, feeling her clench around them and hold me prisoner as her body adjusted. I moved slowly, enjoying the way she felt and how she looked with her mouth open, biting her bottom lip as I picked up my pace. I could feel Bo was close, but I wanted to draw it out, memorize this second first time.

My plan was soon thwarted when Bo's hips started moving with my hand. Her hands clutched at my arms as she moved quicker, her breathing coming short gulps and strangled moans of my name. I continued watching her, loving every second I pushed her closer and closer to the inevitable.

When Bo rasped out my name with a careful plea, I pressed up with my fingers one last time, my thumb making hard circles and gave Bo the release she need. Bo began to buck wildly against my hand and came hard, crying out my name as she buried her face in my shoulder.

She felt against my chest, panting and gasping for air. I smiled and slowly removed my hand, as Bo kissed my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her even tighter against my body and reveling in the way her body fit in mine. I kissed the side of her head and murmured, "I love you, Bo."

She moved her head and looked up in my eyes, hers brimming with tears even though she was smiling. "I love you." She closed her eyes and laid her ear right over my heart, "I love you so much."

I kissed the top of her head and held her, looking out the window as the new snow fell. In a way I felt like that new snow. Clean, new, and reborn. I sighed contently and looked at Bo asleep on my chest, a small smile on her face.

* * *

 **xXxXxX**

The brightness of day caused me to wake up and I pulled the blanket over my head then tried to snuggle up to Lauren. When there was no body for me to cuddle up to I began to panic. I sat up and looked around the room. Lauren wasn't there and the bathroom door was wide open. Every insecurity I had ever felt about Lauren leaving me because she wouldn't be able to handle my emotional instabilities crashed down on me and began to cry. Last night had been so overwhelming but so beautiful. I laid down and curled up into a ball. I thought this time was different and I thought we were ready but again I had exposed myself to someone only to have them leave. This time was different though. Lauren had seen everything and had stayed through it all but apparently last night had been too much for her.

"Bo…sweetheart what's the matter?" I looked up and saw that Lauren was holding two plates with food on them and concern was written all over her face. She put the plates down on the nightstand then sat next to me on the bed. I stared at her, stunned that Lauren was sitting next to me and that she hadn't ran away. "Bo, talk to me please."

I moved closer to her and she held me as I started to cry again. She was still here and I hadn't scared her away. It took several minutes but eventually I calmed down and I was able to whisper, "You're still here."

Lauren rubbed my back as she said, "Of course I'm still here. Why would I go anywhere?"

I took a deep breath and I held on tighter to her. "I'm so used to people leaving afterwards and after everything we went through last night I thought you realized that this was too much for you."

"Oh my god Bo. No." She let out a small sigh then said, "You will never be too much for me and I'm sorry I left you but I thought you would like to eat. I'm so sorry." She kissed the top of my head then asked, "What do you need?"

I drew in a shallow breath then sighed. "Can you just hold me please?" Lauren held me and rubbed my back while we laid there as I tried to calm down. It took a while for me to put my mind at ease and when I felt I was able to think rationally I sat up and told her, "I'm sorry for my freak out."

Lauren brushed the hair out of my face and smiled a little as she said, "Don't apologize. I should have realized that last night, even though it was a big thing for us, was an even bigger thing for you."

I took a deep breath then shook my head. "No it wasn't about last night. Last night was…" I chuckled a little. "It was amazing but it was the waking up alone that had me losing control of everything." I sighed then told her, "Every worse thought imaginable came back. It took me back to when I would wake up alone or after I was home and in the shower after doing the walk of shame. The thoughts of never being loved or being to screwed up to love would take hold and I would just fall."

I watched as Lauren bit her bottom lip. She may have gotten an idea on how to handle me when I had an episode but sometimes it was beyond her understanding. I looked down at the blanket that covered me and sighed. Thoughts of Lauren running away and leaving me began to take over my mind. Lauren took hold of my hand and I looked up at her. There was a determined look on her face as she asked, "What do you need Bo? We can't go outside because there is a shit ton of snow on the ground but I have a notebook somewhere and some colored pencils. I'm certain Tamsin has some crayons if I looked hard enough." Tears began to form in my eyes even as I smiled. "What do you need?"

I wiped away the tear that began to make its way down my cheek and I took a deep breath then said in a soft voice, "Can I have the colored pencils?"

Lauren smiled and squeezed my hand, "Absolutely. Do you want me to stay or go?"

I looked at her. Lauren may not have known how to deal with what I was going to but she was unwavering in the support that she showed me. "I want you to stay."

She kissed my forehead then murmured against it, "Okay. Let me get you the notebook and colored pencils." She pulled back, "Are you okay to eat right now?"

I moved to where I was resting against the headboard and I told her, "I want to draw a bit first. Get everything in order before I do eat."

Lauren nodded then got off the bed as she said, "All right. Sit tight. I'm just going to get the notebook and colored pencils from my desk."

I nodded as I situated the blanket that was covering me then I watched as Lauren got a notebook out of one of her desk drawers then a pack of colored pencils. As she went over to her bookshelf to get a book I smiled. She knew I wasn't going to talk and that was fine by her. Lauren was okay with the fact that I had to retreat into myself in order to work things out and she never left my side while I did it. Lauren gave me the colored pencils and the notebook then set next to me on the bed. I took out the dark green colored pencil and started draw but before I confronted the demons that had occupied my I took hold of Lauren's hand and gave it a quick squeeze. She looked at me and I smiled at her and said, "I love you."

"I love you too." She smiled a little then told me, "I'll be right here when you're ready."

I smiled at her then I took back my hand and focused on working out the darkness that had disturbed what should have been a great morning for me and Lauren.

* * *

XXXXXX

I read quietly as Bo drew in the notebook, her face scrunching up as she moved through the pack of colored pencils. Scribbling out whatever thoughts were trapped in her head. She was hunched over and once in a while would lean against me and sigh softly.

I stayed where I was, only moving when she scooted into my side. I didn't say anything, do anything or ask anything while Bo was drawing. I had known that she would need to be left alone while doing her art, but at the same time it was hard for me to swallow down my own feelings.

Her freak out had me upset, but I shoved it down. I had woken up after we made love for a second time and stared at Bo. How she slept peacefully on her side, her hand locked around my arm, keeping me close. I laid and stared at all of her features, memorizing them like I had done all the times before when we shared a bed like this.

And when I woke up to go to the bathroom and make something to eat, I was happy. I felt whole, peaceful and that shattered pieces of our world together were almost put back together. I was in love and had made love to the one person I love, something that I had missed in my life over the last years.

But when I found Bo in my bed crying, panicking, I was afraid that she thought we had made a mistake, she had a mistake and it went too far too fast. I had my own internal freak out, but held strong for her. Asking her what she needed and making sure she was taken care of. But while I sat next to her, reading, I was tearing my thoughts apart. Had I done something wrong?

I shut the book and stood up from the bed, moving to grab the plates of now cold food. I had to get out to the room for a moment. "Bo, I'm going to make some pancakes. I think we could use more than just toast." I smiled tightly as she looked up and met my eyes.

She smiled softly, "Okay, I'll be down in a minute." She bent her head down on the notebook.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and headed downstairs to the kitchen. I set the plates in the sink and grabbed the pancake mix when I stopped and held on to the counter. I started crying and shaking my head. Last night was incredible but now it felt like I had screwed up and set Bo back. I should have stopped it, stopped myself but I couldn't when I saw all of Bo and how beautiful she had become.

I looked out the window over the sink, the snow was still coming down. Thicker and heavier than last night, I couldn't go outside for a quick walk to clear my head. And for a split second, I regretted sleeping with Bo last night.

"Lauren? Are you okay?" Bo's voice startled me.

I wiped my cheeks with my back of my hand and reached for the large mixing bowl. "Yeah, I was just watching the snow. It's really coming down now, we might be trapped inside all day." I smiled tightly and glanced at Bo, "Good thing we went grocery shopping a couple of days ago." I then tapped the edge of the bowl, "Blueberry ones okay?"

Bo stared at me, swallowed up in my Harvard Law sweatshirt and a pair of my old thick flannel pajama pants. "Yeah, that's fine."

I nodded, sniffling, "Be done in a minute, why don't you go and take a hot shower." I bit my lip to get my hands to stop shaking. I didn't need Bo to worry about me.

Bo appeared next to me, her hand falling to my arm, "Lauren? What's wrong?" I glanced at her and when she saw my eyes were red and teary, her face fell. She reached up, wiping away my cheeks, "Were you crying?"

I frowned and dipped my head down, "It's nothing."

She shook her head, holding the side of my face, "It's not nothing. You rarely cry and when you do, it's something serious." She searched my eyes, "Is it because of my freak out?"

I sighed, clenching my jaw debating how to answer her. I closed my eyes remembering what Dr. Greenbaum told me after one of Bo's appointments. Always be honest with Bo, it's the only way she'll keep moving forward. I sighed again, "Yes." I flicked my eyes open to meet concerned brown ones. I grabbed her hand on the side of my face, "Bo, I love you. Forever and past that, and I never want to push you." I hesitated, "Was last night, was it too much? Did I go too far? Ask too much?"

Bo tipped her head down, letting out a breath of relief. When she looked back up she was smiling and her eyes completely filled with love, "God no, Lauren. None of it was too much. It was perfect and you didn't push me." She looked up at the ceiling, "If anything I might have been the one to initiate it and it wasn't for anything more than I wanted you. I want you, Lauren. You're the only one I will ever want to touch me, kiss me, make love to me. That's the one thing that will never change" Her smile remained bright, "I freaked out, yes, but that's something I can deal with over time. It's minor compared to everything else I have to deal with in the whole scope of my life." Bo then leaned closer to me, her other hand moving to my heart, "I want to wake up with you every morning, Lauren, for as long as I can, as long as I live. It's going to take a minute for me to adjust to the fact that even though you're not right next to me, you're with me." She pressed against my heart, "And I'm with you."

I bit my bottom lip, "I'm always with you." I pointed at the sweatshirt she wore, "You have my room, my clothes, my books and anything else of mine at your disposal to curl up in when I'm not around. To keep the demons away, knowing I'll always come back to you." I kissed her softly, "I will always want to come back to you, Bo." I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her fully against me, "For the record, last night was better than the first time we did this." I hoped the joke would ease the weird tension, I felt better about everything now, even though I knew Bo and I had a long road ahead of us, at least we were communicating and being honest. Trusting one another with our fears so we could work together.

Bo chuckled, poking me in the side, "Well, I think we've both learned a few things over the years." She leaned back and gave me a mischievous smirk, "Speaking of new things, do you maybe want to take a hot shower with me, you know to save on water?" She grinned, biting her bottom lip, "I have a few things I'd like to show the woman I love."

I looked at the clock on the far wall, "We better hurry, Tamsin will be home in an hour and will bitch to high hell and back if we use all the hot water and there's no leftover pancakes."

Bo giggled, kissing me as she took my hand and led me back upstairs, "That's plenty of time." She looked back at me with a huge grin and sparkle in her eye, "I love you to hell and back, Lauren Lewis."

I blushed, mumbling as I was pulled back upstairs that I loved her more.

As if that was possible these days.


	17. Chapter 17

**N: here's another chapter. Things happen and whatnot. Read on and enjoy! We should be wrapping this up soon!**

* * *

I groaned as I rolled over and tried to cuddle up to Lauren. I was exhausted. We had been up most of the night studying for this exam that Keating had thrown our way and I was afraid that I was going to fail it. Even though the woman had managed to take her sights off of me she still scared the shit out of me. Lauren had to drag get me to bed in order to get me to stop studying but that didn't mean that we had gone to sleep right away. My hand landed on the empty spot that was next to me and my eyes flew open as a mild panic came over me.

I was working on how I reacted to waking up alone whenever Lauren I slept together but it was proving to be one of those things that was going to be hard for me to recover from. I sat up and looked around the room then when I looked back at spot that Lauren had occupied I saw that there was a note resting on her pillow. I drew in several deep breaths to calm myself then I picked up the note. Lauren knew I still had my moments about waking up alone so she did what she could to make sure that I didn't have a complete episode. So she made sure to be there when I woke up or she would leave me a note letting me know where she was.

 _"Bo, went to the store. You and Laurel don't have milk. We're going grocery shopping later. Don't eat the bacon."_

"Ooh bacon." I commented as I grinned at the note. I placed it back on Lauren's pillow then stretched before I got out of bed. We probably should have gone to sleep as soon as we were in bed but I had slipped my hand up Lauren's shirt because I liked the skin contact as I slept and that led to something more. I walked into the bathroom and began the shower. Lauren and I were as timid about our physical relationship as we were with our actual relationship. I frowned as I realized that we had no clear definition in regards to our relationship. I bit my bottom lip as I continued to think about that. We were going to have to clear that up. My frowned worsened when I realized that the entirety of our reunion had focused on schoolwork, my recovery, and us circling around each other. I got in the shower and decided that I was going to change that.

I got into the shower and washed up. After I was showered and dressed I went downstairs then headed for the kitchen. I walked over to the stove and saw the covered plate that was on it. I looked around the kitchen then out the doorway to make sure no one was in the living room or dining room. Then I walked over to the stove then snagged a piece of bacon off the plate. I closed my eyes and let out a small moan as I chewed up the bite. It was nice to have an appetite again. I finished that strip then snagged another piece. I was mid-chew when I heard the front door open. I shoved the piece of bacon into my mouth and turned around to face the kitchen doorway just in time.

Lauren walked into the kitchen and she looked at me. I tried to chew up the remaining bacon in my mouth without her noticing. "You touched the bacon didn't you?" I shook my head no. "Bo I can see you chewing."

"I'm not chewing." I mumbled around my mouth full of bacon.

Lauren placed the grocery bag on the counter and she walked over to me with a smirk on her face. She stopped in front of me then leaned in and whispered, "I can smell the bacon on your lips." I shook my head no but by this point I was done pretending like I hadn't eaten bacon. I just wanted her to kiss me. Lauren let out a small hum then asked, "Will I taste bacon on your lips if I kiss you." I shrugged and she smiled. "I guess we will find out."

She pressed her lips against mine and I wanted to kiss her back but I had a mouth full of bacon. I swore at myself for not having finished it. Lauren pulled back and grinned at me as she said, "I taste bacon. I told you not to eat it."

I finished the bacon that was in my mouth then exclaimed, "How do you expect me to not eat bacon?"

Lauren rolled her eyes then she moved away from me so that she could put away the few items that she had bought. "Tamsin will be coming over to join us for breakfast so we have to have enough for the both of you."

I sighed then walked over to the counter lean back against it. Tamsin ate food like nobody's business so I thought it was a good idea for me to snag a couple pieces before she came over. Lauren got a small carton of eggs out of the bag then walked over to the stove with them as she asked, "How'd you wake up?" I walked over to the fridge then opened it so I could get out the grape juice. "Bo…"

I blew out an exasperated breath as I poured myself some juice then I told her, "It was like usual when you weren't there. I had momentary freak out but then I saw your note I was fine." I looked up to see Lauren looking at me. I walked over to her and I gave her kiss then said, "I'm fine. That seems to be one of those things that will take some time."

"You didn't-"

I shook my head no and said, "Nothing happen. I got scared for a moment but your note did its job. I'm okay."

Lauren blew out a breath then smiled. "Okay." She moved to one of the cabinets and pulled out a frying pan as she told me, "Laurel ran out of her while I was cooking bacon. She said for me to remind you about tonight's study group."

I scoffed and remarked, "She wants us to be a buffer between her and Michaela." I laughed. "I have half the mind not to go to see if she'll actually do something."

"You can't do that to her." Lauren stated after she chuckled. "She would kill you."

I grinned and asked, "What if I have something better though?"

"What could possibly be better than saving your best friend from possible embarrassment?" She asked as she moved to a cabinet to get a mixing bowl. I smirked. Lauren was making omelets. She made the best ones besides IHOP of course but she did come in a close second.

I moved to stand next to her then I took the egg that she was holding out of her hand. I looked into her eyes and seeing the confused look in them made me smile. I had come up with a plan that was probably going to make her nervous as hell but I wanted to show Lauren that outside of school and my mental health we had a pretty awesome relationship. "I was thinking you and I could go out on a date."

"A date?"

I nodded a little and repeated, "A date." I grinned when I realize I couldn't hold back the smartass remark that was on the tip of my tongue. "You know where we go out and I tell you how pretty you look then I do something embarrassing which causes you to look at me with that 'how'd I get so lucky' look."

Lauren smiled and wondered, "Is that what you get from that look."

"That's what I interpret it as."

Lauren crossed her arms over her chest and asked, "What about your exam for tomorrow?"

I took a sip of my juice then pointed out, "I do believe I was told last night that I could only study so much before my brain fell out."

Lauren hummed then wondered, "And who told you that?"

I placed my hands on her waist then I wrapped my arms around it as I smiled. "Some girl who also happened to blow my mind last night in bed."

Lauren pretended to be angry as she said, "Well tell that girl that I know my way around a gun and I'd hate to go to jail."

I chuckled then I leaned in to place a brief kiss on her lips. I broke the kiss then rested my forehead on hers and whispered, "So how about it Lauren? You, me, some fancy restaurant then a hot make out session in the back of my Camaro for old times' sake."

Lauren smiled and said, "I'm not certain what kind of girl you think I am Bo."

"Lauren…."

She chuckled then gave me a quick kiss before she finally gave me an answer. "Yes Bo I would like to go on a date with you."

I smiled and said, "Awesome."

I let her go so she could finish making breakfast and as she was scrambling eggs she wondered, "Where did this date idea come from?"

I was sitting on the counter next to the fridge and I said, "Well I realized since we've came back into each other's lives that we haven't done much couple-y things because of everything."

Lauren glanced at me over her shoulder. "You think we're a couple?"

My heart dropped and I stared at her with an uncertain look on my face as I answered, "Well yeah. I um…I assumed we were because of everything and the sex and the uh….everything else."

I never thought that Lauren didn't want to be with me. Before doubt was able to invade my brain she walked over to me and I saw the playful glint in her eyes. I let out the breath I was holding. She was messing with me. Lauren stood between my legs and she rested her hands on my thighs then as she leaned forward they began to move up. I unconsciously leaned forward to meet Lauren's lips for a kiss but she stopped before they met and whispered, "Bo…"

"Huh?" That all I could say with her being so close and yet so far away.

"You want to be my girlfriend?" I nodded my head yes and she grinned as she said, "Good because we were going to have problems if you didn't want to be."

I placed my hand on the back of her neck and before I closed the small gap that was between us I whispered, "I'll always want you Lauren. No matter what." I pressed my lips against hers. The kiss was slow and sweet but then as it progressed to something else we became lost in it. It wasn't until the doorbell began to ring repeatedly did we stop.

Lauren pulled back and muttered, "Stay right here. I'm just going to kill my best friend real quick."

I chuckled and gave her a quick kiss before I said, "Stop it. You know you love her too much to do that."

Lauren began to walk out of the kitchen. "But I can still hurt her though."

I laughed as she walked out of the room. We had a clear definition of our relationship and a date tonight. It felt good to be a normal couple without my issues looming over us. Lauren and Tamsin walked into the kitchen and Tamsin exclaimed, "You two didn't do anything near the food did you?"

I shook my head and rolled my eyes. It was going to be a long morning.

* * *

XXXX

"I don't have a damn thing to wear." I huffed, moving things around in my closet. I was anxious about this impromptu date Bo wanted to take me on.

"That's because all you have is t-shirts, jeans, sweatshirts and three button downs. Oh, you have that one dress you had to wear to Great Aunt Myrtle's funeral." Tamsin laughed at me. She was sitting on the floor against my bed, in those god damned Celtic sweats, eating a popcorn.

I frowned at her, "And all you have is uniforms and those horrid green sweatpants that are about to disintegrate into dust." I crossed my arms across my chest and sat next to her. "Bo just said to wear something nice and comfortable." I ran a hand over my hair, "What does that even mean?"

Tamsin's eyes grew really big and she slugged me, "Oh my god, maybe she's taking you to Red Lobster! They have the best fucking cheesy biscuits." She sighed dreamily, "I need someone to take me to Red Lobster."

I shoved her, "Get Freddy to take you. That poor guy is going to explode if you don't give him a green light."

"Whatever, I let him buy me doughnuts yesterday." Tamsin shoved a hand into the bag of popcorn. "Anyways, this isn't about me. This is about you two nasty asses going out on a date instead of studying and boning over the books here, there and in the classic literature section at the library."

I felt my face turn a bright red, "We didn't…."

"Ha! Bullshit! Laurel told me she caught you two hornballs in the corner when she came to ask about the case briefs you were supposed to be working on." Tamsin chuckled when I buried my chin deeper into my chest, mumbling. "I'm kidding, not really. You two are disgusting and I pray to Dunkin I never have to catch you and write you up for indecent fuckery in public."

I pushed the blonde with both hands, making her fall on her side and spill the popcorn. "Tamsin! Stop! I'm still getting used to this whole new thing, this new relationship and now Bo wants to take me out on a date and I have no clue where we're going and what to wear." I stopped, sighing hard, "We just made it official before you came over for breakfast. She's my girlfriend again."

Tamsin continued to lay on the floor, picking up the stray pieces of popcorn, "Good, that's only like a month behind schedule." She kept her eyes on the floor, "Here's a crazy idea. Put on your one white lady killing V-neck, a pair of nice jeans your mom got you for Christmas and you can borrow one of my leather jackets. You'll look decent for either Red Lobster or Taco Bell." She then looked at me, "Oh PS, you still want to do that ride along this weekend?"

I nodded, moving to stand up and dig out the clothes Tamsin suggested. "Yeah. Saturday night Bo will be going out with Laurel to her parents' house for some event." I glanced at my best friend, "We have to stay out of the shit, this is just a ride along to see if I want to do this."

Tamsin rolled over onto her stomach, still eating, "I gotcha. Question, why the fuck do you want to finish law school and then piss all over it and become a grunt like me?"

I pulled down the pair of jeans and held them against my chest, "To be honest, I'm doing it for Bo and probably will go back into it after a few years. But seeing the bullshit with the professors and some of the cases Keating has me review, I'd rather help people at the street level. It'll give me time and experience to figure out what kind of law I want to go into."

"You love that girl. I knew it years ago, and I knew it when you split your chin open for her." Tamsin stood up, eyeing the small scar on my chin and clutching her popcorn, "I won't tell Bo until you made a final decision. I know how you are about career choices. How many patents do you hold and yet you're at law school?"

I rolled my eyes, "I have fifteen patents, and shut up." I pointed to the dresser, "Find me a V-neck while I shower. If Bo comes over before I'm ready, try to politely entertain her and not tell her anymore fucking dead body or dismemberment stories."

Tamsin giggled, "Oh I do have a new one about a butcher who got his fingers caught in the meat grinder, gave me a new finger sandwich joke to tell."

I groaned and shooed the blonde out of my room so I could get ready. My anxiety building at what this date Bo was taking me on.

It had been a long time since I dated and actually cared about the date. This was going to be a long night.

* * *

 **xXxXxX**

I began to regret the date. The date that was my idea to begin with. I sighed as I continued to stare into my closet. "I'm not certain what profound discovery you're looking for in there but I'm certain you're not going to find it."

I turned my head to scowl at Laurel who was standing in my doorway. "I wasn't looking for answers I was…" I trailed off then sighed, "I'm second guessing this date with Lauren."

"Why?" Laurel asked as she sat down on my bed.

I sighed as I pulled off the shirt that I was wearing. I pulled a black button up off of its hanger and said, "Because I am nervous that I might be way in over my head. I haven't dated since well…" I frowned, "since high school."

Laurel chuckled then quipped, "Well at least your date hasn't changed."

I glared at her for a moment then shook my head. I got a smartass grin on my face, "And I hope you have fun tonight's study session with Michaela."

She scowled at me. "Thanks for that by the way. I had to invite douche face because I didn't want to be alone with her."

"So that's how you're going to handle that?" I looked back into my closet and said, "By not dealing with it?"

"And why are you nervous about your date?" Laurel asked, changing the subject.

I found a pair of jeans that would work for my first date attire. The shirt showed enough cleavage that I knew Lauren would be able to look at my boobs because no matter how much time had passed she was still a fan of my boobs. The jeans would show off my ass in a flattering way and were also comfortable enough for what I had planned. I walked over to my bed and laid the two pieces of clothing on it then replied, "Because I haven't dated since Lauren and I were teenagers."

"What about-"

I shook my head and told her, "Those don't count." They really didn't count considering my mental state. I sighed. "Also it's the first time Lauren and I have been on a date, and without school or my wackiness in the way I'm not sure we can sustain a conversation."

"Ah," Laurel remarked as her head nodded in understanding. "I mean have you two talked about what she's been up to for the last eight years?"

I walked over to my dresser and opened the top drawer. "No we haven't at least not in depth. I haven't had the chance to ask and I don't think she wants to bring up anything that'll trigger me to go to a negative space."

"Are you in a good place to talk about what she's been up to for the last eight years?" Laurel asked as she walked over to stand beside me.

I stared down into the open drawer as I thought about her question. Lauren's past was probably about her and Tamsin's time in California which I had snippets of so I didn't see anything wrong with it. I shrugged and looked at Laurel, "I should be fine."

She gave me a quick hug and said, "Good and go with that. I've got to go get ready for this study group that you are bailing on."

I chuckled and told her, "Deal with your Michaela issue, Laurel or I will make you."

She flicked me off as she walked out of my room and I laughed. I closed the door to my room then I began to undress for my shower. Talking with Laurel had put me at ease at little but I was still nervous. I wanted this night with Lauren to be perfect because since we had come back into each other's lives it had been one gigantic emotional roller coaster because of me but tonight I wanted to focus on her. I started for my bathroom and I took a deep breath then exhaled through my nose. I could do this.

* * *

I wiped my hands on my jeans then I pressed the button for the doorbell. I had felt fine when I left my place. I had felt fine on the drive to Lauren's place but now, standing in front of the door, I wanted to run the other way. But the door opened and I knew it was too late. Tamsin's body filled the doorway and the first thing I noticed was the gun in her hand. "Is that loaded?"

Tamsin slid back the top part of the gun then inserted a brush and as she cleaned out the chamber she remarked, "Not yet but it might be later."

I stood there, wide eyed, as she continued to clean the gun. I heard Lauren say from somewhere inside the house, "Tamsin why is your-Goddammit." She ran in to the entrance hall and she pulled Tamsin back into the house. "Put your gun away. Jesus. It's like dealing with a teenage boy. Whipping out your weapon whenever you want."

"Did you just make a penis joke?" Tamsin asked as she stood there a huge grin on her face.

I never understood their friendship but sometimes it flew over my head. "Uh, guys. Still here."

Lauren glared at Tamsin for another second then she smiled at me. "I'm sorry Bo. Tamsin thinks she's being funny when that isn't the case. Very far from the case." She moved aside and said, "Come in." She gave Tamsin a pointed look, "Go. Away."

I walked into the entrance hall and Tamsin gave me a pat on the shoulder. "I was just fucking with you Bo."

Lauren shook her head and muttered, "I'm going to murder her." She smiled at me and asked, "Are you okay?"

I nodded as I watched Tamsin walk into the living room. "Yeah. I am," I looked at her then cleared my throat before asking, "Are you all set to go?"

Lauren nodded and said, "For the most part. Let me grab my jacket." She walked into the living room and she scolded Tamsin for something then she walked back into the entrance hall. "Okay I'm ready."

I smiled at then I reached for the doorknob and as I did, Tamsin called out, "Hey Bo." I was reluctant to acknowledge her but I glanced at her and she held up her gun as she said, "Don't have her home too late or you won't like the consequences."

"Tamsin cut it out or I'll report you." Lauren threatened as she yanked the door open. We walked out of the house and she apologized, "I'm sorry about her."

I chuckled a little then told her, "It's okay it helped with my nerves a bit."

"Your nerves? Why are you nervous?" Lauren asked as we walked to my car.

We got to my car and I opened the door for her as I replied, "This is our first date and I want to make sure it goes well."

Lauren kissed my cheek then smirked. "Don't be nervous. You survived Tamsin being, well….Tamsin."

"This is true."

We got into the car and Lauren asked, "So what are we doing on our date?"

I grinned at her and said, "That is something that you will find out about when we get there."

I could feel Lauren's eyes on me. I knew she was trying to figure out where we were going but she wasn't going to figure it out. I had spent most of the day trying to plan a good date and nothing seemed good enough but I was able to think of something. When we got closer to the harbor area of city Lauren asked, "Are we going to a seafood restaurant?" I continued to grin as I drove to the parking lot for the pier. I parked then we got out and as we were walking down the pier Lauren said, "Okay so it's not a seafood restaurant so where are we going?"

"God you really don't do surprises well," I said as I squeezed her hand. We walked down to the last slip and moored to the dock was a yacht. "Here's our date."

Lauren eyed the boat then she looked at me then back at the yacht. "What are we going to do? Go deep sea fishing?"

I laughed and I gave her hand a tug then said, "Nope we're going to have dinner then we're going to have an entire night of us doing whatever but we are not allowed to talk about school or my mental issues."

Lauren smiled and looked at me for a moment then said, "That sounds like a wonderful evening."

I returned the smile then turned to walk up the plank so that we could board the boat. We were only going to be out on the water for a few hours but it was going to be a great few hours.

* * *

XXXXXX

A yacht was a strange first date, and I almost wanted to turn around and suggest we just go to one of the seafood restaurants we passed on the way. I had a weird thing with boats, but I didn't dare tell Bo. The look on her face, the grin, the way she was clearly giddy and excited for this first date, I would play along. Upside, I was spending time with her and nowhere near a pile of books or annoying roommates.

There was a young man who greeted Bo when we boarded, he smiled at me and gave us a quick tour of the small dinner table set up near the front of the yacht. I barely listened, my eyes drifting out to the water and the way the sun bounced off the waves as it began to set.

"Lauren? Are you okay?" Bo's hand squeezed mine, pulling my thoughts from the water and back to the woman standing in front of me.

I nodded, "Perfect." I looked at the table, "How fancy is this dinner going to be?" I smiled, "I feel under dressed for a fancy boat with a fancy dinner."

Bo giggled, kissing my cheek, "It's a fancy dinner, yes. But not too fancy." She pulled me to the small table. "It's just you, me, the captain of the boat and his one steward who will be serving us and then disappearing after dessert." She pointed at the bottle of sparkling cider in an ice bucket. "Alcohol free cruise for me, but the steward can get you a drink if you need it."

I shook my head, "I'm great Bo. I don't need a drink." I sighed harder when I moved to the chair Bo had pulled out for me. I could feel the boat begin to rock and pull away from the dock. I had to close my eyes as my own memories started to filter in my thoughts.

Bo sat on an angle next to me. "We're having filet mignon for the main course and I think crab cakes first." She scrunched her face up, "I can't remember what the menu is, I'm really nervous."

"Why are you nervous?" I ran my hand down her arm, "I think after everything we've done, a first date seems a little backwards." I sighed, "This is amazing Bo, thank you."

Bo blushed and set about filling our glasses. "So, since we can't talk about school or me, I was wondering if you could share something about you. What you've been up to in the last eight years."

I raised my eyebrows, "Nothing exciting. The most exciting things are all Tamsin related." I smiled tightly, wanting to change the subject.

Bo reached over and grabbed my hand, big brown eyes meeting mine, "I'm serious Lauren. All we've focused on is me and getting me better. I've not once asked how you are or how you were. I know we agreed to move past the past, but I feel like I've missed so much about you when we were apart. Like how you grew into this incredibly beautiful strong woman and why you're not a rocket scientist or a FBI agent."

I laughed lightly, rolling my eyes, "I never wanted to be a FBI agent, just wanted to date one red headed one." I took a large sip of the sparkling cider, suddenly wishing it was wine. I knew what Bo was trying to do, but there were parts of my life over the last eight years I kept locked up and away from even Tamsin.

"You know what I mean. What was Stanford like? What was it like working for Tamsin's dad and why aren't you a billionaire doctor? Tamsin told me that you worked in biomedicine and were brilliant at it." Bo grinned at me, "Tell me something, Lauren. I want to know everything."

I sighed, chewing on the inside of my mouth, debating it. I spun the glass in my hands when the steward appeared with a large bouquet of flowers in his hand. He grinned and handed them to me, "With compliments from Ms. Dennis."

I blushed and took the flowers and stammered out a thank you. I then looked at Bo who was grinning at me still but was nervous. "Bo, you didn't have to do all of this. I would have been happy with going to Red Lobster or the taco joint across the street from your place."

Bo leaned over, kissing me softly as she whispered, "I could have, but I love you and I want to treat you right." She sat back down as the steward served the crab cakes. "I feel like we have so much time to make up for and now that we're adults and have the freedom, I'm going to go out of my way to do all of the things I should have when we were younger." She paused, "You mean the world to me, Lauren."

Setting the flowers down, I saw the nervous apprehension in Bo's eyes. In all honesty, Bo and I really had no idea who we were now. I was a far different person at twenty five than at sixteen and it was all the things I had done or almost done in the last eight years that shaped me into who I am now. I also saw that Bo was far different now, fragile but eager to be as strong as she thought I was.

I poked at the crab cake in front of me as a strange silence hovered around us. Only the sound of the water and the yacht's quiet engine filtered in between the silence.

I debated it for a few more minutes, knowing that I needed to tell Bo something, anything, about my past. She had been so open and honest with me, and no matter how painful it had been to hear it, it helped me understand and forged a stronger bond between us. I was just worried that if I told her everything, it might trigger her. Send her further away not closer to me.

After hearing all of the supportive voices in my head, including the one that lingered with me the longest. A voice that I had only heard once but it left a mark on my soul, I set the fork down and looked at Bo. If we were meant to be forever, she would be able to handle my past like I had been able to handle hers.

"Stanford was horrible the first year I was there. No sixteen year old is ever prepared for freshman year, no matter how big my brain was." I smiled when Bo looked up at me. "I was awkward socially and fell back into the old tricks I used in high school. I ran, I hid, I studied until the library closed and then would walk to the apartment alone." Bo moved closer to me, smiling softly for me to continue. "I was heartbroken and literally unable to talk to anyone without stumbling or stuttering and soon, like in high school, the kids all picked on me or used me to get them through their classes."

I stared at Bo's hand in mine, "Tamsin stepped up like she always did, became my bodyguard and fought with me to keep me from quitting college. I focused on schoolwork and not social interaction and by year two, I had already gotten the first degree. Biomedical engineering. I loosened up when I discovered that alcohol kind of numbs a lot of feelings." I ran my thumb over her knuckles, feeling her hand squeeze harder. "Not that I became hard core like the frat boys, I just drank to find the courage to talk to people and forget for a moment who I was."

Bo moved closer, "Lauren, I'm so sorry." Her voice was quiet and when I looked up, I saw her eyes glossing over.

I shrugged, smiling to ease her. "It's not your fault. I was always one to live in my head and not the reality around me, aside from schoolwork. I stopped drinking like a frat boy after I launched an attack on Tamsin. Thought banging it out with my best friend would fix whatever it was that was broken inside of me, something that went far beyond us. The broken pieces of our relationship, our love." I bit my bottom lip, pinching it between my bottom lip to keep the tears back. I hated talking about this with anyone, especially Bo, but every time I met her eyes, I was compelled to keep going. Keep letting out the garbage that had been simmering in the pit of my soul for years, "I didn't date until I turned twenty. After Stanford was done and I had my two degrees, I went to work at a biotech company who hired me on graduation day."

I looked away from Bo and out on the water, "I tried. Everyone gave me credit for trying. Getting out in the world and meeting new people. I had grown into my skin, literally and figuratively and it was unusual for me to have attention. Female and male attention." I chuckled, "And I still lacked the social skills to navigate a simple conversation over dinner and drinks."

Bo smiled softly, "You're beautiful inside and out, Lauren. I can see why people were drawn to you." Her words were genuine, but I could see the tiny flicker of jealousy in her eyes.

I turned backed to our hands, "Yeah, but I was never really drawn to any of them. I would indulge for the sake of growing as a person and trying to move past, the past." I closed my eyes, "But no one ever compared to you, filled the spaces in my heart and soul like you did. There was always something about everyone I dated that was missing." I shrugged, "So I gave up and fell back into being aloof and casual. Never mind having to sit back and watch the utter shitshow of a relationship Tamsin had when she was county sheriff."

Bo raised her eyebrows, "She was a county sheriff? That explains her cowboy ways with her gun earlier."

I laughed, pulling my hand free from Bo's so I could take another sip, "She has settled way down, if you can believe that. But seeing her go through her heartbreak and being there to pick up the pieces like she did for me, I resigned that love was a pile of shit. It was something I would never have again, at least in the way I had it with you." I felt my eyes well up as what I was about to share next.

Bo's hand fell to my arm when she noticed it, "Lauren, we don't have to talk about it. We can eat these crab cakes and talk about how my parents want us to come down next month for their annual spring cocktail party." She smiled, "You know my dad has been dying to see the pipsqueak and how much you've changed. We've changed."

I furrowed my brow, ignoring her subject change, "Two years ago, things had gotten worse. I was lost, miserable in work and life. I had quit the biotech company. Cashing out on the patents I held and went part time at Tamsin's dad's company. Working because I had no idea what else do even though I had enough money to travel the world three times over. But I just didn't feel right, I didn't feel happy. I was lost and really saw no point in life and what I was supposed to do with mine."

Bo whispered my name and I looked up quickly to see if I was triggering her to slide back, but instead all I saw was a strength that almost shook me. She grabbed my hand, "I'm fine, keep talking to me, please."

I laughed, sniffling, "Shit, I haven't even told Tamsin this. The only person who knows this, I don't even know if he's alive." I wiped my cheeks as tears rolled down them. "I tried everything. I went training with Tamsin, learned how to fight, defend myself and shoot a gun. I went to parties and never said no to any dates. But at the end of the night or in the morning, I didn't see the point in any of it. Then my dad would tell me he saw you and I would find your Myspace profile because I missed you so much."

I paused, swallowing down the lump in my throat. "Your pictures were so happy. You and that one girl, you looked happy and I couldn't be mad at you. Because I thought you had figured out what I hadn't yet. How to be happy without being miserable. I was miserable because no matter how much I hated you, I loved you deep down and that's why my relationships never worked out."

I stood up from the chair, I had to get some air and walked to the edge of the boat. I focused on the orange colored water, "I wasn't living. I was hiding in a shell, hoping I could figure it out. But I never could and soon I gave up." I felt Bo's hand fall to the small of my back, I couldn't look at her as I continued to confess. "A world without you in it, in my direct orbit, what was the point. So one night after Tamsin went to work, I wrote a letter to her and my parents and one to you. I then drove down up to San Francisco and found a random pier. I rented a small boat with the intention of going out as far into the ocean as I could and get lost at sea." I closed my eyes and cried when I felt Bo's arm wrap around my waist.

I wiped my face, afraid to look at Bo as I confessed I had almost taken my life because of a stupid prank and a bunch of other stupid shit that was preventable in hindsight.

"What stopped you?" Bo's voice was shaky but confident. I looked down at her, fearful that I had already pushed her too far.

I smiled, "I don't think I want to keep going." I motioned back at the table, "We should go and sit down before the food gets cold." I went to step away when Bo's hold tightened around me and she pulled me to look at her.

"No, Lauren, talk to me. This isn't about me right now. It's about you. I won't lie and say this is killing me to hear, but it's making me stronger in knowing that we were meant to be back together. That all the shit we put ourselves through was a testament to our survival, to survive and be rewarded with finding our way back." She smiled with watery eyes, "So who stopped you so I can thank them?"

I closed my eyes, clenching my jaw. She was right, all the misery rebuilt the both of us into something more. In reality there had been more than a handful of moments that I told myself that if Bo had been by my side like I wanted her when I was sixteen, our relationship might not have lasted. I blew out a shaky breath, "His name was Hank, but all I really remember was that he was a crotchety old bastard."

I opened my eyes to see Bo still standing in front of me, holding me like she was silently telling me she would never let go. "I made the mistake of hitting his rusted out fishing boat with my tiny little skiff. He came charging out to the end of the pier and barked at me. Scared the living shit out of me and then as I stumbled out apologies, he asked what I was doing. I lied and said I was going deep sea fishing. He saw through my lie and barked at me for the truth, I broke down because I was literally at the end of my rope."

I closed my eyes again as the memory of Hank filled my head.

"Deep sea fishing? You want to tell me another bullshit lie girlie?" The man was huge, barrel chested with a mop of salt and pepper hair. He wore a salt stained fishing shirt and a pair of floral shorts. He eyed the small boat, "You have no gear, no lifejacket and that giant bottle of Jack Daniels tells me a different truth."

I sniffled, reaching for the rope to climb back in the boat, "This isn't a problem of yours. I'll be out of your hair in a second."

Hank rushed forward and grabbed the rope from my hands, "Girlie, suicide by sea is a piss poor way to go out. You'll just end up on the shore scaring the shit out of some tourist sunbathers or get eaten by a shark while you're still alive." He pushed me back and tied up the boat in a knot I knew I wouldn't be able to untangle. He then reached and grabbed the giant bottle of Jack. He squinted at me, and pointed at the boat next to us, "Climb up there and tell me why you're wanting to sleep with the fishes. You're too pretty and too smart to be this dumb."

I glared at him, frowning, "The fuck you know me." I folded my arms across my chest and went to walk away. I would just find another boat and another bottle. "Leave me alone."

He grabbed my arm, looking at me with light blue eyes that told a thousand stories. "I do know you, I've met a million like you and every morning I wake up and look in the mirror." He waved to the boat, "Get on my boat, my name's Hank and I work for LAPD." He flipped up the edge of his shirt to reveal a gold badge. "What's your name?"

I blew out a breath, knowing I would have to bow to this man for right now or end up in the psyche hold for twenty four hours. "Lauren."

Hank smiled, "Nice to meet you, Lauren." He walked me to the back of his boat, "Now tell me what's so terrible about your life, cause I can guarantee I've seen worse and been through worse."

I stepped back from Bo, folding my arms tighter, "So I told Hank everything. From high school graduation to that day. I poured out everything about you, how I missed you and couldn't figure out how to live like a normal person without you. I even ranted and raved about all the little shit that was bothering me. We finished the bottle of Jack and Hank listened. When I was done he leaned over to me, patting me on the shoulder and said. "Girlie, it sounds like you've got life far more figured out than the rest of us. I might be old, but it sounds like you have a life living for and if this girl you love, is the only one you can imagine loving. It'll come back at some point, whether it's inside of her or in someone else. Love will find its way back to you." I stared at him like he was a crazy old cop." I turned back to the water, "But by the time I woke up in the morning on his boat. He handed me a hot cup of coffee and told me that he was taking me back home. He had gotten a hold of Tamsin and told her he was an old pal of mine from the biotech company I worked for and that I had come up for the weekend for a visit."

Bo stared at me intently, waiting for me to stop or keep going. I took in a deep breath, "He drove me home and told me stories of the things he saw as a cop then as a detective in the city of angels. He would often look over at me and just tell me that there was a reason why I had to stick it out and not let the sea be my chosen fate. Kept telling me that he could see in my eyes that I had a lot left to do in this world and he would do his damndest to keep me in it."

I laughed lightly through the tears, "I couldn't shake the old bastard after that. He got my phone number and called me every other day to check up on me. Soon Hank and I became friends and the only other person to know that I had come this close to giving up on life. He fought with me, laughed with me, and even taught me how to tame Tamsin when she was acting like the cowboy. Mainly he taught me how to step out of myself and keep fighting the world, and not take it personal." I reached out, silently asking for Bo's hand. When hers fell into mine, I sighed, feeling complete. "He was right. That old bastard was right. I had to stick it out and fight. I had to keep fighting because deep down I knew love would come back to me, I just had no idea it would be the first girl I ever loved."

Bo sniffled, smiling, "I need to thank Hank." She walked into my arms and held me close, "He saved you and me."

I chuckled, "I think he'd like to meet you, I spent many a day talking his ear off about you." I kissed the top of Bo's head, "But he is the reason why I found the strength to fight with you and for you. He never let me forget that shit will get tough, but you get tougher and soon you get over it and find the good things in life. That's why I never bent with you when we fell back into our lives." I squeezed her harder, "I love you so much."

Bo whispered it back against my chest and I looked back out on the waves, silently thanking Hank. I had the last of the weight I had been carrying around on my back since Bo and I met again, dissolve and fade away to nothing.

After a moment of holding her, I leaned back to wipe her cheeks, "Now that I've ruined the appetizer, you want to collect ourselves and start this again over a filet mignon? And I can tell you about the fifteen patents I hold and nerd out about all the nerdy things I did in the last eight years? Because that part of me hasn't changed." I grinned, "I can tell you about the time I met Gillian Anderson dressed up as Scully on the way to a Halloween party in San Diego."

Bo let out a huge sigh of relief, the tension between us easing up and taking with it that last bit of nervousness that was always lingering around. I had nothing to hide from her, Bo had nothing to hide from me, there was no longer a need to be nervous. She took my hand, "I would love to hear about all the nerdy things you did and everything else." She quickly met my eyes, "We're going to be okay, aren't we?"

I nodded, leading her back to the table, "We are. I promise that there is nothing left in my closet of skeletons that will change the way I feel about you now. Been there and done that. Having you back and being able to tell you everything, we're unbreakable and have nothing but the future ahead of us." I turned back, smirking, "Unless Gillian Anderson takes me up on that date I asked her on last year."

Bo's mouth dropped open, "You didn't?!"

I winked at her, pulling out her chair, "I did, Tamsin was there to witness it."

Bo shook her head, laughing and leaning over to kiss my cheek, "I hope I answer the phone when she calls so I can tell her you are taken, beyond taken." Bo looked in my eyes, "You're my everything and I will fight agent Scully to the death for you."

I grinned and leaned forward, kissing Bo solidly, before whispering, "Now that's a fight I'd pay to see."

* * *

 **xXxXxX**

I had snuck out of bed and was now lying on the roof of Tamsin and Lauren's place. I had Lauren's oversized Stanford hoodie wrapped around me and a blanket over me. It wasn't too cold out but it was the middle of spring so the weather could take a turn at any minute. I stared up at the stars that I could see from the light pollution and thought about everything that had happened that night.

Dinner had gone well after Lauren had made her confession to me. I learned about her patents and she told me about everything that she had done and once we had talked about the darkness of her past there was a brightness in her eyes that warmed my heart and continued to warm my heart as I thought about it. Lauren and I were survivors. Despite everything we had been through we had found some way to continue on. Both of us at one point had wanted to end it all, myself on numerous occasions, but we had managed to recover. Lauren had found some resilient strength and I was still rebuilding my foundation but it was more solid having confronted my past and addressing it. I sighed. It was made even stronger by Lauren's unwavering support.

I spotted a plane in the sky and I watched it as my thoughts continued to drift. I began to wonder what my life would be like if Lauren had gone through with what she had planned. I would have been a shell of a person and probably wouldn't make it to thirty. It was the truth but it was a truth I didn't have to worry about. I took a deep breath to stave off the dark thoughts that wanted to take hold of the depressing thoughts but I didn't allow them. I knew depression didn't vanish overnight and though Lauren seemed to handle her depression better than I did, I still wanted to be the same unwavering support that she had been for me these last few months.

I drew in a deep breath and I let it out slowly before I chuckled to myself. The two of us made a strange pair but we accepted the flaws, faults, and shortcomings of the other. I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else. Lauren had captured my heart a long time ago and I wanted her to keep it forever.

"Bo?"

I lifted my head and looked at the door. Lauren was standing there in shorts and a t-shirt. California seemed to have planted its seeds in her and Lauren had forgotten how back and forth New England weather could be. I smiled at her and as I lifted the blanket I said, "Get over here or you'll catch a cold."

Lauren scampered over to me and she got under the blanket. She cuddled up to me and said, "I wasn't prepared to come looking for you outside. Why are you out here?"

I smiled while she nestled her head against my shoulder. I rested my chin on top of her head and told her, "I like to think outside. I like the fresh air and I like to look at the stars." I looked at the barely visible dots in the sky. "Granted star watching in the city isn't as fun as it is at home but I like being outside."

"Are you okay? Are you thinking-"

"No Lauren, I'm not and don't for a second begin to regret telling me what you did." I kissed her forehead then let my lips linger on her warm skin for a moment. Then I moved away and said, "I just was processing everything but it's all good." I smiled then remarked, "When we get a place of our own we'll have to get something with a balcony so that way you don't have to come looking for me."

Lauren chuckled. "Are we house hunting already? And you haven't even asked Tamsin for my hand in marriage."

"Oh I will not be asking her. Not after tonight's gun stunt." I said after chuckling a bit. I grinned, "Plus you have to do a reenactment of you asking my parents for permission to date me," I chuckled, "my dad will get a kick out of that one. Though this time he might be a bit harsher this time around."

Lauren tightened the hold that she had around my waist then burrowed her face in my neck. "Oh I have no doubt about that one. Just don't let him kill me."

I pulled the blanket higher up and told her, "I will not let my father kill you since you have stopped Tamsin."

Lauren snorted a little. "Barely." I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling Lauren cuddled up to me while the sounds of the city surrounded us. This was something I didn't think I would ever have again and the fact that I did have it was nothing less than a miracle. It would take a lifetime for me to ever believe that it was real. "Bo?" I hummed my response, "Did we just talk about getting married?"

I chuckled a little then I kissed Lauren's forehead before I replied, "It was never an option to not marry you Lauren. Not when we were teenagers and definitely not now." I gave her a small squeeze, "But don't expect me to propose anytime soon. I got some work to do on myself and I want to get law school out of the way but," I moved my head back so I could look into her eyes, "do know that it is part of my five year plan."

Lauren smiled then she gave me a kiss which lingered. She broke it then rested her head back on my shoulder. We were quiet a moment then she remarked, "Bo Dennis with a five year plan. I never thought I would ever see the day. I remember when you couldn't see past Friday night."

I chuckled and murmured, "Things change," I sighed, "Things changed."

"Yes they do."

We fell silent and neither one of us said another word as we fell into a bubble that consisted only us and the sounds of the city.


	18. Chapter 18

**A few Months later- Late Summer –**

I was dead asleep, dreaming of Bo in a FBI suit and berating me about aliens. I heard nothing dream Bo was saying, I was distracted by her top few buttons being undone and showing me glimpses of one my favorite things in the world.

Dream Bo glared at me and walked over, pushing me on the shoulder as I sat on a fluffy couch. She kept pushing and poking, telling me to wake the fuck up. Soon her voice shifted away from the smooth one I adored to the most annoying voice that had been in my life for a decade.

I peeled an eye open to find Tamsin lying next to me in her full police uniform, poking me with her baton. "You need to wake the fuck up, I have to talk to you."

I groaned, reaching for the blanket to cover my head with. "No, you need to go the fuck away and leave me alone. It's like six in the morning and Bo just left to meet with Laurel. I can finally get some sleep now that she's not enticing me." I grumbled into the pillow. I was tired, worn out and wanted to sleep a few more hours. I found when Bo had nothing but free time and a healthy mind, she couldn't keep her hands to herself as our relationship began to grow and stabilize. We were almost completely happy.

"Yeah, I know. That's why you need to get up." Tamsin poked me again, "I think it's time you and Bo find a place of your own. The noise level when you two are naked grappling is getting to me."

I sighed heavily and rolled over, "We've had this conversation. Bo and I are half assed looking for places, but she gets that weird stressed out look and I end it. I don't want to push her, but I know she wants to find a place. Bouncing between here and Laurels is irritating us both." I pushed myself up, pulling my hair back into a ponytail. I glared at my best friend, "Trust me, you and Freddy aren't any better with the weird noises."

Tamsin blushed, "Shut up. It was one time you came home way too fucking early while I was playing paleologist." She rolled her eyes, "Why the fuck do you have a cell phone if you never fucking answer it or check the messages." The baton poked my other shoulder, "I gave you fair warning that I was having a visitor."

I yawned, "Paleontologist? What the hell is that?"

Tamsin rolled her eyes again and scooted off the bed, "It's where I go looking for a bone. Jesus." She slammed the baton on the edge of my desk to collapse it. "The point is, I love you. I love Bo in a weird sisterly roommate way, but it's time. We are both going to kill each other soon enough due to our boning schedules overlapping." Tamsin gave me that one annoying smirk, the one that made me want to shove her down the stairs.

"You are getting worse in your old age. You have to stop hanging out at that sub shop with all the frat boys. They're teaching you terrible habits." I leaned against the headboard looking over at Bo's bag sitting outside of my closet. We had just gotten to a really good place and had moved to talking about living together either at the brownstone or go looking for a new place. The logistics were sticky. Bo wanted to be close to campus. I wanted to stay in the neighborhood because I liked being able to walk anywhere. Basically we were at a stalemate when we got too in deep with discussion. I wasn't sure if Bo was ready to take on another huge jump with our last year of law school right around the corner. It would be ten times worse in stress on top of looking for internships, I was wary. I sighed, "Can it wait until after Bo's family barbeque? I'm already stressed out having to meet Bo's dad again after all these years and show him that I'm not just the pipsqueak that fucked everything up." I looked at Tamsin, "There's a house outside of campus Bo and I both like, I think I can get her to go and put an offer in after we go home."

As Tamsin slipped the baton back on her belt, she removed a keychain with Han Solo and Princess Leia on it, there was two golden door keys on it. "I hang out at that sub shop because I get free subs and then they tell me which dipfuck is selling bad weed to the freshman. You know I'm working towards a promotion." She threw the keys on the bed, motioning towards them. "Happy birthday, merry Christmas, happy labor day, and congratulations on your nupitals that are hopefully going to happen before I turn thirty."

I picked up the keychain, "What is this? Did you finally get a new set of keys for the shed in the backyard?"

Tamsin chuckled, "Who needs keys when you have battering rams." She sat on the edge of the bed, "That is your eviction notice. I'm kicking your ass out, Bo too, effective today."

I glared at her, "Tamsin, I swear to fucking fudge…"

"You're right, it does sound weird when you put both of your swear words together, Lauren." Bo poked her head around the corner, a big grin on her face. "It's cute, but weird."

I frowned at Bo, "You're supposed to be at Laurel's dealing with the Michaela fall out from two nights ago."

Bo slid into the room, "I had to tell you something to make you fall back to sleep when I left." She looked over at Tamsin, "Do you want to tell her why you're kicking us out?"

Tamsin chuckled, "Aside from the aggressive sex noises you two idiots make, I love you both dearly and seeing the piles of shit you've both been through. I thought I would do something nice, to try and take some of the pressure off and make amends for my own stupid." She reached over, flicking Han's face. "Those are the keys to your front door, which is right next door in the brownstone my dad sold to you and Bo last week."

I felt my mouth fall open in confusion, "What?"

Bo laughed, "I know you thought that I was getting weird when we talked houses, but I suck at keeping secrets and Tamsin swore me to secrecy after she presented this idea to me." She glanced at the blonde who looked very sheepish as she picked at her badge. "Tamsin's dad bought four of the brownstones around this one three weeks ago. That's when Tamsin approached me with a the idea of us taking it and moving in together." Bo sighed, "I've come to the conclusion that Tamsin is a part of our lives. And oddly enough I cannot imagine her not being less than five steps away." She smiled at the blonde, "Plus our future kids will need some sort of terrible influence to learn from."

Tamsin scowled lightly, "Hey, I might be terrible, but I'm very lovable." She then turned back to me, her green eyes filled with worry, "We did the deal behind your back. My dad just took a chunk out of your royalties from your software patent and Bo contributed on her end. The brownstone is bought and paid for and completely renovated."

I was still staring at the two with my mouth wide open, confused, "But we don't have furniture or other shit to move out." I glanced at the keys, "I don't know…" I was honestly overwhelmed by the gesture of my best friend and my girlfriend of going behind me back to do this. It was amazing to see the two work together and Bo be more than willing and able to take such a big step.

Bo moved to sit next to me, grabbing my hand, "The house is fully furnished. Remember when I had you sit with me that one day and pick out furniture while we waited for Laurel to meet us for dinner?"

I nodded slowly, "Yeah, but I thought that was just you planning ahead."

Bo kissed my cheek, "It was. That's why I had to leave early this morning. Everything was delivered and we have to put it together after we move your stuff over." She then looked down at my worn out bed, "This stays here, I picked out a brand new one that doesn't squeak under duress."

I felt my cheeks turn a bright red when Tamsin snorted out a "gross" and hopped off the bed. "Bo, I don't know what to say." I palmed the keys, still shocked.

Bo held out her hand, "You can take my hand and follow me to our new home." She then motioned over her shoulder at Tamsin who produced a huge roll of black garbage bags from thin air. "Tamsin has volunteered to help you pack."

Tamsin winked at me, "Packing, more like shoving your shit into bags. Who's got time to fold your nasty underwears." She walked over to the closet, "Get the fuck out of my house and check out the surprise your girlfriend has waiting in the bedroom." She grimaced, "I just threw up in my mouth."

I sighed heavily, rolling out of the bed. It was too early and I was too confused to fight with them. "Fine." I grabbed Bo's hand, "Show me what you two maniacal ladies have done."

Bo squeezed my hand and giggled as she lead me downstairs and outside to the brownstone next door. I didn't bother to look at the brownstone, as it looked almost identical to the one I lived in for the last year. Bo pushed open the door, still giggling with excitement as she rambled on and pointed out the hardwood floors, the new paint on the walls and the piles of shelving and other random things that would take the rest of the day to sort out. I scanned the living room, noticing a handful of boxes with Bo's name written on them. I looked at the back of her head as she led me upstairs, "Bo, how long have you been planning this?"

She flashed that grin that melted all of my willpower, "All of my life, but in reality, the last month. It's been hard sneaking around you and distracting you, but the look on your face right now. It's so worth it."

I gave her a dirty look, "So it's not been the summer heat making you frisky as hell? You've just been using sex and my fascination with your boobs to secretly buy our house? Our furniture and move in?"

Bo stopped at the doorway to a very large bedroom that had a massive window offering a view I was envious of whenever I was in Tamsin's room. She spun around and looked at me with fearful eyes, "Lauren, I…I wanted to surprise you. Do something for you, I didn't think you would care since Tamsin's dad said you just roll your royalties payments into a savings account you never use. And he gave us a stupid good deal, and the furniture, we can take most of it back and go looking again." She let out a breath, whispering something about verbal diarrhea attack before looking up at me, "I love you and I wanted to do this for us and you. Take some of the pressure off. We love this neighborhood and I know you want to stay here because Tamsin is close by and you worry about her, shit I worry about her too. I fell in love with this place and I think it's perfect for us. A new start, but a familiar one that we can make our own." She rolled her eyes, "Yes I did prey on your boob fixation, but I had to do something. You're always so observant…"

I leaned forward, kissing Bo hard and cutting off the next round of verbal diarrhea. I smiled against her lips when she whimpered and melted into the kiss. I parted from her, grinning, "I was messing with you. I think this is amazing, incredible and I absolutely adore you for doing this." I ran my hand down her cheek, loving how she sighed into my touch and relaxed. "I'm still iffy on Tamsin being our moving guy, but the rest, it's amazing." I kissed her again, "You're amazing."

Bo bit her bottom lip as she grinned, "I have one more thing." She tugged me into the room and pointed at the bed covered in brand new Star Wars sheets. She chuckled when she saw my cheeks flush with embarrassment.

"Bo, I know I have my Star Wars sheets, but they're comfy, we can get other sheets." I frowned, why was I such a nerd. I was a grown ass woman with a girlfriend, and yet. Star Wars sheets.

Bo kissed the corner of my mouth, whispering, "Do you remember what we did on a set of Star Wars sheets just like these, maybe eight or nine years ago? You were trying to teach me chemical equations and I was trying to teach you…"

I cocked an eyebrow, "It was actually biology homework." I gasped when I felt her hands slip under my shirt, "And I think I learned quite a bit from you."

Bo winked at me, "Exactly." She tugged my hand, "What do you say to revisiting some old biology homework?"

I smirked and kicked the bedroom door shut, "I think I could use a refresher."

* * *

 **xXxXxX**

Lauren was fiddling with the dial of the radio and Tamsin reached over and smacked her away from the dial and glowered. "Stop it. I would like to listen to an actual song." She blew out a frustrated breath then asked, "Why are you so damn fidgety today?"

I bit my tongue as I tried not to answer for Lauren. She had been uneasy all week. I hadn't seen her this uneasy since we did my retakes for the SATs then again when that happened I was also stressed but I distracted us both with sex. Sex wasn't working this time around. In fact it had lead to an argument or two because Lauren had went off on me. She was nervous because of my dad but I told her not to worry about it because my dad had changed his tune however Lauren thought otherwise.

Lauren ran her fingers through her hair then rested her elbow on the door and stared out the window. I reached up and rubbed her shoulder hoping to let her know that I wasn't going to let her go through this alone. "Don't worry about it Tamsin. Just get us there without killing us."

I gave her shoulder one more reassuring squeeze then sat back in my seat. I felt she was worrying about nothing but then again this would be the first time Lauren had seen my dad since we got back together. He had been overseas the last few months with expanding the company and he hadn't seen Lauren yet but today he was going to. My parents were throwing a barbecue to celebrate my final days of law school among other things. Lauren's parents were going to be there and so was Tamsin's dad so it was a small get together with all of our families.

I hadn't told my parents yet that Lauren and I had moved in and I was going to do that today but Lauren seemed so frazzled by seeing my dad again that I was thinking that I shouldn't. We got to my parents house and I got out of the back of the car then I opened the door for Lauren. She got out and looked at me. Lauren did not look happy. I smiled at her then I looked at Tamsin. "Go inside. We'll follow after."

Tamsin got a concerned look on her face and I gave her a look that told her that I needed to talk to Lauren. She gave me a subtle nod. When she was gone I took hold of Lauren's hand and said, "Talk to me."

"He's going to hate me."

I let out a small chuckled and told her, "He's not going to hate you. I've talked to him and he's okay." Lauren drew in a deep breath then she let it out. I kissed her cheek then whispered, "Lauren my dad doesn't hate you and if he says anything I'll talk to him." She rested her forehead on my shoulder then I asked, "You want to bolt?" Lauren pulled back and looked at me, "I'm serious. Say the word and I'll grab my mom's keys then we'll go up to the hill or go to your parents' house. Say the word and I'll do it."

A ghost of a smile came to Lauren's face and I grinned. "Uh-oh that looks like a smile."

Lauren rolled her eyes then she kissed me. It lasted a moment then she pulled back and whispered, "I love you, you know that right?"

I gave her another kiss then remarked, "Oh I had an inkling," I placed my hand on her cheek then asked, "ready to go in?"

Lauren nodded and I gave her one more kiss. It was then that I heard my dad call out, "Bo I know how fond you are of liplocking with that pipsqueak but your mom and her folks are wondering what the problem is."

I pulled back and muttered, "I swear when he's older we're putting him in a nursing home." She chuckled then I asked, "Ready?"

"As much as I'll ever be."

I gave her hand a squeeze then we walked up to the front porch where my dad was waiting. We walked up the stairs and I let go of Lauren's hand so I could give my dad a hug. He kissed the side of my head and said, "You doing okay kiddo?"

I smiled and looked at him. "Yeah dad I'm doing fine."

"Good," he looked at Lauren for a moment then he asked, "you didn't go out west and get all hippie-ish on us now did you?"

A confused look came to Lauren's face a she answered, "No sir."

My dad grunted then he looked at me. "She's not so much a pipsqueak anymore now is she?"

I took hold of Lauren's hand and said, "No dad. In fact she could probably kick your ass if I told her too."

His eyebrow went up as an amused glint shown in his eyes then he chuckled before he said, "You want to put Bo's theory to a test?"

Lauren shook her head then said, "No Mr. Dennis."

"All right then." He stood there for another moment then he held out his arms and said, "Come here." Lauren stood there wide eyed and uncertain what to do. My dad motioned for her to come closer. "We ain't got all day Lauren. Now we either hug it out and put the past behind us now or I'll give you a big ole bear hug at dinner and tell everyone that I forgive you being the one to deflower my little girl."

I felt my face heat up with embarrassment as I hissed, "Dad!"

"Well now I was joking but seeing how flustered you look tells me everything I need to know," he said with a grin on his face. "Now are we going to hug it out or should I tell your parents about all the times I caught you two making out in the living room?"

I pushed Lauren and said, "Go."

She gave my dad an awkward hug and he whispered something to her then let go of her. He smiled at me then said, "I'll tell everyone that you two will be in, in a second. I'll try to keep the tall one from eating everything that isn't cooked."

"Tamsin will try to test that dad." I said as I looked at Lauren. I noticed her eyes shimmering with tears and I wondered what my dad had told her. I knew he hadn't upset her because there was a smile on her face.

My dad scoffed then remarked, "I'm going to clock her. All right you two be quick."

He went back inside and I asked Lauren, "What did he say to you?"

Lauren looked at me and she blinked a few times before she said, "He said that he's going to be very proud to call me his daughter-in-law and that I need to give you a kick in the ass every now and then."

I grinned and told her, "I don't need a kick in the ass. Though my dad might need one since he wants to be a pain in the ass and all." I took hold of her hand, "See I told you he was over everything."

Lauren rolled eyes as she walked closer to me. She gave me a brief kiss then said, "You were right." She grabbed my hand, "Let's get in there before Tamsin starts blabbing to your dad about everything we did when we were kids."

I gave her a skeptical look and pointed out, "She knows a lot and also your parents are here so…."

Lauren pulled my arm as she mumbled, "God I hope there's enough food to keep her preoccupied."

As we walked into the house I chuckled even though my mind began to wander to things like us having more family gathering. Those thoughts then lead to other things that I told myself that I wasn't going to think about until after everything was said and done with law school but they were ones that I couldn't wait to make a reality.

* * *

XXXX

Nervous wasn't the word that could come close to what I was feeling. I was a mix of things and there wasn't enough distraction to get me to think about anything aside from Bo's parents looking over at me every three seconds. It was a small gathering, just our parents, Tamsin's dad and a few neighbors and I hid in the corner like I always did, avoiding social interaction as I fell into my head.

I knew I should have felt better, relieved, when her dad said what he did when I hugged him, but still. There was tension, fear and the waiting for the other shoe to drop. Bo had told me the other night about how she had to hold her dad back a few times from flying to California to break my nose. That both of her parents at one point had contemplated ruining me because we all had thought the same thing about why we split apart. It wasn't going to be an easy overnight fix, at least in my mind. Bo and I weren't an easy fix, we were getting closer every day, but we still had a few more miles on the road to recovery.

I sighed, looking down at the cup of lemonade in my hand. Bo and I had a few arguments while we moved. I felt bad, I was stressed out and was used to living with Tamsin were I could yell at her, she'd yell back and we'd go watch cartoons. Bo fought back and fought until we worked our things out. They were stupid arguments and meant nothing in the larger scope of things, and it was a good sign we were both recovering from our pasts and fears. I swirled the lemonade, idly wondering if we would bicker when we were married.

Married. The single stupid word had me sighing happily whenever I looked over at her and pictured us together forever. Bo bringing it up the night after our first date, had shoved the idea permanently in my head and I spent a lot of time thinking about getting her a ring. That led to how I would propose to her, and that led to a million other things that I needed to think about and plan out. This last year would be too busy for us. Law school was almost over and we would move into looking for real jobs. Bo was looking at an internship at the DA's office downtown. I was looking at moving into the police department. Another thing we had to work out, talk about. I shook my head and sipped on the lemonade when Tamsin strode over with a plate piled with food.

"Your dad made some killer ribs." She licked sauce covered fingers, "Bo's dad is making another pile of burgers, you should grab one before they're all gone."

I rolled my eyes at the garbage can that was my best friend. "I'm not that hungry." I looked up to see Bo with her parents, smiling and chatting animatedly. She was probably telling them about how we just moved in together. Sending another bolt of nausea through my stomach. I glanced at Tamsin, "I hope you leave some for the rest of the party."

Tamsin chuckled, "I already got the fifth degree from my dad, Bo's dad and then your dad just politely ask if he could do a lab study on how I can eat so much." She picked up another rib, "I think they're just all jealous of me."

I laughed, "That's exactly it." I set my red plastic cup down and tucked my hands in my front pockets. "God, I'm so fucking nervous to be here."

"Why?" Tamsin stood next to me, "It's just the family."

"That's it, it's the family. Bo's parents who probably despised my existence for what happened to Bo. Even though her dad said something incredibly sweet to me, I just worry." I frowned, "Worried that they might think I don't love Bo enough."

Tamsin started laughing around her rib, "You're an idiot, you know that, right?" She licked her lips and moved closer. She pointed at our parents all standing with Bo now and talking, smiles happily plastered on their faces. "All of them can see how much you love each other. The mom brigade led the charge and straightened the dad squad out after the truth was revealed. No one sees anything but two big dumb idiots in love and on their way to marriage." She waved a half eaten rib bone around, "This is proof that all is finally right in this world."

I looked at my best friend, "I just worry sometimes. Bo's dad, I can't really ever get a read off of him." I looked over to catch him giving me a weird look as Bo grinned with flushed cheeks. "God, I am deathly afraid to ask him if it's okay to marry Bo."

I heard a cough from Tamsin as her head spun around, "Wait, when are you going to ask that question?" She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, "Today?" Her green eyes sparkled in that way that told me she was beyond excited.

I shrugged, "I keep thinking about it since Bo mentioned it a few months ago. It makes sense and we are finally balancing out. The only thing that is holding me back is if it will be too much for Bo with school and everything else." I turned around to pick at the bowl of chips on the table I had stood in front of. "What if he says no? God, what if Bo says no?"

"What would my daughter say no to?" Bo's dad's voice appeared out of nowhere. "Jesus, Tamsin! Where do you store all of the food you eat?"

I turned around to see Phil standing in his Kiss The Cook apron, scowling at Tamsin and shaking his head.

"In my stomach, of course." Tamsin blushed when she saw her dad coming up to give her a dirty look. "Um, I am going over there now. I think my dad is about to yell at me about something." She bent her head down and shuffled away. Her dad smiling as he threw an arm around her and dragged her over to a table full of neighbors.

I smiled watching the interaction. Tamsin's dad was stupid proud of the woman she had grown into and took every opportunity to show his daughter off.

"So, Lauren, what is it that you think my daughter will say no to?" Phil reached past me to grab a handful of chips. I swallowed hard looking up to see Bo nervously talking to my mom and dad off into a corner. Her face was a beet red color and her hands were moving in the way that told me she was immersed in a heavy bout of verbal diarrhea.

I stared at her for a second, my stomach turning as she had most definitely spilled the beans that we had moved in together. I chewed my lip and started to panic at what else she was telling them. I went to take a step and excuse myself to go find out what in the hell Bo was telling them. My mom had that one look on her face that told me she was about to stride over to me and follow through on the threat she issued on graduation day.

I felt a hand squeeze my shoulder gently, "Lauren? I won't bite and I won't break your nose. You can relax kiddo." Phil smiled softly at me, "Bo tells us that you two have been doing really well together, that she's been doing really well."

I looked in the man's eyes and saw what he meant. "She is, we are. Um, it seems that she's on the right track and has no intentions to deviate from it." I felt weird talking about this with her dad. "And she's happy. Happier than I ever remember seeing her when we were younger."

"Yeah well, the road was a hell of a bumpy one for a very long time. I never thought she'd get out of it, put the damn bottle down and all the other bullshit. No matter how many times I tried to be strong for her. We just couldn't find the right door to open." He turned away to look at his daughter, now even more red face and hands flailing. "You broke her heart pretty damn good and I almost broke your damn nose pretty good."

I felt a quick spike of anger, "It was a miscommunication and I have done my fuck…fudging best to repair what I did." I folded my arms across my chest tightly, "I never, ever, meant to hurt her. I was a stupid kid that was so damn afraid of what I felt…"

Phil laughed, grabbing my elbow, "Relax, I was going to say you broke her heart pretty damn good, but you've done an incredible job putting it back in her. I've never seen my Bo this happy, and it makes me happy." He winked at me, "I meant it when I said it when I forced you to hug me. I look forward to having you as my daughter in law." He then squinted at me, "But it's weird to hear you say fuck. You were such a polite, well-mannered pipsqueak." He then looked over at Tamsin shoving food in her mouth as her dad clearly talked her up. "That tall blonde, it was her, wasn't it?"

I nodded, feeling my own cheeks burn red with embarrassment, "Yes. It was her." I cleared my throat, "By the way, about the daughter in law thing…."

"You have our permission. To date Bo, to move in with her and live in sin, to marry her and keep her in sickness and irritation." He chuckled when he saw the look on my face, "I've been married for close to twenty five years. The irritation is a give in. But when you love the one, it makes up for it." He gave me a genuine look, "But at the end of it all, you were the best thing to ever happen to my little girl. Both times you fell into her life, I can't ever ignore that. She loves you like you're the air she breathes."

I nodded, whispering out, "Thank you, Mr. Dennis. I'm going to wait until maybe this time next year after Bo is settled in at an internship and I'm closer to what I want to do."

Phil nudged me again, "Call me Phil." He waved over at the grill, "How about you help me burn some more meat for the tall one to consume and tell me all about these patents you hold." He gave me a once over, "You certainly aren't a pipsqueak anymore." He then pointed at me with a chip, "But don't say fuck around Bo's mom, she gets pissy about swear words."

I laughed and nodded, "Noted."

I let out a breath and walked over to the grill with Phil. Laughing as he swatted her hand with the grill spatula and told her to go sit on her hands before she ate him out of house and home.

I looked over as I held up a plate of steaks for Phil, filling him on that the one patent I held was the operating software that was leading the future in a new thing called smartphones, and spotted Bo being hugged by my mom. She met my eyes and smiled even though she had an about to vomit everywhere face.

"Fudge."

Bo had definitely done something.

* * *

 **xXxXxX**

I stood there with my mom, Lauren's parents, and a few other neighbors and I was sort of paying attention to the conversation while watching my dad and Lauren. Lauren looked like her fight or flight response had kicked in and she wanted to bolt from my dad. My dad on the other hand looked harmless at the moment but that could change at any moment. Things were going well and everyone was having a good time. Tamsin had been scolded about her bottomless pit eating habits. I told our parents about us moving in together and none of them seemed to be surprise but they were excited for us nonetheless.

I chewed on my bottom lip as my mind began to wander. Today was the day. I had cleared it with Dr. Greenbaum and had talked it over with Tamsin and Laurel. I was going to do it. As I built up the courage to ask Lauren's parents to come talk with me I thought about what Dr. Greenbaum had said in my session with her earlier this week.

 _"I'm going to do it."_

 _"You're going to do what?" Dr. Greenbaum asked and the confusion was evident in her voice._

 _I turned from the window that I was looking out of and looked at her. "I'm going to ask Lauren's parents if they're okay with me marrying her."_

 _"Oh. Wow. That's…that is big Bo." She cleared her throat then wondered, "I mean you two have only been living together for a few days are you sure you don't want to give it some time and make sure you're ready for a commitment of that level?"_

 _I raised my eyebrow and smiled, "You do know I'm not asking Lauren to marry me right?"_

 _"I know that but you two have just started to explore a relationship that doesn't focus on your issues. Isn't it too soon to be thinking about marriage?"_

 _I shrugged and walked over to the chair. I sat down in it and told her, "It may be but you know how you have a gut feeling that tells you beyond a shadow of a doubt that something is a good thing?" Dr. Greenbaum nodded. "My gut is telling me that Lauren is it for me. And it's not only that but she has seen it all, Dr. Greenbaum, and she has stayed." I smiled then chuckled a little. "And there's not only her accepting my dark, scary places but she knows how to make smile, laugh, and she gets me," I sighed, "I don't have to explain anything to her. Lauren can just look at me and she'll just know. It's weird but at the same time it is so comforting because sometimes I can't express how I feel, you know that, so having someone who is in tune with me is a great thing."_

 _I was quiet a moment, and as I looked down at the rug and studied the pattern that was on it, it all just clicked for me. "I have never loved anyone as much as I have loved Lauren. Even when I had that moment of where I was okay and tried to have a relationship, it didn't feel right. No one has felt as right as Lauren does and she is my rock, foundation, and all those other romantic clichés. She is who I want to share my life with."_

 _I looked up at Dr. Greenbaum and I saw the tears shimmering in her eyes and I got scared for a moment. She must seen the worried look on my face and she said, "It's okay Bo. I'm just-This is unprofessional for me to say, but you have been one of my clients that I was rooting for, and to see you happy and getting to a point where your depression is no longer clouding your life…..it makes me a little emotional. I'm happy for you Bo."_

 _I grinned and said, "Thank you, Dr. Greenbaum but we both know if it weren't for you and everyone else in my life I wouldn't be at this point."_

 _"This is true but you put in the effort in wanting to get to this point. There is still work we need to do and you're going to have moments but for the most part you are in control of how you deal with your depression." She leaned forward and pulled a tissue out of it box then dabbed at her eyes. She sniffed then chuckled a little. "I apologize. Just give me a moment." I smiled as the woman composed herself. After taking a deep breath Dr. Greenbaum said, "Do it Bo. You know what you want and I see no reason why you shouldn't. Remember what's in your heart and you'll be able to get through it."_

 _With a huge smile on my face I nodded and said, "I will."_

Remembering my conversation with Dr. Greenbaum fortified my resolved and I interrupted the conversation my mom was having with Lauren's mom, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but Mrs. Lewis can I talk to your and Mr. Lewis for a moment?"

Lauren's mom smiled at me and said, "Of course Bo. Give me a second to go get Lauren's dad."

She went to go get him then the three of us walked over to a more private area of the backyard. Mr. Lewis smiled at me and asked, "What's the matter Bo you look like you might vomit?"

I chuckled uneasily then I did vomit, not actual vomit, but a torrential outpouring of words that came out in one breath it seemed like. "No, no. I'm not going to vomit. I just-You two have always been supportive of Lauren and you have always been supportive of her relationship with me, even when we were separated and we didn't know the truth, you were there helping her get through what has been the most horrendous thing that she has ever gone through. And I'm promising you this now that she will never go through that again. I will go through hell and high water to make sure that she doesn't get hurt like that again. I mean-"

"Bo we appreciate you saying that and acknowledging what we have done to support Lauren, but that's not the real reason why you wanted to talk to us is it?" Lauren's mom asked, stopping my flow of word vomit.

I shook my head and I took a deep breath then, as I remembered what Dr. Greenbaum told me to do, I said, "No it isn't. I'm nervous and I tend to ramble when I'm nervous." Lauren's parents laughed a little then I smiled. "As you know Lauren and I have moved in together and she means everything in the world to me. Without her I am someone I don't recognize, I'm not saying she defines who I am, but she completes me and I couldn't imagine-"

"Yes Bo."

I stared at Lauren's mom, my eyes wide with surprise. "Yes?"

She smiled and nodded. "Yes. You have our blessing to marry Lauren. We couldn't imagine her with anyone else."

Tears formed in my eyes and I moved to hug Lauren's mom. I closed my eyes for a moment. I knew that Laruen's parents weren't going to say no but at the same time to have their blessing after everything that had happened felt like another resolution to a complicated past that was slowly falling away. Lauren's mom pulled away and her dad asked, "So when are you going to do it?"

That was one minor detail I had yet to figure out, when. I had an idea of the ring because I had been looking at rings since that night Lauren and I had talked about marriage on the roof that one night but when was another complicated matter because between the ending of law school and internship interviews there wasn't going to be time plan an elaborate proposal. Then again I did plan a date on yacht. I chuckled then told him, "I don't know but when I do know and have the ring I will let you know in advanced. Lauren doesn't do well with surprises."

"No she doesn't, " her mom replied while laughing. "But I think this is one surprise that she will let slide."

A grin came to my face as I nodded in agreement, "I think she will too." I looked over at Lauren who was helping my dad at the grill and our eyes met. I smiled. Yes this was definitely one surprise that she was going to let slide and I couldn't wait to see the look on her face when I proposed to her.


	19. Chapter 19

**N: so like two more chapters and then a possible follow up xfiles inspired one shot to give you a last little insight into the girls in the future after everything happens. Updates are slow to come, we know that, but life often gets in the way. It happens when you have to adult. Anyways! Read on and enjoy! Leave us reviews because it actually motivates us.**

* * *

A month.

I graduated Harvard Law School in a month.

And instead of writing up my final paper I was staring at the bookcase that was in front of me and thinking about engagement rings and proposals. Ever since I had gotten Lauren's parents' approval to marry her it seemed as though that was the only thing I could think about for the last month. I had been looking at ring designs online, every romantic restaurant was stored in my head as a potential proposal spot, and I was writing notes about what I would say when I did propose. I groaned and covered my face with my hands. I needed to focus. Unfortunately, that wasn't going to happen because my phone started to go off. I picked it up before the vibrating phone caused someone to give me some serious side eye.

I answered it as I got up and headed to the bathroom. "Hello?"

"I was calling to see if you had Prince Albert in a can?"

"Dad, I know it's you." I said as I walked into the bathroom. I pressed my lips together as I tried not to laugh.

"Damn caller ID ruining the element of surprise. Now I guess I'll have to spend my free moment being nosy. What you're doing?"

I shook my head and leaned against one of the sinks. "I'm currently talking to my dad in the women's bathroom at the library but before that I was trying to finish my last paper."

My dad groaned and remarked, "That sounds beyond boring but you got to get it done though kiddo because you gotta pay me back." I rolled my eyes. I knew my dad wasn't expecting me to pay him back.

I smiled and commented, "I guess I should milk this out a little more then."

My dad chuckled then said, "Oh I dare you to do it. I got a buddy that owns a chain of McDonald's and he's always looking for managers."

I laughed and replied, "I'm certain that is a sparkling achievement that you and mom will brag about at the company holiday party."

"Hey you'll be employed so it's something. Though I'm not certain how well your genius girlfriend will feel about that one."

I shrugged and said, "I think as long as I'm happy and we're together Lauren could probably care less what my job is." I chuckled. "She's probably worried about me becoming a lawyer because of the stress but I can handle it. I'm...I'm in a good place."

My dad was quiet a moment then he said, "I'm happy to hear that Bo." I could hear the smile and emotion in his voice. We were quiet a moment, both of us being grateful that I was in this good place. He sighed. "Have you spoken to your mom this week?"

I chuckled and told him, "Yes and Lauren spoke with her this morning before she left this morning." I had a thought and said, "Hey dad I've got a question for you."

"Shoot Bo."

I bit corner of my bottom lip then I took a deep breath then in one breath I asked, "How did you propose to mom?"

"Propose? Bo why would-Oh my god you're going to propose to the pipsqueak." He exclaimed in my ear. I hadn't told my parents that I was planning to propose to Lauren. It was one of those things that I wanted to wait for because there was still a chance I would have backed out of it due to me second guessing myself. I heard my dad chuckle then he said, "This is too funny."

"Why is it funny?" I asked with slight irritation in my voice. "I love Lauren and I would like to spend the rest of my life with her." My dad laughed and I started to scowl. I wasn't sure why he found this funny but it was upsetting me. "Dad."

"I'm sorry Bo," he said as he tried to catch his breath. My dad took another breath then blew out. "I'm sorry sweetheart and I'm not surprised. It's funny because your mother and I were just talking about this."

Now Bo understood and she smiled. "Oh really? And what were you two talking about?"

He chuckled a little then told her, "We were wondering how soon it would be until we saw you two walking down the aisle."

"It'll be awhile because I want to graduate from law school first then I want to get settled into my internship so it'll probably be a year or so." I said as I thought about the timeframe of when Lauren and I would be able to get married. I still had no idea when I was going to propose. "I mean I'm just kicking around the idea so I thought I would pick your brain."

"Please don't. I'm getting old and I only have so many brain cells left." I groaned even though my dad found himself funny. He was the king of dad jokes and it made life unbearable sometimes. He cleared his throat then said, "I was drunk. I wasn't drunk, drunk, but I had enough drinks that I was leaning on things. We were at your grandma's for a Christmas party and we had gone outside because I had told her that I needed some air. It was cold and there was snow and ice on the ground." He sighed as he recounted the proposal, "She was wearing some dress that she looked amazing in and the way she looked under the Christmas light was..." he trailed off and I smiled. I had never asked my parents about their engagement but now I was glad that I had asked. My dad chuckled then said, "I was leaning against the post and I just asked her to marry her. There wasn't any pomp or circumstance, unless you count the Christmas lights hanging above the patio. She said no at first because I was drunk but I explained to her that I couldn't imagine not being with her. In the end she told me to sleep off the booze and try it again."

"At New Years." I said with a smile on my face. I knew that much because my parents' anniversary was the same as the day that they got engaged.

My dad chuckled and remarked, "That was the first New Year's eve since I was sixteen that I was stone cold sober. We had gone to my parents' house for their party and I made your mom stay sober. That was the best New Year's eve of my life."

I took a deep breath and asked, "And how did you know when the right time was right?"

"I didn't. I was young, in love, and stupid as shit but I loved your mom." He said with a small laugh. "It was impulsive."

I nodded as I realised what he was telling me. There was no right time just what I felt in my heart. I chuckled then asked, "I got you dad." I sighed then wondered, "What about her ring."

"That was my mother's great-great-great grandma's ring. I'm certain your mom will let you have her mother's ring if you ask her. I think she has it." He suggested.

I frowned and told him, "No dad I sort of want something that expresses me and Lauren. You know any ring designers that can help?"

He whistled a little then said, "Come up this weekend and we'll go to Providence. I have a friend who is a jeweller and he has some connections. Also he's pretty artsy."

I smiled and said, "Okay. I just need to come up with something to tell Lauren."

"I got you covered. I'll have your mom tell her something." He said in the tone he uses to plot things. I got an uneasy look on my face as I began wonder what my dad was concocting.

I shook my head and told him, "Don't make it anything that will worry her dad because then I have to answer her questions when I get home."

He laughed then told me, "Relax Bo. I'll tell your mom that we need to have a good day of father-daughter bonding and she'll more than agree to have Lauren come visit so the two of them can do whatever."

I nodded and realized that it was a good plan. I grinned and told him, "We haven't had a good father-daughter bonding since I was thirteen."

He chuckled and told me, "You became a young woman. I didn't know how to talk to you. I was too busy making sure no boys took advantage of you." He scoffed. "Instead a pipsqueak got under the radar."

I chuckled then said, "She did." I blew out a breath. "All right dad I have to go back to work on that paper."

"All right Bo. Stay out of trouble and I'll see you this weekend."

I grinned then remarked, "I'm your daughter so trouble is in my blood."

My dad laughed then he told me, "Yes it is." He caught his breath. "I love you Bo."

"I love you too dad." I said with a smile on my face. He told me bye then we hung up with each other. I stood there for a moment as I thought about my upcoming weekend plans. I was going to design Lauren's engagement ring. I was thrilled and scared to do it but I was so excited that I was going to be one step closer to being prepared to proposing to Lauren. Now I just had to figure out when I was going to do it. As I walked out of the bathroom I jumped a little to let out some of the excitement that I was feeling. I was shocked that I was actually going to do this. My life had done a complete one eighty.

* * *

XXXX

Bo's parents and I weren't not exactly on great terms, and I wasn't sure if we ever could get there. This sudden Saturday trip to spend the day with them, had me wishing I had feigned ill or taken up my dad's offer of helping to sort soil samples in the garage.

I stood in the living room, holding Bo's purse as she rushed about trying to find god only knows what.

"Five more seconds, and I'll be ready." Bo hollered from the stairs.

I smiled, "You said that ten minutes ago." I laughed when I heard her playfully tell me to shut it. I glanced at my watch, "Your mom is going to freak out if we're late."

Ugh, Bo's mom. She was the half of Bo's parents that I still struggled with. I never knew if I could ever gain her forgiveness for what had happened to her daughter and that I was the catalyst for the relapse. Phil had forgiven me, only telling me that he would continue to call me pipsqueak as his way of keeping me in check. But Bo's mom, she would always be polite and kind around me, but I always felt like she was staring at me. Staring at me to try and figure out what her only child saw in me and if the other show was going to drop. At least with my parents, they let go the moment the truth was out and welcomed Bo in without hesitation. But then again I hadn't fallen down the depths Bo had when we split apart as teenagers.

What didn't help the situation with her parents was the fact Bo was consumed with stress. She was a month away from graduating, we both were, and she had gotten a very hectic internship at the prosecutor's office downtown. Her parents and I were worried that this stress might cause her to slip and fall back into old habits. I held strong and made sure Bo always had an outlet and a way out when her demons started to whisper in her ear.

I sighed, looking up at the sounds of Bo rummaging in our closet. I smiled again, our closet. We had been living together for months now and it was everything I imagined it to be. To wake up to every morning was what made life worth it. Even if we had bickered the night before or sat in silence while she studied, waking up to her sleeping next to me, tucked into my side, it was like waking up with a brand new slate to write the day on. I just wished the world would slow down a little so I could propose to her and calm that last little fear I held.

"Okay, okay, I'm ready." Bo ran down the stairs and towards me, grabbing her purse from me and kissing my cheek. "You ready?"

I gave her a look, "I have been, but I'll be honest. I'm not so sure about spending the entire day with your parents. I think your mom still hates me." I took Bo's hand as she led me towards the front door.

"She doesn't hate you, she thinks you're great." Bo squeezed my hand, "My dad loves you and is excited to see you."

I sighed as I closed the door, waving to Tamsin poking her head out the window with a messy mop of blonde hair falling her face. She winked at me and closed the curtains. "Why are we doing this again?" I frowned.

Bo opened the driver's door for me, grinning at me, "Because. It's what happy couples do. Spend time with the parents and talk about the future. My mom wants to hear about the internship and have us around to plan our graduation party." She winked at me, "I'll make it worth your time later?"

I sighed taking the car keys from her, hating that Bo knew all of my weaknesses, "Fine, but we watch the X-files movie Tamsin got me before we do anything." I plopped down in the driver's seat of the red Camaro. I also knew that Bo had been so tired from school and finals that she would pass out on my lap the second the movie was on. We really didn't spend much time together in the last few months. We were like ships in the night, passing to go to study groups, therapy or sit quietly in the library. I missed Bo being in my arms than I missed having her physically and this was probably the bigger reason why I didn't want to go to her parents. We had a weekend off finally and I just wanted to spend it with her alone. Not put on my manners and smile tightly while her mom asked about random things. It was also the weekend I wanted to tell Bo that I had been accepted to the police academy and would be starting at the end of summer.

Bo hopped into the passenger seat and grabbed the sides of my face, "Lauren, I love you. That's all that matters, I love you." She kissed me deeply and when she parted, she had a weird look in her eyes. "I know we haven't had much alone time lately, and I miss you even when you're next to me. But, I feel like we owe it to our parents to spend time with them after they helped fixed us."

I licked my lips, "I know." I grabbed her hand, squeezing it, "But let's not stay all night? I'd like to at least make out before you fall asleep in my lap."

Bo giggled and turned a bright red, kissing me again, "Finals are sucking the life out of me, I'm sorry." She grinned, "But I promise you, on graduation day it'll be completely worth it."

Turning the Camaro on, I laughed, "I'm not letting you out of my sight on graduation day."

* * *

XXX

"Pipsqueak!" Phil held his arms out as Bo and I walked up the stone steps, "Give an old man a hug for being twenty minutes late."

I rolled my eyes with a smile and hugged the older man, "That would be your daughters fault. I swear she was digging for the lost ark up in our closet." I leaned back and glanced at Bo's mom hugging her daughter and giving me a strange look.

"Yeah, well, like mother like daughter." Phil patted me on the back and looked at Bo, "You ready kiddo? We are already behind for that appointment you're taking me to."

Bo grinned and nodded, "I am." She walked over to her dad, throwing an arm around his waist, "Lauren, dad and I have to run up into town for a few hours." She glanced at her mom, "Mom has made lunch for you two since we won't be back in time."

I felt my stomach drop and I gave Bo a look that only she knew, "Um, what?"

Phil looked between us, sensing the tension, "Okay, I'll be at the car." He walked over to Bo's mom, whispering something in her ear as she looked just as nervous as I was about being left alone together.

Bo picked up my hand, "I didn't want to tell you until we got here, knowing you'd probably bolt and hide in Tamsin's basement." She looked up in my eyes, "My dad and I have to do something, it's kind of like a bonding thing he asked of me and I agreed without thinking. He's been so great supporting me, us, and I miss him. We've not really had much time together since I was a teenager before the world fell apart and I grew distant. The booze and stuff…." She started nervously wringing her hands.

I pressed my fingers against Bo's lips, silencing her rant. I laughed lightly, "Bo, never apologize for wanting to be a better person or daughter." I swallowed hard, looking at Bo's mom, "I'll manage, I just hope she doesn't rant as much as you do."

Bo rolled her eyes and hugged me tightly, "Where do you think I got it from?"

I kissed the top of her head, "Fabulous." I stepped out of her arms, immediately missing the unique warmth that was my girlfriend. "Go. The faster you leave the faster you can come back and save me."

Bo poked my side, leaning up to whisper in my ear, "She doesn't hate you, remember that."

I hummed out a half assed agreement and walked over to Bo's mom, "Hello Mrs. Dennis."

"Please, you can call me Colleen. I figure after all these years and seeing how much you've grown into a young woman, it's fitting." She smiled tightly as Bo and her dad honked and waved at us, speeding out of the driveway in Phil's brand new Porsche. "That man is an overgrown child."

I smiled at the sound of Bo's hearty laugh, "He is, but I think that's where Bo gets her tenacity from." I turned back to the elegant older woman, suddenly feeling out of place in my nice t-shirt and jeans. Bo had told me it was going to be a casual thing, and now looking at her mother elegantly put together, I felt severely out of place. "So."

Colleen looked at me, "Lauren, now that I have you alone, I think we should discuss a few things."

I frowned, looking down at the tops of my worn boots. I felt like I did when I first went to her parents house as a teenager and blurted out the request to date Bo. I was a twenty six year old woman who had fought like hell to be the woman I was and now I was swirling down into the shoes of sixteen year old me. Scared to look at the woman in the eyes, for fear of what was going to come next. "Um, okay."

"Let's go inside. I have a nice lunch set up for us in the sun room."

I nodded and looked up, Colleen was smiling softly as she turned and led the way inside the massive house that brought back a million memories. "Okay."

A few steps inside, the silence was thick and awkward. I looked over at the living room where Bo and I had made out on the couch a hundred times before her parents came home. Then to the staircase I knew led to her childhood bedroom, a place that held a multitude of good memories, some bordering on inappropriate and I suddenly felt extremely awkward to be walking behind Bo's mother. Thinking about her daughter naked.

But then I grinned, looking at the pictures of high school Bo. This house was like mine down the road, a place full of memories of the birth of a young, innocent love. A love that tested time and our wills to see it again, build it into what it was today. Strong, unbreakable, flawed and yet beyond perfect.

"Lauren? I asked if you wanted lemonade or something stronger?" Colleen had stopped and was looking back at me curiously.

I blinked a few times, not realizing I had stopped in front of a picture of Bo in her cheerleading outfit. A picture taken the day after our first kiss, I had the same picture tucked away with Bo's bubbly handwriting on it. I cleared my throat, "I'm sorry, I got distracted by old memories of being in this house."

Colleen smiled, "You know, I didn't exactly approve of you when Bo first told us about you." She folded her arms across her chest, "She was the popular girl, following the path we created for her. It didn't make sense when she revealed that the school genius had stolen her affection."

I clenched my jaw, "Well, I guess love is blind, isn't it?" I tried to stay polite, but it was hard.

Colleen smiled tightly, "It certainly blinded my daughter." She fidgeted with the large diamond ring on her hand. "I'm going to be very honest, since we have a moment to ourselves. I really hated you for a very long time, Lauren." She looked up at me, "I barely understood what my daughter saw in you when she was younger, then when you disappeared on her, it triggered a deep rooted sense of worthlessness in her. That caused my beautiful little girl to become this, malfeasant creation of a girl lost in the clutches of alcoholism and promiscuity."

She stared at me, waiting for my reaction but I bit the inside of my cheek to keep the vicious retort at bay. I swallowed hard, "It wasn't our fault. I will accept that I was stupid." I paused, looking down at the floor, reliving that horrible day. I wanted to leave this house and walk back to my parents, this is what I was dreading from spending alone time with Bo's mom.

"You were. Very stupid young girl that couldn't see much of the world around you." She let out a slow breath, "Much like Ysabeau." She took a step closer, "There were nights I cursed your existence. Wished you to find some sort of morbid fate and it was deep and strong. Worse on the days I would talk to my daughter as she laid on a bathroom floor. Listening to the screaming matches her father and her had over getting her into rehab or else. Listening to her hungover with a raspy voice from vomiting out bottles of booze and the underlying tone of not finding a damn reason to keep living. And lastly, my favorite opening the front door at the holidays to see a very thin, grey looking woman with broken eyes." Colleen laughed sardonically, "One year she brought a boy she met at a truck stop and slept with on the way home for Christmas dinner. I blamed that on you and everything stupid thing Bo did to deal with her issues. I blamed solely on you."

I felt my stomach roll and twist. My own anger at Bo's lifestyle boiling up. "Ms. Dennis, I…"

"I don't expect you to say anything, Lauren. I just need you to listen." She paused, staring at me for a moment longer. "I hated you. I hated you quite a bit and wanted nothing more than my daughter to forget you. When she called me and told me you were in her law class, I was afraid. Afraid that she would slip back like she did and we could never get her back. Then that day she called me, and I knew it was the end." She stopped, looking at the photograph of Bo on the walls. "Your mother called me and I cursed her to high hell and back for bringing you into the mix. So, fearful that you would push the final button that would flush my daughter away from us. That I had finally lost my daughter to you."

I looked up at the woman, with tears riddling my eyes, "I never stopped loving Bo. Never."

She smiled genuinely, nodding her head, "I know. It took your mother convincing me in her unique way after telling me about the stupidity of those boys, that you were the only one out of all of us that had a damn chance in this world of saving Bo from a darkness we never knew existed." Colleen's eyes held mine in a way that it seemed she was still unsteady about my love for Bo and our love for each other. She opened her mouth to say something, but stopped, furrowing her brow together as her thoughts clearly were forming into biting words.

I sucked in a breath and stood up taller, I would always defend my love for Bo no matter who questioned and I clearly had nothing to lose now, maybe a future mother in law, but I didn't give a shit. Bo was my world, my savior and I wouldn't go down without a fight. "Look, Mrs. Dennis, I understand that you have your misgivings about us. That the past, Bo's past, is something that will take time to fix. I do accept blame for what happened to her, I was stupid, young and had no idea what to do with what my heart wanted. But I love your daughter, have for my entire life and will for the rest of it. I will never let her hurt like she did again, so I understand if you don't approve of us. I would die for her, and almost did." I stopped myself short before I revealed things to this woman that was better left to secrets kept between Bo and I.

Colleen laughed, shaking her head, "Your mother said you were stubborn and outspoken now. "She took a step towards me, "What I was going to say was this. We didn't understand or approve until we saw how much Bo loved you then and now. Saw the love with clear minds and bright eyes. Your mother was right, you were the one to save Bo and in turn you healed all of us." She tilted her head down, "You kept fighting and you were the only one to get through to my little girl and pull her out of the depths, bring her back to life. You fought of all of us, the doubts we had, the hate, darkness that lingers in my little girl. You brought her to life when you stumbled into her, literally, in high school and to be honest, there's no one else in the world that I'd want my daughter to be with than you. Lauren Lewis."

I stared at the older woman, shocked at the warm words pouring forth. "But, I thought." I scrunched my forehead up, "I'm sorry, Mrs. Dennis. I thought you, the things you just said, that you still hated me?"

Colleen placed a hand on my shoulder, "We all let two fucking idiots swindle us and we've all learned to keep our hearts close and protected. I did hate you, as I said, but I can't hate someone who was manipulated as much as the rest of us. The love you two share now, I can't hate. It's too beautiful for me to even think about it sideways." She grinned at me, letting out a slow breath. "But I wasn't going to let our relationship carry on until we cleared the air."

I smiled at the woman's curse word, "Phil told me not swear around you, you hate it."

She rolled her eyes, "No, he hates it. Thinks when I say fuck, it's like he married a biker not a classy gal." She sighed, laughing, "But you do have to be sorry about the one time I came home early from work to hear you and my daughter…doing things very loudly in her bedroom."

I felt my face turn a hot, bright red and I covered my face with my hands, desperate to escape. "Oh my god. No." I peered through my fingers at Bo's mom, "She said…oh god. This is completely and utterly awkward and I might throw up."

Colleen burst out laughing, "Bo had the exact same reaction when I told her all those years ago. Made me promise never to tell you." She patted my shoulder, squeezing it as she motioned to the sun room, "Come on, let's have a drink and you can tell me about how you asked Phil for our permission to marry our little girl. He said you blurted it out, I tend to disagree." She looked over at me, smiling softly, "By the way, I cannot wait for the day to call you my daughter in law."

I blew out a breath, still a bright red from the ultimate embarrassment, "I want to do it soon. I still have to tell Bo that I was accepted to the police academy, but I don't want to add stress to her life."

Colleen glanced over her shoulder at me, "The police academy? But you're about to graduate law school with honors. You can work anywhere from what I understand. Why choose to leave it?"

"I continued with law school to finish it with Bo. I might go back to it, but right now, I want to do something that I feel can help on a larger scope. I want to work while Bo focuses on her internship and doesn't have to worry about brining home an intern's paycheck."

"You know we can help out, Lauren." Colleen raised an eyebrow, "And I thought you have those patents fulfilling a yearly income plus some?"

I nodded moving to the table filled with sandwiches and salads, "I do, but Bo is determined to work and live together. I see it as a part of her healing process, so I don't push it. But yes, she and I both could sit back and do nothing with our lives until our grandchildren had children." I smiled at the woman, "It's a decision we made together, to work like this until she found her footing, solid footing in being an individual in the world."

Bo's mom nodded, grinning, "It sounds like you two have it all figured out." She handed me a napkin, cocking a eyebrow, "Speaking of children, how long do I have to wait until I see some grandchildren of my own?"

I swallowed hard, "Um, well." I paused, feeling completely out of place. Children. We hadn't talked about children yet. I sucked in a breath, "Tell you what, you help me pick out a ring with my mom next weekend while Bo is in her study groups and help me plan a proposal, and I'll promise you that Bo and I give you grandchildren."

"Deal." Colleen handed me a plate full of sandwiches, "However, your mother told me to tell you that dogs don't technically count as grandchildren."

I frowned, "My mother the spy."

Colleen nodded and chuckled, "A good one at that." She plated a sandwich for herself and looked at me, "Well, now that the air is cleared up, tell me everything I need to know about you, Lauren. All of the things that make my daughter look at you like you invented the wheel."

I rolled my eyes and took a bite of sandwich before telling her everything. Everything including what I felt the moment Bo looked in my eyes from across the hall and smiled at me. By the end of lunch I had told Colleen the story of how I quickly fell in love with her daughter and at the same time, hatched the plan of exactly how I was going to propose to her.

* * *

 **xXxXxX**

"Is Lauren going to be all right? She was already against coming down this weekend." I asked my dad as we drove down the highway. Getting Providence wasn't a long drive but it seemed to be a heavy traffic day.

My dad chuckled and remarked, "Yes she will be fine. Your mother was actually excited to be able to spend the day with Lauren."

That didn't help my nerves any. I knew my mom would be the gracious host and be nothing short of hospitable towards Lauren, but I knew she still wasn't ready to put her full faith into Lauren. "Dad if she does anything to Lauren I will not talk to her and I will put her in a nursing home. And not the nice one."

"Damn you're going to Shady Pines your ma? That's cold Bo-Bo," he said chuckling. I blew out a breath. I wanted to be annoyed by the irritating nickname but I couldn't be. I hadn't spent quality time with my dad in so long and him calling me that meant that he was excited to spend some time with me. I decided to let it go. He glanced at me and there was a smile on his face as he said, "Don't worry about it. Your mom and I have been talking about you wanting to make an honorable woman out of the pipsqueak and I may have been a little harsh on her when she asked why you would do such a thing."

I got a surprised look on my face. I knew my mom had her apprehension about Lauren and I's relationship, but I didn't think they were that serious. My dad looked over at me. "Cool your jets kiddo. We talked about everything and I got her to see that Lauren isn't going anywhere. She makes you goddamn happy and I will be ever grateful for that." He stared at the highway that was ahead of us and I saw him swallow hard a couple time before he cleared his throat. "I never thought I would ever see you happy again but here you are happy, in love, and growing. I'm proud of you." He smiled at me. "I don't say it enough but I'm going to say it every chance I get. I wasn't there for you enough and I want to be there for you Bo. For you and Lauren." I smiled when I saw the emotion shining in my dad's eyes.

Phil Dennis was a number of things and to those who didn't know, he was jokester that was slightly annoying. My dad never showed real emotion. He covered it up with humor but to see him looking like he was about to cry caused me to tear. I took my dad's hand. "Thank you, dad. It means a lot to me. So much," I said my voice thick with emotion. He gave my hand a gentle squeeze and I let go of his then chuckled, "Lauren will appreciate it too, once she gets over the idea of you wanting to beat her up."

My dad laughed then said, "It's part of my appeal of being your dad." I got an annoyed look on my face. He grinned. "It is but Lauren's got nothing to worry about. Now I'm just messing with her."

"Yeah, well could you mess with her less?" I asked as a grin came to my face.

His face scrunched up and he tilted his head up a little as he pretended to think about it but then he shook his head and said, "Nope. Don't think so."

I chuckled to myself and shook my head. "I think I'm putting the wrong parent in Shady Pines," muttered under my breath.

"Just be sure to take the hotplate from me."

I laughed even though I wanted to be annoyed at him. My dad was great comic relief and I was glad I asked him to help me with this. Even if he would prove to be useless he was still willing to try and I couldn't love him more for it.

Half hour later we parked in front of a jewelry store and I got out the car. The store wasn't located in the nicer part of the city and I said, "Uh, dad….you sure this is the right place?"

My dad closed his door and he smiled. "Of course it is. Kurt's had this place going on twenty-five years now. He grew up down the street."

"And he thought putting a jewelry store in the middle of a questionable area was a great idea?" I asked as I closed my door then walked over to join my dad on the sidewalk.

He pressed the button the remote to lock the door and told me, "He does a lot around here to help those in the community and it has paid off for him." He glanced at me out the corner of his eye. "When did you get so judgmental? I mean you're wanting to marry the nerd from high school."

I scoffed. "I'm not being judgmental. It's just peculiar."

He let out a sharp laugh then stated, "I guess all that law school learning is paying off. Either way just wait until you see the place."

We went into the jewelry store and when we walked in my dad shouted, "Kurt Peterson get your ass out here."

I felt my face heat up and I walked away from my dad as the other patrons and associates balked at him. This was why I couldn't take my dad anywhere. He was embarrassing as hell. I was looking at a display case that had bracelets in it when I heard, "I know that bellow from twenty miles away. Phil, you annoying asshole, what are you doing here?"

My dad laughed as he gave the short dark haired man a quick hug then he told him, "Well my daughter is in the market for a ring."

"Your daughter?" The man asked his light eyes brightening up with humor. "Is it her birthday or something?"

My dad shook his head no. "Bo get over here and tell Kurt what you're here for."

I got a polite smile on my face and first introduced myself to the man because my dad lacked basic socialization skills. I held out my hand and he shook it as I said, "Hi I'm Bo."

Kurt grinned and his eyes still had a twinkle in them when he said, "I know. Your dad has been telling me about you since you were running around doing Elvis impersonations."

"Dad." I hissed as I turned to look at him.

He smiled. "What? It was cute. I told everybody."

I scowled at him for a second then I forced a smile on my and looked back at Kurt. "Well since you know me I guess I'll tell you why I'm here. I need an engagement ring for my girlfriend but I want something unique."

Kurt nodded in understanding then said, "Well two things, did you want something in one of the cases or did you have a custom made ring already in mind?"

I bit my lip as I thought about it. I knew a customized ring was going to be more than expensive but some ordinary run of the mill ring wasn't going to cut. Not when it came to Lauren. I gave a slight nod and said, "I would like to do a custom made ring."

Kurt smiled and said, "Great. Did you have a design in mind or did you want to sit down and draw something together?"

I smiled as I thought about being able to sit down and draw up Lauren's ring. It would be a fun experience and an awesome story to tell her when we were married for twenty years. "I would love to sit down and draw one up with you."

Kurt chuckled and remarked, "Of course you would. Let's go in back and I'll throw some basic ring designs at you and we'll see what we come up with."

The three of us headed in back and as I sat down on the chair next to the desk I opened my purse and pulled out the gold block that the jeweler had given Lauren and I when we had our necklaces melted down. "If it's possible I wanted to use this."

Kurt took the block of metal from me and he took a moment to examine it then he smiled at me, "We certainly can use this." He set the block of gold down on his desk then asked, "So you're set on a gold ring then?"

"Not really but that has some special meaning for me and Lauren and I wanted to use it," I said as I mulled through the option of going with gold. Gold didn't seem to fit Lauren's personality. She seemed more like a platinum kind of woman.

Kurt chuckled then said to my dad, "She is worse than you when it comes to making things more complicated." He grinned at me. "All right let's start on the design and we'll talk about the metals later."

We started the design on the ring and an hour and a half hour later we came up with the most perfect ring that I jumped out of my seat when Kurt was drawing it. It was gorgeous and the metals that we were going to use worked well together and complimented each other beautifully. The ring was a design that consisted of rose gold and platinum entwining together. I had chosen platinum because it signified the rare and strong love that Lauren and I had. Then I chose the rose gold to represent the beautiful future that we had together. The princess cut diamond was going to be set in platinum. It wasn't a big diamond considering Lauren's abhorrence of anything flashy, but it wasn't small either.

Kurt and I were placing the finishing touches on it and my dad said, "That looks like a nice ring. I think Lauren will be knocked on her ass when you show it to her."

I grinned at him then I looked at the ring sketch. It was beautiful and I couldn't wait to propose to Lauren. I smiled and said, "She'll probably freak out on me because of the price, which I will never tell her, but she's worth it. Maybe I'll tell her when our children turn thirty."

My dad laughed and remarked, "Good luck with that. Remember your future mother-in-law is a spy."

The bottom of my stomach dropped out as I remembered that. Okay so if Lauren asked I would tell then she would probably try to get me to return it but there was no way it was going to happen. "When are you going to do it? Just so I have a timeline." Kurt asked as he scribbled out some notes on the edge of the paper. He was going to use the block of gold that I gave him to use to create the rose gold of the ring.

I bit my bottom lip then with some hesitation I said, "I don't know." Kurt and my dad looked at me and I grinned. "What? I know I'm going to do it but I want us to get everything out of the way. All of life's little nuances and me getting my internship together." I took a deep breath then let it out. "I know it's going to be soon though. Maybe after graduation. Everything will have settled down by then."

Kurt nodded and asked, "And when is that?"

"A month."

"Okay. I'll have it done in two weeks so that way if there is any issue with size or any flaws we have time to fix it." He got a devious smirk on his face, "That way if you decide to drop down on one knee in the middle of graduation you'll be prepared."

I felt my face heat up with slight embarrassment as I told him, "No, there is now way that will be happening. I'm already nervous about graduation and passing. I wouldn't do that."

"But in case you do," he winked, "you'll be prepared."

I shook my head. I now realized why Kurt was friends with my dad. They both had eccentric personalities and never believed a word I said. My dad got up and asked, "We all set here? I thought we could get something to eat before we head home."

Both my dad and Kurt looked at me then I looked down at the drawing table that sketch was laying on. That was Lauren's engagement ring and looking at it on paper made me nervous, excited, and so many other things, but the main thing I felt was love and happiness. I nodded and said, "Yeah. I'm all set. There's nothing else I can think of."

My dad reached into his pocket then said, "Go start up the car and check in with Lauren because I know you want to. I want to talk to Kurt about a present for your mom."

I caught the keys as he tossed them to me then I headed out of the back and out of the store. When I was outside I walked over to the brick side of the store front and leaned back against it. I chuckled to myself as I imagined a number of scenarios in my head of how Lauren would react when she saw her engagement ring. I pulled out my phone and I called Lauren. As soon as her voice came through the phone my smile grew wider. "Are you on your way home?"

I chuckled a little then replied, "No. Dad wants to stop to eat first then we'll be back."

"What did you do with your dad?"

"Stupid stuff. He's thinking about buying a boat. Don't tell my mom," I told her with a small chuckle. It wasn't far from the truth because my dad had been thinking about buying a boat for a while now but we never knew if he was just trying to rile my mom up or if he was actually going to do it.

Lauren laughed. "I won't tell her since we cleared the air between us."

"Oh you did?"

"Yeah, we did." She chuckled a little, "It makes me feel a thousand times better."

The door to the jewelry store opened and my dad out. When he saw me he said, "Let's go Bo. Tell the pipsqueak bye."

I rolled my eyes and said, "I have to go my dad is ready to go. But we'll talk more about you and my mother bonding over lunch."

Lauren laughed then remarked, "That's not what I had planned Bo."

I smirked. "I know Lauren but afterward I would like to talk about you bonding with my mother."

"You might need to schedule that for tomorrow. What I have planned is going to take up the rest of our evening." she told me and the suggestive tone in her voice caused my mind to get a one track mind.

I took a deep breath then muttered under my breath, "I wonder if I can get dad to skip lunch."

Lauren laughed in my ear and that caused my pulse to speed up a bit more. "Bo, I would love to get some food please," my dad called out from his spot next to the car.

I scowled at my dad. "I've got to go but I'll be home soon."

"Okay. And have fun Bo. I'm okay."

I smiled and told her, "I know. I love you."

"Love you too."

We told each other bye then I unlocked the car so my dad and I could get into it. I handed my dad the keys and I asked, "Do we have to get food?"

"Yes we do," my dad said as he started the car. "We've had a good father-daughter bonding day and to finish it off we're going to have a nice meal together."

I couldn't argue that so I settled in my seat. It was a good way to end a day that was more than awesome. I had designed an engagement ring for Lauren and I had spent some much needed time with my dad. Now I just had to figure out when I was going to propose and hoped that I wouldn't spill the beans before the ring was even ready. That was going to be a challenge for me.

* * *

XXX

I was relieved to see Bo and her dad pull into the driveway from the backyard where Colleen and I had gone out into to enjoy the spring weather. I grinned when she waved at me the second she stepped out of the car.

"I wonder what trouble those two got into." Bo's mom chuckled next to me, waving at her husband.

I shrugged, "I can only imagine. I've come to realize your husband is a bit of an antagonist." I smiled at the older woman and went to step towards the gate as Bo entered, rushing over to me.

Colleen mumbled an agreement, but I missed it. Bo almost knocked me down with an aggressive hug, kissing my cheek and whispering that she missed me. I sighed with content and squeezed her back, feeling a million times better about our relationship now that her mother and I hashed everything out. I leaned back and looked in Bo's bring brown eyes, "Did you and Phil have fun?"

She nodded, biting her bottom lip in the way she did when she was trying to hide something from me, but was too excited to play it off well. "We did. We went to look at some boats, had lunch and even stopped for milkshakes." She giggled and looked back at her parents, who were hugging and talking lightly, looking at us with a strange knowing look.

I squinted at Bo, "What did you really do?" I ran my thumb under her bottom lip, "I know this look and lip bite. You've been up to some mischief, haven't you?"

Bo blushed, shaking her head, "Nope, none at all. Just good ole wholesome father daughter bonding." She looked over my shoulder at her mom, "How was lunch with mom?"

I sighed, finding Bo's hand, "Informative. Interesting and pretty amazing at the end." I smiled looking back in her eyes, "I think you're mom and I will be okay, I think I understand her better and she understands why the nerd never stopped fighting for the cheerleader."

Bo raised an eyebrow, studying me, "That tells me you two probably had a minor argument, and you won't tell me what was discussed?"

I shook my head, grinning at Bo, "Nope, she made me promise. But, she approves of us and is equally as excited as Phil to have us together." I gave her a playful, "Said something about me being the best thing to ever happen to you and you should let me buy Scully's suit she wore in the first movie that I've been watching on ebay."

Bo laughed, shoving me back, "My mom didn't. She would agree with me that a thousand dollars is ridiculous for a pantsuit that doesn't even fit you." She shook her head, "What would you do with it?"

I shrugged, looking up at the sky, "I was thinking of having one made in your size…for you know, science Saturdays."

Bo laughed harder, squeezing my hand, "Not a chance, the last time I played FBI agent for you, you ripped the pants and the shirt in excitement."

"What are you two lovebirds talking about?" Phil appeared out of nowhere, throwing his arm around me, "Pipsqueak?"

I felt my face turn a bright red, and cleared my throat, "Um, nothing." I looked over at Bo still laughing.

Phil slapped my back, "Good, 'cause mom wants the two of you to look at a few party decorations for the big graduation shindig she has planned."

Bo rolled her eyes, "Ugh. Fine, but Lauren and I want to leave around dinner time. I promised her a dinner date tonight."

Phil smirked, "Oh I bet." He then leaned down close to us, "PS mom told about what you two did in Bo's bedroom when you were teenagers." He gave me a look, "Who knew the pipsqueak had a devious side."

Bo and I both turned a bright shade of fire truck red and froze, which made Phil burst into uncontrollable laughter as he slapped both of our backs, "Oh shit, this made my year." He stepped away and waved us to follow him and Colleen into the house, "Hurry up and try not to let Colleen talk you into looking at wedding invites or start planning a wedding. I told her it would take the pipsqueak years to pull the trigger."

I frowned and looked at Bo, her face turning a different shade of red as she glared at her father.

"Bo? What's wrong? He's just being Phil." I leaned closer to her, "He's right, it's going to be a few years before we can even think about planning a wedding." I smiled tightly to get Bo to believe me. Colleen and I had worked out a plan for me to propose to Bo right before Halloween. It was perfect timing then. Bo would be settled in her internship and I would be out of the police academy. We could be engaged and slowly work on moving towards a summer wedding in a year or two.

Bo looked up at me, swallowing hard, "Yeah, he's just being Phil. My really annoying father." She shook her head and held out her hand, "Come on, if we don't get in there soon, my mom will have already mailed off the graduation invites."

She took my hand and stared at me before whispering, "I love you, Lauren and I don't think I have the patience to wait forever to marry you, but I will." She kissed me softly, "I know how you hate surprises."

I shook my head, "You have no idea. Ask Tamsin about it. I punched her in the face once on my birthday a few years back when she jumped out of the closet with a Scully shaped cake." I sighed, "She bled all over the cake and called me a mother fucking fucker of a fuck for a week." I laughed, "That's how I spent my twenty third birthday in the ER and swore of surprises forever."

Bo laughed with me but when I looked in her eyes, I saw something that told me she was plotting. Plotting what, I didn't have time to think as Phil shouted at us to get into the house again.


	20. Chapter 20

**_N: one more chapter and it will probably be all fluff and what not! so read on and enjoy this mess!_**

* * *

 ** _Graduation Day –_**

"You look like you're either going to vomit on the floor or you're going to run out of the room."

Tamsin's voice appearing out of nowhere to land right beside me, scared the hell out of me. I swung my head to glare at her. She smirked back, plopping in the seat next to me with a giant bag of popcorn in her hands. I frowned at the woman. She was fifteen minutes late and in full street uniform. "You told me you had time to change."

She shrugged, shoving a handful of popcorn in her mouth, "I did, then we got a weird fucking traffic stop at the last minute. Freddy took the paperwork so I could code my ass down to this fancy fucking graduation ceremony." She looked over me, grinning as she slugged my shoulder. "Looking good, looking good. It's a shame I feel nothing for you and you're not valedictorian. You're one smoking hot bish in that dress."

I hissed at her to shut up and fiddled with the edge of the pale blue skirt of the simple elegant dress I picked out for the simple fact it was a color easily spotted in a crowd. Giving Bo a visual point to lock on and relax, "Can you be quiet, my parents are right over there." I waved at my mom and dad sitting with Bo's parents. "I'm nervous enough as it is. You're not supposed to be eating in here."

Tamsin gave me one of her traditional weird faces, "Who the fuck is going to tell a cop to step away from the popcorn bag, no one. And why the fuck would you be nervous? You graduated right after Christmas and this whole shitshow of sitting in the front is because of your girlfriend being the top law dork of the year." She clawed up another handful of popcorn, "Why the nerves, perve?"

I grimaced, closing my eyes, "Bad memories. Another graduation day and those memories of what happened." I sucked in a slow breath to calm my own rising dark thoughts.

"Ain't shit going to happen. Not on my watch." Tamsin looked around the auditorium, "I'm only catching bad looks from the ushers who are probably super fucking jealous of my snacks." She then grabbed my hand squeezing it and looking in my eyes, "I got you. Bo's got you and the parental hit squad is over there. You're good, Lauren." She then studied my face a little harder, "Wait, you're not intending to pop the question today?"

I shook my head quickly, "Oh no, no. Not today. Bo has been losing her shit since she opened the mail and saw she was valedictorian of her graduating law class."

I swallowed slowly, smiling at the look on her face when she read the letter over and over. Confused as to how I wasn't the top student and giving up the inspirational speech of the year. She didn't believe me when I showed her that I had graduated in technically the prior year and Bo had truly, and honestly, worked her ass off and won the highest GPA for the longest of all of her classmates. Bo had done this on her own, with a little help from Laurel and her study groups, but other than that, Bo had proof she wasn't dumb and could tell her demons to fuck off whenever they started to whisper.

I sighed, looking up at Tamsin, "I was thinking maybe next month when we take that trip to your dad's lake house for Bo's birthday. Her mom and I planned something that should work well." I looked down at my hands. "I'm nervous because Bo is nervous and later tonight I'm going to tell her about the academy."

"Still haven't told Boobs about that?" Tamsin shook her head, waving at my parents from across the aisle, "You're planning to marry her and have her fucking fancy engagement ring shoved in my sweat pants drawer for safe keeping. Why are you waiting?" She looked back at me with that shitty questioning look I often wanted to slap off.

I shrugged, "Because. Bo isn't ready for that stress. She's been so weird lately about finals and getting the internship ready, she's kind of grown distant." I frowned. "She's acting the same way she did back in high school and it scares me." I ran my hands down my thighs nervously. "Bo has also been doing weird things in the spare bedroom. She keeps looking at something and smiling then when I come around the corner, she hides it in a locked drawer and distracts me when I ask her what's up."

I looked at my best friend, "Do you think…"

"You need to shut the fuck up and stop worrying? Hell yes I do." Tamsin shoved the bag of popcorn in my face, "Eat some of this buttery goodness and stop being a weirdo. That girl," She leaned half on top of me to point at the curtain where Bo was standing and pacing nervously with note cards in her hand. "Loves you. There isn't a chance she's going to do anything but grin at you like an idiot and stare at you while she inspires people with a droll speech about success and shit." Tamsin leaned back, brushing crumbs off the top of her uniform shirt. "For fuck's sake, it's not like she's going to propose to you on the spot in the middle of the speech. That would just be stupid. Stupid and hilarious, but she knows you hate surprises. Carl still won't talk to me after you called him a dumb fuck for parking his hippie juice Prius in your parking spot." Tamsin dove in the popcorn again, "It would make me piss my pants in laughter if you lost your shit on Bo and called her a dumb fuck out of a spontaneous reaction to her proposing in the middle of a hundred people on graduation day."

I started laughing, shaking my head. I was being foolish and Tamsin was right. Bo knew me well enough to know that surprises were not my favorite and we had spoken in length about carefully planning the future. "You're right." I looked over at my mom, grinning at me in a weird way, "My mom would have me removed from the country if I did anything like that." I nudged Tamsin in the shoulder, "You always talk sense into me."

Tamsin grinned with a mouthful of popcorn, "I know, but I'm still calling dibs of being your best maid of honor when the time comes. Freddy even suggested I get one of the certificates online and become a ordained minister of love from the church of alien laser light. That way I could marry you two idiots."

I rolled my eyes, "No. Just No to that, but yes to you being my best man." I smiled and felt the last strings of nerves release as the dean of the school stepped out onto the stage to begin the ceremony.

I shushed Tamsin and snatched the popcorn bag away and shoved it under the chair, receiving a childish frown from the overgrown child. After a few introductions and speeches, Bo was called upon the stage and I couldn't help but grin at how beautiful she looked in her cap and gown. Biting her bottom lip like she always did when she was super nervous and shy. I threw her a small wave when she caught me sitting in the front row across from the group of graduating students.

Tamsin sniffled, "Look how beautiful our girl is, Lauren. All grown up and getting her fancy degree. So proud."

I looked at her, intending to scold her but when I saw the real tear slip down her cheek, I couldn't help but nod and pat Tamsin's hand. "Yes she has."

Bo took a deep breath and looked around the audience before finding her voice. "Today is graduation day. A day we've all been looking forward to for the last couple of years and now that it's here, it feels freeing." She paused, shuffling her notecards for a moment before looking up and squinting in the direction of the corner closest to where I sat. She suddenly grinned and waved, before letting out another breath and continuing on.

I grew curious and turned to look in the corner Bo had looked, wondering who it could be that made Bo even more relaxed. Our families were all here, including Tamsin's dad. Laurel was sitting six seats away from me fidgeting in her seat next to Michaela. Everyone of importance was here, so I was confused and determined to know.

Scanning the crowd, my eyes roamed over familiar faces of professors and other faculty. Then near the back I landed on a pair of eyes settled in a very gruff looking face, worn down by spending most of his days out on the ocean and in the ocean wind. I felt my eyes widen and my heart race when he looked back at me and winked. I kept my eyes on him, reaching for Tamsin, I whispered, "Why is Hank here?" I was staring at the man who saved me. I had not heard from him in almost three years. He and I had a few drinks on his boat right before Tamsin and I moved to Boston and start our life here. I promised I'd write to him, but he told me not to worry, that he'd show up when it mattered and when I needed him.

Tamsin covered my hand, pulling me back to look at the stage as she leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Your girlfriend asked me to bring him out here. She wanted the man who saved you to witness this." She pointed at Bo, "Pay attention for fuck's sake."

I scowled at her and turned to Bo, staring at me like she had just seen a ghost. "About ten years ago, I had another graduation day. My high school graduation day, and it was going to be the greatest day of my life. I had made new friends and found the love of my life along the way." She shifted on her feet, "But life sometimes has a funny way of throwing curveballs at you when you're young and very ignorant to how the world works and that if you want something, you never let anyone stand in the way. I let someone stand in my way that day and I lost the love of my life and my direction, opting to chase a curveball."

Bo dipped her head down, blowing out a slow breath and when she spoke her voice trembled. "Now today is my graduation day from law school. Two years of the most difficult of my life. There was the coursework, the endless nights of studying and surviving the path to becoming a lawyer. And along the way, I was reconnected to the one person who believed in me from the first moment I looked in her eyes when she almost plowed me over like an overburdened turtle carrying the school library on her back." Bo grinned as the crowd chuckled with her, "I was resistant to change when our reconnection happened, feeling the curveball was how my life was going to go forever. But then she changed all of that, she grabbed the ball and took it out of the orbit I was living in. She changed my life for the second time, stole my heart for the second time and never let my heart out of her sight. Fighting with me and for me, and ultimately saving my life and my future legal career."

Bo looked up at me with teary eyes, "First, I must ask for everyone's forgiveness for what I'm about to do. " She grinned and walked to the edge of the stage and hopped down to walk towards me. I glared at Tamsin, who was sniffling and grinning like an idiot.

Bo reached out for my hand, "Will you stand up?"

I gave her a curious look, my stomach rolling with confusion. "Bo, everyone is watching us." I glanced at Hank, "Why is he here?"

Bo grinned, "Lauren Lewis, you're the love of my life. I fell in love with you when our eyes met in the hallway of Mapleview High. I fell in love with you all over again when you stood outside my door in the rain, professing you're undying love for me and undying bravery in fighting with me." She paused and looked at Tamsin, "Do you have it?"

Tamsin hopped to her feet and dug in her side pants pocket, pulling out a small red velvet bag. She handed it over to Bo and stepped away the second it was in her palm.

That's when the realization hit me, and I started to shake my head. "Bo…" I felt my entire body warm up, my heart pound as my nerves and every other damn emotion spiraled up.

Bo opened the bag and removed a simple band with a diamond set in the middle. I gasped as I saw it and bit my bottom lip.

"I love you and will every second of every hour in every day I am with you." Bo looked up at me with teary eyes, "I loved you when we were apart, knowing that there would never be anyone but you to hold my heart as carefully and as passionately as you do. You're my everything and more." She then moved to one knee and held up the ring, grinning, "Lauren Lewis, will you make me even happier than you have and be my wife?"

I knew I was staring at Bo, feeling her hand tremble as it held onto mine, squeezing nervously when I took a minute too long. I closed my eyes and whispered, "I fudging hate surprises." I opened my eyes to see the panicked look on her face, so I bent down and kissed her hard, whispering against her lips, "Yes. God yes I will marry you, Bo." The tears rolled freely down my face as I was overwhelmed by so many things. Including that Bo was the one to ask first, showing me and her demons, that there was no stopping her. She had found her place and her strength.

Bo closed her eyes, "For a second there, I thought you were going to say no and call me a dumb fuck." She stood up, looking at Tamsin who suddenly shouted, "SHE SAID YES! BITCHES ARE GETTING MARRIED MOTHER FUCKERS!"

I pulled Bo closer as she slid the ring on my finger, kissing my cheek as I looked at the unique ring of rose gold and platinum. I then blushed as the thunderous applause filled the room, "Bo, you should probably finish your speech so everyone else can have their moment of glory."

Bo kissed my cheek, "They all knew. I came up here and asked if it was okay while you went to grab my makeup bag from the car." She giggled when I gave her a dirty look, "Don't be angry, I made the decision an hour ago, that's why Tamsin was late. I had her stop and get the ring out of my desk drawer."

I shook my head pulling Bo to sit down next to me now that Tamsin had moved to sit next to her father. "You know I hate surprises, and this is a big one." I looked around the room, "All these people…."

"Will not be at the wedding." Bo chuckled as the dean returned to the stage and started calling off names to hand out the degrees. She looked over her shoulder at Hank, "I hope you're not mad I found him. I just felt it was important that he was here, he's a big reason why we're here at this point."

I shook my head, picking up Bo's hand, "I'm not. He is a big reason why I stopped blaming myself and realized how young I was when everything went wrong. He taught me that it was never my fault, but to listen when others cast blame my way. For the only reason to give them the same opportunity to heal." I sighed, glancing at her parents who were beaming. "I love you, Bo." I kissed the side of her head, "But don't ever surprise me like this again. I hate crying in front of people."

Bo just grinned at me and stared at the ring on my finger, running hers over the intricate twisting of metal. A symbol of us, we had twisted and turned and ultimately found our back. Becoming the diamond in the center, an unbreakable stone.

* * *

 **XxXxX**

The backyard was full of people and I had just finished talking with one of Lauren's aunts about graduation and the surprise engagement. As I headed up the stairs of the deck I spotted Lauren standing with one of my dad's brothers and they were looking at her ring. I chuckled to myself as I continued to make my way inside. I just needed some space away from everyone.

The last few hours had been a little overwhelming but it was my fault. When I had picked up the ring I knew I had to propose soon because not only was I terrible at keeping secrets from Lauren but that ring was too beautiful to keep from her. Lauren had yet to ask me how I paid for it but I'm sure she would then we both could be mad at my dad for paying for the ring. He told me to think of it as an early thank you gift for giving him grandchildren. Lauren would probably flip if I told her that one but my dad would love to see her freak out.

I headed inside then snuck upstairs to mine and Lauren's room. I walked over to the window that looked out into the backyard and I smiled as I watched everyone. I had proposed to the love of my life and I couldn't have been happier. When I had gone up to the lectern to make my speech my knees started to shake. Talking in front of my entire graduating class was nerve wrecking enough but adding on a proposal and well, I was surprised I didn't throw up. I had been planning the proposal for the last couple weeks. I had first mentioned it to Dr. Greenbaum at my final therapy session and she had encouraged me to do it. Telling me that I was doing it for all the right reasons so there was no reason for me to wait. Then I told Tamsin what I was up to and she was beyond ready to help me. After that I just had to speak to a few people a school to get the go ahead to deviate from the norm. I even made sure that Tamsin tracked Hank down because I owed him for a lot and I thought he would want to be there to witness how happy Lauren was and how his crotchety old man personality had instilled some resiliency in her.

I looked around the backyard hoping to see Lauren where I had last seen her but she wasn't back there. I assumed she had gone inside for something. I sighed as I thought about the coming months. I was going to start my internship and I was curious what Lauren was going to do because she hadn't said much in regards to internships or finding a job or anything. Now that I thought about it she had been spending a lot more time at the cop shop with Tamsin. Before I had time to dwell on that I heard a gruff voice say, "Sorry. I thought this was the head."

I turned to see the hardened face of the man that had been Lauren's salvation. I gave him a smile and told him, "It's okay." I pointed to the master bathroom. "You can use the toilet in there or the second door on the left is the guest bath."

He chuckled a little then said, "I'll make my way down the hall." Hank turned to leave then he turned back to look at me as he scratched the back of his head. "I can't leave in good faith knowing that you're okay. This shindig is for you and Lo but you're up here by your lonesome."

I let out a small laugh then told him, "Yeah I'm okay Hank. I just…." I trailed off as I tried to explain why I needed to get away. I sighed. "I needed some space. Some time to think."

"Ah you one of them types that likes to process things internally," he said taking a step further into the room.

I nodded. "Yeah." I chuckled then remarked, "I never used to be that way, like when I was younger. But then shit happened and I began to keep things to myself. Granted it was for the worse then but now it's more of a happy internal process."

"By shit you mean…."

I sighed then told him, "Lauren left." I got a smile on my face. "But then I got her back and I owe that to you."

Hank scoffed then remarked, "You don't owe me shit." He rubbed his hand over his head. "She was just a lost girl who needed a kick in the ass to get her back on track."

"I know but if you hadn't done that then we wouldn't have found each other again and who knows where either of us would be." I took a deep breath then said, "Thank you Hank. For everything. It means more than you'll never know."

Hank looked away and muttered, "Now don't go getting all emotional girlie." His eyes met mine. "She was too damn bright for her to throw it away like that."

I nodded and smiled. "She was but you stopped it. Helped her find the strength that eventually helped me. So again, thank you Hank. I will forever be in your debt."

Hank rolled his eyes. He shoved his hands in his pockets. "How she doing by the way? I check in with Tamsin every now and then but I didn't want to encroach on you two."

I chuckled then told him, "You can call her Hank. I think she'll appreciate it. She has Tamsin and her parents but I think you give her the unbiased perspective that she needs." I looked out the window and smiled. "She's doing great. We worked through everything and we're happy. She may not have a job lined up but I think the time off from school and work will help her figure out what she really needs to do."

Hank chuckled and asked, "Time off? Are you sure you're talking about the same Lauren."

"I know, I know. It's weird to say but I hope she does." I grinned. "I'll tell her that the X-Files is coming back and she'll spend the rest of the summer waiting catching up on it." I laughed. "She would hate me for that."

Hank laughed with me then said, "I don't think you want to start off your life together like that."

I nodded then said, "This is true."

"Bo?" I heard Lauren call up the stairs.

"I'm in our room Lauren."

Lauren came into the room and she saw Hank. He smiled at her then gave her a hug. As he hugged her he whispered something to her. When he let go he pointed over his shoulder and said, "Well I'm going to go hit the can and give you two some space."

Hank left out of the room and when I knew he was out of earshot I asked, "What he say?"

Lauren walked over to me and smiled. "He said that he's proud of me and glad that I got to find the missing part of me." She wrapped her arms around my waist. "You okay?"

I smiled as I looked into her concerned eyes. "Yeah I am. I just needed to think a bit." I chuckled a little. "Its been a whirlwind of a day."

Lauren hummed then she placed a brief kiss on my lips and as she pulled back she said, "Well this is what happens when you propose in the middle of a graduation."

I grinned. "It seemed like the best idea. Besides I had to do it right away or I was going to propose to you while we were making dinner one night. That ring was burning a hole in my pocket."

"I bet it was." She held up her hand and looked at it. "It is a beautiful ring though Bo."

I smiled and told her, "But it's not as beautiful as you are though."

Lauren chuckled and rolled her eyes. "Ever the romantic." She leaned in to give me another kiss this one was slow and filled with so much love and appreciation. Lauren broke the kiss and she looked into my eyes. "No more surprises though Bo. Even if they are romantic. No more."

I grimaced. "I can't promise that Lauren."

She scowled at me. "See if I give you sex again."

I laughed then told her, "Okay that's fine. I enjoy celibacy thank you very much."

"Hey you two pervs stop doing the horizontal mambo and get your asses down here." Tamsin shouted up the stairs.

I narrowed my eyes at Lauren. "I don't like her sometimes."

Lauren grinned and said, "You love Tamsin."

I rolled my eyes then moved so that I could take hold of her hand. "I love you but that doesn't mean I have to love your best friend all the time."

Lauren laughed and as we walked out of the room she said, "It's okay. I don't love Tamsin all of the time either."

I laughed and the two of us went back downstairs to the party that celebrated us moving on to the next phases of our life.

* * *

XXXX

The day had been filled with excitement and family. Bo graduating was a huge deal, bigger than her proposing to me and it felt amazing to watch her from the side. It looked to be that she had chased most of her demons to sit in the back and stay there.

I was happy, incredibly happy as I sat in the chair by the window. Bo was in the bed still, sleeping with a smile on her face. We had just consummated our engagement and she passed out a few minutes later. The excitement and crazy positive energy had worn us all out.

I ran my finger over the beautiful and intricate engagement ring, grinning in the moonlight. I had never ever thought this day would come. I had thought that Bo and I would always just be on the edge of making our love honest and true. I was so focused on her getting through the last few months that I was afraid to push or even think about planning my own proposal. But then Bo surprised me again, showing me and the world that she was ready. She was much more than the dumb cheerleader who fell down a rabbit hole.

She had proven to us and her demons that she was the strongest woman I knew and I would always love her.

I glanced over at the sleeping brunette, tucked up in my pillow and snoring softly. She was beautiful and I loved her more than I did when I woke up to her rushing around the room in a frantic state, trying to find her graduation gown and notecards. I felt my grin falter, I still had to tell her about my plans for the academy. Hank was the one who basically demanded that I tell Bo tonight or tomorrow. He adored Bo and fell into protective mode when I mentioned I was hesitant to tell her.

"Girlie, you have to tell her. She's your sun, moon and stars. Don't treat her like yesterday's catch and try to keep her floundering about with evasive tactics. Tell her. Tell her you want to be a street cop. Save kittens and babies and all that shit." He looked over at Bo standing with Tamsin, "Plus you got the blonde beast. She'll keep you safe." He chuckled out a gruff laugh, "Tell her while she's on the high of popping the question. She loves you and whatever darkness you fear is going swallow you up, it won't." He reached out and patted my back. "Trust me."

I wanted to agree with Hank but I stopped short. I was leery that telling Bo I was thinking of being a cop would set her back. I wouldn't be home as much or around when she had bad days. She would worry about me and it would make me worry that she was worrying too much. I sighed, tucking my knees up to my chest and stared out the open window. The cool night breeze doing very little to calm my over anxious nerves.

After a few minutes of watching the newspaper delivery truck weave through the neighborhood, I sucked in a breath and got up from the chair. Glancing at the clock, it was a quarter to six in the morning. Tamsin would be home from her overtime shift in two hours and demanded we went out for an engagement breakfast buffet.

I walked over to my desk and pulled out the old beat up X-files lunch box and opened it. I picked up the fake alien test tube I had hidden Bo's ring and dug out the simple titanium band with two diamonds sunk into the metal. I had been hiding the rings since that lunch with her mom and would look at them every night, hoping tomorrow would be the day I would ask Bo to marry me.

Then she went and beat me to it.

I suddenly grinned. Bo beat me to it.

That was an incredible feeling to know Bo was the one who asked me to marry her first and I would tell my kids, my grandkids and the entire neighborhood how it happened.

"Lauren?" Bo sat up in the bed, "Why are you playing with that weird alien toy I got at the mall for you when we were kids?" She yawned, "Come back to bed, and why are you clothed? "

I blushed, remembering exactly when Bo got me the alien. She spent at least three dollars in quarters trying to get it out of those tiny little vending machines outside of Suncoast. "That alien has been keeping a secret for a few months. He's been my co-conspirator." I opted to ignore the playful pout my future wife gave me for throwing on a shirt and underwear.

Bo gave me a sleepy confused look, "I knew telling you and Tamsin about the rumors of the X-files coming back would spark the nerds in you two back up." She held out her hand, "Come here fiancée, I want snuggles." She grinned at the word fiancée.

I crawled on the bed to sit next to her, smoothing out the worn NASA shirt I put on when I woke up when Bo grabbed at it. "Bo, I have to tell you something, but first, I want you to have this." I opened my palm and held up the ring. "I was going to ask you to marry me in the fall. After the dust was settled with school, internship and Tamsin's weird summer trip she booked for us." I picked up Bo's left hand, "But you beat me to it and surprised me in a glorious way."

I looked up at teary brown eyes, Bo was biting her bottom lip as I spoke, "I love you, Bo. You know that because I literally tell you a thousand times a day." I picked up the ring and began to slide it on her left finger. "Titanium is one of the strongest metals out there, and I know black is an odd color for a engagement ring, but I wanted it to represent our love. We've been through so much and will go through so much more as our lives merge, and no matter what, I will always only love you Bo." I pressed the ring to the base of her knuckle, "Will you marry me?" I grinned sheepishly, whispering it out, "I mean I kind of figure it's a yes, but I wanted to at least ask."

Bo sniffled and grabbed my face, pulling me into a deep strong kiss. She whispered against my lips, "Yes. I will marry you."

I sighed and pressed my forehead against hers, "I'm going to the police academy in September. That's why I've been going to the station with Tamsin all the time. It's why I graduated early and haven't setup internships." I rushed the words out in one breath and looked up at Bo, "Are you mad?"

She sighed softly and pulled me into her arms, "I am, but you've thrown me off with this ring and all I want to think about is how I can't wait to be your wife." She kissed my cheek, "But I am going to kill Tamsin over bacon."

I squeezed her tighter, "I love you, Bo, and I promise I'm never going anywhere."

Bo kissed my neck, "Good, now get rid of that shirt. We have something else to celebrate now." She leaned back, smirking as agile hands removed my shirt like a magician with a table cloth.


	21. Chapter 21

**N: here it is! another chapter, the second to last! Wheee! anyways read on, i will ramble later about things and the future!**

* * *

 _ **One year later – Summer**_

"Fucking fuck, it's hot out." Tamsin grumbled, throwing her gear into her locker.

I let out a groan of relief as I removed my heavy vest. The cool air hitting the sweat soaked t-shirt underneath. "It is. I don't know how many times I heard it was a record breaking week for high temps." I dug in the small pocket where my trauma plate sat, removing my engagement ring and slid it back on. "I am very glad we have the weekend off. I can spend it sitting in the dark with the AC running on high." I peeled off my sticky shirt and looked over at my best friend struggling with untangling herself from the polyester uniform pants. "You want to do a Scully marathon tonight? Bo is going to be working super late at the DA's office."

Tamsin stumbled and fell into the locker, cursing as she ripped the pants free. "Fucker." She swiped her hair away before looking up at me with flushed cheeks, "I'm always game for our favorite federal agents." She quickly stripped off the rest of her uniform, "Lieutenant skankface stopped me in the hall when we rolled in. She's pressing me to get you to apply for the Sergeant's opening." Tamsin rolled her eyes and sat down on the bench.

I rolled my eyes and reached for the worn Counting Crows shirt hanging up. "I've told her no a hundred times. I'm still learning the ins and outs of being a patrol officer."

Shaking my head at Tamsin's murmured cursing agreement, I set to work on hanging up the rest of my uniform. I had only been on my own as a Boston police officer for the last couple of months, I was nowhere near ready to apply for a position to lead others when I was still learning.

"I told the skankface that. I also told her that you were too busy planning a wedding that is never going to happen." Tamsin stood up, glaring at me. "Are you two ever going to get hitch or is this going to be a fifteen year engagement?"

I sighed, "We're just so busy." I leaned against the locker, "Bo is so busy and stressed out that I don't think throwing a wedding into the mix right now would be good." I scrunched my face up, "I think she's still mad at me for last month's debacle." We had been engaged for just over a year and even though it was discussed, we had no wedding date set and no solid plans to make it official.

"Yeah, well I was pissed at you. You shouldn't have gone in the house alone. I was right behind you." She started to giggle, "But it was funny seeing you fend off a crazy old lady swinging a porcelain cat statue at you."

I ran my fingers along the new scar on the bottom of my chin. Courtesy of said porcelain cat figurine. "I scared her. She did apologize after telling me a lady shouldn't be in such a brutal unladylike profession." I rolled my eyes, looking down at the ring on my finger. "Bo tore me a new one and she had a slip up."

I frowned. Bo had done well throughout the time in the academy and through my training months. She would just cling to me at night when I got home. But after getting cat attacked, Bo lost it on me and she spiraled out of fear. The band aid on my chin reminded her of that frat boy pawing at her that first night she spoke my name again after eight years. I had to hold her for hours as she sobbed and let out all of her new fears. Life was overwhelming her with our new jobs and she was so afraid she would lose me to the job, figuratively and literally. I held her and then sat next to her as I forced a paint brush into her hand and made her paint. After that, Tamsin and I both promised Bo that we would never separate. Tamsin became my forever partner and we both made silent deals we would never talk about our days with Bo.

After that day, I resolved to shove permanent wedding plans to the back burner indefinitely. I knew Bo and I would get married, I just want to make sure it was when we were both completely ready to sit down and plan. Sit through endless rants with her mother and mine picking out arrangements, seating charts and go to a million tastings.

I rubbed my forehead, feeling I desperately needed a long cool shower. "To be honest, I'd marry her tomorrow in the backyard if I could. Just be done with it. Simple and easy. We don't need an extravagant affair." I looked up at Tamsin, "Shit, I'd marry her in this locker-room if I could get a priest in here."

Tamsin scrunched her face up, her deep thinking look plastered all over it. She suddenly snapped her fingers and grinned, "I have a grand fucking idea." She started digging in her duffle bag like a maniac, "So Freddy was going to come over on Saturday to grill up these Omaha steaks his parents sent him." She yanked out her phone and started squinting at it, pounding out text messages. I stared at her in confusion for a few moments until she snapped the phone shut and winked at me. "Saturday is your wedding day. Your mom is getting the word out to the rest of the important crew."

I opened my mouth in shock, "But…what the fuck are you saying?"

Tamsin grabbed my arm, "I was ordained as a minister of the church of southern eastern northern lower Manhattan. I'm a recognized entity of the religious law to perform marriages. "She giggled, "I did it last month when I was hammered with Freddy and we booked that stupid trip to Jamaica."

I stared at her, blinking blankly, "Again, use your words, Tams."

Tamsin slugged me in the arm. "You're getting married on Saturday. I'm performing the service, all we have to do is tell your future wife pants that I'm having a rager of a bbq then make her come over to shut it down. Boom! Surprise wedding!"

I shook my head, rubbing my temples. "Bo won't buy into this. She'll end up killing you."

"Nope. She won't. She's been talking about how she wishes you two could just run away and elope." Tamsin winked at me, "She's been buying my silence with extra jelly doughnuts when I meet her in the coffee shop next to the courthouse."

I glared at her, "Is this why you make me sit in the car down the street while you run and get our daily coffee?"

Tamsin nodded and linked her arm in mine, "Yup. Now let's get home. We have a surprise shotgun wedding to plan."

I groaned, but didn't protest. I actually thought that Tamsin had a great plan and deep down I was getting super excited to finally marry Bo and call her my wife. "Fine. But I'm not going to stop her when she threatens to rip your throat out."

Tamsin giggled and ran out the locker-room.

I couldn't believe I just let my best friend plan my wedding.

 _ **Saturday-**_

I fidgeted in the living room, the music from Tamsin's backyard was loud enough that it half-filled our house with deep bass beats. I kept looking at the clock, Bo was going to be home in a matter of minutes from a long day at court. She sounded exhausted on the phone and told me that she had decided to take the next day off so we could finally spend more than an hour or two together. Alone.

That was what scared me. Bo was adamant she wanted to be alone with me all day. No friends, no family, no anyone but her and I sitting and doing whatever. We had not been able to spend much time alone over the last few weeks due to our ever conflicting schedules. I missed Bo tremendously and it suddenly made me worried that this last minute shotgun wedding was going to bomb hard.

I jammed my hands in the back pockets of my jeans and looked down at the nice white button down I had put on. I was already sweating even though the house was cool as an iceberg. I let out a few shaky breaths when I heard Bo open the door.

"Lauren? Do you hear the noise next door? What the hell is Tamsin doing? Having a goddamn block party?" Bo stepped into the living room and threw her briefcase down on the floor. She looked exhausted but still gorgeous in her pale grey skirt and white sleeveless blouse. "I'm very tempted to go over and tell her to turn the music down before I call the cops." She let out a sigh and went to take of her heels.

I grinned, feeling the butterflies in my stomach flutter like crazy. This was it, I was confident now looking at Bo. I was about to marry her in the next five minutes and I was about to jump out of my skin in excitement. "Bo, we are the cops." I held out my hand to her, "Come, let's go next door and tell her to knock it down to a five. She's having a BBQ, so maybe we can steal a burger or two before we plan out the rest of the night and tomorrow."

Bo looked up at me, studying the stupid grin on my face. "You have that look on your face. What's up Lauren? What did you buy on Ebay now?"

I chuckled, walking closer, "I haven't bought anything yet. But we are going to New York next month to the comic con." I shook my head as my nervousness began forming into rambling. I grabbed Bo's hand, "Let's just go be neighborly before we tell Tamsin to shut the shit down. You can say hi to Freddy."

Bo sighed softly as she took my hand and walked into my arms for a hug, "I do like Freddy. He gets Tamsin to say fuck less." She squeezed me, "I missed you."

I kissed the top of her head, "I missed you too."

Bo leaned back, "Are you sure you're okay? Your heart is racing like you just met Scully." She looked around the house, a playful look on her face. "Is she in here? Is this why you are dressed up nice on a day off?"

I leaned forward and kissed Bo. "She left ten minutes before you got here." I smiled and grabbed Bo's hand. "Let's go. When we come back, I promise you, you'll be glad you went next door."

Bo huffed, "Fine. Only because I love you."

I chuckled and lead Bo to the back door.

The music was blaring and I couldn't help but grin wider the closer we got to the gate. I could hear my mom's unique whistle when I opened the gate. Bo was oblivious behind me, cursing Tamsin under her breath. "Lauren, I swear to god. It's too damn hot and I'm too damn tried to play friendly."

I walked us into the backyard, feeling my eyes well up at the sight of the makeshift altar and all of our family and friends milling around. Tamsin winked at me as she stood under the altar we made out of flowers and strings of light, wearing a tuxedo t-shirt and linen shorts.

"Lauren? Did you hear me?" Bo moved next to me, looking up at me when she noticed the tears in my eyes, "Are you okay?"

I nodded and directed Bo to look around the backyard before looking back at her, "Will you marry me, today?"

Bo slowly scanned around the backyard, her eyes landing on our parents then the whole setup. "What did you do?" The words came out quiet.

I squeezed her hand, "I want to marry you. Right now, right here, Bo." I pointed at Tamsin, "She came up with the idea when I told her I would marry you in the middle of a diner if I could." I looked a stunned Bo, "We can keep waiting and putting it off, planning the perfect wedding and all that comes with it." I looked down at her engagement ring, "But I felt that wasn't us. I felt that our love should always come first and who cares about fancy dresses and cakes, I want to marry you and I want to marry you today." I started to worry that Bo's silence meant I had fucked up big time.

Bo studied my face as tears filled her eyes. She bit her bottom lip as a slow smile crept across her face. She squeezed my hand harder, "Then what are we waiting for." She kissed me before whispering, "Let's go make this official, Mrs. Dennis."

I gave her a dirty look with a smirk, "Let's, Mrs. Lewis."

Bo rolled her eyes, turned and yanked me towards Tamsin, "We'll talk about that later, Mrs. Dennis, but first let's get hitched."

* * *

XXXXX

There we stood among our family and friends with Tamsin officiating the ceremony. It was the most bizarre thing ever but I was also in a crumpled suit and standing barefoot in her backyard grinning like an idiot because Lauren and I were actually getting married. It was something I didn't think would ever happen between me working my ass off down at the prosecutor's office and Lauren's shifts at the police department. I was hoping to drag her to the courthouse earlier this week but a case had prevented that from happening. But we were here now and that's all that mattered.

As Tamsin talked I stared into Lauren's eyes. I thought my heart was going to burst from my chest from how much I was feeling in this one moment but then I realized that this was the moment that started my forever with the woman that I loved. We were going to have our ups and downs. Lauren's job would always put the fear of god in me and I was always going to be a functioning nut job that caused her to hover sometimes but we would always be there for each other and love one another until our last breath. Lauren's smile turned into a grinned and she mouthed, _"I love you,"_ to me. I gave her hand a light squeeze. I was beyond excited.

"All right so now that I have expressed how happy I am to see these two love birds get married. I think one of them has something to say," Tamsin said as she winked at Lauren.

Crap. Vows. I didn't have anything prepared. I didn't know I was going to be getting married today. I took a deep breath and didn't worry about it. I was just going to let Lauren's words of love and happiness inspire me. Lauren let out a small chuckle then cleared her throat before she said, "I know you don't have any vows prepared and I know this is all a surprise for you but I wanted to let you know how happy I am and how proud I will be to call you my wife." She smiled. "Bo you are an extremely resilient person who has gone through hell followed by more hell and though there was a time where the light at the end of the tunnel was unreachable, you managed to reach it. You came out the end of that stronger, your resiliency reinforced, and your heart was bigger than ever before." My vision began to blur as tears came to my eyes.

"I know you'll say that I had a hand in that but it was all you Bo. You did it all. And to be in love with someone whose strength is so incredible is a beautiful thing and have the honor to stand by your side is something that I will never take for granted. So from this day forward, Ysabeau Dennis, you will be my rock, my partner, and every other cliché thing that signifies that you are my always. I love you and I will never stop loving you."

I wiped at my eyes then I went to go kiss her but Tamsin stuck her hand between our faces. "Nuh-uh. You're not going to jip me from saying 'you may now kiss the bride.' I've been waiting for this for almost ten years." I scowled at her then wiped my eyes. Tamsin cleared her throat. "Now if anyone-"

"Tamsin wait a second," I said interrupting her.

She looked at me with curious eyes. "Are you going to run or something? Because I will tackle you then sit on you until you come back to your senses."

I chuckled and smiled at her then I looked at Lauren. "No I just want to say something."

"Bo you don't-" I pressed a finger to Lauren's lips.

I smiled. "Yes I do have to. I may not have had the time that you've had to prepare something but I think I'll let my heart and mouth go and see what comes out." I lowered my finger form her lips then took a deep breath then said, "I was in the dark for so long. The dark was my everything. It was where I felt safest because I felt that no one would ever be able to love or accept the real me. My parents and Laurel saw glimpses of my real self but they never saw that vulnerable, weak side of me. Then you came back into my life and the second layer of makeshift skin I had created was ripped off of me, exposing every raw and exposed nerve.

I swallowed to moisten my throat so I could continue. "You said that I did all the work in reaching the light at the end of the tunnel but it wasn't just me. It was also you. You were there making sure that when I faltered I was taken care of. You were there being the silent support when I would go into myself. You have never judged me or resented me for not being a whole person and we know that it's not as bad as it was but I'm still not whole but you don't care. You love me as is. It's that love that has given me a place to be vulnerable. A place where I know I can lose it and everything will be okay. A place that if I don't have the strength I know you'll have enough for the both of us." I chuckled a little. "Even after a long seventeen hour shift." Lauren smiled at my mention of the freak out I had after she had gotten hurt on the job. "I love everything that you have done for me and that you want to stand beside me for the rest of our lives. I love you Lauren and there will never be a day where I won't love you."

I smiled as I wiped away a tear that was trailing down her cheek. She sniffed then murmured, "I love you so much Bo."

I grinned and told her, "I know."

She leaned in so that she could kiss me but Tamsin's hand blocked her. She glared at the other woman and Tamsin remarked, "There is pomp and circumstance to this wedding thing." She looked between Lauren and I then asked, "Do either of you have any more words that you would like to say?" We shook our heads. "Okay in that case….it give me, with joy of a thousand what-the-hell-evers , to pronounce you both wife and wife. You two can suck face now."

I met Lauren for what was supposed to be a chaste kiss but as soon as lips met it became a kiss that was so full of love, forever, and hope for what the future was to bring that I never wanted it to end. When the kiss lasted to long we heard someone clear their throat then my dad said, "Bo, pipsqueak this kiss is bordering on inappropriate in front of guest."

I pulled away from Lauren and she muttered, "He's my father-in-law now, can I tell him he can kiss my ass?"

I laughed then gave her a quick kiss before I whispered, "You can go ahead and do that but I would like for you to way a day before you make me a widow."

We shared a laugh then Lauren said, "We have to sign the certificate to make all this official."

As the party to celebrate our marriage started up Lauren and I along with our parents went into the kitchen so we could sign the marriage license. As I signed my name I couldn't stop grinning. It was official. Lauren was my nerd.

After numerous congratulations I was surprised to see Dr. Greenbaum come walking over to me. She gave me a hug then as she pulled away from me she said, "I'm very proud of you Bo."

I chuckled and told her, "Well if it weren't for you and Lauren I probably wouldn't…."

She nodded. "But you did all the work. You fought tooth and nail to be here and look what your hard work has earned you. A wife whom you have a bright future with."

I spotted Lauren talking with Laurel and Michaela who had become something when they both started working for Keating's law firm. Lauren had a radiant smile on her face and I couldn't help but to fall helplessly in love with her. I grinned then looked at Dr. Greenbaum. "I did, didn't I?"

"You did."

I smiled at her then I gave her another hug and whispered, "Thank you Dr. Greenbaum."

"Don't thank me Bo. I just assisted you in helping you navigate things and if you ever need help, you know where to find me."

I nodded as I pulled away from her. "I know. And thank you for coming to the wedding."

She grinned and winked at me. "I wouldn't have missed it for anything." She pointed over to the grill and said, "I think I'll snag me a burger then head out."

I smiled and told her okay. I was headed over to where Lauren was at but then I felt two strong hand land on my shoulders and pull me back. I groaned as my dad wrapped me in a bear hug and lifted me up. "Dad put me down. I'm a grown ass woman."

My dad laughed as he put me down. "I know you are and today proved to me how much you have grown up but you are still my little girl." I turned to look at him and there was a proud smile on his face. "It was a beautiful ceremony Bo. You two looked happier than anything."

I grinned and told him, "Well she makes me happy."

"Well then in that case…" He reached behind his back then presented a white envelope. "You won't be needing this."

I raised an eyebrow. "What is that?"

My dad examined the envelope and said, "Well the parents decided that since we weren't blowing money on an extravagant wedding we had all this money to use. I said we could buy a boat but the moms seemed to think the money still be used for something for you girls despite what I thought.

I folded my arms over my chest and narrowed my eyes at him. "What did you do? I still haven't forgiven you about the engagement ring thing."

He cringed then remarked, "I thought I was being a good dad. Anyways this was money we all had saved up so the money was going to you two anyway. And we got you guys a vacation home down in the islands for a month." I was about to protest but my dad held up his hand. "No arguing. You can use it whenever you want and it doesn't have to be used all at once. No arguing Bo. Now take the present and tell me you like it and that you love me."

I glared at him as I took the envelope from him. "Thank you dad and I love you."

"What no hug?"

I pointed at him and said, "Do not push your luck. Wait until my wife hears about this."

He grinned at me. "You just wanted to say the word wife didn't you?"

I tried not to smile but I ended up failing as a huge one came to my face. "I still don't approve of the present."

He gave me a normal hug and kissed the side of my head then said, "It's okay. I'm proud of you either way Bo-Bo."

I returned the hug and said, "Thanks dad." The hug lingered for a moment then I moved away from him. "Now I'm going to tell Lauren about this."

He chuckled as I started to walk over to where Lauren was. When I was close to her I gave her the envelope. She frowned at it and asked, "What is this?"

I gestured towards the envelope. "Open it and find out."

Lauren opened it then she pulled out the sheet of paper. After she read it she said, "Holy shit. Bo we can't accept this."

I scoffed and told her, "You go tell your father-in-law that. Then our moms and we'll see how far you get."

She scowled and I laughed. I moved closer to her then gave her a quick kiss and said, "I'm glad you understand how futile that will be. Isn't there supposed to be cake at this thing?"

Lauren rolled her eyes and remarked, "You don't want cake. Tamsin got the cake."

I was a little apprehensive as to what kind of cake Tamsin had gotten but I smiled and said, "Come on let's do one cheesy wedding thing."

Lauren blew out a breath and muttered, "Okay but don't say I didn't warn you."

I laughed at her. The cake wasn't going to be that bad and Lauren was being dramatic. I was more excited to get the party over with so that I could spend the night with my wife. I took hold of Lauren's hand and I gave her cheek a kiss then whispered, "I love you."

She smiled at me. "I love you too Bo."

If this was what forever was, then I definitely was a fan of it.

* * *

XXXXX

 _ **Two months later –**_

I held up my left hand, staring at the platinum band with a thin line of diamonds in the middle. It fit perfectly with my engagement ring, creating a unique, storytelling dynamic between the two rings. I rotated my hand in the bright sunlight, letting the stones catch the bright Carribean sun. I smiled and dropped my hand down and squinted out into the water in front of me.

The water was a deep pale blue color and whispered against the sandy beach, threatening to come closer to where I was laying. I sat up when I heard a quick splash in the water and caught sight of a brunette beauty walk out of the water and towards me.

Her hair was wet and the sun was reflecting off the water that was running down her tanned skin, only stopping when it met the edges of her bright red bikini. I sucked in a quick breath at the sight and bit my bottom lip, grinning as the brunette made eye contact with me. "A married woman shouldn't be staring like that."

I held up my hand for Bo to take, "She can if the woman she's staring at is her wife, Mrs. Dennis-Lewis." I half rolled my eyes, "You could've kept your last name, I kind of prefer it over the hyphen you seem to be carrying on with." I sighed when her hand met mine and pulled her to sit down next to me.

Bo chuckled, reaching up to brush hair away from my face, "I don't intend to keep it. I told my parents and yours before we left, that I was going to become a Lewis." She kissed me softly, "I wanted to torture you a little longer in revenge for our wedding cake."

I frowned, looking down at her left hand the matching wedding band on her finger. "I didn't know Tamsin was going to get us an alien boob cake for our wedding. I trusted her when she said she knew a good cake person. I just didn't know it would be Tamsin who made our cake."

Bo giggled and leaned back in the sun, giving me an incredible view of my wife's body. "She did make a tasty cake, but I still can't believe she went so far as to make an alien boob cake."

I laid a hand on her thigh, squeezing gently, "Well, she figured putting my two favorite things together would be hilarious. Freddy wants her to open up a cake shop and quit the force." I paused, looking over the woman I married two months ago. "Can you believe that we're married?"

Bo titled her head up towards the sun, "I can, since we're on our honeymoon. Remind me to get gifts tomorrow for the parents. We do owe them for this private island trip. It's so nice to be away from Boston, work, life and everything." She looked over at me, "And to be alone with you for extended periods of time, naked." She grinned at me as I blushed. Bo laid a hand on my cheek, "Why do you still blush like you did when you were sixteen when I compliment you?"

I shrugged, sighing, "Because, whenever you say it, I know it's real and the truth and it makes me love you a million times more." I grabbed her hand and kissed the palm, "Plus I still can't believe the hottest girl in school married me."

Bo rolled her eyes and scooted closer to me, placing her hands on the sides of my face. "I think I'm the one who can't believe the most beautiful woman in the world married me. Found me, fought for me, sticks with me and loves me every day I wake up." She looked down as her eyes glossed over, "In so many ways, I wish I could go back in time and get those eight years back for us."

I shook my head, "I don't. I think we wouldn't appreciate our love if we didn't wait like we did." I grinned at her, "You're the one fight always worth fighting. I love you Ysabeau Lewis."

Bo sniffled and grinned back. "And I love you Lauren Lewis." She leaned forward, kissing me deeply, spurring up a thousand inappropriate thoughts when she whispered, "I'm am, however, incredibly grateful Tamsin packed your bags. This tiny blue bikini is not anything I'd ever imagine you picking out."

I sighed as Bo ran her hands down my sides, sending shivers over my heated skin. "She said it was your wedding present." I kissed my wife again, murmuring, "You can unwrap me tonight, but first we should go enjoy some sights."

Bo smirked, running her eyes up and down, "I am enjoying this site." She winked at me and stood up, pulling me up with her. "Let's go swim and make out in the middle of the ocean. Knock one more thing off my bucket list."

I gave her a strange look, "You have a bucket list?"

She nodded as she dragged me in the sand, "I do. A very dirty bucket list that I intend on fulfilling for the next two weeks of our honeymoon."

I raised my eyebrows, knowing I was in trouble. I smiled and shook my head, "Well, that will make it impossible to tell our children the story about our honeymoon."

Bo shrugged, "We can tell them, we will tell them. Our entire story." She spun around and grabbed both of my hands to look in my eyes. "We can call it How the nerd got the girl, a beautiful love story."

I scowled at my wife before scooping her up and throwing her over my shoulder. "I'm still a nerd, am I?" I smacked Bo's ass as I carried her to the ocean. She giggled and wrapped her arms around me, "Yes you are, my nerd."

I laughed and ran into the ocean, throwing the both of us into the deep blue water, laughing and kissing as we settled into our lives as a married couple.

Looking back, I would change a damn second of what Bo and I had gone through. It gave me the foundation to be able to love a woman like Bo with my entire being and taught her to love herself and allow the love she deserved into her heart.

I grinned as I watch Bo swim away, I was her nerd. Forever and to my last breath.

* * *

 **aren't these two idiots adorable? More To come!**


	22. Chapter 22

**N: here it is, the end! the end for these two ladies in this epic story that took one heck of a turn! so read on and enjoy! thank you to all of you readers and WritingSux for this fun little journey! stay tuned on facebook and twitter as i move on to other projects!**

* * *

"Goddammit," I muttered as I walked through the front door of the house. I had stumbled over the pile of shoes that was crowding the entrance and instead of doing something so that they were a safety hazard I pulled off the pumps that I was wearing and added them to the pile before I made my way out into the living room.

As I walked through the room I took my hair out of the ponytail I had put it in then dropped down onto the couch. It had been another long, tedious day down at the legal aid offices and I was ready to go down to the local Burger King to see if they were hiring. I couldn't do it anymore. Piles of cases for people you felt bad for, but when the system was more worried about getting them processed and out of the way, you kind of became desensitized to it all. I blew out a breath and closed my eyes. I needed a shower. I needed a meal. If I hadn't quit drinking eons ago I probably could have used a drink but I didn't want to move. The couch was too comfortable and my body was just that tired.

I reached over the arm of the couch and got the phone, not bothering to open my eyes. With my eyes still closed I dialed the number from memory and it rang a few times before it went to voicemail. "Of fucking course," I mumbled under my breath as I mashed the button to end the call. My day of hell wasn't quite done with me yet. I drew in a breath then made another call. This time it was answered, "Bo, what's up?"

I forced a smile on my face and tried not to sound so miserable. "Hey Laurel. Nothing much is up. I just got home and my day has been complete shit."

"Damn that sucks but I told you legal aid was a warzone but you wanted to be superwoman." She chuckled then asked, "You want me to see if Annalise has room for a new defense attorney?"

I rolled my eyes. Keating hated me in law school so I didn't think her opinion of me would be different almost ten years later. "No. Annalise deals in a different kind of law that I'm not going to bother with. Also legal aid has left a bad taste in my mouth about being a defense attorney. You know anyone down at the prosecutor's office that can help."

Laurel clicked her tongue a few times then said, "I'm not sure, but I'll call around and see."

A smirk came to my face. Laurel always had my back and I think she would continue to have my back until we were old crotchety ladies. "Thanks Laurel. Hey you want to go out to eat tonight. My treat."

Laurel groaned then said, "Sorry Bo I can't. One of the twins is sick and Michaela needs a break. She called me an hour ago and she swore at me in Spanish. Can you believe that?"

"I mean with the way you go off the handle in Spanish sometimes, yes. Yes I can believe that, " I said with a small chuckle. Laurel and Michaela had gotten married five years ago after Laurel finally told Michaela about her feelings in one drunken confession. That had been a fun call to receive at two in the morning. The two of them had tried for kid last year and they ended up with twins who just turned one last month.

Laurel scoffed then remarked, "I do not go off the handle. You have a weak constitution." She sighed. "You want to come over. I'm sure the kids will go down early then you and me can piss Michaela off and tell her about our lawyer-tastic days."

I let out a soft snort then commented, "You can piss her off with your lawyer-tastic day. I sat in an office the size of a supply closet trying to help clients the system could careless about."

Laurel sucked in a breath. "We have got to get you out of legal aid." She paused a moment then offered again, "You sure you don't want to come over. I know how you are when you have your bad days and you're alone Bo."

I drew in a breath through my nose then let it out. My mental health these days erred on the side of good most of the time but if I had a terrible day at work I would lock myself in my room and paint. I've been told that I might need to change professions but I like what I did. My current job on the other hand was a main source of my stress and I was trying to fix that. "Don't worry Laurel. I'll probably read over some case files for Monday over some takeout then call it an early night." I smiled. "Go home to Michaela, RJ, and Ali. I'll come over tomorrow and we can go to the park or something so Michaela can get a break."

Laurel chuckled and told her, "She won't take a break. She'll work on that case that she's been working on for the last month, but okay. Call me before you come over."

"Will do."

She said bye to me then the call ended. I dropped the phone on the couch next to me then let my head fall back onto the couch. I looked up at the ceiling for a moment then I got up and headed into the kitchen. I was about to open the refrigerator door then I saw the invitation for my twentieth high school reunion. I stared at the invite and contemplated on going to the party. It probably was a better idea than reading case files I would barely be able to present and the thought of seeing who had work done was also a plus. I frowned. But then I would have to deal with the assholes. In particular, the ones I used to hang out with.

I blew out a breath then snagged the invite off the fridge door and muttered, "Fuck it." I needed something to do also a part of me wanted to show people that the dumb head cheerleader had actually made something of herself. I looked at the clock on the microwave. It was early enough that I would make it to the venue just as soon as the party was starting at eight. I walked back into the living room and grabbed the phone off of the couch. I dialed the number I had dialed before I had called Laurel and when it went to voicemail I left a quick message then hung up.

I headed for my closet and found a dress that wasn't over the top but would definitely show the girls off in a way that would let people know that they were still au natural. Once I had picked out the dress I went in the bathroom to take a shower and do my makeup. An hour and a half later I was heading out of the house and on my way to the reunion. Ready to show everyone how much I had changed.

And two hours later I was pulling into the parking lot of the field house of Mapleview High. As I got out of the car I looked around and being back at my old alma mater, if could call it that, was a little surreal. Everything was the same, smaller, but the same. I turned and looked at the front of the building. The numerous times I had walked through those doors for gym, practice, and whatever else went through my mind then I thought about the last time I had walked through them. I shook my head and forced a smile on my face before the terrible thoughts could take hold. I wasn't that person anymore. In fact, I was better than who I was in high school. Holding my head high I walk towards the entrance.

I gave him a politely at those milling around out front even though I had no idea who they were. Once I was inside I went up to the table where they were handing out the name tags. I got the sticker from a woman who looked vaguely familiar but I had no idea who she was. I think she was on the swim team and even though I couldn't remember her, she remembered me. The woman started talking about how she had been surprised when she heard about the me, Dyson, and Lauren thing. I was polite and told her that it had been a surprise to me too but it was something I never regretted.

I walked into the ballroom as I stuck the name tag onto my dress. I felt so awkward being in the same room with all the people I had gone to high school. None of them seemed familiar to me and I felt guilty for that because I had been such an ambivalent twit that I didn't even bother to get to know the other people who went to the same school as me. With the exception of those in the jock-cheerleader social group I didn't know anyone. However, they knew me and were coming up to me and asking me questions about what I had been up to over the last twenty years. Most of them were stunned to hear about me going to Harvard and becoming a lawyer. Several of the men asked me about legal representation and if I would help them with something with business law.

I avoided all questions about kids, marriage, and family. It wasn't that I was avoiding them on purpose but I wanted them to see that I had become something unlike most of them that had glommed onto either their parents' fortunes or married rich. I, Bo Dennis, was not the dumb head cheerleader, and though I hadn't seen myself as such in the longest time, coming to my reunion had given me some validation that I had fared better than those who probably only saw me as a dumb cheerleader in high school.

I had spotted Dyson, Ted, and Bev from the refreshments table twenty minutes into the event and they looked as plastic as they had been in high school. Bev had had a boob job. It was obvious. Like on a level that I was tempted to ask if she need representation for a malpractice suit. Ted had gotten his nose fixed from where Tamsin had broken it. And Dyson….Dyson couldn't fix the asshole that he was with surgery. He looked as smug and as arrogant as ever. Looking at them only made my stomach churned and I couldn't believe I had ever hung out with them.

I walked over to the bar and got myself a sprite. I had just started to walk away from the bar when I saw her. A smile took over my face as I watched her. Lauren looked like the shy nerd she had been in high school, only older, and she looked so out of place. I chuckled to myself as I watched as she and Tamsin bickered with each other. The two of them got some odd looks from everyone that walked by and Tamsin would either scowl at them or tell them to go piss off. I couldn't hold back the laughter when Tamsin tapped the side of her as she passed by one of the women who had been on the cheerleader squad with me. While Lauren shook her head in disbelief. I chuckled then decided to make my way over to them.

Tamsin was piling a small plate with enough buffalo wings that I was certain she was going to have to go to the hospital later and Lauren watched her with a slight look of disbelief. I walked up to her and said, "Don't look so surprise. I would be worried if Tamsin wasn't herself at this thing."

Lauren looked at me and I smiled at her. Her cheeks started to turn that adorable shade of red that always caused me to laugh. Though I felt myself start to blush too when her eyes roamed over my body. Lauren chuckled a little then said, "You look amazing."

I grinned and said, "Thank you." Then I moved closer to her so that I could lean in to give her a kiss. It was soft one that lingered on her lips then I pulled back. "I called you when I got home and you didn't answer."

Lauren gave me an apologetic look then scowled at Tamsin. "Someone decided to be a hero and chase after a purse snatcher when I was right behind her in the patrol car."

"What?" Tamsin said with a mouth full of half masticated chicken. She chewed up a little bit more then said around it, "He was getting away."

I let out an exasperated breath then I began to fuss over Lauren's shirt. "Where did you get this? And Tamsin if my wife gets hurt because you decide to be a big hero I will murder you."

"Sorry," Tamsin mumbled as she took another bite of chicken.

Lauren reached out and placed her hand on my cheek. I meet her gaze and she said, "Don't worry Bo. I'm careful."

I smiled and nodded my head as I tried to fight back the tears. "After you being in this stupid job for the last ten years you'd think I would find a place to be okay with what you do." I sighed. "But I haven't." I leaned forward and sniffed her shirt. I scrunched my face up and asked, "Did you get this from your locker?"

"We sprayed it down with some starch hoping it would hide the locker scent," Lauren said with a slight grimace. "Though if we want to talk about outfits. What the hell are you wearing? Do you want me to kick someone's ass tonight?"

I chuckled and told her, "Making sure I'm the best looking person in the room also giving you the chance for you tell everyone that you married the smoking hot Bo Dennis. Who has only gotten hotter. Oh and also to let everyone know that my boobs are still real and as amazing as ever." Lauren got eyed me with some uncertainty. "What?"

"Have you been drinking?"

I rolled my eyes and told her, "No I haven't been drinking. I had a shitty day at work and I wanted to feel better. This makes me feel better. Though me being here makes me feel guilty. I don't really know anyone."

Lauren scoffed. "Yeah well at least everyone knows you."

I frowned a little then I took hold of her hand and said, "Lauren who cares about what happened in high school. After tonight none of this will matter and we can go back to our life. If this is going to be too much for you then we can leave. "

Lauren shook her head then said, "No Bo. Let's stay for a bit. Plus I think you said something about a dance in your message since we didn't get one back in high school."

I smiled and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, "You sure?"

"Absolutely," she said with a smile then she gave me a quick kiss.

We walked around and quite a few people came up to Lauren and thanked her for helping them turn their act around in high school because if they hadn't who knows where they would be. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I was proud of Lauren. She had come a long way from the person that she had been in high school. We were talking to one of the guys that had been on the track team that had been in Lauren's tutoring group when I heard an all too familiar voice say, "I remember that body."

I scowled for a second then I turned around and force a smile on my face. "Dyson."

He held open his arms and said, "What no hug?"

I folded my arms over my chest and said, "Fuck no." I wanted to hand him his ass. I wanted to kick his ass. It was because of this arrogant, self-centered asshole that Lauren and I had the history that we had. But I didn't.

Dyson chuckled then slipped his hands in his pockets. "Okay, okay. We left things off in a bad term in high school and I have changed Bo. I got in some trouble a few years back and that opened my eyes y'know." He glanced at Lauren who looked like she wanted to kick his ass yet at the same time she looked like she was going to ask Tamsin to kick his ass for her. "Nerdo! Damn you aren't such a nerd these days huh?"

I scowled at Dyson. I was done talking with asshole. He had no right to talk to Lauren. Not after all the shit he had put her through in high school and even after high school. I was so close to assaulting him with one of the heels that I was wearing. "So what do you say Bo? You and I can go grab a drink and catch up on old times."

I grinned and said, "I can't Dyson. Not because you're an asshole but because you're only going to hit on me and I'm married. And I heard your divorce wasn't even finalized yet."

He scoffed and remarked, "It'll be finalized in a week and your marriage can't be holding up too well since," he looked around, "the guy isn't even here."

* * *

XXXX

The high school parking lot brought back a lot of memories. The whole building made my emotions turn sour. I really didn't understand why I was standing on this asphalt lot, smoothing out the sleeveless dress shirt I had in my locker, waiting for Tamsin finish changing in the back seat of my car. I sighed, Mapleview high was a catalyst for the rest of my life and I had very bittersweet memories that would need more than an open bar and buffet to cure.

"Are you almost done? I told you to change at the station." I glanced over my shoulder at my best friend tumbling out of the backseat, flipping me off and rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, I could have, but I didn't." she glared at me, "Someone was in a big damn hurry after they checked their voicemail while I was booking the flash."

I gave her a dirty look, "I was right behind you in the car, you didn't have to run." I checked my phone, "Come on, let's get this over with so I can go home and start my five day weekend."

Tamsin saluted me, "Yes sir, sarge."

I groaned and shoved her when she stood next to me. Looking every bit of Tamsin in a plain white button down and form fitting slacks. "You're next, you know that?"

She shrugged, "Yeah, after you get lieutenant. I made a promise to stay on the road with you until you got a desk job." She tucked the shirt in, "Why are you still doing this job when you could be some fancy lawyer making more money to add on to the piles of money you have from my dad's company?"

I sighed, looking at the giant banner welcoming the class of 1996. "You know why Tamsin." I brushed some hair out of my face as we walked into the front entrance.

We were greeted by a smiley lady who I might have recognized as the class president, but wasn't sure. She handed us a pamphlet full of the night's events, blank name tags and a sharpie to write our names on.

I smiled tightly as the lady prattled on, and press the sticky backing on my shirt, frowning when it wrinkled up the edges of the grey top. I looked over at Tamsin as she slapped hers on, making me frown deeper when I read NACHO FRIEND in bold black letters.

"Tams? Really?" I suddenly despised being here, I wanted to go home, not indulge in stupid painful memories or run into that asshats who ruined my life and continued to for a very long time.

Tamsin nudged me, "Hey everyone will know it's me, Nerdo Lewis's only friend." She winked at me and turned to spot the large buffet setup in the gym. She grabbed my arm and dragged me towards it, "Let's go there now."

I rolled my eyes and let my best friend lead me to the massive offering of food. I let her fill multiple plates up as I scanned the crowd. Looking out at a sea of faces I barely recognized. "Why are we here?"

Tamsin cocked an eyebrow and mumbled through a mouthful of chicken wings and pasta salad, "I'm here for the free food, I missed lunch because of that chase and dinner because of you." She looked around the room, grinning like a idiot when her eyes landed on someone we both knew. "And you're here for her."

I sighed heavily, my face turning red like it always did when I would look at Bo Dennis. "She still makes me blush like an idiot and my heart race."

Tamsin chuckled, "You had such a wicked bad crush on her in high school. It was so embarrassing for me to watch and suffer through. Good thing I had a strong will and determination to get you two idiots in the same room and talking…and kissing. Ew." She shivered and grabbed a hot dog, shoving that in her mouth in two bites.

I tilted my head down to look at the tops of my shiny black heels. "Is she coming over here?"

"Yup, but so is that fucking fucktard Dyson. His eyeballs just about exploded when he saw Bo in that blue dress." Tamsin's voice dropped to that low tense one that she used on the streets of Boston.

I felt my gut twist, my jaw clench and the anger from what that asshole did to me, returned as if it was graduation day all over again. "I'm going to go outside."

I took one step away when I heard her voice, "Lauren?"

I swung around to look at my wife, grinning and moving my way. I sighed again and held out my hand for her to take, a dopey grin covering my face like I was sixteen again. "Bo." The second her hand was in mine I pulled her into my arms, hugging her tightly. "Hi, I've missed you."

She sighed and kissed my cheek, "I know, that's why I called you and you didn't answer. I wanted to talk to my wife and then I saw the invitation on the fridge." She shrugged, "I know this isn't ideal but I wanted to show you off, us off, to the people who didn't think we'd make it." Bo turned and looked at Tamsin eating, "I see the buffet means her quality standards."

I laughed, "Would you expect any less from her? The blonde eating machine." I sighed, looking at Bo. I had missed her terribly over the last few days. Our hectic schedules were keeping us apart and I hated it. I wanted Bo to quit her job and go work with our old law professor Keating, but she was hesitant to do so. I also knew she wanted me to quit my job as a cop, but I wouldn't yet. I had taken the sergeant promotion to get better hours, but that wasn't working out yet. The captain of the department had asked me a week ago about moving into the detective unit or applying for the lieutenant spot, giving me more stability and time with Bo. I looked down in Bo's big brown eyes and saw the love in them, it made me want to force us to quit both of our jobs and be full time Ebay sellers. I did have enough money to support us both, but Bo was determined to prove to herself and the world she could do it. Bo had done it, we had done it and after ten years of marriage, I loved her more than I ever thought imaginable and even thought we weren't perfect, we worked on it. We fought through the low points and came out stronger and deeper in love.

I had zoned out and barely heard anything she was talking about in regards to being at the reunion, until my favorite word floated across, pulling all of my attention. Boobs. I blinked a few times trying to focus on what we were talking about, I think it was something about my shirt smelling like a rank locker-room.

I sighed and made a comment about Tamsin being the one to blame when I looked up and saw Dyson strolling over, making a disgusting comment about my wife's body.

I had to reach back when I felt Tamsin start to lunge for the bearded fuck, letting Bo say her piece when he made a comment my way about how I grew up and wasn't so much of a Nerdo anymore. I clenched my jaw when he then asked Bo for a drink and she refused, telling him she was married.

He scoffed and remarked, "It'll be finalized in a week and your marriage can't be holding up too well since," he looked around, "the guy isn't even here."

I cleared my throat and glared at the piece of shit, "So how was federal prison, Dyson? I heard even minimum security in Chicago is like being in cook county jail." I watched his face turn a pale shade of white. I stepped closer, "You know, you shouldn't lie to your friends over there, telling them you're a stock broker when we both know your license was revoked for life and you actually work at the rubber plant in town." I motioned to Ted laughing with Bev on his lap, "You and Ted both."

Dyson stammered and glowered at me, "Whatever Nerdo, you don't know anything. Now if you'll excuse me, I was talking to Bo, trying to apologize to her for my stupid high school ways." He stepped between me and Bo, offering her the second glass of whiskey he had. I watched Bo's jaw clench as the booze was so very close. I went to grab a fistful of beard when a very familiar hand snatch it out of his palm.

"Thanks for the drink fuckface." Tamsin slammed the drink in two gulps and slapped the empty back. "I have a great idea, Dyson. Piss off and leave my friends alone before Bo's wife gets really upset and I let her break your fucking nose like I broke Ted's." Tamsin was still protective of Bo and I like she had been from day one. It was her way of staying loyal and making what she thought was a life time of amends of being as stupid as the rest of us in believing this bearded jerk.

Dyson gave my best friend a strange look, "Wife?" He then looked at me before turning to Bo, "You can't be serious, Nerdo is your wife?" He chuckled incredulously, "That's a funny joke."

I went to pound his face in, Tamsin making a low whistle that told me she was about to demolish him, when Bo stepped in front of me, grabbing my left hand and shoving it up in his face. "It's not a joke, Dyson. Lauren is my wife. My very incredible, loving, beautiful, kind and strong wife." She grinned looking at me, "And as much as I hate you for doing what you did to us in high school and tearing us apart, I found her again. We found each other again and fought hard to fall back in love." She ran a finger over my rings, sighing happily, "So, Dyson, you should go back to your table before I tell your probation officer you're breaking the rules by drinking." She winked at him, "But I understand that after spending almost ten years in federal prison for stock broker scams and insider trading, you'd want to have a drink or two."

Dyson's face turned a bright red before it turned sheet white. He swallowed hard and looked at the three of us before turning around and skittering off. I let out a breath as Tamsin started laughing, patting Bo's shoulder, "Way to stand up for you and Lauren!" She playfully sniffled, "My girl done grown up."

I rolled my eyes and half shoved Tamsin, "Shut it." I then looked at Bo, smiling softly, "Thank you."

Bo grinned, sliding her arms around my waist, "For what? You're my wife, the love of my life and I will fight wolves like that shitface to stand up for you." She kissed me softly, "I love you, always have. My first and last love, Lauren Lewis."

I sighed contently, running a hand over her hair, "And I love you, Bo Lewis." I tapped her nametag, "No wonder not many knew you, you could have written Bo Dennis on it."

Bo shook her head, "I could have, but that's not who I am now."

Tamsin hushed out a sarcastic awe around another mouthful of cake, "You two make me want to vomit."

Bo laughed, "And you make us want to vomit when we see how cute you and Freddy are." She then squinted at the blonde, "So when are you two going to make it official?"

Tamsin turned a bright red, tipping her head down, "Shut up and stop looking at me." She turned around and walked towards the pastry table where the old football team was hovering. They all greeted each other with loud hoots and hollers.

I grinned, "Freddy asked me yesterday if he could ask Tamsin to marry him at the end of our ten year anniversary party. He said that we are the relationship he hopes to have and that we're the reason why Tamsin has a heart of gold, well, a heart of gold wrapped up in curse words."

Bo laughed, leaning into me, "I'd be more than happy to share our day with them." She then looked up at me, "Ten years, Lauren. Can you believe it? We've been married for ten years and been in love for almost twenty."

I nodded, finding her hand and squeezing it, "I can, and I look forward to the lifetime ahead of us." I tugged her, "Let's go say hi to a few more people before we go home and I make you drag out your old cheerleading outfit."

Bo chuckled, a smirk on her face, "I have something better waiting for us." She leaned up to whisper in my ear, making my face turn a lava hot red color.

I immediately turned her back to the door, "Fuck this party, we're going home."

Bo stared at me wide eyed and excited, "What about Tamsin?"

I stopped and picked Bo up, carrying her to the car, "She can find her own way home." I smirked and kissed Bo before rushing to her car.

All I knew was the past was now completely behind me and I had nothing but an incredible future ahead of me with the love of my life, my wife, the cheerleader.

I grinned as I slowly replaced the last memory I had of running out into this parking lot with a new one.

Finally, the nerd had won.


	23. Chapter 23

**This is me fulfilling a promise i made to someone, i never break promises and so here's me popping out of retirement for a hot second to post this for them. It's the xfiles inspired chapter of the nerd and the cheerleader and what comes next for them. It's a weird write, i've been in a weird headspace, so who knows if it's good. Again thanks to WritingSux for playing along with me on this one and i hope you all read those fantastic stories by that author. I hope you all enjoy this and are enjoying the new book Devil's in the Details! toodle loo! until next time!**

* * *

 **January – 2016**

"Oh my god, oh my god!" Tamsin burst through the front door, throwing her gear bag on the pile of shoes I just organized. "Did I miss any of it?"

I frowned at the blonde whirling dervish, "No. The stupid football playoffs are taking forever." I folded my arms across my chest, scrunching up the brand new X-files t-shirt my wife bought me last week. "I'm so annoyed by professional sports right now."

Tamsin ran around the couch, sans uniform pants, and stood in front of the large tv. "I don't understand football. It just ruins things, important things." She sighed heavily, "I rushed out of work for nothing."

I rolled my eyes again. "I know." I waved my hand at her, "Go change, or at least put some damn pants on." I grabbed my phone, reading a message from Bo telling me she was on her way home. "Bo is on her way back. She'll ban you from the house if she catches you half naked again."

Tamsin giggled, rolling her eyes, "Pfftt, no she won't. Especially after I ran over here pants free that one day to help her put out the great pot roast fire of 2015." My best friend slugged my shoulder as she climbed over the back of the couch, digging in her bag to pull out those god forsaken Celtic sweats and her own brand new X-files shirt Bo also got her. Tamsin spoke while she changed behind me, "So are things going in the land of house hunting and baby making?"

I frowned, throwing a pillow at the blonde. "Can we not talk about either of those topics?" I sighed heavily and scooted further down into the couch. Bo and I had been looking at moving out of the city in the next two years, and back near our hometown. I wanted to move out of our townhouse and into a larger home that was out of the city, I was getting tired of Boston after being a police officer for so many years. I wanted peace, quiet, and a reprieve from endless sirens. Bo wanted to start expanding our family to go with buying a bigger home. I agreed with a big grin when Bo suggested having kids over Chinese after our high school reunion. Something about reliving our younger years, sparked her biological clock running and I couldn't have been happier thinking about having kids with my wife.

So, we set up fetility doctor appointments the next day. Bo wanted to carry first since she was a little bit older, and I was beyond excited to expand our love.

Then the problems arose. Getting pregnant the scientific way was a struggle. Bo had her eggs harvested and we tried to get pregnant right before my birthday, but things didn't take and we didn't have success on the first try. We tried a second, a third and a fourth time, all of them not working out and I was doubting whether it was a good idea for to keep trying, I couldn't handle the heartbreak of watching Bo cry when the tests all came back negative. I was secretly debating going in and getting tested to see if I was ready to be pregnant, then just have Bo's eggs implanted in me.

"Yo, you spaced out hard, what's wrong?" Tamsin plopped down next to me, reaching for the bag of chips I had in my lap.

I scowled at her, "Do you act like this around your future husband?"

Tamsin chuckled, nodding, "Yup, it's exactly why Freddy proposed to me, he loves me carefree ways." She nudged me, "Quit side skirting the issue, what is it? You and Bo have seem less than shiny happy people since Christmas came and the parent squad interrogated you about when there'll be little nerds and cheerleaders pitter pattering around the house."

"It's this whole getting pregnant thing. Who knew it would be so difficult?" I pushed my glasses up, "Bo and I have been bickering every time she comes home from an appointment, she retreats to the art room and I can't get her out for hours." I shrugged, "Maybe I should get her a puppy or something." I looked down at the front of my shirt, "I hate thinking that we're not meant to have kids. Bo would be an incredible mom."

"And you'd be an incredible dad." Tamsin laughed, shoving another handful of chips in her mouth. "I'm kidding, maybe. I mean you do know how to change a transmission on a car and lay down hardwood floors."

I shook my head, "You're a big help, Tams." I leaned my head against the back of the couch. "Things are stressful and Bo has been coming home late. Her new job has better hours, but I think she's losing herself in work to avoid dealing with the heartbreak. I'm scared she'll slip back and that I'm no help working long hours." I paused, turning to look at my best friend, "I've also been thinking about maybe I should just do it. Get pregnant and shit." I shrugged again.

Tamsin sighed, looking at me with her big green eyes. "Even after you almost gagged and barfed watching those videos with Bo? Then there's the fact you always complain how when you see the babies move in a mom's stomach, it immediately makes you think of aliens. Then there's the other small fact that you've been freaked out about pregnancy since Scully got pregnant in the one episode and had that weird pump thing on her stomach." She shook her head, looking in the bag of chips. "You must love Bo to overcome some of your strangest fears."

I smiled softly, "I do. She wants a family and I will do whatever I can to give it to her." I saw my phone blink with a text from her. "She's my Scully and I will gestate a child for her." I swiped the screen and frowned lightly when I read the message. "Goddamit. She's going to be late, something about having to stop and get something. That new fucking boss of hers has her out running bullshit errands lately."

"I don't think anything about the great Anneliese Keating is bullshit." Tamsin yawned, "But I have noticed Bo coming home later than normal from my creeper spot in the living room. You should probably talk to her about that, see if she's cheating on you with whatever crackpot defense case Keating has." She plopped the now empty chip bag on my lap, "I still can't believe the Spanish wonder convinced Bo to move over to the firm with her. Bo was all about public defending."

I frowned, crumpling up the bag, "You eat like a horse, go get a new bag." I threw the ball at Tamsin's head, "Bo was all about public defending and still is, but after that one crackhead tried to attack her in the middle of his trial, we both agreed it was time to move into private practice." I grit my teeth at the memory of her coming home, falling apart into my arms and telling me what happened. I almost went downtown and quit her job for her, but Tamsin stopped me. She convinced me it was best if Bo did it on her own will, that I couldn't always be her superman, it wouldn't help her in the long run. I hesitantly agreed and was thankful when Bo came to the station the next day at lunch, showing me her resignation letter. After that, she went to Keating's firm, starting out as a research counsel for a few months until Keating moved her to co-counsel.

Tamsin slid off the couch, tramping to the kitchen, "I still don't understand why you two just don't quit adulating and go live on a island. You have more money than my dad now and I have no fucking clue why you both continue to work for the city for shit pay. Go be wine farmers or cheese herders. Do something somewhere fancy and warm, so I can visit and take extended vacations."

I rolled my eyes, "You know why." I returned to staring at the stupid football game dragging on, suddenly thinking about taking Tamsin's advice and running away from the real world. Bo and I could quit our jobs and be lazy. Maybe it would help Bo's stress levels and help her body get ready for a little one. I chewed my bottom lip, slowly formulating an idea for an extended forced vacation. "Can you bring over the cookies too?" I smiled at Tamsin, giving me a dirty look as her arms were already overloaded, "Then you can tell me all about your wedding plans."

Tamsin huffed, grabbing the box of cookies and whipping them towards me on the couch. "There aren't any wedding plans. We're all going to Fiji in the fall, Freddy and I are getting hitched on the beach with you and the wife as witnesses. There, all planned out." She dropped the fifty pounds of snacks on the coffee table before flopping back on to the couch. "This fucking football game needs to be over before I lose my fucking shit. I need my Mulder fix, it's been twenty years since I saw his hotness and I need it."

I laughed, "When did we get to be such old nerds?"

Tamsin gave me a dirty look, "I'm not old, you're old." She threw her feet up on the edge of the table, "You're old and married with a wife who hopefully isn't cheating on you with work, or that gross Frank dude she works with."

I spun my head around, "Are you fucking kidding me?" I felt my unfounded fear and jealousy spike. I had met Frank and saw the way her interacted with my wife. "You have to bring that up, you know how I get when guys with beards look at Bo." I clenched my jaw, immediately thinking of one particular bearded bastard.

"I'm sorry, Lauren. I'm cranky, this stupid sports shit is making me angry and I'm borderline hangry." She squeezed my shoulder, "Bo would never cheat on you, because she knows that I know how to dispose of a body."

I rolled my eyes at Tamsin's stupid smirk, "You're a creep." I shoved her back, pointing at the screen, "Oh shit, it looks like they're finally wrapping it up."

Tamsin suddenly sat forward with me as the football faded off screen and was replaced by Mulder and Scully. We were quickly transported back twenty years ago, sitting next to each other like we used to when we were innocent teenagers, excited to know how Mulder would prove the truth to Scully this week. Simple things instead of buying a new house, struggling with pregnancy issues and worries of what my wife might actually be doing coming home so late from work.

I shook the thoughts out of my head and fell into the show, letting it pull me from reality and stop thinking for an hour.

Tamsin and I were so engrossed in the episode, we didn't hear Bo come home. I barely noticed her walking past us, laughing and shaking her head as she headed to our bedroom to change, coming back downstairs in her pajama pants and one of my very old x-files shirts.

I didn't notice her until she slid onto the couch next to me, kissing me softly on the cheek, whispering, "I still worry you're going to leave me for Scully one day."

I couldn't help the stupid grin from forming. I sighed and opened my arms for my wife to sneak in and cuddle up against me. All of the stress and strange fears of the conversation Tamsin and I had, disappeared. I kissed Bo on the lips and thought harder about putting the plan of leaving our adult lives behind, into effect as soon as possible. "Let's see how these six episodes go." I giggled when she poked me in the ribs, Tamsin shushing us to shut the fuck up as the commercials ended.

Bo laid against me, half paying attention to the television, spending most of her attention looking at me and the small blue box that had appeared in the middle of the strewn about snack food. When another commercial came on, Tamsin stood up, cursing in excitement about how good it was to have the show back and that she needed more fucking cheese. I looked down at Bo, "How are you feeling today? You look tired."

Bo smiled at me, nodding, "I am, but it's for good reason." She scooted up to sit facing me, her eyes drifting to the blue box. "I…I um, I have to tell you something Lauren, the truth about why I've been working late." She met my eyes, biting her bottom lip, "It kind of has nothing to do with work."

I felt my jaw tighten as Tamsin whispered a soft, "Fucking beards."

I swallowed hard, "Whatever it is, don't hold back." I glanced at my wife, wearing my clothes and I felt a rush of panic swim over me. "I love you, Bo."

Bo smiled sheepishly, looking down at her fidgeting hands. "I hate lying to you and hiding things, but I just wanted to do this, try it without you knowing. I mean it's something I always wanted to do, and we tried, but I just felt maybe one last time." She blew out a slow breath, her eyes shifting to the ceiling, "I love you so much, Lauren. I was just scared it wasn't going to work out."

I slid away from her an inch, my mind racing. How could this be happening? Bo and I had been together, happily together for almost twenty years. Our sex life was healthy, our normal everyday life was spectacular, yeah, we bickered and the pregnancy failures was stressing us out, but. But, we were stronger than any of that. I glanced at Tamsin, trying to find the strength to not lose my shit. "Just tell me Bo." I clenched my jaw.

Bo grabbed the blue box and set it on my lap, opening it up, "I did it three times at the office today, and once in the coffee shop bathroom before I came home."

I heard Tamsin let out that low whistle of destruction she always made before she broke noses. I shook my head at her, "Bo, if you and Frank are, close, just…" I couldn't get the words out. I didn't want to entertain any idea of what Tamsin had suggested. Bo wouldn't.

"Frank helped me. I think he's excited as I am." Bo stuck her hand in the box and lifted something up, "He thinks you and I are an incredible couple and we inspire him to settle down and stop being a dirtbag." Bo chuckled, "His words exactly." She held up the white stick and grinned at me, "He got me the pregnancy tests while I was stuck finishing up Keatings notes." She pointed at the positive sign in the tiny window, choking back tears as she whispered, "We're pregnant, Lauren."

I was too stuck in a strange mix of confusion of what the hell had just happened that I barely focused on my words. "What?"

Bo blinked, the tears rolling down her cheeks as she laughed, "We're going to have a baby." She grabbed my hand and set the pregnancy stick in my palm. "I'm about two months and everything seems to be perfectly healthy. I stopped at my doctor on the way home to double check. I have the test results in my briefcase." She sniffled, "I went back without you, one last try. I wanted to keep it a secret in case it didn't take, I couldn't handle seeing the heartbreak every time you had to hold me when it failed." Bo looked at me, her face falling, "Are you mad?"

I stared at the stick, looking at the bright positive mixed with what my wife just told me. I had to take a minute to let it all sink in. Bo was pregnant. We were going to have a baby.

I burst out in nervous laughter, shaking my head as the tears welled up. I looked up at Tamsin, holding up the stick, "We're pregnant! And I'm going to fucking kick your ass in minute for thinking Bo was cheating on me." I swallowed hard as Tamsin flicked me off, wiping her own tears of joy away.

"Wait, what?" Bo glared at me, "You thought I was cheating on you?" She spun her head around to look at Tamsin, "Why the hell would you even think that?"

Tamsin tucked her chin into her chest, "The late nights, the fighting and the other shit, and that Frank has a reputation." She cringed, "I'm sorry, Bo. It's clear that I'm not a great detective."

"Clearly you're a giant asshole, I might rethink you being this kids aunt." Bo shook her head, turning back to me, "Frank is gross, he has a beard and slept with Laurel. I would never travel down that road, ever." She scooted closer to me, grabbing my face in her hands. "You're my forever and there isn't anyone in this world that could replace you. I love only you, Lauren Lewis, I would be a stupid fucking fool to ever think about anyone else." She kissed me hard, whispering against my lips as she pulled back, "We're going to be moms."

I grinned, letting the tears free as I pulled her into my arms, feeling my love for this woman strengthen and forge itself into something that was bigger than the both of us. "Yes, we are." I closed my eyes as I buried my face into the side of her neck, "You're going to be an incredible mother, Bo."

I heard her sob softly against me, squeezing me tighter. "We both are, Lauren."

Tamsin sniffled, "Looks like I'll have a pregnant bridesmaid at my wedding." She hopped over the edge of the couch and hugged the both of us, "I'm sorry Bo, please forgive me and don't take away my future niece of nephew. I need someone to watch cartoons with now that Lauren is old and crotchety and only wants to watch the news."

Bo laughed, swinging an arm around the blonde, "I'll think about it." She then slugged Tamsin in the arm, making her yelp, "That's for thinking I'd do anything with Frank, I won't even take the coffee he buys the office." She looked at me in the eyes, "Because the coffee my wife makes me in the morning is the best I will ever have."

I sighed, blushing at the way Bo looked at me and tilted my head down to her stomach. I placed a shaky hand over it, pressing it and smiling at the little person growing inside of her. "Hi, I'm your mom, I can't wait to meet you."

Bo covered my hand with hers, "We both can't wait." She grinned as she kissed me slowly, the end credits of the episode rolling past us in the background. I looked in my wife's eyes with hope, "Can we name it Scully or Mulder? If it's a girl or a boy?"

Bo rolled her eyes with a smile, "I'll think about it."

* * *

Evangeline Gillian Lewis was born on October 1st on the Fiji islands, fifteen minutes before her aunt Tamsin's wedding. She even smiled when she heard her first fuck, uttered by Tamsin when Evie peed on her arm when she held her for the first time. She was the maid of honor the next morning as Tamsin married Freddy in the hospital room, her two mothers holding her as they sat in the bed together, smiling and beyond in love with each other and the little one in their arms.


End file.
